The camera slowly pans over the trailer that was once the home of Shakesvivor tawdriness. In the pre-dawn hours no one notices the small figure as she enters the trailer marked "Producer". AyaProbe is a bit nervous as she makes herself at home and lights a cigerette.
"You almost blew it at the merge, what the hell were you thinking"
"They're driving me nuts"
"Well if it's too much for you, I can bring someone else in"
<nervously> "No, no ma'am that won't be necessary"
"Well despite your best efforts to screw things up, you did get the tribes in even to the merge"
"Well now we need a big episode, ratings have been sagging and we need to add some pizzazz, some life, a guest star or two, I need a big lead in for my news guide."
"I'm doing all I can, but these writers, have you seen what I have to work with."
An evil grin can be seen creeping on her face as she states, "I don't care about your problems mister. I'm in charge of the board and don't you forget it. Your reign will be short lived indeed if you cross me buster… so don't even think about it."
"I'll try… I'll make it work… ratings…"
"No try, DO, or it won't be your concern anymore. You know what I did to the clown and I can do it to you as well… Aya P", and with this she put out her cigarette on a stack of papers on the desk. "Don't make me come back here again, oh, and by the way, I need you to come by the house around 3 this afternoon I'm feeding the baby spinach for lunch and by then she should be ready to explode."
"I'll try and …"
"Don't disappoint me again, AyaP, after last night you're on a short leash and it's mine!"
<choking out a reply> "erehm…"
"Three, no later, you understand."
"I'll be there ma'am."
"Oh, and AyaProbst, bring me the first day of the finished script, I might need to make a tweak or two"
AyaP, sat in the cold dank trailer staring as she made her way out. Sweat still pouring from under his new hairpiece. Finally when he was sure she was gone he picks up the phone and yells at the receptionist, "Get me that idiotcowboy and get him now!"
Blowsvivor Episode 7 - "… and then there was one"
Day 20 - "We start with two…"
Previously on Blowsvivor the AA failed to take advantage of a two-person lead through careful manipulation/incompetence by the producer.
Characters bob and weave as the different author's wreak havoc with their online personas.
An all night TC forces the whore's into an extra day of whoredom.
Life is getting tough in the lot outback, as moral is getting low, money scarce, and even the onset masseuse/caterer has been let go.
8:23 AM AA camp
OFG, sleeeve, RudyRules, Dangerkitty, and S-Chick are huddled together one mass of flesh. Only Snoopy sucks is up, and active marking his territory on each person's foot.
SnoopySucks, Woof <subtitles flash> "hehe, stupid humans, that'll teach them not feeding me. Wait till sleeeve sees what I left in his boot, hehehe."
8:46 AM BB camp
Superman stumbles in from another long night of sex vampire style. "Good god she's making me pay for your sins." He moans as he crashes to the ground inside the empty tent.
Survivorerist is out hunting for donuts again. "Nothing again, I swear they must have stopped catering for the weasels. This never would have happened when shakes was in charge." <seeing cameras rolling> "Buuwaaa haaa haa. Must find a bunny", and hops off into the distance.
GT tending to the fire, "Who's making the damn rice! Itz that Lisa's turn again where the hell is she."
Cherie, "We voted her off a week ago GT."
"Mistake, I tell you a mistake. Now who will burn the rice. Damn our luck."
<cuts to interview with Mon Cherie>
"I think GT may be loosing it. She's really taking it hard now that things aren't working the way she thought, especially since that Dalton lady from the other tribe got booted. She's really starting to scare me. More than Surv it's just an act with him, he only acts crazy when he knows the cameras are rolling. It's good IceCat is here or I don't know what I'd do." Looking into the camera and quietly adding, "I let him cop a feel last night just a little mind you, after all I may be a slut, but I'm not an easy slut."
<back to camp, IceCat walking up>
"Tree mail everyone, and I've already got it on my website"
<everyone gathers around a sleeping Superman as IceCat reads>The old tribes are history
Soon there'll be only one.
But before we get started
One last night of fun.
Pick one to go
The others will stay
The chosen will act
As an emis-saray
Mon Cherrie: "What do you think it means?"
IceCat: "I thought it was kind of obvious"
GT: "It means you're a complete moron!"
Survivoreriest: "Can't we all just be nice"
IceCat: "Look we need to pick someone"
Survivorerist: <hoping up and down> "Pick me, Pick me"
Superman: <snoring louder>
MonCherrie: "Well I think the bitch should go."
GT: "You talking to me. hun!?"
As GT and Mon Cherrie go nose to nose in a screaming shouting match.
<cut to GT interview>
"I don't care about the money, the power, the identity of the Hawkeye idiot, or anything. I just don't want that bitch to win. Mon Cherie has to go!"
9:03 AM AA tribe
Still conjoined sleeping.
ScoobySucks looks on whimpering, <subtitle>"stupid humans"
9:28 AM BB tribe
Things have calmed down as peacemaker Surv sings unplugged versions from Our Lady's Peace.
IceCat: So it's set then. I'm going to AA camp.
Mon Cherie, Survivorerist, GT: <nodding heads>
<cut to IceCat interview>
"This is the most important night yet. I have to find out who in their tribe has votes if our part of this game is to continue. One mistake here and its kucha-pogoning for the Bores!" <pauses> "You know sometimes I worry about it. My tribe truly doesn't like each other, I mean what if I like the other tribe better… what will I do then?"
9:43 AM AA tribe
Sleeping, still sleeping.
SnoopySucks take matters into his own… teeth, and bites dangerkitty. This sets off group dislodgings and dismountings.
A chain of "Eww" and "I don't even want to know what happened" cries follow from the tent. Along with sleeeve clearly saying, "man that X is great! Anyone got a cigarette?"
<cut to Dangerkitty interview looking sleepy>
"You know were not lazy or anything, except when responding to email of course. It's just after TC we were all wiped out. Then last night Sleeeve found some aspirin in the supplies and before you knew it a party broke out. Plus I think we were all a little relieved that Pepe is gone, it's not like we hated him or anything, but man did he ever stink. Plus it's a good things he's getting married soon, way to frisky for his own good."
<cut to sleeeve interview, whistling and grinning>
"I love my tribemates, everyone of them, yep… ", uneasy laugh as he thinking of …
<cut to RudyRules picking up treemail>
RudyRules: "Treemail, everyone"
<everyone gathers around campfire, and someone starts singing kumbuya… a little later an argument breaks out>
sleeeve: "No, I think OutfrontGirl should go she's the best spoiler here"
OFG: "Give me a break sleeeve it's you by far"
Survivorchick: "Do you think GT is gay?"
RudyRules: "I'm going to take a nap"
SnoopySucks: Woof <subtitles> "draw names you idiots!"
Dangerkitty: "Three men, I think I should go"
OFG: "Really sleeeve I insist"
SnoopySucks: <drags out a hat>
Sleeeve, OFG, DK, Schick: "Let's draw names!"
RudyRules: "Count me out, I'm not Canadian."
SnoopySucks: grrrr <subtitle> "Stupid Quebecois"
<cut to sleeeve interview>
"It doesn't bother me that OutFrontGirl is going tonight. Not at all. Our tribe is unified, and ready to take out those BoringBoobs. This time the good guys are going to win one!" <pauses> "After all how bad could she screw it up anyway? We all know who's got the votes…"
<cut to OFG interview>
"I can't wait until the merge, these people are driving me nuts! What a coup to get to go to the other camp. My cross tribe alliance is coming together just as I planned."
<cut for commercial>
2:45 PM Mystery Lady's house
"I'm early and I brought the script"
"Excellent, I think the baby's ready for you, the wipes are by the changing table... go now you don't want her to get a rash do you?" as she takes the script.
<five minutes later, AyaP returns holding the baby>
"Ayap, where is the rest! I asked for the first day not the morning snore. Good God you're incompetent, and do tell me you washed your hands when you were done."
"That's all he had ma'am, he said he'd have the rest by tomorrow" said AyaP as he's holding the squirming baby who's pulling unmercifully on his beard.
"Beth dear, if you're going to pull on the nice mans beard at least let him know you mean it", she said as she grabs hold of the beard herself and pulls hard and holds him. "Listen to me Ayap, this is unacceptable. I want the finished first day script here in one hour if you have to terrorize a whole fricken cyber village to do it! One hour no more! You got it?"
Ayap wincing in pain nods.
4:29 AA Camp
<OFG dressed to the Seven-of-Nines>
All: "Hey girl you look great!"
OFG: "Thanks, now you be good while I'm gone ok, and take care of my bong if you wind up leaving in a hurry."
RudyRules: "No problem, I'm good at packing"
S-Chick: "Hey that's my line!"
DangerKitty: "Shhh Chickie, we finally found something he's good at."
Sleeeve: "The key is to make sure our suspicions are right, you can fill us in after the merge."
S-Chick: "Find out if GT is really gay, I'm like really jonesing for some…"
RR, OFG, Sleeeve, DK: "Ewww"
S-Shick: "Hey I'm not all about lesbian sex, its just how I'm written. Stupid clown, you write something to get noticed in an application and you're branded for life as a bisexual Canadian lesbian whore. I mean, like there is so much more to me than that!"
RudyRules: "I'm going go take a nap."
DangerKitty: "I'm sorry Chickie, tell you what I'll let you wash out my catgirl costume next time I get that not so fresh feeling."
S-Chick: "Thanks kitty you're the best!"
OFG: "Look I'd love to stay for this Massingail moment, but I gotta go."
<everyone waves as OFG heads off>
<cut to AA tribe, IceCat looking very #6-ish>
IceCat: "Well I'm finally off to the other village."
Superman: <yawning> "Where you going dude?"
Mon Cherrie: "Be careful IceCat, *I* will miss you the most!"
IceCat: "Hey that's a nice line, but I think I've seen it somewhere before."
Survivorerist: "Say hi to the old gang, and tell them I don't hold any grudges" <smiling as he makes stabbing motions into the fire with a sharp stick>
GT: "IceCat no pressure but the fate of the entire tribe is resting on your shoulders. It's up to you, and if you fail *I* will kill you the most."
<everyone waves as #6 leaves the village for the last time>
<cut to Superman interview>
"It's really been hard since the whole Vamp fiasco. Mon Cherrie has found her a playmate, Surv is acting up for the camera, IceCat has finally settled in, and GT is great once she gets past here morning pschobitch phase. Fortunately I've been sleeping through that for a while, but I do worry about the resentment. It's not easy being a smart, handsome, talented, egotistical, heroic, funny, arrogant, ignorant, overbearing, overzealous, overanxious, oversexed, desirable, stunning, cool, hot, nice, evil, anxious, gluesniffing eager, ogre, whatever, etc. <sometime after all the adjective in his brain evaporated into a glue induced haze> superhero. My point is, I think if we can just get past the merge up one we can take this home, and then obviously I would be the favorite in any challenges from here on out, and in a final two match-up only an idiot would vote against Superman!"
<cut to AA camp, where the Ice man cometh and #6 is welcomed into his new village>
Sleeeve: "see everyone I was right again, WOO HOO"
RudyRules: "Hello, IceCat nice to see you again."
Dangerkitty: <purring furiously>
IceCat: "Hello, fellow prisoners. I wish I was here to set you free but alas I'm starting to like my cage."
SnoopySuck: GRRR <subtitle> "just what we need another stinking cat"
SurvivorChick: "IceCat OMG <click> <click> <click> it's really you! I loved your work on the Internet, it's wonderful" <overly gushing and syrupy sweet>
Sleeeve: "How do turn those animated GIF's around so quick?"
IceCat: "Really it's quite easy if you have the right software."
SurvivorChick: "Damn I hate geek talk! Can we talk about something else like the weather or lesbian sex?"
Dangerkitty: <approaches IceCat and licks his face>
Sleeeve: "get a room DK"
SurvivorChick: "Always someone else's needs not mine, well at least the catgirl costume will be headed my way soon" <sigh>
IceCat: "I think I'm starting to like this place"
SnoopySucks: <bites at IceCats tail>
IceCat: "well mostly, stupid dogs"
RudyRules: "She's really nice when you give her a chance"
Sleeeve: "watch your boots though, just a friendly warning"
RudyRules: "I think need a nap"
<now to the BB's as Seven-of-Nine enters camp>
Seven-Of-Nine: "You will be assimilated."
GT: "Hey OFG, I think you got the wrong script."
Seven-Of-Nine: "That is not logical, but this outfit. OMG did I get a boob job or have I always been this endowed"
Superman and Survivorerist together: "I'm not complaining"
Mon Cherrie: "Look bitch no one get to look better than me!" <storms off set>
AyaProbst: "Cut, Cut, CUT!!! OFG, go change, and check with writing for a new script for chrissake! Oh and someone go get Mon Cherrie back on the set at once!"
<take 2 OFG enters BB camp>
OFG: "Hello everyone, so IceCat's not here, I was right again, WOO HOO"
All BB's: Welcome!
<group hug as we fade to commercial>
4:05 PM Mystery Lady's house
AyaP hurries to the door.
"Traffic, and well."
"I don't care about your excuses, do you have the rest of the script?"
AyaP hands over the finished script.
Mystery lady calling to kids, "David take Beth and go play in the street for a while ok honey. Oh and take that bag by the door, you remember what Mommy told you to do right… good boy."
Speaking to AyaP, "sit over in the time-out chair until I finish reading this, and remember… NO TALKING!"
<five minutes later>
"Well, not good, but not bad either… it will have to do."
AyaP, looking relieved lets out an audible sigh.
"Obviously its too long at this rate this won't be an episode but an Epic. Film it all and we'll cut it down. Also just to be safe I will need daily reports so first thing in the morning I want the day two script. Oh and drop those Seven-of-Nine references what was that idiot thinking."
AyaP regaining composer, "Erm, ma'am the Seven-of-Nine references were mine. I added them in at UPN's request there letting us additional sets for the post merger filming."
"Really… well it really messes with the flow…"
"They're paying us too" holds out UPN check for her to see.
Smiling she says, "well in that case, perhaps we can sell them on that vampire show that we killed the main character off in…"
Enter mystery woman's kids covered in sticky brown stuff.
"AyaP, that's all for now, but before you go the kids need a bath. Oh and next time you change a diaper at my house, put it in the diaper genie. That's what its for, otherwise the kids have a bad habit of getting into it and "painting" on the neighbor cars with the contents." Pulling back drapes, "see the black Mercedes convertible in the drive I bet it's covered inside and out now… that wouldn't be yours would it?"
Day 21 - "… two becomes one"
6:45 AM AA tribe
AyaProbe with a bull horn is seen entering the camp. "Wake up call everyone up. Hand delivered treemail!!!"
IceCat pops up and heads to the call, Dangerkitty in tow. Sleeeve and RudyRules previously curled up in the corner follow. While Survivorchick continues to sleep soundly.
AyaProbst hands the treemail to Dangerkitty and leaves. She reads outloud.
Pack your crap
It's time to go
You got 15 minutes
So don't be slow!
What you can carry
Is what you can take
Get started now
Were moving to
It's really nice
And really wet
Once there the AA's and BB's
And then there will be
6:55 AM BB tribe
AyaP enters with a groggy Superman in tow, and repeats.
Now we get the obligatory packing scenes that obviously take more than the allotted time, but through the magic of television the AA are ready and the time on the bottom of the screen says…
7:00 AM AA tribe camp remnants
Sleeeve: "Ok were ready now, but where are we going?"
IceCat: "An recently completed off-site film location near the back of Paramount Studio's lot"
Sleeeve: "I thought that was where we were now?"
IceCat: "This ones an actual film location not a soundstage", <looking slightly annoyed> "I thought you were a spoiler!"
Sleeeve: "How do you know that?"
Dangerkitty: "Boys, boys, really it's WAY too early for this pettiness"
RudyRules: "Anyone seen SnoopySucks?"
IceCat: "Well I was hungry!"
RudyRules: <look of horror> "No, you… you…" <breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably>
Dangerkitty: "Well you knew someone was going to think of it sometime"
<muffled sound of barking in box labeled trash>
RudyRules: <anger and relief> "SnoopySucks I'm coming"
Everyone else stares angrily at IceCat
<cut to IceCat interview>
"Everyone thinks I stuffed that mutt into the box, but seriously why spoil a perfectly good food source? I mean really it just doesn't make sense. I think it was sleeeve he's tricky like that, but I guess well never really know."
<cut to Dangerkitty interview>
"I stuffed the pooch in the trash can. It was nothing personal honest, I just needed to get my team to bond. Too many of my tribe were taking a liking to IceCat. After all he's quite the looker, and so suave in that sexy spy guy suit. The AA need a leader and *I* am that leader, and leaders know how to manipulate others without it being obvious. Trust me psychology is one of the many vices I have, and now we AA's have a common enemy to deal with. Plus if for some reason it falls apart I've already started working on IceCat's other needs. The best of both worlds I should say <purr>"
7:05 AM BB tribe camp remnants
Superman: "Must I carry everything?"
All: "What's the use of having a superhero if you can't be useful"
Mon Cherrie: "Damn, damn, I chipped a nail… make-up!!!"
OFG: "How do you stand her?"
Survivorerist: "She's like a fungus, and grows on you."
GT: "It's too damn early for all this crappy writing"
Mon Cherrie: "I heard that!"
Survivorerist: "I'm to tired to act crazy this morning, so lay the hell off" <best psycho stare>
Superman: "So tired, must sleep, wake me later" <at this he drops the contents of the entire camp on his back>
<Enter Lady_T (looking very Buffyish) and Ebug (looking very Florence Hendersonish)>
Carol: "So this is the new set?"
Buffy: "Yes, after they sterilize the place and put the house back up"
Carol: "Ewww, it really smells in here, kind of like a skanky skunk"
<Enter AyaK (looking very Mike Bradyish), and SherpaDave (looking like a butcher)>
Mike: "Ewww the old set's still here, I thought they were supposed to be gone already"
Sam: "Smells like something died, thank god it wasn't me and I made it into the acting protection program" <hides face from Blowsvivors Survivors and exits stage left>
GT: "What the hell are you doing here, AyaProbst where the hell are we supposed to go" <accosting Mike>
Carol: "Who's the rude bitch?"
GT "If I wanted your opinion..."<GT starts whopping Ebug, just like in the cornertime thing *wink*>
Buffy: "Stop, all of you or I'll drive a steak into your heart"
Mon Cherrie, OFG, Survivorerist: "What the hell is going on"
<enter VampKira (looking rather Marsha-ish), and some clown (looking rather Greg-ish)>
At this all hell would have broken loose, but luckily AyaK's evil identical twin brother AyaP drives up in a school bus with the AA's and a cat in tow.
7:45 AM On the Bus headed to the new set.
AyaP: "I trust you slept well"
AyaP: "Well you'll be glad to know were moving away from that hell hole we were in to a new state of the art facility on the back of the Paramout Studio lot"
IceCat: <smug grin>
Sleeeve: <hateful stare at IceCat>
AyaP: "There is a river that's fully stocked with three-eyed fish and mutant alligators that the Sierra Club has rescued from the sewers. They may taste a little funny, but as long as the those psycho environmentalist don't catch you frying them it should be fine."
Superman: <snoring loudly tied to top of bus>
OFG: "Do we get any fishing gear, or nets?"
AyaP: "Glad you asked. No… but they catch and release them daily and the new ones are generally rather sickly and slow so you should have no problems as long as you remember to avoid the mutant alligators."
RudyRules: <holding SnoopySucks> "They don't eat dogs do they?"
SnoopySucks: GRRR <subtitle> "I hope they eat cats"
AyaP: "Well I'd keep him handy just in case"
SurvivorChick: Oh GT you look really nice this morning, is that …
GT: "Look you freak, I'm not interested in you or anything any of the stupid male fantasy writers lesbo crap so get it out of your head and leave me the fuck alone"
Survivorerist: "S-Chick, we've learned not to bother her before 10 AM, really it's for the best"
GT: "Who asked you, you…"
<cut to GT interview>
time on bottom of screen 9:58 AM
"I sick and tired of being written as a caffeine deprived psychobitch every morning. I don't even drink the crap. Where the hell do these people get off portraying me that way, and all this hanging chad crap if one more person mentions hanging chads to me I will hang them a new chad. Sex and perverts just abound and things just aren't happening the way they should…"
time on bottom of screen 10:01 AM
"You know I really think our tribe is working well. I know we have had our problems with the whole vamp thing, but seriously that's all behind us <chuckles> well most of us. After all look at how our tribe pulled together to get back into this thing. We're contenders and I plan to go right to the end."
<cut to commercial>
11:30 AM Mystery Lady's house
"It's about time you showed up. First thing in the morning is not, I repeat NOT 11:30. Give the script, and take laundry in the hall to the drycleaners, and then come back so we can discuss any changes that need to be made. Oh and since you got here so late drop by Taco Bueno and get me a chicken and crunchy potato burrito"
"… and AyaP watch where you put my food if you haven't cleaned the inside of your car yet."
<thirty minutes later>
"Probst, do you realize that at this rate it will be a mini-series! Tell your writer to FOCUS! We have enough for three nights and we haven't even got to the new frickin camp yet!"
"Good writers are hard to find, and no one has been able to write more than one without completely breaking down"
"So that's what happened to Survivorerist."
AyaP nods sadly.
"Well we're on a timetable here and I can tell this one needs special attention, keep on him. Don't let up, when he's fished who cares what's left. Writers like this are a dime a dozen, and if need be, I'll visit with him personally... Muahahahahahahha!!!"
10:31 AM Location of yet-to-be-named new tribe's home
Dangerkitty, IceCat, GT, Survivorerist, OFG, RudyRules, MonCherrie, SnoopySucks, SurvivorChick, and Sleeeve standing in front of a pile up crap left over from their old camps. In the distance are flags of the two tribes and big box with a target painted on it.
DangerKitty: "Well this looks like it."
Mon Cherrie: <horrified> "It's like an outdoors set"
Survivorchick: <cozies up to MC> "It'll be ok dear, really"
OFG: "Well this is more like it, did I ever tell you how I lived like a backwater hick with no running water, electricity, internet access, plumbing, medical services, and gave birth naturally to two fully grown males who needed constant attention deficit?"
SnoopySuck: <barking at the pile of old camp stuff>
Sleeeve: "finally a chance to prove my superiority over the elements… OMG did I say that out loud?"
GT: "Well don't just stand there lollygagging time to get a move on and build us a real shelter."
IceCat: "… anyone seen Superman?"
RudyRules: "I need a nap"
Survivorerist: "Not since this morning"
SnoopySucks: <barking at pile of crap louder>
MonCherrie: "Not Superman too, NO..." <crying in S-Chicks arms>
OFG: "I need a hit where's my bong?"
GT: "Sounds good, what did you say your name was?"
Sleeeve: "If this follows the same pattern developed in the show, then there is a 96.8% chance that there is food in the target box."
IceCat: "Actually sleeeve it would be 97.3% if you factor in Love Cruise meets Temptation Island 2."
Sleeeve: "Who asked you geek boy?"
GT and OFG determine they are like sisters separated at birth. IceCat and Sleeeve determine they are brothers and hate each others GUT's. RudyRules takes a nap. Survivorchick comforts MonCherie in her time of despair. Survivorerist helps himself to the donuts and orange milk in the target box. Dangerkitty scopes out places to build a new campsite. SnoopSucks continues to bark frantically at the pile of crap that Superman peacefully sleeps under. Of course a good part of the day is wasted before anyone really does anything.
3:30 PM Still unbuilt unnamed tribe camp.
DangerKitty: <using GT soapbox> "Everyone we really need to get started or we won't have any shelter tonight. I've looked around and it appears this is set for a new live-action version of the Ten Commandments"
MonCherrie: "OMG I loved that thing, Charleston Heston"
SurvivorChick: "Is that like a musical group?"
GT: "Who told you could use my box missy"
IceCat: "Nice work kitty, I might add that this is a newly constructed set that they are testing special effects on. The working title is "The Eleven Commandments" and periodically there should be instabilities similar in nature to those experienced in the original version, <yada><yada><yada>"
Sleeeve: "MOLE you're the FUKING MOLE CAT!!!!" <screaming hysterically and pointing at IceCat>
Superman: <from under the pile of crap> "What the HELL, is it night already?"
DangerKitty: <soothingly> "Now sleeeve, calm down a bit. OFG search his bag we'll get to the bottom of this"
IceCat: <calmly> "There's no need for that I've nothing to hide from Mr. Not-so-good-as-he-thinks-he-is, while you were out pissing on a tree for distance. I was looking around and found this." <produces out a piece of paper labeled "The Eleven Commandments - live effects test schedule">
All except sleeeve: "Wow, you're good"
<cut to sleeeve interview>
"I hate him. Always one up-ing me, mister oh so suave always showing me up in front of the others. Where was he when I was stalking the S3 candidates, huh? Where you ask, I'll tell you where at the studios leaking out fake crap to drive people like me insane. He's the MOLE I tell you THE MOLE"
<At this point sleeeve was allowed to resume his Prozac prescription for the duration of the filming>
Anyway this is getting long so we'll cut to the chase the AA tribe and the BB tribe merge to become the a newly formed DAW tribe which of course stands for Dumbass Attentionseeking Weenies (Mon Cherrie in the distance "Oh, I love those things"), the tribe color is Brown, and the camp is built in the middle of the currently dry Red Sea (have fun with all that or change it *wink*).
<cut to commercial>
10:19PM idiotcowboy's house
"How long has he been like that?"
"About three hours now, perhaps I should call in a substitute."
"Well how far was he when he snapped?"
"He got them to the new camp, and ended the second day"
"Let me see it"
AyaP hands over the finished day 2 script.
<five minutes later>
"I don't know how anyone else could go from here. We'd have to get someone to completely rewrite the whole damn thing. Have you tried to snap him out of it?"
"Of course, every technique in the Evil Despot Handbook - Revised Edition, but all he does is stare at the screen"
"Well then this calls for drastic measures then. I'm calling in my associates ShakesvivorBlows and HawkEye, when they're done he'll be back writing I assure you. Oh, and AyaProbst, you should stay around until they get here and take some notes."
Day 22 "… and one must go"
9:25 AM DAW tribe camp
Survivorerist walks up with several very odd looking fish. Superman walks up to join him. No one else is around.
Survivorerist: "So you think they're buying it?"
Superman: "It's working like a charm and no ones suspecting."
Survivorerist: "Yes just like the Mole. It was bril…"
<cut to OFG and GT making the morning rice>
GT: "You're morning bowl idea was fabulous"
OFG: "Fortunately I found out about Pepe's stash before he left"
<cut to RudyRules Interview>
"Perhaps I'm laying on the old, dumb, and sleepy thing a little to much. I just don't want to intimidate the others with my intellect. I've tried to hide the fact I have a Masters in Psychology (check my application), after all I saw the effects of obvious superiority with "Captain" Kel and I of course am too smart to make that mistake. Seriously though, I don't know that I need to try so hard, after all, my personal item is smarter then most of them put together. Regardless it will make an interesting case study for the Journal, after I win of course. Right Snoop."
SnoopySucks: woof <subtitle> "whatever"
<cut to Mon Cherrie reading Tree Mail>Balance and stamina
Is what it will take
With Individual Immunity
Next TC at stake
(It will help a lot if
You know how to shake)
Survivorchick: "I wonder what it all means?"
Danegerkitty: "Balance and stamina, finally a challenge worthy of my talents"
Superman: "We should make a Top Ten List of what it could be"
OFG, sleeeve, IceCat: "A pole balance challenge!"
Mon Cherrie: "I just want everyone to know I really love all of you, and no matter what happens. I know I haven't always gotten along with everyone, but you've become like an extended family I never had (or wanted)"
RudyRules: "I need a nap"
Survivorchick: "We love you to Mon Cherrie, but it's a game and we all know you got all the votes."
Mon Cherrie: "Bitch!!! And I would have slept with you too!"
Sleeeve: "Don't forget about me"
<cut to challenge, 10 full size beds with a 3 foot poles in center, behind AyaP>
AyaProbst: "Welcome Weenies! The rules have changes now. Immunity from here on out is individual in nature no more team stuff. The reward is this necklace." <pulls out multi-colored condom necklace> "The symbolism I feel is obvious, it you win your protected, if not you better hope your partners test came back negative."
Sleeeve: "If we win can I use them?"
AyaProbst: "They're just props, but in your case… Buwahhahahahahha"
<Everyone joins in except sleeeve>
AyaProbst: "Ok Weenies, mount your superpoles!"
Mon Cherrie: "I like the sound of this" <heads toward Superman>
AyaProbst: "One per bed missy!"
Slapstick comedy routine follows as the people try and balance on the pole in the center of the beds, but finally all are firmly planted, some more than others.
AyaProbst: "Ok now everyone is on, I forgot to tell you the Blowsvivor twist. Each bed is set up with a Magic Fingers Vibration system, just like all the classy motels around here." <pulls out a remote control box> "Setting one is "Tickles for Two", and we will try that now" <as he reaches to push the button RudyRules falls off>
RudyRules: "Damn that first setting too much for me hehehe."
AyaProbst: "I haven't applied it you moron!"
<AyaP pushes the button>
Sleeeve: "I can feel it, it's kind of tingly"
GT: "I think I'm going to hurl, Pepe's shit is like nasty"
<GT falls off>
GT: "Outta my way unless you want blow on you"
<GT runs out of camera sight, thank god>
SurvivorChick: "This is nice, and no batteries to replace"
Superman: "When you going to turn it on huh"
Survivorerist: "Wheennne arrre wee doonnee"
Dangerkitty: "Relax and let it flow through your body, be one with the motion"
AyaP: "I see were ready for setting 2. We call this one "The Wave"," <pushes button>
Sleeeve: "I'm staying 'til he's gone" <evil stare at IceCat>
IceCat: "In your dreams spoilerboy, looking rather green there"
OFG: <sweating> "I think GT was right" <falls off projectile hurling in IceCat direction>
IceCat: <avoids the flying puke, but unbalances and goes down too>
Sleeeve: <laughing uncontrollably looses his balance and falls as well>
Survivorerist: "Immm dooonnnee lllettt mmmeee ooffff"
<Survivorerist helped down>
AyaP: "Final setting "Bump and Grind Yourself", everyone ready?"
Superman: "Hit me with your best shot there Paulie"
Dangerkitty: "Be one with the pole"
Survivorchick: "I NEEEED onne of these AT HOMEEE!!!!"
Mon Cherrie: "Why does this remind me of that night at the sorority house?"
AyaP: "Here it comes!" <presses button 3>
The intense vibration forces S-Chick into her third multiple orgasm of the night before she falls to the bed, refusing to give up her pole. Dangerkitty's concentration lapses when a shiver is felt coming from Superman, and she's goes down as well.
Last two contestant Superman and Mon Cherrie.
Superman: "Give it up, I'm going to win this one"
Mon Cherrie: "Supe, I'm your tribemate and I need this one please. For the love of God"
Superman: "Never missy, I'm taking EVERY challenge from here on out, and there is not a DAMN thing you can do about it!"
During his little speech Superman's pole falls, while he is still suspended in mid-air. At this everyone gasps, and Mon Cherrie falls.
AyaP: "Superman's disqualified, Mon Cherrie wins Immunity… I'll be watching you mister. Like a Hawk!" <staring at a blushing Superman>
Mon Cherrie: <clutching the condom necklace> "Just my size, all of them"
<cut to commercial>
11:00 AM idiotcowboy's house
"I just finished reading the latest, so what is the problem now AyaProbst."
"He's relapsed, I think he may be done."
"No!!! He must write the TC he must!"
"There's nothing left to do, he's gone… perhaps in a day or two we can try again, but.."
"AyaP, go to my car, and bring me the back the satchel in the trunk."
<3 minutes later AyaP returns with a black satchel and hands it to her>
"Leave now, I'll drop the finished script by later"
"Perhaps I could learn from you as well ma'am" <smirking>
"You looked inside you bastard! You will pay for that later, but for now get the hell out!"
7:35 PM Weenie tribe camp
Three people in a tent, unclear who they are but the following whispers are heard.
1st voice: "Damn we knew she had votes, now who do we go with?"
2nd voice: "I know who I'm voting for"
3rd voice: "We have to stick together"
2nd voice: "Then it's decided isn't it"
3rd voice: "No, we have to go with one we know has votes, and it's pretty obvious now don't you think."
2nd voice: "But they're next agreed"
1st and 3rd voice: "Agreed"
<cut to tribal council>
AyaProbst: "Good to see you all"
AyaProbst: "So Mon Cherrie, exactly how important was it to you to get the necklace tonight?"
Mon Cherrie: "Well on a scale of 1 to 10 it was 103"
AyaProbst: "So Sleeeve you and IceCat are getting quite a rivalry there, do you think it will hurt you in the long run"
Sleeeve: "Well one of us will be leaving soon I predict"
AyaProbst: "What do you say about that IceCat?"
IceCat: "Well AyaP, I think it's quiet possibly the first accurate spoiler the guy has ever had"
AyaProbst: "Superman you got caught cheating tonight, do you think it will hurt your chances?"
Superman: "No, I'm too useful to get rid of"
AyaProbst: "All righty then lets go vote, Dangerkitty your up first"
<camera pans to the voting box>
Dangerkitty: <holds up ballot that reads Superman> "After that stunt tonight you're likely to get votes from your own tribe, and it's all about tribe loyalty now"
GT: <holds up ballot that says Sleeeeve> "Too many vowels mister"
SurvivorChick: <ballot reads Superman> "Tough competition cheaterman!"
IceCat: <ballot reads Sleeeve> "Did you predict this one spoilerboy?"
Sleeeve: <vote not shown>
Superman: <ballot reads sleeeve> "we think you have votes so your da man!"
RudyRules: <vote not shown>
Survivorerist: <vote not shown>
OFG: <vote not shown>
Mon Cherrie: "I know this is not the smart thing to do, but it won't be the first time! Plus it really hurt" <holds up vote Superman>
<camera pans back to the TC set>
AyaProbst: "Let's count the ballots"
<brings up the ballot box and reads>
"one vote Superman, Sleeeve, Superman, Sleeeve"
"That's two for Superman, and two for Sleeeve"
<pans to nervous Superman>
"next vote Superman, Superman"
"That's 4 for Superman and 2 for Sleeeve"
<At this point the sounds of an explosion is heard as sparks fly and one of the cameras comes crashing to the ground behind AyaProbst, and everyone rushes to the cameraman.>
AyaProbst: "It's Uncle Cameraman..." <pause for dramtic effect> "and I think he's dead!"
All: "Quick call a doctor"
<George Clooney enters from stage right, in skimpy jogging suit>
GC: "Can I help?"
AyaProbst: "Not unless you're a doctor"
GC: "No, but I used to play one on TV"
All: "Close enough!"
GC: <approaches fallen cameraman checks for pulse and pronounces him dead>
UncleCameraman: "Em NOt DeAD Yet"
All: OMG <click> <click> <click> <click> <click> <click> <click> <click> <click> <click>
UncleCameraman: "Ive gota Psoil this lamearse show"
<UncleCameraman and George Clooney exit stage right>
AyaProbst: "Where were we, oh yes four votes Superman, two vote sleeeve"
<pans to smiling Superman>
"Next vote Sleeeve, Sleeeve, Sleeeve, and the final vote Sleeeve"
"Sleeeve, the tribe has spoken it's, bring me your headshot, it's time for you to go"
Sleeeve: "No, NO, this can't be right"
Superman: "Get over it looser boy"
AyaP: "Bring me your headshot now"
Sleeeve: "It can't be right, check the tapes, he cheated again"
Superman: "Too late I got rid of those too"
<reluctantly Sleeeve brings his headshot, and as AyaP lifts the lighter to flame it, Marlon Brando walks in>
Superman: "Dad? I thought you were dead."
MB: "No son, just living with Jack Nickolson"
Superman: "Why, what…"
MB: "Son it's the glue, I've known for sometime there was problems but lying, cheating, hanging out with vampires. It must stop, and it must stop now."
Superman: "But I was winning!" <whining>
MB: "No son, you cheated, and you almost killed that poor cameraman. Son you're coming with me."
AyaP: "Wait a minute buddy who do you think you are, *I* am the producer around here, and the votes say sleeeve goes"
Superman: "What he said"
MB: "Review your tapes, Mr. Probst, their safe in your office."
Superman: "But I destroyed them"
MB: "Not from the early live Nova Scotia feed, the EBT provided. Son you're coming with me"
Superman: "but Daaaddd"
<Marlon Brando leads Superman off the set, AyaP retreat to his office, everyone else looks very confused>
Dangerkitty: "At least it wasn't his sister"
GT: "What she said"
5:30 PM idiotcowboy's house
"So is it done?"
"… and the cowboy"
"He died happy, you'll need to dispose of the body"
"Is that why I'm here?"
SVB and Hawkeye enter the room
"Don't ever look where your not supposed to again. Hawkeye, SVB work him over, but save the face we start filming tomorrow"
<cut to the rest of the votes being shown>
Sleeeve: < ballot reads Superman >
RudyRules: < ballot reads Superman >
Survivorerist: < ballot reads Superman >
OFG: < ballot reads Superman >
From the Betty Ford Substance Abuse Clinic, Superman's parting comments.
Superman: "I know I was wrong now, it was the glue. It made me do things I didn't want to do. Lying, cheating, vampire love, they're just not the right kind of behavior for a superhero. " <looking away thinking the camera's been turned off> "There you happy? Can I leave now? Please for the love of all that is holy give me a sniff of something. Damn VAMP get me out of this HELLHOLE!!!"
The episode brought to you posthumorously by
... and before anyone gets any silly ideas... BLOWSVIVOR ISN'T REAL *wink*