'Paula has had the two thousand and forty-eighth nervous breakdown of her television career. This means that only three panelists will be voting. Two of them have already done so. Two out of three does not constitute a majority, so Simon will have to waste more of my precious show's time by registering his opinion.

...

...I have just been informed that in America, unlike Wales, two is considered to be a majority within three. That means you uncivilized colonial (bleep)s are dreadfully uneducated and have wasted even more of my precious show's time by forcing me to correct myself to your idiotic math system on the air, bringing me that much closer to the ultimate sin of letting my beauty run one second over. God, I hate you people.

Simon, you are rubbing one of your eyelids with just your middle finger. I'm sure that's supposed to mean something. Do you know what it means to me? You are wasting my time.

Why is the stage starting to smell like fire?'

The political career is now a question of 'When'.

• RE: Steve Jones does math for you.,Snidget, 10:02 AM, 11-11-11
• Dear West Coasters.,Estee, 10:16 PM, 12-01-11
  • RE: Dear West Coasters.,Snidget, 10:52 PM, 12-01-11
    • I'm intrigued,moonbaby, 03:44 PM, 12-02-11
      • RE: I'm intrigued,Estee, 04:32 PM, 12-02-11
• Who is he and what has he done with Steve Jones,Snidget, 05:48 PM, 12-06-11
  • RE: Who is he and what has he done with Steve Jones,Estee, 12:32 PM, 12-07-11
• Fired?,Estee, 12:04 PM, 12-20-11

Are they ever going to get a math chip for one of these reality TV hosts that works?

Tune in to the last five minutes of tonight's results show to see what may be the most insensitive, self-blinded, incompetent hosting job in genre history.

You may want to record it. Without some kind of evidence, prosperity's never going to believe you.

Funny, he doesn't seem autistic enough to be that incapable of reading social cues.

The other option is that he is so sociopathic/narcissistic etc that I feel the need to take him in the pool of next reality TV person arrested for a murdered loved one.

That was incredibly painful and awkward. I know he has the script but surely they would train in some ability to ad lib. Makes me appreciate the brilliance of Tom Bergeron all the more.

I missed the show but now I will have to find it somewhre to check this out. Was Simon rubbing his eyelid with his middle finger again?

No, because you never want to have one digit projecting from the fist: Simon was a direct target of the latest ineptitude implosion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xKPtuOgkBrQ

Amazing the difference when he doesn't have the producers screaming in his ear.

He does seem to come across as being self-animated. Which doesn't mean he isn't a horrible host -- but at least there's some hope for when he's off the stage.

This turns the next question into 'What is FOX so afraid of with running overtime?' All there ever is for most of their affiliates is local news, and Idol has been allowed to cut into that for years. Admittedly, at this point in the ratings slide, some of those news programs might be beating Simon...

Oh, and Paula's Off button is right next to the Sanity button. (Neither works.) But Reid has always struck me as the worst offender in his vote-off speeches: he will talk his way around the issue for sixty full seconds and the only thing which will stop him would be electrifying the seat. Which Timekeeper would be happy to try.

Actually, I'd be happy if he tried it.,

I'm seeing a lot of stories claiming his contract wasn't renewed for next year. (Sadly, we're still on track for a next year.) If so, I expect the Worsters to go into mourning -- he really grew on them -- and that the finale just had five extra cars join the pileup. You don't tell the valet he's being canned and then hand him the keys to your Ferrari. Nothing to lose and everything to cost someone else...