Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week One

1. Jasmine Trias
Diva of the Week for Week One goes to this non-threateningly sexy Hawaiian siren. In her silvery peach satin shirred top, with the ubiquitous white Plumeria behind her right ear (‘I’m single!’) she was a lovely throwback to a simpler and classier era. Her spot-on vocals (combined with lowered expectations by the viewing public) were a pleasant surprise, earning her a great deal of water-cooler buzz this week. (The element of surprise is a crucial thing for a true Diva to master.)

2. LaToya London
Though I find her performing skills to be a bit cold and mechanical, you can’t fault this Diva for her image this week. In her sexy black plunging halter, tight black pants, and carefully placed accessories, she certainly dressed to impress. And her sexy new choppy do framed her lovely face perfectly. Still, as viewers come to expect this level of performance from her, it will become stale… and lose the shock value that worked so well for Jasmine this week. You’d better switch things up girl, and quick!

3. George Huff
Though I haven’t been a huge fan of his up to this point, George easily outclassed the other men in his glossy navy dress shirt and slacks. He also earns Most Improved this week. His new close cropped cut, and the removal of the unfortunate caterpillar from his face, were both huge successes in bringing him closer to his chronological age. And his carefree performance, complete with his signature ‘dips,’ would enchant even the most hardened of viewers (trust me, I would know.)

4. Jennifer Hudson
I love me some Jennifer. And despite previous lapses in judgment, this week’s ensemble was light-years better (though perhaps a bit too safe?) In a white tank, black pinstripe jacket, and black stiletto heels, she marched across the stage like she owned the place. When Jennifer takes more risks that pay off, in wardrobe and song choice, she’ll start getting the votes she deserves. Until then, I’m prepared to vote until my fingers bleed.

5. Fantasia Burrino
Fantasia wore what was arguably the best outfit of the night, a sexy, fitted black wide-pinstripe suit with slimming black side panels. So, what puts her so low on my list? First of all, her somewhat cocky attitude is really starting to bug me. So, I’ll offer her an Attitude Adjustment. Secondly, let’s talk about her hair… the stark-cropped hairline is harsh and unflattering, and it has to go, yesterday. And while we’re at it, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone who was a better candidate for porcelain veneers. Every time she smiles, I wince. Forget William Hung, Extreme Makover, how about Fantasia Burrino? The money would be much better spent here!

6. Jon Peter Lewis
Jon finds himself somewhat higher on my list than one might think. Sure, his gapped-tooth grin is in need of work. Sure his wardrobe (this week, an olive/white web-patterned shirt) could use sexing-up. Sure his dance moves are anything but suave. Still, his mussy look, including his downright adorable wavy mop-top, is endearing as hell. And his aw-shucks attitude is ingratiating and sincere. Okay I admit it, I have a crush.

7. John Stephens
This week, John’s look was nearly as dull as his performance (and that’s really a slam.) In a predictable charcoal suit, burgundy tie and white shirt, John looked like he was ready for his local Presbyterian Church annual banquet. If he’s gonna sell me on the rat-pack thing, he’d better step up the look, pronto. The rat-pack were always cutting-edge cool, and John simply isn’t.

8. Leah LaBelle
Based on looks alone, Leah should be much higher on my list. In fact, she looked downright hot this week, in super-low cut blue jeans, and a retro yellow cowl neck top. (And her sleek ironed-flat hair framed her lovely face perfectly.) Too bad look was all she had going for her this week. Her attitude and self-image were nearly as flat as her voice. Let’s face it, folks, she stank up the stage. American chose right.

9. Diana Degarmo
Unfortunately, though I love her spunk and appreciate her pipes, Diana simply bugs. She is waaay to cutesy-perky for me, in a cloying Jon-Benet sort of way, and it totally turns me off. Doing nothing to combat that was her hyper-cute peach rhinestone encrusted tank, and her new perky-severe highlighted curly hairdo.

10. Amy Adams
Amy’s outfit was not bad really; the pink, black, and yellow rayon top was flattering and stylish. But most eyes never get below her neck, drawn upward by the severity that is her head. With her too-pink hair (soooo unoriginal, I’m afraid!) and too-black eyebrows (and she’s a stylist? God forbid!) Amy’s look is unflatteringly stark and distances her from a public who simply can’t relate to her. Add in her vocally weak performance, and timid stage presence, and I thought for sure she was a goner this week. Here’s hoping she gets a full makeover, stat.

11. Camille Velasco
Yes, she’s a pretty girl, with a pretty voice. Her lovely (but bland) yellow cotton scoop-neck top and olive jeans were somewhat flattering. And I could quibble with her bouncy curly locks, but I won’t. What I will fault her for is a complete lack of self-confidence. Any true Diva knows that if you want anyone to believe in you, you first must believe in yourself. I would honestly rather see a mediocre talent perform with utter abandon (ie: Britney Spears) than a talented performer slink onto the stage apologetically and eek out a song while nearly vomiting from stage fright. Who chose this girl anyway?

12. Matt Rogers
I must admit I can barely stomach this cut-rate-Tom Jones. As soon as he took the stage overconfidently, looking pudgy and pale in his powder blue dress shirt, I had to divert my eyes to avoid nausea (which was not unlike my reaction to The Passion of the Christ.) Again… who picked this guy? And why was Lisa Leuschner robbed from a spot so that this loser could inhabit it? Heck, I’d prefer Josh Gracin to this.

There are certainly some who will scoff at my use of shallow, surface attributes to judge our Idol Finalists. I say, to those who scoff, they can all kiss my tanned, hairless, Stairmaster-toned a$$.

Larry Johnson is a comedy writer, currently working for Disney TV. Look for his weekly commentary from a gay point of view. Please check out his website, http://www.gaycomedyjournals.com/