Our Final Four start out from Sri Lanka all wet from the pool...you gotta go through the pool, says Phil

Team Cutie Pie gets to leave first at 11:59 p.m. all nice and dry, but still very cute $142.00 richer. They need to get Shanghai'ed so off they go...4,000 miles to the Chinese metropolis to "make their way" to Yu Yuan Gardens.

Five minutes, six minutes and seven minutes later "Oh Shut Up" Hayden and Aaron, Freddy and Ghetto Ho Kendra and Mary Adam and Rebecca leave, respectively. Rebecca is very excited about being Madonna and Sean Penn and going to get "food" in China which is not Chinese food there it will just be food....you are brilliant Beck...

Oh, wait, this just in, ALL FOUR TEAMS are on the same flight to Shanghai via Hong Kong which leaves at 7:45 a.m. the next morning, so Kendra could have slept in at the hotel and still've been fine.

They all get off the plane but for some reason "Oh Shut Up" Hayden and Aaron did not exchange their money on the Hong Kong layover..I guess she was too busy telling Aaron why it wouldn't be a good idea to do it then because in Hong Kong they have no YEN....

So the other 3 teams go out to try to find a taxi ...but they begin to get the impression that their American hailing of cabs and cab fare negotiatin just do not work in China...just where is the Reverend Jim when you need him-at least he could understand them, right?

"Oh Shut up" Hayden gets all the YEN she can carry in her bra..whoops I forgot she didn't pack one...and her and Aaron leave the airport in a taxi for which Aaron has once again got ripped off..."oh Shut Up" Hayden, Aaron quips. Of course, they get lost...oh and that's Aaron's fault, too. I would have thrown the biyotch out onto the scary little alleyway so the scary little men could watch her hyperventilate.

The other three teams get to a hotel and they are told they are near the Garden (a two minute walk...famous last words) so they follow Kendra "down the Ghetto street" singing both "We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Shanghai Harlem" (thanks for your enlightenment too, there Kris) and "Ease on Ease on down the Slum." It's a crazy and wild time and it's so good to be one of the young beautiful American Amazing racers in Shanghai!!!

Okay, guess what, this just in, the Gardens are not open until 8:30 a.m. in the morning so "Oh Shut up" Hayden could have hyperventilated all nite and not had a problem!!

The next morning they all run into the maze of a gardern. F/K are the first to spot the clue box and they find out they must "make their way" to Yincheng Road in the area of Pudong and search the area around the Huaneng Union Tower for the next clue...by TAXI...and there is a YIELD AHEAD <evil sounding dun dun dun> Mary Adam and Rebecca know they are "so yielded"

The other 3 teams are close behind and off to try to get a taxi <evil laugh> Kris and Jon do get one, but what kind of driver is he? is he a long haired drunk Reverend, no, well then, they may have some problems...

Somehow the Model Alliance and MA/R are having trouble hailing taxis and THEY JUST DO NOT KNOW WHY, THEY ARE PRETTY, right? right? Please tell them they are pretty and do it NOW over and over!!! Is it because Kendra is an American? Are they discriminating against KENDRA because she is just too darn beautiful? Maybe the taxi drivers believe you look too "American Ghetto" and they are afraid you will stink up their cab....who knows what "THESE PEOPLE" are thinking!?!

The first of the Model Alliance makes it to the Tower and F/K, being astute racers, decide to use the last remaining yield on Mary Adam and Rebecca in order for them to "TASTE IT" like Kendra did in Ethiopia. The other model team is close behind.

Meanwhile poor Kris and Jon are still in the cab standing still in traffic.

The Models find out that they must do menial labor and wash a window on a VERY TALL TOWER!!! Kendra first balks and tells Freddy "I don't do windows" but Freddy threatens to "BREAK HER FACE" because he never did find who lowered that bar a few weeks back so Kendra reluctantly agrees to do the chore.

"Oh Shut Up" Hayden could barely do the detour last week that had her up a relatively small tree so Aaron is forced to perform his 6th and final Road Block...we'll see if this comes back to haunt them next week.

Kris and Jon are still in the cab and "Oh shut up" Hayden is incognito as a palm tree to keep Mary Adam and Rebecca from spotting her and the clue box which will tell them they have indeed been "100% Yielded." Despite "Oh Shut up" Hayden's efforts, they do find the Yield and wait. Kris and Jon finally show up, tell their taxi driver he SUCKED and Mary Adam says what we all were thinking...WOW I guess they are not robots and can show some emotion....SWEEEEEEETTT EMOOOOOOOOOOOTION.....

Aaron is a pretty fine window washer and he cleans it off quick and Bill Cullen's voice comes out of nowhere and whispers

The Password is Tai Chi

and he easily makes it to the bottom of the building and the next clue. He immediately says to Hayden "Oh Shut Up" and they're off to the People's Monument on the BUND?? to find the Tai Chi Masters

Meanwhile American Ghetto ho is flailing about on the building telling God to "STOP MAKING THE WIND BLOW NOW" if her daddy were there she would of course ask for a golden goose...(my sincerest apologies to my Survivor spoiler bud VS)

Meanwhile Rebecca and Mary Adam are fighting over who should have been yielded and Rebecca doesn't see that the sand has run out of the hourglass and the Wicked Witch is coming to get her and her little dog too...

So we finally find out from Freddy that it was hard to get a taxi in the morning because it was "RUSH HOUR" and that doesn't mean that Jackie Chan is making a movie there...it's RUSH HOUR like they have in AMERICA, imagine that!!!

Kris of course does the road block--NO problemo and Rebecca finally get to the top of the tower. Mary Adam proceeds to say that he doesn't believe that Rebecca can do it..that's the spirit... I have two words for you Mary Adam...Michelin Man...

Kris and Jon have to get into another taxi and immediately begin to say "no, no" to their taxi driver, this does not bode well for them.

Aaron and "Oh Shut up" Hayden are near the Monument but cannot find it so "Oh Shut Up" Hayden walks up to everyone, bends down and in a really loud and slow voice says "DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISHSAN" Like everyone else, the Shanghaians ignore her and say "Oh Shut Up" Hayden. They finally find the large group of people wearing white and performing Tai Chi (ya think you found it yet, guys?) and immediately she goes up to them asking again in a loud and slow voice "ARE YOU A MASTERSAN". After 10-20 of them tell Hayden to "Oh Shut Up", Aaron finally finds the first master and they are off to Jiang Pu Road for the Detour clue.

F/K and Kris and Jon finally find the Tai Chi performers and find two Masters (Kris finds a female master) and they're off to find more taxis.

Mary Adam and Rebecca find the Tai Chi and Rebecca says that a woman couldn't be a master...oh, how I wish Kris had not found the woman and Rebecca and Mary Adam would still be there fighting over who the master could be...'

Aaron and "Oh Shut Up" Hayden get to the Jiang Pu Road clue box first and find it's the DETOUR---BRICKS OR ICE

Carry 300 blocks over a wooden plank and stack them up or each take two 220 lbs. blocks of ice on the back of a bicycle, take it 4 blocks away to a little known fish market and break up the ice with a hammer and chisel. I don't know if you have ever tried to bike in a crowded city, but that is hard enough without adding 440 lbs to the back of your bike...amazingly all 4 teams are smart enough to pick the BRICKS

Freddy and Kendra are wondering why they have no Fifth or Madison Avenues in Shanghai and why all of their streets have weird names...

Meanwhile Poor Team Cutie is still in the cab...they should have saved that last cabbie, he wasn't that bad..this guy is going to TAKE THEM FOR A RIDE. They go the wrong way and Jon is a second away from strangling the white-gloved driver saying IT's NOT OK OK and singing...SWEEEEEEET EMOOOOOTION

"Oh Shut Up" Hayden is calling out to Aaron every second when she is carrying the bricks and you know what all the locals are laughing and saying "OH SHUT UP HAYDEN"

Aaron and "Oh Shut uP" Hayden complete the detour first and get the clue that says "make your way" to the roof of the Peace Hotel South, the next pit stop. The last team to check in here maywill not be eliminated. (Come on, you guys, you all knew it was a non-elimination round--the episode description for the finale on 2/8 was already in my Tivo before the 2/1 episode aired saying "THE FINAL FOUR TEAMS VIE FOR A MILLION DOLLARS"--but why waste a yield on a non-elimination round--the yield or the non-elimination leg should have been last week not both this week UGH)

Team Cutie and "The Little Ones" start the bricks as F/K are just finishing up. Rebecca for some strange reason is calling Mary Adam Honey and he just does not like it so he is now A$$ which MARY ADAM says he PREFERS Hmmmmmmm......

The Model Alliance make it to the roof of the Hotel as J/K and MA/R are finishing the bricks. H/A make it there first and the woman with Phil doesn't welcome them to Shanghai rather she says...."Oh Shut Up" Hayden.... They win a trip to Hawaii where the islanders will too say "Oh Shut Up" Hayden.

F/K come in second and after the woman with Phil welcomes her to Shanghai, Kendra says "Thank you I'm so beautiful"

Now comes the most exciting and nail biting part of the show...Kris and Jon v. Mary Adam and Rebecca...who will get there first. After almost getting hit by a car and a bus, Kris and Jon make it to the roof in THIRD PLACE...even when they have a crappy leg, they still don't finish last....they're so cute!!

Mary Adam and Rebecca make it to the mat and try to look surprised when Phil says, "I'm pleased to tell you however,...." But Phil takes all their Yen and they must beg in order to get out of Shanghai. They say they should have eaten first and given the cab driver a big tip. My strategy would be to give my money to Kris and Jon and allow them to come in 3rd and then get the money back the next day....

Next week, Freddy and Kendra fight, Mary Adam and Rebecca can't figure out a mental challenge and Aaron and "Oh Shut Up" Hayden battle with Reverend Jim's cousin in China, so nothing is new except, oh yeah, just who will win the Million Dollars??!!???

Be kind guys, this is my first summary, ever!!

• Great Job!,Jims02, 10:12 PM, 02-03-05
  • RE: Great Job!,emydi, 10:17 PM, 02-03-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,Cygnus X1, 10:23 PM, 02-03-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,Molaholic, 10:32 PM, 02-03-05
• Great work!,nazzWord, 10:33 PM, 02-03-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,alwaysintruble1, 10:37 PM, 02-03-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,ARnutz, 09:17 AM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,KObrien_fan, 09:26 AM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,Seana, 09:32 AM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,samboohoo, 09:46 AM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,greenmonstah, 11:02 AM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,geg6, 11:17 AM, 02-04-05
  • RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,emydi, 01:45 PM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,PagongRatEater, 12:21 PM, 02-04-05
  • RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,emydi, 01:48 PM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,TeamJoisey, 01:12 PM, 02-04-05
  • RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,ginger, 01:17 PM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,strid333, 06:01 PM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,nailbone, 06:06 PM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,AugustGirl, 06:14 PM, 02-04-05
• RE: OFFICIAL SUMMARY Episode 12 "OH SHUT UP" and Where's Reverend Jim when you need him??,seahorse, 07:24 PM, 02-04-05
• Put them Kitty Paws up!,zombiebaby, 08:35 PM, 02-04-05

That was a great summary, emy! It turned out awesome!

I would have to say my favorite line was:

"We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Shanghai Harlem"

Thanks, emy!

Jims02: Proud member of the inoffensive OT Triumvirate. Jims' Random Thoughts