Please leave this website and seek professional help immediately. Thank you.

Don't bother looking for a punchline: I'm completely serious. You people need medical assistance. Shall we look back on a little disaster known as 'last year'? Do you happen to remember how it ended? I do. It ended with several hundred of you declaring your intent to walk away from the series and never come back, never ever ever, no matter happened, no matter how they tried to bribe and lure and outright tie you to your chairs, never. You'd had it. B.B.A.Stards was the final straw. Nothing, but nothing was ever going to make this series watchable, not the casting, not the gameplay, and the host? Yeah, right. The host. And you swore on your SO's, dead relatives, assorted offspring, pets, and the occasional stuffed sheep that it was over between you and this series, you'd had enough of the abusive relationship, and you were never coming back. Never.

I saved every last one of those declarations.

Look around you. See any familiar faces here tonight? Really? Have you tried the mirror yet? Recognize the person in it? The one who pinky-swore on their dead grandmother that they were never coming back?

You. Are. Sick. You need help. Professional help. You are not in control of your own actions. You're an addict, don't you see that? You've convinced yourself that you need the pain, that the stupid twists will eventually work out to a decent season, there's a way to actually play this game, the Chenbot will actually know who people are this time around...

Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Repeating the same actions and expecting different results. It's never going to happen. This 'enemies' twist will fail like they all did. The gane is unplayable. The contestants are hamsters. The host has wind-up keys for Speech and Action, but Thought wasn't even installed. It's always going to be like this. Walk away. Please. This is an intervention. There are programs that can help you. Good programs. People really seem to like Hell's Kitchen. If you just take that first step and mean it this time...

...is that a live feed password scribbled inside your elbow? Is it? Don't lie to me! I can see the coding! And that's a cable bill in your purse! You signed up for Showtime!

I --

-- that's it. I tried. I can't take responsibility for your life. I did my best to save you, but you don't want to be saved. You're going to drown yourself and I'm letting go before you drag me down with you.

Fine. Kill yourself with bad reality television. See if I care. But first, put your sigpics away -- saw you twitch.

Personally, I can stop any time I want.