Lady T: I really have to do this, huh?

Webby: Yes Trish, you have too.

Lady T: Why me?

AK: I don’t know, maybe he likes you. He only agreed to this format and you as the interviewer.

Webby: We need this.

Lady T: Why and what can I get out of this?

Webby: You have my credit card, what else do you want? You are racking up more bills than I thought was possible.

AK: We are so close to 6000 posters, we think this will do it.

Lady T: I want your Red Sox seats Webby.

Webby: Never happen.

AK: You are asking too much.

Lady T: Ok, AK, I want a papasan chair delivered to my house tomorrow morning.

Webby and AK: WHAT? Done!

Lady T: All new furniture!

Webby and AK exit.

Lady T: Good evening and welcome to the life of an SB legend. More rumors have passed about this man. Love him or hate him, he has made his presence known to the lives of the Reality TV World posters. I will let him introduce himself.

I’ve been a bad, bad clown
I’ve been careless with a delicate board
And it’s a sad, sad world
When a clown disrupt a board just because he can....

Okay, okay I think we’ll all agree...that’s just about enough of that...let’s say we get down to business.
Well, before I say who I is, why don’t we take a brief look at who I ain’t....
I am not BadAs.
I am not Island Heat....although this discussion caused me to go back and read some of her summaries, which I very much enjoyed..so thanks.
I am not Superman. I was on vacation when Supe didn’t die.
I am not Ayak....I can only dream of being that smart, I sure as hell couldn’t fake it.
I am not in cahoots with DangerKitty, nor is she in cahoots with me.
In fact, I do not or have not posted under any name besides “shakes”.
I an not any of the following Survivor contestants: Vermin, Gervase, Sick-Nick, Dique, the Colbster, Greg, Cooleen.
I am definitely NOT lislis cause if I was I would spend all day, every day staring at myself in the mirror and thus have ZERO time for posting.
I am not David Letterman...unlike his overrated @ss, I can write my own jokes.
I am not Andy Kaufman....although I very much appreciate GT’s reference to the Kaufmanisque nature of this whole fiasco....now, that guy was funny.
I am not Gary Shandling nor am I Adam Sandler.
I am not Jesus......C’mon guys, I’m a much better Jew than that traitor.
I do not have a source at CBS...although the accusations that I do are the ultimate compliment to my spoiling accomplishments.

I will tell you this........one of you DID guess correctly. And now, without further stalling on my part....it’s time for the big, shocking announcement...

Alright, there’s no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna blurt it out....ready....one......two ....three.......

I AM A MEDIA-WHORE!

You don’t know how good it feels to finally say it....that’s right, I am a no good media-whore. I am no better than any of these people that I have had so much fun making fun of and ripping to shreds in my summaries....I am quite possibly the biggest hypocrite in the history of well, history.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you Shakes the Clown, in an all new T Time format. Our resident Clown is too busy this summer chasing ambulances and golf balls, that the only way a T time will get done is if we go back and time and get quotes on things he has said. None of this is made up. He has said everything in this interview

I am actually on one of these crappy shows that we love to rip on so much....I am one of these attention whore losers that we all have so much fun mocking and laughing at on a weekly basis.
So, congrats and an autographed LOVE CRUISE t-shirt goes out to SLEEVE (c.o.d) , the only person to correctly guess my identity, and he did after only one clue

That’s right Dalton, I am JUST another worthless media-whore, craving attention like Daryl Strawberry craves Crack.
Oh yes, Love Cruise.
Michael from Love Cruise. What made you decide to come to a website before your show was on when you clearly knew that most people get bashed like there is no tomorrow?
It was always my plan to try and infultrate a website, become one of the more respected posters on the site, write the official summaries....and then when LC came on I could write the summaries and slant them in a way to favor my character. But, along the way I realized how boring that was! I don’t want to say good things about me on the board....I want to bash the hell out of me! Plus, my original plan was to reveal my identity at the end of LC, but I realized something.....after Survivor ends in 2 weeks, 90% of the people on the board are gonna disappear for 5 months...so I had to change my plan. I wanted all my new “friends” to know about my involvement in the show in case they might be interested in seeing me make an @ss of myself on national TV (guaranteed to happen in Ep#1)

In fact,
is a strong spoiler and started over here for S2. You won’t believe this, but I have one of your first spoilers. Here it is,

Eaton's appearance on the Early Show:
First, she talked about how her and Jeff Vermin were friends and had discussed the events that led up to Debb's departure.....it sounded like they were pals and had plenty of time to talk about things..........this would lead me to believe that Jeff gets voted off at some point prior to the final 4.....how else would Debb and Jeff have the time to bond and become friends??

Also, on a similar note, Debb stated that she had a chance to resolve her differences with Kimmi on the plane ride home. This could mean that Kimmi makes it to the end, or else Debb would've been able to "resolve" things at the loser resort. The fact that they were able to finally talk on the plane home might be a spoiler that Kimmi goes deep into the game....quite the inverse from the above situation with Jeff.
I might be reading way too much into this, but I thought I would pass it along any way and see what everyone thought.

Not too bad,
You quickly came out spoiling, sometimes right, sometimes wrong. Then bashing. Shakes grew upset at one post wonders and spoilers who thought they knew it all. He gave us this, The Idiots guide to spoiling

1. Look to precedent and ignore logic: I know alot of you are shaking your heads every week trying to figure out how Brandon, Lex and the rest could be soooo stupid from week to week while playing this game, but that is where you are making your mistakes.
Never try and figure out what the smart thing to do in a certain situation because if there is only ONE thing we have learned from 2 1/2 seasons of this show it is that these people are idiots and they NEVER do the smart thing. If these people were smart then Colby would be a million dollars richer and Rich, Kelly, Rudy and Susan would still be sitting on a log in Borneo trying to break a tie.
Therefore, lesson #1 is to always make your predictions based on what a moron would do because that is who we are dealing with.
2. Precedent involving Burn-it and editing:
There are two main lessons to be learned from watching how Burn-it edits this show....first of all, the bootee always has face time in the preceding episode and second of all, Burn-it NEVER shows us a successful strategy until he absolutely has to.
Therefore, when the Insider clip was released with Brandumb laying out his whole intricate strategy of getting rid of Lex this week that should have triggered off a huge red flag that there was NO way that LEx was going anywhere and that there was no way that Brandumb's strategy was going to work.
On a side note, this theory bodes well for Ethan and KimJ in this game since those are the only two people left who we rarely if ever see strategizing...smells like Tina and Colby all over again.
As for the face time aspect, everyone here has a pretty good grasp of that so I won't explain it.
3. Occams Razor:
One thing we always seem to be saying the day after an episode is how utterly obvious teh bootee was the night before, yet through over analysis everyone still managed to miss it. That is because another lesson we have learned on this show is that the simplest explanation/scenario always seems to unfold every week. The simplest explanation this week was that there were a lot of people that were gonna be mad at Brandumb and that we have learned over the years that when everyone is mad at you, there is a good chance you are getting voted out.
4. ignore long winded speculation posts:
This one is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but everytime you see a post that is based purely on speculation and is longer than two paragraphs in length, simply ignore it and move on, its only going to confuse you and they are NEVER right. Sure, they make sense

This is the type of post that serious spoilers love. These are the guidelines. To not follow these lead one to be flamed by Shakes. Here are some of this flames.

.....uhmmm, hate to slow down the moron parade, but have you ever heard of a wrap party??? It's when the cast and crew get together AFTER all of the filming is done and have a big blowout bash. Further, have you ever heard of something called a "phone number directory"???

This is the dumbest post I've ever read...why would anyone even bother reporting this load of crap???? fba, maybe you should stick to your "is anyone supporting Rodger" posts from the "heart" board...btw, that's pretty stupid too, what is he, running for office????

This is exactly the kind of baseless, logic-deprived, guess work post that we DON'T NEED cluttering the board. Why is is always a Newbie that wastes our time with this ridiculous crap. Why don't you try proving yourself with a little concrete analysis before you jump right in with your first career post being some "I don't know why but I just got a feeling" typical predicition crap. We got serious work to do here, and were bad enough at it as it is without having to deal with clutter like this. I hope this is going to be a recurring trend now that SS.com spoiler board is down. Would SB ever consider closing down Ellis Island?
No Shakes, I don’t think they will. However, sometimes when things got a little out of hand on Spoilers, something would slip through that would bring a smile to your face.

YOU KNOW CHEESE IS GOOD IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES I LIKE THE KIND YOU EAT AND THE SQUARED KIND AND IN SLICES IS VERY GOOD.YUM. AND WHEN YOU GRADE IT IT COMES OUT GOOD. AND YOU CAN MELT IT TO DIP YOUR NACHOS IN. AND YOU CAN PUT EXTRA ON YOUR PIZZA TO MAKE IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
I
LIKE
CHEESE!

response
Normally I would flame a post that has absolutely nothing to do with the Survivor spoiler/speculation, but this is actually pretty damn funny so I'll let you off with a warning....don't make a habit of it (the posting part, not the eating cheese part although too much cheese is bad for your cholestoral

Then the Love Cruise thing started to pop up. Shakes was leaving clues all over the place. And something else People started to like Shakes. They liked the guidelines he set up, and the fact that he flamed people to keep them in line. Thus, an organization was formed. The W.L.S.F.C. These initials started appearing in sig lines all over the boards. What did it mean? We Like Strawberry Food Cake? We Loathe SingleS Fan Club. In a thread asking to discuss the possibly meaning,
answered:
w.l.s.f.c.- Shakes guesses? We Love Shakes (the) Fricken Clown?
OR
We Loathe Shakes (the) Fricken Clown

The true answer, We Love Shakes Fan Club. Shakes was humbled to say the least and had this to say,

True answer is We love Shakes Fan Club ...wait, so it really does stand for that cause I was only kidding around when I made my guess...that is sooo funny. Now I need to go back and read this thread for clues.
So, to all the members of W.L.S.F.C , I am truly humbled and thank you very much...and will someone please check the by-laws and let me know if it's a faux pas to want to join your own fan club?? It probably is.
And just for this, I promise to put together the best summary EVER for this week's episode.....and I'll do ya one better WLSFC'ers..........every summary from here on out will be better than the one before it! Or at least not as bad.

Of course, we have to go back to Love Cruise, the reason he even graced us with his presence. He left us so many clues...


1. LC
I also noted that there were many clues located within my posts and summaries. Sleeve nailed one right off the bat, my claim of inside knowledge as to the standard practices for one of these shows regarding what contestants can and can’t bring.
Now, let me point out some other clues that pointed to LOVE CRUISE...oh BTW, this is where things get really bad.....cause not only am I the Mother of all Media-whores (no, I’m not Lamber’s mom), but I have been silently and subliminally manipulating you, the good people of the SB.com community, since the day I first showed up. <ducks to avoids a rotten tomato thrown by Dalton> Nice try sweetie. <this time doesn’t duck quick enough> Okay, where was I??? Oh yeah, the part about me being a no good, good for nothing , self serving, attention starved, can’t even wait for my damn show to be on before soliciting attention media whore!
Sometimes the manipulation was subtle, such as this clip from my first Boot Camp summary:
“Well, apparently Meyers signed up for the wrong reality show cause this one is definitely not the Love Cruise he thought it would be”
Notice the out of place capital letters?
Other times, the manipulation was not so subtle, such as this clip from my last Temptation Island summary:
“On to commercial....I thank god as I watch each commercial filled minute sweep by secure in the knowledge that with each minute of commercials that is one less minute that I have to spend watching this crap. Oh look, there’’s a commercial for a new reality show by FOX, ““Boot Camp””......great, this one looks even dumber than Temptation Island....16 people in boot camp...that sounds really fuccking entertaining. What happened to that show ““Love Cruise”” that was supposed to be on next that I heard so much about....where they ditch the couples and just have the hot singles go at it...now, that sounds like a show where ##### actually happens, unlike this piece of crap...FOX probably decided that it was actually ““too good”” and decided to scrap it for all these crappy shows...thanks. If it wasn’t for The Simpsons, I would never watch this network again.”

I’m running out of time since the PC was supposed to start 5 minutes ago...oh well, if you’re gonna piss everyone off, you might as well be late as well.
2. “Endless Love” (1981)

I put the year in to clue you in to the fact that I was refering to the movie. If you checked out the full cast (easy to do at IMDB.com) you would’ve seen that a certain unknown actor by the name of Tom CRUISE made his film debut in that forgettable film...
Get it, Endless LOVE, Tom CRUISE...........LOVE CRUISE!
3. Vanessa Williams
Most of you know that I am a sports fan. Vanessa Williams recently married a player on the LA Lakers by the name of Rick FOX.....as in, FOX’s LOVE CRUISE.
3.5 “Oz”
Since no one seemed to catch the angle I was working with Vanessa Williams, I threw in “OZ” because Rick FOX has a recurring role on the HBO series.

So, those were the clues....I thought they were pretty tough, but not impossible.

Shakes even had a news conference, and made himself out as the whore to end all whores. The shortest reality TV show ever nad we get Shakes, who at least was nice enough to answer some questions. Here are some examples

how did things work out for toni and greg.. did he "wise up" after seeing the TRUE faces of evil toni portrayed?
and of course what is up with darin.... is he really as great as he seemed on the show?
p.s..... you too, also seem like a pretty stand up guy....

ANSWER: Nothing ever happened post-show between Toni and Greg. Greg just wanted to get laid, nothing more nothing less, and all power to him. But, since the show Greg has told me that his biggest regret in life was hooking up with her...can’t say that I blame him. So yes, he did ‘wise up” after seeing what Toni was really about.
As for Darin, he really is that great of a guy, but what you didn’t see is that he is also quite funny as well. Plus, he DOES talk a lot and have interesting things to say. Damn editing!
Thanks for the stand up guy comment, I’d like to think that I always have been and am glad to see that in all the madness of those last couple of episodes the viewers were able to see that about me. It really means a lot.

) Is Toni as insane as she appears?
ANSWER: Yes.

I was just curious as to how you felt at the end when no one voted for you and Jeanette? I can imagine it would feel humiliating, embarrassing -- or did you at that point honestly not give a sh!t?
ANSWER: As soon as Justin announced that there would be a third couple we knew we had absolutely ZERO chance of winning. Yes, there were people that hated me at the end, but those same people also hated Melissa. Therefore, if there were just the two couples those people would’ve had to pick one of us and we might’ve won the game in that situation. Also, there were some people that still would’ve voted for us but didn’t because they knew it was a wasted vote at that point, so why bother. With that in mind, we decided that we were just gonna have fun that night and not kiss anyone’s ass in a humiliating attempt to salvage a couple of votes. There was no way we were gonna get up there and beg for the money. Also, at the end we didn’t want any votes cause we knew that if we got even one vote that Melissa and Darin would probably lose, and we felt that the whole show would be ruined if Gina and Adrian won the game. So no, I was not at all humiliated or embarrassed about not getting any votes. I was more so just upset at the producers for adding the third couple and therefore taking away my ability to compete for the title. To me, it was like playing the whole season, making it through the playoffs and then being told “by the way, you can’t play in the Super Bowl, instead we are replacing you with the Arizona Cardinals.” I didn’t mind at all losing to Darin and Melissa, but I was very upset about not even being given a chance to compete. As a very competitive person, that was extremely tough to handle.

Well said
Now, how about a little personal information on you.

Posting Name: shakes the clown
Real Name: already on file
Age: 32
Eye Color: Brown
Hair: Brown

>Nerd/Jock/Prep/Rebel in High School: From setting the school record with 8 consecutive saturday "breakfast club" detentions to being voted "Most Likely to Get Kicked out of Graduation" by my senior class, I think its safe to say that I fall into the rebel category. Even the sport I played (hockey) was a rebel sport as it was the only sport that was not school sponsored.
Favorite Movie: Goodfellas, Deerhunter, Midnight Cowboy, Godfather I and II, Slapshot and of course, Shakes The Clown. Lord of the Rings is the best film I saw this year.

Favorite Band still in existence: Green Day, Robert Cray, Ani Difranco, Marshall Mathers.
Favorite Band now defunct: The Doors, Smashing Pumpkins, Pink Floyd, Living Color.

Married/Single/Engaged: Single
Kids: I try and abduct about 2 a week.
Favorite TV Show: The Simpsons
Favorite Reality Show: Love Cr.....just kidding. Survivor.
Favorite Sport: To watch = College Basketball, World Cup Soccer.
David Letterman or Jay Leno?: I can't stand either one, don't watch either.

Favorite Star Wars character: Boba Fett.

Least Favorite Band: I like Creed songs for 3 weeks and then I get really sick of them. Also, Christina Aguilara.
Pet Peeve: Green potato chips and books that get rereleased wiht a new cover which instead of artwork has a photo from the movie. If I wanted a glossy photo of Elijah Wood I'd be reading TeenBeat, not Tolkien.
Favorite Poster Name(you can't say your
own): Makeitstop.

There we have it. Repeated calls to his publicist have been ignored. And look at my new furniture!