URL: http://community.realitytvworld.com/cgi-sys/cgiwrap/rtvw2/community/dcboard.cgi
Forum: DCForumID91
Thread Number: 502
[ Go back to previous page ]
Original Message
"Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Zhenya32 on 11-21-05 at 04:40 PM
Is anyone else as disgusted with Rhonda as a coach as I am?

It seems like a lot of posters here are thrilled to see Lisa go, and that's fine, but I think Rhonda completely sabotaged her and set her up for failure.

Rhonda cannot admit when an assignment is not working and move on -- the jewelry thing was NOT clicking for Lisa. TRY SOMETHING ELSE. At the very least, she could have had someone give Lisa some training about making jewelry before setting her up on a task that she was going to have to work on for 2 weeks - business plan, sales, taking it to boutiques.

And who WOULDN'T be completely overwhelmed by having to sell 25 necklaces in an hour and a half. And I totally knew where Rhonda was going when she said "Don't come back with any" but give me a break -- they were supposed to be getting Lisa ready for working in the real world; what boss would be okay with a salesman who said "Oh, I couldn't sell any, so I gave them all away." And yet Lisa gets in trouble for it! Talk about taking shortcuts...what kind of work ethic is that?

FINALLY - Lisa's main problem with all of her assignments was when she got so stressed out and overwhelmed she couldn't think, work, or communicate -- maybe they weren't actual panic attacks, but they completely broke down her ability to function. If Lisa had been able to use all the hours she spent making those stupid necklaces to work on dealing with her panic problem -- if Rhonda had even tried to give her a few tools to talk herself down when she got that way -- maybe she would actually have had some success.

Instead, they have used her up and thrown her out, and she is going to be an absolute mess when she goes home -- worse than she was before coming to the SO house in the first place. What a great way to completely destroy someone.

Rhonda and Iyanla should take some responsibility for the negative outcome of their assignments. I am so fed up with them and the show -- the absolute lack of concern for the well-being of their clients -- I almost feel like it is wrong to even support it by watching it anymore.

What do you think?

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by thebutterflyeffect on 11-21-05 at 05:04 PM
I think that you are absolutely correct in your assessment of Ms. Britten's destructive, outright hateful tactics.

True confessions time. Six years ago, following the very sudden death of my beloved father, I suffered a complete and total nervous breakdown. I nearly grieved to death. It was only the combination of hard work, medication, and the caring of two mental health professionals that brought me back from the brink.

Rhon-duh and Ickyala frequently...almost constantly, these days...engage in psychological therapy with their clients. Life coaches are NOT supposed to do this. They are not qualified and trained therapists. There is no licensing standard for life coaches. You do not need any certain degree to be a life coach.

Their inexperience and penchant for using therapeutic principles as weapons create a recipe for disaster. Therapy, when conducted correctly, can save a life. I know; it saved mine. Therapy conducted haphazardly and sloppily with only dramatic effect in mind is dangerous. This season, I literally cringe when I hear the garbage Rhon-duh and Ickyala pull with their little lab rats.

One of the primary goals of therapy is that the patient feels as though he or she has at least ONE person in this world who cares about them, who is on their side, and who has their best interests at heart. I feel that way about my therapist, Dan. I visit him only once or twice every six months now, but I still sleep well at night with the knowledge that when the chips are down, Dan has my back. It's a very close relationship based entirely in TRUST.

So here's Rhon-duh, engaging in therapy and doing it badly, and what's more, using her status as "coach" to BULLY her coachees! If I had a dollar for each time Lisa expressed worry or fear about what RHON-DUH would say about something Lisa said or did, I would have enough cash for a nice day at the spa. I've been in therapy. That is just fifty-seven shades of wrong. Rhon-duh should never, ever be in a position where she is FEARED by those she is supposedly trying to help. It is destructive to any kind of therapeutic relationship. My therapist is tough. His style is often akin to a drill sergeant. In the six years that I have known him, I have never, ever been afraid of him.

Rhon-duh also takes things entirely too personally. Case in point: the whole "you didn't call!" controversy with Lisa a couple of weeks ago. Rather than focus on how Lisa's behavior was ultimately detrimental to Lisa's goals, it was all about how pissed off RHON-DUH was. It wasn't about how Lisa was sabotaging herself at the SO House. It was about that Rhon-duh had to wait one precious hour of her life waiting for her. Rhon-duh had every reason to be angry, but to allow that anger to eclipse the actual goal at hand was just irresponsible and childish and entirely Rhon-duh's fault.

Finally, I am a small business owner. It is tough, demanding, tiring, grinding work. Particularly when you are in the first year of your business, like I am. Business ownership is not for everyone. Not everyone has the stamina, patience, and entrepreneurial spirit necessary to make it in business. I love what I do. Absolutely love it. Even then, there are times when I could literally cry with frustration. There are definitely times when I want to throw in the towel, despite this being my passion.

Lisa made it clear any number of times that she did not want her own business. She most certainly did not want a jewelry business. She was not interested in the ins and outs of being an entrepreneur. For Rhon-duh to INSIST that Lisa continue in an area that was not her passion was the most idiotic and harmful thing that I have ever seen on this show. Rhon-duh asked a woman who had barely worked a day in her 40 years to not only dive headfirst into business, but into her OWN business. That isn't going 0 to 60; that's going 0 to Mach Seven. It was ridiculous, it was pointless, and it was woefully unfair to Lisa. I especially could not believe who Rhon-duh took things personally once again and turned the jewelry project into a club with which to threaten and then finally beat Lisa.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by ddtoddy on 11-22-05 at 01:28 PM
WOW! This is so true! I suppose they push too strongly due to time constraints within the world of TV but they are dealing with human lives that truly need direction and supportive help. I am sickened by Lisa's life but I also feel that she has stepped into a world where her entire life (or lack of) has been displayed for all to see. She needs baby step help. You are so correct in stating that you can't throw someone into an entrpreneurial venture when you don't even know how to pay your bills. She needs to learn a skill not how to hang one bead on a string. She needs an assessment of interests and guidance to narrow down the areas that test positive for her. She seems to be more confused now than when the show started...

Helping your business build a strong relationship with your family, friends, clients & customers.
www.BeRememberedCards.com

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by princes110 on 11-27-05 at 07:14 PM
Was Lisa kicked out? I thought she was just sent to the guest room - sort of a time out for adults. As for Rhonda's coaching - I think she is so full of herself and her "clebrity" status, she has no room for concern for anyone else.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Redbud on 11-28-05 at 06:19 PM
Butterfly, I am in complete agreement with your comments on Rhonda's ideas for helping Lisa. As I posted on the individual guest side of this bulletin board, Lisa has expressed no interest in jewelry..heck, she can't even spell it probably. But Rhonda has decided that Lisa should start a jewelry BUSINESS no less. Can you believe she even had to write a BUSINESS PLAN?!?! That is the worst task for something you love much less something you have no interest in. I wrote a business plan once and it was for something I loved. It was still pure hell. Lisa writing one for something she has no interest in? That was an absolute setup for failure. That's just as bad as Christina being a "writing assistant" for a hooker.
"Rhonda's Superior Power Trip"
Posted by Nann on 11-21-05 at 05:41 PM
Zhenya, I couldn't have said it any better than your title for this thread. See my 3 posts in the last two days since Friday's show in the threads: 1) "Who do you think may get kicked off..." and 2) Next week's BOR...what could be the..." under General Discussions. I have given Rhonda a "lick'n", because Lisa can't or won't.

I have always preferred Iyanla to Rhonda, but Rhonda's treatment of Lisa since the beginning of the season has had me reeling in my own kind of SO stress. Unfortunately, I now see Rhonda and her curled, scrunched up, upper lip as the worst "mean girl, bully" not a "life coach" at all.

I am disappointed in Iyanla, that she is going along with this treatment of Lisa. On today's show it looked as though both life coaches will be giving Lisa two F's tomorrow, telling Lisa to pack her bags, she's "kicked out".

Rhonda has spent the last several days bullying Lisa with back to back assignments while she has had no sleep. A person with Lisa's temperament, (which is why she is in her life situation) will become demoralized, depressed, and cave in under such treatment. Rhonda is deliberately ELIMINATING Lisa! As I've said, the SO House is supposed to be humane therapy, not "The Apprentice" and not Marine Boot Camp with Rhonda as Sargent!

When Lisa called Rhonda from her selling assignment of selling not only the 25 necklaces she made overnight, but even more totaling 39 -- there was no answer. Upon returning to the SO House, Lisa asked if the assignment could be modulated or completed on another day -- that is quite human IMO, under the circumstances. Rhonda just said, "The board of review is in an hour!" Like what? -- "You piece of crap, Lisa, you're gone, haha?!?"

I have thought all along Rhonda picked the most humiliating, demeaning chores she could think of for Lisa. I have never seen one of the HGs dressed up in baby clothes and left at a daycare. Lisa was too good a sport to go along with this in the first place. Lisa's job experiences included cleaning public toilets and shoveing manure. Given Lisa's upper income family, these are jobs Lisa never would choose for herself or want to do. Is this Reality TV or the Life Coaches Bully the HGs??? What about helping and aiding Lisa to move forward, start over, in a REAL WAY? She is a college graduate!

I don't know...with the treatment of Lisa "Starting Over" has become --

We, Superior Life Coaches, With It All Together, Look Down On You Failure Turds -- Get Out Of The House, Pack Yo Bags and Yo Mammas Too, and Good Riddens To Ya...!!!"

Iyanla used to guest regularly on the Oprah Show along with Gary Zukav as another regular guest during Oprah's "Spirit Shows". Both Iyanla and Rhonda have let Power Trips go to their heads and need to read Gary's book, "The Seat of the Soul" about what is "Authentic Power" versus what is abusing persons weaker than yourself for a temporary surge of inauthentic power. It is akin to being a vampire and feeding off other's weaknesses by abusing them.

"RE: Rhonda's Superior Power Trip"
Posted by SOFreak on 11-22-05 at 01:00 AM
I don't like Lisa, but she is there to learn how wonderful it will be to be independent and how fulfilling it is to make your own way in the world.

Rhonda has shown her that if she leaves her Daddy's nest, there will only be drudgery, cruelty, frustration, humilitation and sleep deprivation. If I were Lisa and thought that what Rhonda has shown me is what is waiting on the other side of the door, I'd be running back to Daddy as fast as I could.

"RE: Rhonda's Superior Power Trip"
Posted by beckettrep on 12-05-05 at 10:21 AM
>I don't like Lisa, but she
>is there to learn how
>wonderful it will be to
>be independent and how fulfilling
>it is to make your
>own way in the world.
>
>
>Rhonda has shown her that if
>she leaves her Daddy's nest,
>there will only be drudgery,
>cruelty, frustration, humilitation and sleep
>deprivation. If I were
>Lisa and thought that what
>Rhonda has shown me is
>what is waiting on the
>other side of the door,
>I'd be running back to
>Daddy as fast as I
>could.


Sounds to me like Rhonda showed Lisa what the real world is REALLY like - was she supposed to delude Lisa into thinking that life is all fun and games when one takes responsibility for ones self? Unfortunately life can be cruel, humiliating and cause one to lose sleep - that's reality in all it's so-called glory. The jewelry exercise wasn't all about starting a jewelry business - I believe Rhonda was just trying to introduce Lisa to the world of WORKING - all its ups and downs -Rhonda wanted a business plan just for the sake of having Lisa make a plan - I think even Rhonda realizes Lisa isn't about to go home and flip burgers - if Lisa should decide to work (which I highly doubt) it will most likely be a business venture (that her parents will have to subsidize) and therefore Lisa WILL need some kind of plan - I think all of this is a moot point anyway because it's obvious that nothing has really stuck in Lisa's head - she is a lazy spoiled brat and I have no doubt she will NOT work a day in her life.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Snackerson on 11-21-05 at 07:33 PM
I think a huge part of the problem is the coroporate sponsorships. Honestly is Pinks hot dog place really the best place to send Lisa to sell those hideous necklaces. Did you notice how many times you saw the name pinks and pictures of their hot dogs? Also the stores that are going to sell LIsa's not very well made jewelry obviously did it to get their names shown on the show.

The life coaches have gone out of their way to humiliate the guests- but only the ones that you would feel good about them humiliate. You can't humiliate a 9/11 victim, or a cancer survivor, but a rich woman definitely- someone that is mildly abrasive like TJ- no holds barred. The fact that they made Lisa go on a job interview dressed like a baby but didn't make Allison go on a date with HItch in the muumuu shows the double standard.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Zhenya32 on 11-22-05 at 07:58 PM
Yes, I thought that dressing her up like a baby was absolutely humiliating. Maybe around the house for a day or two, but making her go to the daycare and do surveys/job interviews - there was no purpose to that.

Really good point about Allison's muumuu too - I haven't seen it since the first day she put it on, although looks like she's back to wearing it tomorrow. Must be nice to have a choice which assignments you want to follow through on and which you don't...

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 01:29 AM
I was thinking the exact same thing. I for one don't think humiliation is the best tactic for teaching or training any thing to anyone. If they experience humiliation at their own hand then so be it but not at the hand of a bully. I have thought all along (since day one on Rhonda's first show) that she left a lot to be desired. She is cruel and does it for the camera and for the drama of the show (more drama = higher ratings = more corporate sponsorship = more money for Mz. Rhonda). I am not impressed with her at all.
I don't understand why Rhonda can't put the jewelry crap aside and chose another lesson plan. This one isn't clicking. It seems that whoever goes against what Rhonda wants "isn't getting it". Lisa opted to burn her letter (per Rhonda's choice) so she doesn't get it. Of course her letter was acusatory... has Rhonda taught her anything any different??? Not that I have seen. Its gonna bite Lisa in the butt and the 24 unsold necklaces... still not sold... they are gonna bite her in the butt too... its still an incomplete assignment!
I can't remember the previous coach's name (before Iyanla) but I really liked her ... wondering why she left? Maybe Rhonda bullied her out of a job!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by pegasustt on 11-21-05 at 07:49 PM
re: I think Rhonda completely sabotaged her and set her up for failure.


I totally agree, i'm very disappointed in Rhonda this season. it seemed to me from the git go that she did not like Lisa.

TT

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by quiller on 11-21-05 at 08:17 PM
I don;t agree that Rhonda set Lisa up for failure, I think Lisa did that all on her own. However, I dislike that she does seem somewhat happy that Lisa DID fail.

Also, I have been extremely unhappy with the way Rhonda has been behaving. She allowed Allison to overshadow Jill when she was telling them about her tumour, and was obviously upset. She repeatedly rags on TJ when TJ is the only one who consistently tries to support other housemates. She may not always do it the best way, but she tries. She ragged on TJ about creating drama when it was RHONDA who created the drama by planting that couple!

She is not behaving like a compassionate life coach who wants her clients to succeed.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 01:30 AM
Maybe she is a little envious of Lisa and having the ability to live the South Beach lifestyle... while Rhonda has to work for a living!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by rsmith6861 on 11-27-05 at 04:54 AM
>re: I think Rhonda completely sabotaged
>her and set her up
>for failure.
>
>
>I totally agree, i'm very disappointed
>in Rhonda this season. it
>seemed to me from the
>git go that she did
>not like Lisa.
>
>TT

If Rhonda didn't like Lisa, Lisa would be gone by now. No one has remained in the SO house after failing to complete as many assignments as Lisa has and NO ONE has remained in the SO house after receiving a D. I may be hard core, I'm 52 and a veteran of the Woman's Army Corps who served in Nam. In my opinion, there's no excuse for a 40 year old to behave the way Lisa's been behaving. I'm proud of Lisa because she's no longer content living and existing the way she's been doing it and as a result, applied to be in the SO house. Rhonda in my opinion, is smart. She knew after testing Lisa a few times that the only way she was going to reach her would be to break her down and start her from scratch.. which is why Lisa is now residing in the guest house. Lisa has learned very well that if things get tough for her, she can always quit and mommmy and daddy will back her up. Rhonda had to teach her that this time no one was going to bail her out. Lisa must either grow a backbone, or disintegrate and continue to exist in the world she's been existing in... but existing and living are two different things. Lisa is learning to be a responsible adult thanks to the SO house. Feeling sorry for her is only enabling Lisa. I understand totally where Rhonda is coming from and personally, I feel she has more patients with Lisa than I'd have.


"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Redbud on 11-28-05 at 06:25 PM
RSSMITH, in my opinion, Rhonda has stubbornly refused to discard a tactic that obviously is not working. All that has been accomplished to date is to have Lisa hate making jewelry. At this point she's probably telling herself that living off Dady isn't so bad after all. If Rhonda had been able to have Lisa be successful and experience achievement in a simple yet interesting task, that would have served to show Lisa how GOOD it can be to be self-reliant. Rhonda blew it on this one. She has also refused to show Jessica what a selfish, spoiled, gossipy, two-faced, snot she really is. Pitying the master manipulator is not helping Jessica grow. It's giving her exactly what she wants.....another indulgent mommy.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Snowflake1988 on 11-21-05 at 08:16 PM
It seems that Lisa is not exactly going home after all. A new rule has been dug up by Rhonda now, it's called a "D". Apparently, previews on upcoming shows imply that Lisa will be living somewhere else while still involved in her assignments. What has she done to deserve this special treatment? I have no idea, but SO and it's coaches are going down the tubes in my opinion.
"Rhonda is also not supporting TJ "
Posted by Angela1928 on 11-21-05 at 10:20 PM
Rhonda is also not supporting TJ.

Never once do I hear Rhonda say that Allison is not being a good Accountability Partner for TJ.

Never once do I hear Rhonda telling the other HGs that they should stop bad mouthing TJ behind her back.

Never once to I see Rhonda standing up for TJ, like when all the HGs were screwing around during TJ's murder mystery role playing game.

"RE: Rhonda is also not supporting TJ "
Posted by katerlee on 11-22-05 at 03:58 PM
I truly feel that TJ is the only 'real' woman in the bunch. Also would you truly want to connect with Jessica, very two timing or Alison poor me, and the rest.

As a Life Coach, I'm glad Rhonda isn't mine. Wouldn't it have made more sense sending Lisa to a headhunter and work on a resume instead of trying to sell useless jewelry?

"RE: Rhonda is also not supporting TJ "
Posted by Accents on 11-22-05 at 07:43 PM
YES YES YES!!!!!!!! Rhonda is not supoorting TJ at all she is letting the girls walk all over her and that is not fair yes they are talking about her ina very bad way and she is not stopping it at all she is not letting them know that they are not helping her at all to reach her goal at all. Rhonda too me is not a good coach at all this session here she needs to leave and let someone else coach she must need and break. Because TJ is willing to try and make a change but she is not getting her there at all.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Beebop123 on 11-21-05 at 11:48 PM
I started out as a HUGE Rhonda fan, but now I am having my doubts. She's become negative, argumentative and is into this business of shaming the HG. She seems to be getting a big head since SO won an Emmy, so I am guessing she's feeling like a big celebrity now. I think she is not being supportive and caring as she was in previous seasons. Yes, Lisa has her issues, don't we all? But, I think Rhonda could be a bit more supportive and show her where she is messing up and HELP her work through it, not make her feel like an idiot.

A side note, I joined her message board and it has turned into a board full of real weirdos, Rhonda-worshippers and Rhonda-butt-kissers. The posters on her board have her so high up on a pedestal that I think if she fell they wouldn't even notice. She is like a god or something and can do no wrong. I never thought I would feel this way toward her, but she is becoming so mean. On her site you can only post 150-200 words, your posts are deleted, not locked, but deleted, if you mention anything negative about her whatsoever. One thread was deleted because it was titled "Holy Crap" because "crap" was a bad word. The thread was a great thread because it discussed the show when Rhonda came down on Lisa the first time she didn't complete her jewelry assignment. Since Rhonda came on the mb and posted all these weird rules, her mb has been like a desert and no one is really posting there anymore, except for those who are hoping she will visit and leave them a message or those who are kissing her butt. All you hear on her mb is "thank you Rhonda for this, thank you for that, thank you for making the sun shine, thank you for making the Earth turn on its axis"...oh please, give me a break. Anyway, sorry to rant. Here is a sample of a post someone posted on her site, talk about butt kissing, this person says Rhonda is blamesless:

"I'm going to really miss Lisa ;( & I can't believe she didn't follow through all those times. If Lisa leaves, how exactly is she going to be able to grow herself up???? Does that make Lisa a lost cause???? I mean if Rhonda Britten, the Guru of self sacrifice / self help, gives you chance after chance after chance & you still mess it all up to the point of no return how can you get help???? I mean Rhonda's blameless!!!! She supported & guided Lisa throughout her whole time in the SO house it was up to Lisa to ultimately make the changes & do her assignments & manage her time appropritely.... Oh well, it's sad but as my L.C. told me today she said "Maybe this is the rock bottom Lisa needs to hit so she can make the appropriate changes in her life." It just breaks my heart that Lisa got this awesome opportunity & flaked out on it ."

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by alyse73 on 11-22-05 at 09:44 AM
If you are Rhonda's fav (PJ,Audrey, Jessica) she doesn't do her job b/c she is coddleing, if she doesn't care for you (TJ) she doesn't do her job b/c she likes to watch you fail. TJ does not have support and Rhonda telling her she does makes her feel more like an outsider. I know playing favorites is tough by it is her job to be professional.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Divadeb51 on 11-22-05 at 10:08 AM
I totally agree-you can see the anger on her face...so something is going on!! Menopause???? I used to really like her and respect her but no more. I am very disappointed in this years SO-tho I keep watching it-hoping for some positive outcome!! I feel for the women as I feel they are not getting the help that they need!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by rsmith6861 on 11-27-05 at 05:18 AM
>I totally agree-you can see the
>anger on her face...so something
>is going on!! Menopause???? I
>used to really like her
>and respect her but no
>more. I am very disappointed
>in this years SO-tho I
>keep watching it-hoping for some
>positive outcome!! I feel for
>the women as I feel
>they are not getting the
>help that they need!

I'm not a Rhonda butt kisser, but I've been through stuff and finally sought out counseling several years ago. I was in what's called the luby's masacre back in 1991 in Killeen Texas. I also am a Nam vet back in 1972, a veteran of the woman's army corps. Rhonda's specialty is dealing with fear, addressing it and getting past it. In Lisa's case, fear dominates her. Lisa's whole life has been protected by parents who've never demanded anything from their "little girl". She's never had to earn a living, never had to fight to survive, she's never developed any of the coping skills we all take for granted. Any time she's failed doing anything, Mommy has always been there to pick up the pieces and baby her little girl telling her it's ok, that she'll always be taken care of. Some of you have posted that Rhonda's been too hard.. but she can't embrace her and reassure her and let her know things will be ok... telling this to Lisa would only enable her to continue existing the way she has done for 40 years. Rhonda's method of dealing with Lisa has been with hard love. It's working! Yes, it seems harsh, heartless, etc. But the important thing to see is that Lisa seems to be getting it! Lisa is also the type of person who fears anyone who MAKES HER COMPLETE a project. This demand is new to her. No one has made her do this before.. and remember, Lisa is a 40 year old child!
As for TJ, Rhonda has been responsible with her as well. From what I've seen, TJ has problems that are beyond Rhonda's expertise which is why she's had Dr. what's his name work with TJ instead of Rhonda or Iv.
Now the one situation I'm not getting is Iv and Christine. I think that little kniver has buffaloo'd the entire SO staff. That little 20 year old has learned to con anyone in her path and from what I've seen, the SO staff is just another group on her list of "I screwed you too's". I don't think Rhonda, Iv or anyone has broken through her yet and I'm not sure the SO staff has enough knowledge to deal with her.


"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by dmanley on 11-22-05 at 10:57 PM
Speaking of Rhonda's favorites.......Andy, Andy, Andy. I thought if I had to see her one more time. Ugh!
There is a constant halo over Jessica's head and poor, poor TJ. She seems to be the most honest and down to earth of them all. I don't think TJ has a problem connecting. She sees things as they are from the get go and is honest enough to say so.
Maybe learning to fake would be more appropriate for Rhon-duh. Monkey see, monkey do.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Pricilla on 12-05-05 at 06:25 AM
Do you all remember Karen from 1st season.... (Oh and Theresa) Oh my god she was just abused by Rhonda. Hopefully she is doing Great. She learned by, Wow, the assignments she had would have been Totally unobtainable by these girls on the show now. The Ladies on Season 1 where impressive and learned. They were coached. (With the exception of MyAnza and Cassie). LOL. All in All, they had results. I loved Karen, she was slammed for sewing clothing for dancers, remember? And now we have a little prostitute?????? I don't get it. Oh well, maybe this will be the last season. I give up.

Merry Christmas to all,

Love All you out there

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Pricilla on 12-05-05 at 06:30 AM
>Do you all remember Karen from
>1st season.... (Oh and
>Theresa) Oh my god she
>was just abused by Rhonda.
> Hopefully she is doing
>Great. She learned by,
>Wow, the assignments she had
>would have been Totally unobtainable
>by these girls on the
>show now. The Ladies
>on Season 1 where impressive
>and learned. They were
>coached. (With the exception
>of MyAnza and Cassie).
>LOL. All in All,
>they had results. I
>loved Karen, she was slammed
>for sewing clothing for dancers,
>remember? And now we
>have a little prostitute??????
>I don't get it.
>Oh well, maybe this will
>be the last season.
>I give up.
>
>Merry Christmas to all,
>
>Love All you out there


P.S.

Rana was MyAnZa (Just a joke from the old days, it is Nyanza) and Cassie's Life coach.....LOL

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Snowflake1988 on 11-23-05 at 07:23 PM
Beebop123, I am so thankful for your post right now. I am livid and so furious that if I don't get this out I will just scream. I also joined Rhonda's website, like really joined at the rate of $25 a month.I didn't just join with a free membership to read the boards. I was well aware of the issue with the "crap" post. When they pulled that thread from the boards, I knew it wasn't because of the word "crap". It was because posters were expressing some negative stuff regarding Rhonda and the way she handled Lisa. After it was pulled , another thread was started without the word "crap", but posters started saying the same stuff. The thread was pulled again. I was furious because Rhonda is not so precious that she needs to have a protector from the real world. I cancelled my membership and send a scathing letter to the Fearless Living Institute. Beth, the big-shot over there claimed it was pulled because of the "swear" word, but refused to comment about the second thread being pulled. Now of course it was a-OK to talk about blow jobs and sexual abuse of babies, but don't ever say a bad word about the head priestess...Rhonda. Now, today there was another thread started about Lisa and people are a bit ticked off to say the least. Low and behold!!, there is a big post in big bold black letters by the FLI moderator saying that we can't talk about the houseguests or "bash" them. We must not speak about the fact that we "disagree" or don't like a HG behavior. We can only say what positive thing we got out of an episode or an exercise. Well, it is tough to find something positive about Lisa since she has never completed an exercise!!!! The rules were changed for her to get a "D", but not for anyone else. The mod. said we must be "tasteful". I must tastefullly submit that Rhonda and her crew are some kind of cult. I refuse to be brainwashed and programmed to say only what they want to hear. Rhonda can do no wrong, and I refuse to kiss anyone's butt because Rhonda is just as crazy as the rest of them. If I was Lisa, I would have sued the "crap" out of SO whether I signed a contract or not. OK, I feel so much better now. Did I mention I was furious???????????
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by barbed on 11-22-05 at 11:30 AM
Lisa did not have to sell 25 necklaces in one hour. She was instructed not to come back with any. She, therefore, should have given them away.

Lisa is too unbalanced to be in the house at the present.

I am not familiar with the ethics of life coaching so I cannot say whether Rhonda was unethical. She knows a great deal more about psychology than I do. I'll leave it at that.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by shayshay1 on 11-22-05 at 05:41 PM
>Lisa did not have to sell
>25 necklaces in one hour.
> She was instructed not
>to come back with any.
> She, therefore, should have
>given them away.
>
>Lisa is too unbalanced to be
>in the house at the
>present.
>
>I am not familiar with the
>ethics of life coaching so
>I cannot say whether Rhonda
>was unethical. She knows
>a great deal more about
>psychology than I do.
>I'll leave it at that.
>
Rhonda can know as much psychology as she wants, but she is not a licensed therapist or psychologist, these women are not patients , yes she is very unethical.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 01:42 AM
I know Rhonda told her to not come back with any but I have a gut feeling that if Lisa had of given them away, that Rhonda would have found fault with that logic and gone balistic on her anyway. Just like the forgiveness letter. She gave the option of mailing or burning... Lisa burned hers... so that makes her wrong and "not getting it". Rhonda gave her the friggin' choice!!!! I am so mad I could spit!!! Lisa is childlike and very literal. She only sees black and white and her logical thinking is skewed at best. Get another method of trying to get the point across. They have certainly done that for others. I can't believe they do not have a plan B for these ladies. What makes them think that IV and Rhonda's method number 1 for a lesson is the best one... if rolling in mud doesn't work... lets roll in something else until you get it!!! This is not rocket science!!! I give Rhonda a D
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by atzd on 11-28-05 at 09:34 AM
Right on! I think the life coaches are vague sometimes on purpose, so if they need to throw in some drama that day, they can always play the cards the way they want them. You come back with necklaces, bad! You gave them away, you were supposed to sell them!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by barbed on 12-04-05 at 04:45 PM
OFCOL, you see several minutes of a conversation that likely went on for some time and make a snap judgment.
This is entertainment before it is anything else and the editing makes or breaks the show.
The bottom line is that Rhonda's method worked and Lisa with her aggravating whining, snivelling and crying is still on the show.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by carolynl on 11-22-05 at 12:41 PM
You are so correct in your assessment of Rhonda's treatment of Lisa. I have never been a Lisa advocate, but I believe that Rhonda totally set her up for failure. She sat around dictating to her, somewhat like she claims her parents did. To me she treated her like a child and was entirely mean (i.e. ordering 25 extra necklaces when the woman was already sleep deprived). However, she should have been able to see early on that the jewelry idea was not working for her. The whole business thing to me conflicts with Lisa's personality. If she do ever go into sales of some kind I totally see her as a real estate agent (if she can conqueor the being on time thing) or a travel consultant. To me Lisa is a people person. Can can be so charming at times and I see in a capacity that wouldn't restrict her, but allow that charm to shine through. I actually thought she did an excellent job with the last minute dinner assignment that Rhonda through on her. If given the time she might even excel at an event planner (as long as she had a good team of people that she can delegate duties).

Lastly, have you noticed that all of the house guest that have been kicked out of the house have been under Rhonda. Iyanla, while she also uses tough tactics, she always find a way to bring out the best in her people and they seem of take away valuable lessons from her harsh treatment.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 01:46 AM
I hear you loud and clear. Have you also noticed how often IV holds and hugs and nurtures her ladies? It goes a long way... Can you imagine how Christina would be handled if she was under Rhonda? That child would have left weeks ago!!! I have also noticed that IV doesn't mind getting dirty... she will dig into the clay, slop the rotting trash around to make her point and make the girls get their points...but never have I seen Rhonda get her hands dirty. Just an observation or two.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Cyahd on 11-22-05 at 12:46 PM
The one thing I am dying to know with Rhondas coaching of Lisa......if Lisa had "given" the necklaces away....and mind you that thought NEVER would have crossed my mind that would scare me more than coming back with necklaces.......who is to say Rhonda wouldn't have told her that was wrong that is not how you run a business that is not how you make money?!!!!!! Just curious is all.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Zhenya32 on 11-22-05 at 08:09 PM
My point EXACTLY!!! Well said...

I think the coaches are inconsistent with so many things this season.

At some times house guests get yelled at for not asking help when they are have trouble with assignments - that they are trying to be too independent and do things on their own.

At other times they ask for help and are yelled at because they are trying to take the easy way out, take shortcuts, or are cheating or being lazy by trying to get out of their work.

Same thing with the necklace assignment - to be yelled at for not completing impossible assignment or to be yelled at for cheating on impossible assignment, that is the question!

By being completely unpredictable the coaches tear down any ability the houseguests have to assess a problem and come up with a reasonable solution - to trust themselves. I know that part of the process is to trust the coaches, even when you don't understand an assignment and that is good within reason. And sometimes the solutions HGs come up with will be completely unreasonable and that is what the coaches are there for - to help them get a more realistic perspective. But to yell at Lisa for not giving merchandise away when she is supposed to be learning business skills is completely unproductive...and tears her down so that she is even less able to trust in herself, her judgment, and her own abilities.

It also makes Rhonda's future assignments meaningless, because Lisa is so confused she can't pick the good advice/constructive criticism from the pointless stuff.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 01:49 AM
I had posted that same thought. Lisa was set up to fail no matter what happened to the necklaces. If she sold them... she wouldn't have gotten enough money for them or she didn't approach the people correctly ...in an adult manner ... something would have been wrong. And if she gave them away...RV would have blown her out of the water... I can hear RV now...screaming at Lisa...how could you be so stupid...how can you run a business like that... like I said... she was doomed from the moment she left the door of SO that day!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by rsmith6861 on 11-27-05 at 05:33 AM
>The one thing I am dying
>to know with Rhondas coaching
>of Lisa......if Lisa had "given"
>the necklaces away....and mind you
>that thought NEVER would have
>crossed my mind that would
>scare me more than coming
>back with necklaces.......who is to
>say Rhonda wouldn't have told
>her that was wrong that
>is not how you run
>a business that is not
>how you make money?!!!!!!
>Just curious is all.


If Lisa had even gone and thrown the necklaces away, as long as she had the GUTS to justify her decision, Rhonda would have been fine with it. The whole purpose of that exercise was not to teach Lisa how to make and sell necklaces, it was to see how far she could be pushed before Lisa came back fighting... Lisa never did! She knew as soon as Rhonda placed her order for 25 necklaces that it was impossible to achieve. Rhonda kept waiting for Lisa to speak out and tell her she couldn't do it, but Lisa never had the guts. Rhonda's final instructions to Lisa were.. Go out and sell the necklaces and do not come back with them. This did not mean, "Sell every one of them and don't come back until you do", it meant.. go out, sell as many as you can and get rid of the rest of them... do whatever, just don't come back with them. With those instructions, Lisa could have thrown them away and could have easily justified that decision by quoting Rhonda's instructions back to her. Rhonda couldn't have said anything negative for Lisa would have followed instructions. Again.. this was about backbone and following instructions. It was really quite simple, Lisa made it more complicated than it was.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by ampsmomma on 11-22-05 at 01:04 PM
Thank you thank you thank you.... Rhonda is a shame to the word Life Coach. But she does what she is paid to do... act and keep the drama hot.

Notice how she kicks out all her HGs that are failing... they fail because she fails. If she doesn't kick them out, she sends them home probably worse off then they already were.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Cherie on 11-22-05 at 05:02 PM
I think your way off base. Rhonda has had enough of Lisa's crying her way out of things. Her parents are gone so she doesn't have to keep acting like a 3 year old. She shouldn't have been invited to the house in the first place. She is a grown women still having "cocktail conversations" she plays everything off and is not serious about her life. When asked by Rhonda what is she willing to change to stay in the house, her freaking answer was "I don't Know". That's her problem, she doesn't know anything!!!!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Abbeynormal on 11-22-05 at 08:06 PM
I have to agree with ya Cherie. I don't think that Rhonda was setting her up to fail. I do think she belongs and can be helped though. I just think they underestimated how little she knows about self survival and business in general. She can certainly end up getting and keeping a job that she enjoys and I hope they figure out how to help her get there. To fail now would be devastating for her.
As someone who had to figure out how to make by age 13 it is hard to relate to her but I think a lot of women out there can relate and might see hope in her survival after all.
Guess they could not find a safe way to put her in a homeless shelter for a few nights. Now that would wake her up.
I do think Rhonda is way off with TJ though. It is hard to stay tuned when it is getting so depressing on that front.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Nann on 11-23-05 at 02:49 PM
Should only emotionally healthy people be asked to the Starting Over House? I think they pick the women for how universal their problems are, so that the audience can learn something beneficial to aid their own lives. Their are a lot of grown people still dependent on parents in some way. It may be living in close proximity and depending on parents to babysit. There are a lot of drug addicts, who have given their own children over to a grandmother to raise! If Lisa is having difficulty it shows how very entrenched she is in her co-dependent relationship with her parents. It will take a huge effort by the coaches and the SO House to turn her around. I'm glad that the other women, and the Life Coaches had compassion for Lisa and can see a potential to change for the better.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by dylnn on 12-05-05 at 07:24 AM
There is one aspect of the ladies that I find troubling. They each have their strengths and weaknesses, but it seems that they do not use their strengths to help each other out. Like the song goes, "Lean on me when you're not strong. I'll lend a hand, I'll help you carry on." They all know when the other is spiraling down, but they don't seem to reach out to each other. I know from experience, the worst thing you can do when someone is at their worst is to abandon them. That is when they need support more than ever! Yes, it is hard to love the unlovable. If they can't "rise above" and lend and receive support, how are they going to make it on the outside.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Followup"
Posted by Zhenya32 on 11-22-05 at 07:23 PM
Hey everyone--thanks for your responses, I think it is really interesting. After today's episode (obviously, I didn't stop watching SO yet!) I have to say my attitude toward Rhonda has softened a bit in that they didn't throw Lisa out. I think that would have absolutely destroyed her, and I'm glad that Rhonda & the other house guests picked up on it.

I still think often that Rhonda & Iyanla put so much energy into coming up with a creative, visual or in some other way cutesy assignment that they miss the issues their coachee is working on. I absolutely agree with someone that said Lisa should do Real Estate school or something like that. Looking at something immediately she would be a great sales person at some high fashion boutique or a hostess at a 4 or 5 star restaurant. But it sounds like she did really well in school and skated right through college, and if she could stick to some training, she could probably find something professional to do. That is what Rhonda should focus on.

I agree that TJ seems to be getting the short end of the stick. I trust her more than anyone else in the house--well, maybe except Jill. She is trying, even though she doesn't always get it. I think Allison and she have been terrible accountability partners. Allison seems very cold toward TJ--no empathy or compassion, and just gets annoyed with her instead of dealing with things. Rhonda & IV knew that they did not get along with each other which is why they made them partners, but then it seems like they have not followed through on checking up on them or teaching them what a good accountability partner would do.

I also think Jessica needs to be pushed more. What has she done the last week or so? It is very easy for her to be critical of the other houseguests and their struggles, when she is not having to look at her own issues. I'm not talking about the grieving stuff, which I think is legitimate, but it seems to me that the backbiting (wasn't TJ her best friend two weeks ago?)and cattiness might have something to do with the poor relationships with her sisters in her own family.

I think the show would be way more interesting if the coaches paid more attention to the dynamics happening in the house OUTSIDE their assignments - how the ladies are treating each other and interacting. They look at each one individually, but not at the group dynamic (unless they are trying to create some specific experience).

Keep writing - I love it!

p.s. So, was that couple fighting in the restaurant a completely random thing or what? Rhonda only seemed to focus on it because of TJ going up to them directly. What if she hadn't done that? What was the point supposed to be and what were they supposed to get out of it? It seemed incomplete to me...

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Followup"
Posted by Nann on 11-22-05 at 11:11 PM
Zhenya, you have good ideas for some potential jobs for Lisa. Why in the world is Rhonda not thinking along the same lines? Didn't they have a Career Specialist come to advise Josie and give her Career Interest Tests? Then, Josie chose or recalled how much she liked to work with animals? Then, they had Josie working with an elephant as a caretaker -- and she really loved it, she really glowed, it made her day? She said, "This is what I want to do." ???

Why in the world all the "Punishment as Coaching" for Lisa? Is Lisa being Punished for having indulgent upper income parents? I think Rhonda must know that is called "Co-Dependency". Lisa's mother said directly to the camera, "This is really hard for us." When Lisa bought them lunch at "The Stand" with her own money and said, "Because this is all I can afford." The mother said, "This is really hard for us, because we always pay." Meaning, it was discomfort for them NOT to pay for Lisa.

Co-dependency, Co-dependecy, Co-dependency.

And to continue doing that to an adult child, is a vampirish way to behave towards your daughter, because the parents are getting something out of it, some reward, (as Dr. Phil would say), or they would not do it. They are getting something out of keeping their own daughter weak and dependent.

Guess what the result is for Lisa? She has been robbed of her adult life. It is not kind. Lisa has no career. She hasn't fallen in love. She has no family of her own, no children. Does she have a pet? Lisa stated she bought no furniture -- her parents gave her all her furniture, it came from their house. Lisa said she never bought a pot and that she doesn't cook. It's an incredible story, but I guess it's true.

Why isn't Rhonda investigating THOSE deeper things with Lisa, rather than being SO invested in Shaming her? I will not want to see anymore Shame tactics in Rhonda's coaching or, Lisa would be better off going home and calling Dr. Phil, instead!

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Followup"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 01:56 AM
The only thing I got out of the couple arguing was basicially to see how the ladies reacted to the drama in such close proximity. Of course TJ had to intervene. I would have said in loud enough terms to be quiet (thats just the way I am) I wouldn't have gone over to them. But I can't help but question why the ladies didn't get an idea that this may be a set up... how often are they allowed out of the house for a meal unless something is up??? Did the waffles smell THAT good that it overtook their thinking??? I don't get it.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Accents on 11-22-05 at 07:34 PM
I agree with everything you said here but too ok yes the jewelry making was not the thing for her to do that was just to hard for her she needed to be put on the street corner to start off with the basic as little girls and boys do with the lemonande stand ok she started her to high ok she doesnt even know the basic skill of life as begin and adult she depends on her parents for too much so start her off slow ok and too she talks like an adult but acts like and child. Yes too the coaches they are truly unreasonable with these girls ok they need to be harder on some and a bit light on some but they are doing it backwards here ok. They truly are not thinking here they are out for the show here RHONDA is very unreasonable with TJ and too leanlly on JESSICA and Iyanla she has and point to proof here or what with what she is doing come on coaching ALLISON she needs to push her to no ends and help her to get and grip on life here she is a surviver and enjoy the life you have been given and lets just live not come on how many people die from cancers here and you made it live my dear live.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 02:00 AM
I think with Allison, IV and Rhonda both are out of their league. This girl has so many emotional scars from before her cancer diagnosis and then to add the trauma of mutilation to her body, to rob her of her ability to bear children. She is an emotional wreck. She needs MAJOR psycho counseling ... not a rotten refrig in a moo moo and kerchief. She doesn't need to feel like crap on the outside and the inside. IV needs to step aside and realize this one is too much for daytime tv. Allison deserves better than that!!!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by poetic1 on 11-22-05 at 08:08 PM
>Is anyone else as disgusted with
>Rhonda as a coach as
>I am?
>
>It seems like a lot of
>posters here are thrilled to
>see Lisa go, and that's
>fine, but I think Rhonda
>completely sabotaged her and set
>her up for failure.
>
>Rhonda cannot admit when an assignment
>is not working and move
>on -- the jewelry thing
>was NOT clicking for Lisa.
>TRY SOMETHING ELSE. At the
>very least, she could have
>had someone give Lisa some
>training about making jewelry before
>setting her up on a
>task that she was going
>to have to work on
>for 2 weeks - business
>plan, sales, taking it to
>boutiques.
>
>And who WOULDN'T be completely overwhelmed
>by having to sell 25
>necklaces in an hour and
>a half. And I totally
>knew where Rhonda was going
>when she said "Don't come
>back with any" but give
>me a break -- they
>were supposed to be getting
>Lisa ready for working in
>the real world; what boss
>would be okay with a
>salesman who said "Oh, I
>couldn't sell any, so I
>gave them all away." And
>yet Lisa gets in trouble
>for it! Talk about taking
>shortcuts...what kind of work ethic
>is that?
>
>FINALLY - Lisa's main problem with
>all of her assignments was
>when she got so stressed
>out and overwhelmed she couldn't
>think, work, or communicate --
>maybe they weren't actual panic
>attacks, but they completely broke
>down her ability to function.
>If Lisa had been able
>to use all the hours
>she spent making those stupid
>necklaces to work on dealing
>with her panic problem --
>if Rhonda had even tried
>to give her a few
>tools to talk herself down
>when she got that way
>-- maybe she would actually
>have had some success.
>
>Instead, they have used her up
>and thrown her out, and
>she is going to be
>an absolute mess when she
>goes home -- worse than
>she was before coming to
>the SO house in the
>first place. What a great
>way to completely destroy someone.
>
>
>Rhonda and Iyanla should take some
>responsibility for the negative outcome
>of their assignments. I am
>so fed up with them
>and the show -- the
>absolute lack of concern for
>the well-being of their clients
>-- I almost feel like
>it is wrong to even
>support it by watching it
>anymore.
>
>What do you think?


I'll have to agree here. I've found more camera coaching than human coaching this season.
In the beginning, it seemed this show was more about helping the ladies than helping the ratings.
I've read some of Rhonda's books and I've really admired her and even desired her help. But I have to say that she really pushed it with Lisa without seeming to really look at what might be going on with her under the surface.
It also seemed to me that every time Rhonda had a meeting with Lisa it was approached with hostility on Rhonda's part, rather that with love.
As a coach, shouldn't she assume more of a role of support, rather than judgement?
Being in a similar situation in life as is Lisa, I would imagine she faces judgement every day in "real" life - meaning that judgement from Rhonda wasn't what Lisa needed.
I feel that Rhonda pushed the line with Lisa on the jewelry thing - seemed more like a demand that she knew Lisa couldn't reach than an assignment that would help Lisa have a breakthrough.
And even right from the beginning it seemed like it was "humiliate Lisa for ratings" rather than help her -
What about that deal of making Lisa go out in LA in a diaper and baby suit!?! Did pampered, manipulative, ratings-getter little Allison have to go out in LA in her mumu!?!
I'm sure Lisa already feels like a baby and hates that feeling, so that initial assignment with the baby dress in public was NOT something that I saw as helpful for her.
I feel that Lisa was set-up to fail for the drama of the camera.
Rhonda, don't you realize this could be detrimental for a human being even though it might help you gain another emmy? Aren't you a Life Coach?

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Zhenya32 on 11-22-05 at 08:13 PM
Very true. Also, half the time when Rhonda has been "mad" at Lisa and chastising her, or stomping around the house because she can't find her, it is totally obvious that Rhonda is hamming it up and it seems completely fake.

I know I'm coming down hard on Rhonda here, but she just got to me this week.

I definitely have issues with Iyanla too. Someone somewhere on this site referred to her as the "high-priestess" which totally cracked me up. It is too true, though. She should write her own Bible, because she obviously believes she has The Truth.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by poetic1 on 11-22-05 at 11:51 PM
LAST EDITED ON 11-23-05 AT 00:23 AM (EST)


"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by nitengale166 on 11-24-05 at 02:05 AM
I agree with most of your post... I was shocked at the angry outburst Rhonda had because she waited on the corner for Lisa. Screaming at her had to be for the benefit of the camera certainly not to get a point to Lisa. I think this was another time when Lisa couldn't have won if she tried. She didn't show up so she called and she was still busted. If she hadn't of called Rhonda would have blown up as well. I think the mix of Rhonda and Lisa is like oil and water... I think they should shift the coaches a little so that the ladies can get the absolute best care and training for their sacrifice to leave home, family, career... what ever... to better handle life's challenges.(Including a maniacal coach!!!)
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by rkidsmom on 11-22-05 at 11:33 PM
I used to agree with that thinking, but now I am convinced this is just the drama leading up to the solutions to everyone's problems. It always look darkest before the dawn. I am guessing this because any other time, they would have asked Lisa to leave. I am sure there is going to be a breakthrough in the next week or so and she will end up graduating. Same with the others. Except maybe Allison.....what a whiner!!!! It will be interesting to see.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by jaymcee on 11-23-05 at 00:19 AM
What do I think? You asked right? And since you asked that doesn't mean I am attacking you, right? What do i think, you ask? I think you need prozac. That's what I think. But you asked. And i'm entitled to my opinion since you asked, right Beeeeeebbbbbboooo, help! Please don't ban me. I need this forum. Bebo, I'm going to bed and promise to be nicer tomorrow. Please don't ban me!
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by jaymcee on 11-23-05 at 00:21 AM
And besides that, I'm trying to increase my 'desparate whore rating.' I only havce 90 something posts, but i'm sure i can obtain more. Bebo.... (crying crocodile tears ala Lisa) please give more chances. I'm sorry.
"WARNING - jaymcee"
Posted by Bebo on 11-23-05 at 08:35 AM
If you knew you were posting something you shouldn't, why did you post it? Please take some responsibility for yourself and show some consideration for the moderators here by not wasting our time.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by sgrhill28 on 11-23-05 at 00:37 AM
I do agree that Rhonda has "lost it" for lack of a better term. However I totally get what she is trying to get Lisa to learn. I am sooooooo tired of watching Lisa go in these circles. She is just lazy. Acts likes she wants change, doesn't complete an assignment, cries and acts like a helpless individual and is given another chance. Lisa is quick to say, I dont know what to do. It makes me wonder if she just bought her degree. I cant imagine crying to a college professor got her a degree. That takes works. What happened to her? She speaks the words but there is no action there. She has no true desire to changes because she is not doing anything differently. Some people just have to hit rock bottom before they get the lesson. I see no ambition in her. She told Rhonda that she was creative and worksed well with people. Selling jewelry requires those skills. If she didn't like the jewelry making then she have taken the initiative and used her creativity to come up with a business that she felt she could excel in. She needs to take responsibility for her own life. Lisa just needed to learn the lesson and then apply it to whatever business she wants to. I wish the viewers had a vote after the Board of Review. Get Lisa off. Send her home.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by AshLanie on 11-23-05 at 07:22 AM
So in order for her to learn her lesson she gets a private room, a private bath and can do what she wishes within said space without a roommate to complain. She is getting free room and board. And all she has to do is type a message to Rhonda each day to stay in.

Pretty nice set up for getting a D...


She was sent to a private room for a time out. chuckling

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by smackermack on 11-23-05 at 05:07 PM
And doesn't that also give Queen Allison a private room too???

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by AshLanie on 11-23-05 at 05:39 PM
>And doesn't that also give Queen
>Allison a private room too???
>

Oh yeah.....forgot bout her and ahving her own room now.

Well now she doesn't have to share her *throne* (the toilet).


"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by rsmith6861 on 11-27-05 at 05:55 AM
>So in order for her to
>learn her lesson she gets
>a private room, a private
>bath and can do what
>she wishes within said space
>without a roommate to complain.
>She is getting free room
>and board. And all
>she has to do is
>type a message to Rhonda
>each day to stay in.
>
>
>Pretty nice set up for getting
>a D...
>
>
>She was sent to a private
>room for a time out.
> chuckling


Again, I disagree with your post. Lisa's name was removed from the door which means she no longer "belongs" to the SO house. She's no longer a resident, she's a guest. All the pictures she had up, are now no longer allowed to be out. She's had to pack up any of her items from home which made her feel like she was at home. Instead, she must live out of her suitcase. Lisa is no longer certain whether or not she'll be allowed to remain in the SO house the next day. Each night, she has to go through a board of review to determine if she'll be allowed one more day in the SO house. Living out of suitcases, in the guest room is no easy ride. She must earn each day and each day, her assignments will get harder and harder. This is no free ride/free lunch situation for her. Psychologically, Lisa has been stripped down to the bare nothing which is exactly what needed to happen to her.
I do understand how she made it through college. Think about it.. everything you do in college is spoon fed. Every day when you leave to go home, you know exactly what you're to study or complete. You don't have to make very many decisions in college.. it's very structured. This is why some graduates who've never held jobs in their teen years have such a hard time in the first few years of employment. They've either never had to make choices, or if they made the wrong choice, mom and dad were always near by to bail them out. Now, they are in the work force. They're working for employers who expect them to make the right choices and when they don't, the employers know they can always find other applicants who can make the right choice. Lisa would have a hell of a hard time in the work force. She's never learned to make any choice of any kind.

"I AGREE WITH YOU -- Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Tarrarosa on 11-23-05 at 06:30 PM
I definitely agree with you, Zhenya32, that Rhonda and Iyanla can be unethical.

I think Iyanla WAS TOTALLY UNETHICAL the way she treated Allison today ..... by screaming in her face. I would NEVER want to go to a counselor like Iyanla. She (Iyanla & sometimes Rhonda) needs to get some meds to calm her down.

I think that both counselors have gone overboard with their "tough love" way of counseling and need to stop it immediately. They need to be taught how to be good counselors. (

In today's Board of Review, Iyanla and Rhonda both get a D- .... they must pack their clothes and leave the Starting House immediately!!

And that's all I have to say about that.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by kathy87 on 11-23-05 at 08:21 PM
Lisa has sabotoged herself, she hasn't succeeded at any task very well, She is NEVER on time, how did she graduate from college? She has no follow through on anything!! She needs to go, she isn't ready to grow up! Neither she nor TJ are making much headway.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by AshLanie on 11-24-05 at 07:22 AM
>Lisa has sabotoged herself, she hasn't
>succeeded at any task very
>well, She is NEVER on
>time, how did she graduate
>from college? She has no
>follow through on anything!! She
>needs to go, she isn't
>ready to grow up! Neither
>she nor TJ are making
>much headway.

According to her Dad, when they were visiting, Lisa lost motivation aftet she graduated from college.

How convient.


I am sure all her college expeneses were paid for and probally why she did gradute-parents had that has a requirement.

But to give her her own private room and bath and allow her to roam the rest of the house is, to me anyhow, a reward. And she still has the S.O. providing her food etc also. Nice set up for getting a D.

That'll teach her not to get a D again.....chuckling.


"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Sali on 11-25-05 at 01:29 PM
I have watched SO since the inception. I find that there has been a change in Rhonda, almost an underlying anger. These poor people can be set up so that no matter how they respond, fault can be found. I was thinking perhaps there was a reason for this. If there is......what is it. I agree that Lisa's fate in the last assignment was bound to fail and was also thinking that the jewelry thing wouldn't work. What did Lisa major in in college, and wouldn't that be a place to start??
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by jaymcee on 11-25-05 at 10:03 PM
Today I agree with you. I'm disgusted with the whole bunch. Please forgive for prozac comment.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Hotgurl1805 on 11-26-05 at 02:46 PM
Rhonda has helped lots of women in the SO house. She hasn't given up on Lisa this far. When things get tough for lisa, lisa gives up you can't help someone who won't help themselves. Lisa has been given more chances then anyone else in the history of SO. I think it was a great idea to make lisa a guest in the starting over house. The problem is not Rhonda its lisa. Lisa needs to learn not to give up on herself and ask for help when she needs it. Until she does no one will be able to help her.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by snobunnie12342000 on 11-26-05 at 06:30 PM
I think it takes a certain amount of strength from within in order to really start over and change your life. Its not always pretty or easy. Although it may seem like they are being harsh at times you also need to remember that its not helpful to go to easy on people and sometimes you need to face difficult challenges in order to overcome. I know I would feel better in the long run with my coach if they appeared to be hard on me then if they gave in to my every little wimper. Just my two cents here.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by rsmith6861 on 11-27-05 at 04:40 AM
The whole point of Lisa's assignment with the jewelry had nothing to do with making jewelry, selling it or anything like that. The purpose of the assignment was to teach Lisa a few things.. 1) to learn to complete things she starts. 2) to get a backbone and say "no" when expectations were higher than she was capable of doing, and 3) To learn to fight to survive. Lisa has no spine at all, she's learned that if she Bullshits her environment, she doesn't have to complete anything cuz mom and dad will always be there to support her. She has also learned that if things get too tough she can always quit, again cuz mom and daddy will be there to support her so why continue on when things get tough. Yes, to the normal thinking person, Rhonda set Lisa up to fail... but Rhonda did it hoping Lisa would tell Rhonda when she put in her order for 25 more necklaces, "I can't do it!" But Lisa didn't say diddly squat...so, in my opinion, it wasn't Rhonda who set Lisa up to fail, Lisa did it to herself.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by ElenaNY on 11-27-05 at 11:04 AM
I doubt Rhonda has a nasty bone in her body. If Rhonda was trying to sabotage Lisa's stay in the house she would not have given her another chance by sending her to the guest room. Rhonda is showing Lisa 'tough love' and that is what Lisa needs because she does not respond to anything else.

Rhonda did not give Lisa the assignment to fail she gave it to her to teach her she must follow through with her commitments whether she likes them or not. I will also have to state that Rhonda is a role model for many women and men in the U.S., UK, and Australia. She would not appear on national TV and verbally abuse someone or intentionally hurt or sabotage anyone.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by anjelfire on 11-27-05 at 09:57 PM
i disagree. i love rhonda. i think she is a completely ethical, sincere, helpful, empowering, and constructive life coach.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by AshLanie on 11-28-05 at 07:06 AM
>i disagree. i love rhonda. i
>think she is a completely
>ethical, sincere, helpful, empowering, and
>constructive life coach.

If this was season't ones format I would ahve aggreed with you but I feel the ONLY reason Lisa is still in the house is NOT because of rhonda but for the drama she causes.

Season one, four of these five ladies would ahve been gone by now and not by graduating....they would ahve been kicked out.

This show is all about drama and these *professionals* are going along with the said drama.

Who actualy believes there was a break in last season? There wasn't yet Rhonda, on one of thsoe tour thingys they ahd, bad mouthed Sommer (How adult of Rhonda, a true professional would ahve kpet her mouth shut) and said we would know the true story of the break in by end of season two. Did we? Nope but Rhonda was smart in that she used her marketing degree to get alot of us to continue watching when a lot of the vewers had stopped watching or threaten to, myself being one.

Who actually believes these ladies are as bad off as the show is protraying them? Who actually believes that the LC's ahve no say in the editing?

(Remember: This is Rhonda's show, it is based on the one she had (or might still have) in England call: Help Me, Rhonda!. These so called professional have a lot to say in how the editing will be done....well, atleast Rhonda does. Could be why Dr. Stan is not being shown as much, he asked not to be.


Screamig, threatening, time outs, punush room, holding some accountable while others can say and do what they wish, not completing assignments, vicious gossip runs amok, drinking issues not being addressed, etc tc etc are all for ratings....these LC's are not there to help anymore but are there for exposure to furhter their careers.

Both LC's were (and imho still are) on the D list for coaches. Why do you think they moved to CA? Two reasons: Exposure of themselves and cause Chicago decided, in their wise wisdom, to inbestigate the ethical portion of Rhonda and editing. Hollywood and its surrounding areas has no ethics, no boundaries, and the area/s thrives on drama.


Season three is a bogus season.......The LC's ahve lsot al persepctive of why they are there......what professional continusously threathens a client, screams at them, has them sit in a box outside in the middle of a CA summer, ignores a drinking poblem, would allow the ladies (if the professional does group sessions) to viciously gossip about one another, etc etc etc.

The above and more can only happen on tv....where fanstasy, drama, and ratings take over and ethics etc go to the wayside.

I watch the show now for its entertainmant value.....where else can some one watch a soap opera/Springer/Povich shows all rolled in to one?


"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by ElenaNY on 11-28-05 at 07:54 AM


I disagree, Lisa is still in the house because she was given another chance. Tess caused a lot of drama as well and she was kicked out of the house. The LCs are not involved in this program because of the drama. They are certified life coaches who have dedicated their lives to changing others. Both Rhonda and Iyanla have both experienced trauma in their lives and they have both overcome their fears and are teaching others how to do.


Did you hear Rhonda bad mouth Sommer or did you find this our word of mouth? No one should believe all the rumours spreading around. Maybe someone heard Rhonda say something they did not want to hear and twisted her words about. Rhonda is an intelligent adult and she is not going to bad mouth former house guests or people when she is teaching people how to think positively and look for the good in others. Its not Rhonda's fault there is drama in the house...of course if you place six women with completely different personalities and backgrounds in one house there will be without a doubt drama.

These women are not bad people. They are not portrayed as being bad women. They are there for a purpose and of course the LCs are going to break them down because in order to heal they must expose their vulnerabilities. Healing is a painful journey and it often requires tough love.

Maybe Dr. Stan has other clients or he is having family problems or something. No one knows why he is not on the show as much. It does not always have everything to do with Rhonda. We don't know what goes on behind the scenes and maybe Rhonda does have something to do with editing. Also remember the show is not Rhonda's life and she does have other engagements. Her life does not revolve around sabotaging the housemates, the show, Iyanla or Dr. Stan.

How do you know that important issues such as Allison's drinking are not being addressed? Or will not be addressed in the future? No one knows that and its not kind to jump to assumptions.


Don't assume unless you know the truth.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by AshLanie on 12-05-05 at 07:18 AM
LAST EDITED ON 12-05-05 AT 07:37 AM (EST)

>
>
>
>I disagree, Lisa is still in
>the house because she was
>given another chance. Tess caused
>a lot of drama as
>well and she was kicked
>out of the house. The
>LCs are not involved in
>this program because of the
>drama. They are certified life
>coaches who have dedicated their
>lives to changing others. Both
>Rhonda and Iyanla have both
>experienced trauma in their lives
>and they have both overcome
>their fears and are teaching
>others how to do.
>
>
>Did you hear Rhonda bad mouth
>Sommer or did you find
>this our word of mouth?
>No one should believe all
>the rumours spreading around. Maybe
>someone heard Rhonda say something
>they did not want to
>hear and twisted her words
>about. Rhonda is an intelligent
>adult and she is not
>going to bad mouth former
>house guests or people when
>she is teaching people how
>to think positively and look
>for the good in others.
>Its not Rhonda's fault there
>is drama in the
>house...of course if you place
>six women with completely different
>personalities and backgrounds in one
>house there will be without
>a doubt drama.
>
>These women are not bad people.
>They are not portrayed as
>being bad women. They are
>there for a purpose and
>of course the LCs are
>going to break them down
>because in order to heal
>they must expose their vulnerabilities.
>Healing is a painful journey
>and it often requires tough
>love.
>
>Maybe Dr. Stan has other clients
>or he is having family
>problems or something. No one
>knows why he is not
>on the show as much.
>It does not always have
>everything to do with Rhonda.
>We don't know what goes
>on behind the scenes and
>maybe Rhonda does have something
>to do with editing. Also
>remember the show is not
>Rhonda's life and she does
>have other engagements. Her life
>does not revolve around sabotaging
>the housemates, the show, Iyanla
>or Dr. Stan.
>
>How do you know that important
>issues such as Allison's drinking
>are not being addressed? Or
>will not be addressed in
>the future? No one knows
>that and its not kind
>to jump to assumptions.
>
>
>Don't assume unless you know the
>truth.


Considering LC's are not regulated, anyone can say they are an LC without having to prove themselves. It takes a little bit of money and voila, I am an LC.


The following link might be interesting for some.....it is about LC vs therapy......


http://www.createyourvision.com/CoachingvsTherapy.htm


A quote from said link:

Coaching focuses on the present and the future, rather then the past. Coaches are primarily concerned with moving clients from their current state toward specific outcomes. Coaching is often more goal directed, particularly in the early stages of the process. I’ve had clients enter and say, “I want more income, better presentation skills, a promotion, more influence at work, life balance, better time management skills, improved relationships with my team, and an increase in their motivation.” The list goes on and on. I find that, although they reach these goals, clients discover that these goals hold less importance as they develop, release attachments, and change their priorities.


Seems, per this quote, that both Rhonda and IV are not practicing being an LC but rather being therapists.


Another link:

http://www.xyoutlook.com/cvstherapy.html

Quote:
Coaching does not focus on “why,” but “what now?”

It shifts problems into goals.
It looks forward, not analyzes the past

As for Rhonda bad mouthing Sommer, yes, a link was given last season (On the official Starting Over now defunct message board)to an interview Rhonda gave. It was all in print.


I agree, the ladies are not bad BUT they also can't, in the future, claim it was all in the editing. it sn't like these ladies have no idea about reality tv and editing etc.


Aaaaah, as for the drama going on, the gossiping, etc.....oh I totoally know it is Rhonda's and IV's fault that it has gone on this long. They see the tapes, they must, cause they ahve used some in the past to prove a point. So they know wxactly what is goig on BUT it makes for good drama if they let it be.

Hheheeheheh Dr. Stan probally made sure he isn't on the show as much. Why should he be? The LC's don't listen to his advice, they overcut his afvice to the ladies etc.

Good exampe: Season two, Cassie and Rhonda meet with Dr. Stan. The following question is asked of Dr. Stan: should Cassie continue to pursue seeing ehr son even though the both the Mom and son stated for Cassie to leave them along?......Dr. Stan said it was best NOT to pursue the matter at this time. Did Rhonda take his advice....NO.


Rhonda, in her first year of U.S. tv exposure (She ahd he own show in Engand: Help Me, Rhonda) was pretty good but still many coaches were an uproar about doing therapy not coaching...and each year it has pregressivley gotton worse.


Both the coaches have, what little fame they have recived from this show, go to their heads.......they both need a refresher course in how to be an LC cause every article I read, htey are not following the criterias of an LC.


"RE: Rhonda's constructive Coaching "
Posted by ElenaNY on 11-28-05 at 09:15 AM
LAST EDITED ON 11-28-05 AT 04:09 PM (EST)

A link to an interview with Rhonda.


http://www.todayscoach.com/2004/030104.html

"For me it's the only way to go, so that's what I train my coaches to do. Not to see people as problem solutions, but to see the person as a whole entity. They're not just something to fix, but something to be with and to honor. In that honoring, I will be guided with where to support the person next."-Rhonda Britten

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by vibraessentia on 11-28-05 at 03:04 PM
I totally agree. Rhonda's attitude has gotten very arrogant. Once Lisa was late for an appointment with Rhonda. Rhonda, was marching as towards her and confronting her in such a way that she may as well have been saying, " I'm the great Rhonnndaaaaa Britten, how dare you, you mere peasant, keep me waiting?"

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Linda989 on 11-28-05 at 06:40 PM
I think Rhonda has been a bad infulence from the start, you can tell she has her favs and the rest are of no use to her.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by CookieLvr on 12-05-05 at 00:42 AM
Could you imagine Rhonda taking such a harsh tone with PJ from Season 1?
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Linda989 on 11-28-05 at 06:41 PM
And keep that damn girl off with the baby,( I forget her name) she keeps coming back and crying it gets real old GROW UP, or is there a screct we should know about.
"Awesome Response"
Posted by Zhenya32 on 11-28-05 at 06:52 PM
Wow everybody, I was gone for the past 5 days for Thanksgiving, and completely shocked when I got back today to see that this thread was still going.

Thanks for all the discussion. I love it!

Now on to this week's topic...

"Awesome Response"
Posted by ElenaNY on 11-28-05 at 07:55 PM
LAST EDITED ON 11-28-05 AT 07:56 PM (EST)

You guys are on a real rampage to bash her aren't you. God forbid you listen to any positive comments because you are going to believe what you are going to believe.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by CookieLvr on 12-05-05 at 00:40 AM
When Lisa had to dress like a baby for a day AND go on a job interview was over the top. Could you see any of the first cast from Season 1 going along with that? I'm sure that Andi, Lori, Maureen, Nyanza or the rest of them would have walked out of the house if they had to do something as humiliating as that.
I also think that the original houseguests would have walked if the Rhonda would have used the tough, angry tone with them. She was much kinder in season one. I think the most embarassing assignment in Season 1 was when Rain had to wear a cape and be super woman. That seems like light years ago.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by SOfan0221 on 12-05-05 at 07:40 AM
She has done more for Lisa than TJ. TJ seems to be an after thought for Rhonda.

It is pretty obvious Jessica is her baby this session. Lisa should have been sent home when she didn't complete assignment number 2, let alone number 3 but Rhonda just couldn't give up on her.

Poor TJ, she may leave the house in worse shape than when she arrived. Rhonda acts as though giving TJ the time of day is way too much effort.

"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by Dayum Yankee on 12-05-05 at 07:22 PM
I've been wondering myself when TJ is going to get any one on one time with Rhonda or Dr. Stan; seems they have just let her go wondering around the house and let the others complain and gossip about her; even her so-called accountability partner just seems annoyed with her and I haven't noticed her even try to be her friend in ages. Show is just getting really frustrating.
"RE: Rhonda's Destructive Coaching - Unethical"
Posted by lydia on 12-05-05 at 05:51 PM
Lisa's tasks have been beyond dumb and were designed for public humiliation. How is it productive in getting her into the adult world be giving her tasks that have nothing to do with her strengths. Making a "business" out of those cheap stupid looking necklaces, and then expecting her to sell them on the street, which is totally annoying to most buyers was ridiculous. Even having her clean up horse crap and a job at that restaurant had nothing to do with her real-life skills.