Previously on Survivor, Janu ostened and Stephanie was spared for at least another three days. But this isn’t Survivor. It is The Amazing Race, so previously on The Amazing Race, the "to be continued” led to more bunching, Joyce lost her hair, and the gay guys, Lynn and Alex, were eliminated.

That was last week. This is this week. We begin the episode with an introduction to India and its rich history. Too bad we don’t get much more than that, because the clue said to fly to Istanbul, Turkey.

Then Phil started braking about going onto a ferry and going to an island called Kiz Kulesi and finding the clue on top of a tower. I don’t know why he tells us about this now, because we will be spending a while in the airport and listen to Rawb strategize.

Yep, Rawb is talking about severing his alliance with the Ron and Kelly team. Oh, and Meredith and Gretchen are surprised to still be in this race. Note to Meredith and Gretchen – you’re not the only ones to be surprised.

Uchenna and Joyce decided to go to a hotel to see if they can use the phone and call a travel agent. Lucky for them, the agent was open, and immediately, Uchenna tried to get the earliest flight to Istanbul. And Rawb and Ambuh and Ron and Kelly, with the aid of Rawb’s guide from the previous leg of the race, went to a 24-hour travel agent. Romber and Ron and Kelly got the “best” flight that they possibly could get.

It seems that every single team got the same set of tickets. Bunching again, sigh. Well, anyways, Uchenna and Joyce want to help Meredith and Gretchen along the way because they are such nice people but also want to beat them out in the end of the race. Gretchen told Joyce that she looks beautiful with her shaved head. No arguments there.

Remember, that Rawb is strategizing and is trying to psych the other teams out. So he asked Meredith and Gretchen if the got the faster flight. Rawb knew that this was BS but thought psyching the teams out might not be so bad. Well, Meredith and Gretchen were psyched out, and went back to Uchenna and Joyce and immediately, these two teams started to do some research and discovered that, indeed, there was a faster flight. I have one thing to say to Boston Rawb. Karma, dude, Karma. If you are going to start ruffling feathers, you better check out the faster flights immediately because they might be gone when you get there. Underestimating the other teams could be your downfall. Oh, and by the way, with this faster flight, suddenly, there isn’t the bunching anymore. Woohoo!

If you were curious, Kelly thinks Ron is not committed and is a quitter. He asks her what she means by that. She said that he’s quit everything that he’s done. He has a pattern of not committing to things. Ron asks her about his time in the military. He got out of that one by being a prisoner of war. Oh yeah, Ron really had choices in that one, chicky. He almost died, and he went through torture, just to get out of the military. Yeah. Sometimes, I wonder if brown is her natural hair colour. (I know, a dumb blonde joke but then again, I’m a natural blonde, too.)

Ok, it is 14 minutes into the show (without the commercials) and the show is 42 minutes long. So 1/3 of the show was spent with airport talk. Remember what Phil told us what the teams were supposed to do? No? Well, it doesn’t matter because Phil tells us again that the teams must go to that little island.

Joyce and Uchenna and Meredith and Gretchen, with their earlier flight, take a train, admire the scenery, and take a ferry to the island. Romber and Ron and Kelly got off their flight and rushed to catch the train. Ron and Kelly just missed the train that Romber caught.

On the island, Joyce and Uchenna and Meredith and Gretchen left their bags near the entrance so they could get around faster. Joyce and Uchenna got to the clue first and discovered that they are supposed to find a gnome. Phil fills in more information and tells us that the teams must find a Big Brother gnome, name it “Boo,” and give it to Marcellus so he won’t cry. Well, not quite, but if they find a gnome with a certain picture on it, an airplane, and they present it at the pit stop, they will win a trip, even if they are in last place. The teams must, then, drag their gnomes around to Galata Kulesi tower, home of the next clue.

Remember how Romber and Ron and Kelly caught a later flight? Well, now we go back to them on their trains. Rawb, who was so over India, admires the clean, smog-free air. Yes, it is nice to be able to breathe your air. God bless the Kyoto Accord. Ron and Kelly are nervous about being behind Romber. Hey, has anybody noticed that these two seem to always be chewing gum, and when they do, they look like cows chewing their cud?

We go back to Uchenna and Joyce finding their clue just outside the building and Joyce being happy about it. It is time for a detour, a choice between two tasks, each with their own pros and cons. In this detour, the teams must choose between columns or kilos. In columns, the teams use a grid system to find numbers on four columns, and then pull up a box with a combination lock. The four numbers are used as the combination, which unlocks the next clue. In kilos, the teams must weigh people in the streets with a scale. The collective weight must be 2500 kg. If they get that, they’ll be given their next clue. Wow. That was easy. I should be the next Phil. They could use a girl as the host. I’ve already got the boobies. Uchenna and Joyce think that kilos sounds easier and go on to that task.

We go back to Meredith and Gretchen sitting in a taxi. Meredith (? – the guy) asks Gretchen what they should name the gnome. Gretchen, feeling particularly creative, suggests “Gnome.” Meredith thinks “Jerome” is a better name. “Boo” is still the best name. Besides, everyone knows that “Jerome” is a giraffe name.

Romber, finally get off their train and take a ferry over to the island. At the same time, Uchenna and Joyce go over to find their man with the scales. They start calling over people and start weighing them.

Meredith and Gretchen get out at the place where they will get their detour clue. They immediately start climbing the stairs to the tower, assuming that the clue is up there. Gretchen then thinks it could be downstairs, outside (mmmmm hmmmm where it happens to be).

We go back to Uchenna and Joyce weighing people and Uchenna calls out that they only need one man. They get their man and their clue. They must go to Rumeli Hisari, an old fortress, to get to the next clue.

We go back to Meredith and Gretchen going back up the tower. This time, they actually look down and see the clue box. Yep, they wasted their time going up, not once, but twice. Gretchen starts whining. They get their clue and they decide to do kilos.

Did you wonder what happened to the Reality DAWs? I didn’t but the producers of TAR did and we go to Romber getting off the ferry next to the island. Ron and Kelly get off their train and hop onto their ferry. Rawb, starting to feel the karma biting him, asks the ferry driver how many teams already took the ferry. The driver replied, “Two.” Yes, Rawb, you made a mistake and you are second last to Ron and Kelly. Ambuh thought they were in the lead the entire team, but now they realize that they can’t take their time, but now need to scramble to stay ahead of Ron and Kelly.

Romber ran to their clue. Rawb asked what a gnome was and Ambuh said it’s like a little statue. Wow, Ambuh isn’t as dumb as everybody thinks she is. But this’ll probably be the only thought we hear from her in a very long time. They find their gnome and head back to the mainland.

Ron and Kelly head over to the island and are starting to feel nervous, again, that they can’t see Romber. Romber uses a little set of binoculars and see Ron and Kelly heading out onto the island. At least it shows them that they have a tiny lead. Ron and Kelly get their clue and find the last gnome.

Uchenna and Joyce go to the tower and learn that this is a roadblock. Only one team member may do the roadblock. The person who does the roadblock has to climb up a wall with rope ladders, find a key, and repel down the other side. Then they open a locked book with the key to get the next clue. Uchenna decides to go for their team. He quickly climbs up the ladder and then gets slowed down looking for the key.

We go over to Meredith and Gretchen doing the kilos detour. Well, not quite. This team has already proved that they aren’t the most observant team. Again, they are showing the same thing. They can’t seem to find the guy who has the scales. They even start going into buildings looking for the guy sitting outside.

Back to Uchenna on top of the tower, he is still looking for a key. He finally finds a key attached to one of the walls. He’s ready to repel down the wall and does so. Joyce, waiting for her man, announces to the world that climbing isn’t her forte so she is happy that Uchenna is doing this task. Whatever. All I can say is that she’ll have to start doing some detours pretty soon. Down goes Uchenna, and open goes the book. Hurrah, this episode is nearing its end because it is time for Uchenna and Joyce to go to the pit stop. Phil talks about the pit stop and says the last team to check in MAY be eliminated. Please say no. This is my third TAR summary and my previous two were a non-elimination round and a recrap. I really want to tear into a team going bye-bye.

Uchenna and Joyce check into the pit stop and Phil tells them that they are the first team to check in. He then asks them to turn over the gnome. Will they win the trip? Nope. They wanted to see a little airplane but all they see is a little car. Uchenna and Joyce have come in first twice now, and still haven’t received a prize for doing so. I guess it doesn’t matter because they are happy to be coming in first and are having fun doing the race.

Ok, so now that one team is done with this leg, let’s head over to the second placed team. Meredith and Gretchen are still looking for the Libra. After too much searching they find their man, and start rounding up people to be weighed. Rawb and Ambuh get off the ferry and take a taxi to find their detour clue. Ron and Kelly are also in a taxi on the way to their clue. Gretchen is still weighing people and calls a 58 kg man a lightweight. They finish their task and get to make their way to the roadblock.

Romber get out of their taxi and find their clue right in front of them. They decide to do kilos. Ron and Kelly also get out of their taxis and start to go to the top of the tower. Romber tries to find the location of the kilos detour. They learn that the challenge is one kilometer away so they walk there. Kelly looks down and sees the clue box outside at the ground level. As they take the elevator down, they start playing the blame game on whose fault it was to climb the tower. Ah, when will these children learn? Ron and Kelly decide to do the other challenge, columns, just to be different from all the other teams.

Romber get to the kilos detour and Rawb starts rounding up people with his charm and wit. (Excuse me while I run to the washroom after saying that.) One guy couldn’t believe that he got 82 kg. Rawb just kinda brushed him off.

Ron asked Kelly if she is mad at him. No. She’s just mad at whole thing. It was their fault that they took the slower flight and missed the train and climbed up the tower. Ron, being a military man, with Kelly pretty much were breezing through this detour of columns, with the grid system.

Meredith and Gretchen get to the roadblock. Gretchen volunteers to climb the tower, even though it looks like she is scared to do it. She starts climbing and says it’s not as easy as it looks. Meanwhile, Rawb is still rounding up people. Romber discovers that they have more than enough and get their clue. Ron and Kelly, with their numbers, get the box and start working on lock with different sequences with the same numbers. They get it on what appears to be the fourth try and get their clue.

Gretchen is slowly, but surely climbing up the ladder. She’s whining while she’s climbing, but at least she is climbing. She made it. Good for her. But now she needs to find the key. After calling out, “Here key,” like you would a puppy or a kitty, Gretchen found her key hanging on the wall. Now she gets to repel down. Even that doesn’t look easy for her. At least she did it and was able to open her clue and make it over to the pit stop. Wow, the oldsters are the second placed team. Oh, and it’s time to see if Jerome has a plane on him. Nope, he has a boat.

So now we have two teams left. Both are heading to the roadblock. Rawb decides to do the roadblock, probably because he’s desperate to stay ahead of Ron and Kelly. He flies up the ladder. Ron and Kelly get there, and they see Ambuh waiting for her Rawb. Ron decides to do the detour, in an attempt to catch up. Ron climbs the ladder quickly, too. Rawb finds his key, right away, and has to repel down the wall. Kelly met up with Ambuh and exchanged, “Heys.” Suddenly, I need to get a sweater. Rawb unlocks his book while Ron runs around like a chicken with its head cut off looking for the last key.

From up high, Ron sees Romber scampering to the pit stop. “Dang it,” is all he can say. Romber made it to the pit stop in third place. Now it is gnome time. What symbol does Romber’s little guy have? An airplane? Nope. They have a train. No prize for you.

Finally, Ron finds his key, repels down the tower, and unlocks his clue. It is time for the pit stop. Please, please, please let them be eliminated. Ah dang it. It’s a non-elimination round. But ha ha, Kelly and Ron have to give up their money and their worldly possessions. I bet the pageant queen won’t like that. Nyet, nyet. But oh yeah, we have the gnome to deal with. Now we know that the previous 3 teams did not have an airplane on their gnome, so we know that Ron and Kelly won the prize, but Phil drags us through the pomp. Just tell us what they won, ok? Hmmmm, $20,000 worth of Travelocity gift certificates. Oh, and rather than mingle with the other three teams, Ron and Kelly get to sleep in a first class Four Seasons hotel room. The room has an internet connection so they can start booking trips with their gift certificates.

So that’s the episode. Next week we can expect Romber to gamble on plane tickets. Teams have troubles finding their clues. Aw, sweet, we get to see Beatles memorabilia and Joyce admits she doesn’t know the name of any of their albums. (I’m not the biggest fan, but I know the White Album, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Yellow Submarine, etc.) C’mon and sing with me. We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine . . . Two episodes left.

Three is the perfect number.