JUST SUE IT

Can someone help me out by answering a few questions?

1) OK, let me get this straight. Sue is going to sue; Stacey from Survivor 1, which included Sue, also pulled a sue, but not a Sue, because she sued later, but earlier than Sue sued. AM I ON THE RIGHT TRACK?

2) Sue wants to sue, but she can't really sue the pants off of Richard, right?

3) Will Dirk Been write a letter to Mr. Burnett saying that he talked to God and God told him that it was wrong for Richard to rub up Sue?

4) Where's Peter Lance when you need him?

5) In the past 20 boots, three people have quit and two have come back from the dead. What is going on with this show?

A FEW NOTES:
1) If you haven't read it, check out my Survivor movie script/prediction summary called, "The Passion of the Rob" at
http://www.acmebraintrust.com/index.php?page=515&parent=50
It's much better than Survivor Insider this week.

PS: If you can't tell, I originally wrote Passion of the Rob for Episode 5. Then Rich suddenly became the bootee and I had to ditch it at the last moment. Thankfully, this week worked to perfection.

2) All archives of the Insider are available at http://www.londyscreations.com/survivornetwork Thanks to Larry Londy for the web space.

3) Thanks to all those who support me in this thread. It takes about 2-3 hours to do a transcript, and I enjoy the comments, good or bad. Remember, I do this FOR FUN. Though, if you diss me, I will come after you like Tom dancing on a catapult.

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BALSAMIC ROPE
3 min : 15 sec
--------------------------

Clip description: Being stranded on an island with little to no food can have some interesting effects on the mind. Watch Alicia, Rob and Amber go island mad as they dream about food.

Markopolo's note: THE BEST CLIP for this week. The sexual innuendo is crazy. Jerri and her annoying lists would fit in nicely on this tribe.

Alicia (to Rob): Smell it. (ALRIGHT, YOU SICK READERS, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO PUT A JOKE HERE).

Rob (smells a rope): Ohh Gehd! This rope smells amazing.

Amber (confessional): Alicia and I were untwining the rope from our fishing net and all of a sudden I smelled vinegar. I said, Alicia, do you smell vinegar? And she said, yeah. And I said, what do you think that is?

Amber (to Rob): When you said that you would add it with cheese and tomatoes, that's when it started (to smell like vinegar?)

Rob: Oh it smells like the vinegar you put on tomato mozzarella.

Alicia (confessional): My first thought was, oh, I hope it's not me. (HAHAHAHAHA) And she goes, no really, I smell vinegar. And I was like, you know what, I do too. All of a sudden we realized that the rope we were using smells like balsamic vinegar.

(AMBER SUDDENLY WHINES FOR A SALAD)

Alicia (to Rob and Amber): Did anyone try to suck on it yet?

OK THAT'S ENOUGH! THIS CLIP SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT WARNING MESSAGE ON IT!

Alicia (confessional): Our minds are playing tricks on us at this point. (ENOUGH OF A TRICK TO HAVE A THREESOME WITH AMBER AND ROB?) I mean we have gone so long without a full helping of food that I contemplated sucking on it.

SO IF ROB WAS THE LAST MAN ALIVE....YEAAAAAAAA

Just to see if it tasted like ... and it's ridiculous! That is how far we've come.

Rob (to Amber and Alicia): They did it on purpose.

Amber: This piece smells better than this piece.

THE THREE CONTINUE TO SMELL THE ROPE (DOESN'T THAT SOUND DIRTY? "SMELL THE ROPE")

Rob: You think we could use this as seasoning?

Alicia: Like a big huge salad.

Rob: What if we broiled it?

Amber: And drink vinegar?

Rob (confessional): Ahhh. I love thinking about food. I love it. Just thinking about how good that first bite's going to be. (CESTERNINO SAID YOU ALREADY GOT A BITE?)

Every day we talk about food out here. We're starving over here. And there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel.

Amber (to Rob and Alicia): I can imagine a million things with vinegar right now. Like vinegar over your french fries. With salt and pepper.

Rob: Oh salt! Oh salt and vinegar chips!

YA KNOW, I NEVER LIKED VINEGAR, BUT AFTER SEEING AMBER CONSTANTLY SMELL IT, I MIGHT TRY IT AGAIN.

Alicia (confessional): We have to hear Amber and Rob talk about food minute after minute, hour after hour and day after day. That's all they do. It's driving me insane. (MAYBE YOU AREN'T TAKING THEIR "HINT" TO GO AWAY?)

Rob: Macaroni and cheese and red hot

Amber: There's nothing else I can think about. Food that's it.

Rob: I can think about a couple other things (smirks).

Amber: Hmph.

Rob: But food is first.

Amber: Yea. Food is No. 1.

Amber (confessional): Whether the conversation starts about food or not about food, somehow it always ends up involving food.

(SHOT OF ROB SMELLING A CIRCULAR PORTION OF THE ROPE)

And at first we stopped each other, saying let's not talk about food. But now, we're to the point where we enjoy torturing ourselves and dreaming about everything we can't have before this is all over.

Rob: Grilled cheese and tomatoes.

Alicia: I am definitely going to try it when I get home.

Rob: Macaroni and cheese and red hot? You gotta try it! Unbelievable!

--------------------------
JERRI SOUNDS OFF
2 min : 48 sec
--------------------------

Clip description: Why is Jerri upset with Colby? Find out what set the hot-tempered Jerri off!

Markopolo's note: Colby is talking trash, and Jerri goes berserk. I can't wait for the REAL fireworks to begin.

Jerri (confessional, almost crying): Umm sitting around the fire with Kathy and Shii Ann, Kathy had told me something that Colby had said to her the night that we had shish kebobs.

And it was something totally stupid that just made me so mad. He, ummm, I mean we came back with these juicy, yummy shish kebobs. Everyone was excited about eating a meal and we had all of these great condiments. And he was eyeing them with these animal eyes. Like errrr (makes Devilish face) I can see him just counting the meat. Weighing how much each piece was. You know, trying to figure out how to make sure we rationed perfectly. I could just see him count how many spoonfuls of sugar were in the sugar bag. He's maniacal when there's food around. It's insane.

(Takes a deep breath)

So we get back to camp and everyone assumes he's going to cook the kebobs because he's the cowboy. He owns a ranch and he's always talking about making meat and stuff like that.

UHH, JERRI, I THINK YOU ARE CONFUSED>

HE IS A SPECIAL "COWBOY." HE OWNS A RANCH-STYLE HOME. AND HE CAN REALLY MOVE SOME MEAT.

And I'm like, yeah, it sounds great. Go ahead. Take over cowboy. Let's see you cook up some meat. (UHH, BUT RICH ISN'T HERE ANYMORE AND JEFFY ISN"T ALLOWED AROUND CAMP!)

I load up the little thing. The little grill device we got and he cooks the kebobs. I take mine off really soon because I want them really rare and juicy. I wanted them still mooing basically (laughs). I was feeling very carnivorous.

And apparently, after we ate, he was sitting with Kathy and made some comments like, "yeah that's just like Jerri; she wanted to cook the meat."

And I got so mad that he said that, because it was so not true.

You know, I could care less who cooks the meat. I just wanted to eat it. I'm not the kind of person who feels the need to always be the person touching the food, or sorting out the food, or making sure everyone gets the same amount of morsels per bowl as everyone else.

Maybe I was like that the first time around because we were so ridiculously hungry. And yes, I was very picky about the way rice was made. (YOU TOLD A MASTER CHEF THAT HIS RICE SUCKED! THAT'S LIKE TELLING THE COLORADO FOOTBALL TEAM HOW TO EXPLOIT WOMEN!)

And sometimes I pissed people off (SOMETIMES?) in Australia because I was a little controlling over the food. (YOU HOARDED THE FOOD SO MUCH, POOR MITCHELL COULD BARELY WALK).

That's why I recognize it. But I have moved on. I am no longer like that. (NO REALLY, I AM NO LONGER A B**CH) I have realized that when I get out of here I can eat whatever I want and whatever amounts I want.

--------------------------
ROB'S BURNT FOOT
1 min : 39 sec
--------------------------

Clip description: Not only do the castaways have to be wary of each other, but they must avoid dangers around camp as well. Watch as a careless Rob steps into some trouble.

Markopolo's note: Rob almost pulls a Skupin. Too bad this wasn't in the show, because most of America would be rooting for him to fall into the fire completely.

(SHOT OF RUPERT STANDING IN WATER WITH CLEANING CLOTHS)

Rob: AHHHHHH!!

(ROB RUNS TOWARD THE WATER -- YEAH SALT WATER DOES WONDERS FOR BURNS).

Tom?: Burned?

Rob: Yeaaaaah.

Tom?: What you burn?

Rob: My foot. I stepped on an amber.

(HMMN...ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T HAVE SOMETHING ELSE "STEP" ON AMBER THAT LATER CAUSED "BURNING?")

Tom: Rob burned his damn toe. He stepped on an amber on the floor like a dumbass. And burned his foot.

(YEP, HE DID SOMETHING TO AMBER LIKE A DUMBASS)

(ROB EXPLAINS THAT HE WAS TRYING TO COOK/PICK UP THE OYSTERS? AND HE STEPPED ON THE FIRE?)

Rob: I should have been wearing shoes.

(BACK AT CAMP)

Alicia (to Tom): Rob stepped on the back of that, right there.

Tom (walking and not looking at Alicia): I dunno.

Alicia: He stepped toward it and slipped and fell right into it.

Tom (still walking away): He's in pain.

(LATER, ROB IS ON THE SWING, HIS FOOT ELEVATED. DOCTORS RUPERT AND JENNA ARE LOOKING AT IT)

Doctor Rupert: Sorry (pats Rob's ankle). (RUPERT WILL LATER BILL ROB $200 FOR THE VISIT. AND SINCE IT WAS AN "OUT OF STATE" MEDICAL EMERGENCY, SHOCKINGLY, IT'S NOT COVERED BY ROB'S HMO.)

Doctor Jenna L: You are a walking calamity.

LAUGHTER

Doctor Jenna L: You look good as a walking calamity, but you are a walking calamity. (KIND OF LIKE JESSICA SIMPSON LOOKS GOOD WHILE BEING STUPID, BUT SHE'S STUPID).

(JENNA SLAPS ROB'S HAND).

--------------------------
TOM'S OPINION
4 min : 24 sec
--------------------------

Clip description: Get a peek at Tom's skill in cleaning fish as he ponders Sue's surprise departure from the game.

Markopolo's note: OK, I wasn't really around in Survivor Africa to do Insider. So I never had the utmost HORROR of dealing with Tom clips. They are horrible. I can't understand him at all. It's worse than Tijuana. Yes, I know, you thought nothing could be worse than that whiny voice higher than Robert Downey Jr. during a night on the town. So, I tried with Tom just to get the main quotes. Well, at least we know Tom likes Rupert.

(TOM, SITTING ALONE ON THE BEACH RIGHT NEAR THE WATER)

Tom (confessional): Rupert caught some fish. He got 10-12 oysters. I don't know what else we can say except thank you.

And, I'm cleaning the fish. And glad to do it. And I wish my (bum?) was better at providin. But you gotta take your place at camp. You're not always going to be head chief, cook and ball washer? That's the job I'll take.

CUT

I haven't skinned a fish before, but I did the other day. It was my first time. And you know what? It works pretty good. The behind on these fish is tough. Tough as (??) leather. Once you get em, just peel it right off, just like this.

CUT

TALKS MORE ABOUT PEELING FISH

Rupert's the one who showed me how to do this. And a man who catches like he does, you know he knows how to eat em. I aint questioning him. When he tells me to take the skin off, I say how fast you want me to skin em.

CUT

Anytime you eatin good and have a good thing with your belly full. When you go to bed at night with your belly full, that keeps spirits up even when their down. But I don't know why our spirits would be down. As far as I'm concerned, I've never been as happy. If I wrote it out in a storybook I wouldn't have been happier. I hate it for Sue, but thank God and greyhound she's gone. So if you want me to cry about her, you better go to another party. Cuz it won't happen here. Glad to see her gone.

CUT

But she is a good worker. I will miss that.

(TOM DEMONSTRATES TO THE CAMERA HOW MUCH SUE WILL BE MISSED. HE DIPS HIS FINGER INTO THE SAND. A WAVE COMES IN AND FILLS UP THE HOLE.)

You may think there's a hole. But you won't be missed. We going to get along without ya now.

So, I don't know. I hope the rest of them are happy. Cuz I am. I'll trade Sue for Rupert any day. Any day. I'll give her some boot? (Inaudible) I'll take one Rupert and give you five Sues.

How's that. If anyone wants to trade, I'll trade with them all day long. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

--------------------------
RUPERT PROVIDES
1 min : 27 sec
--------------------------

Clip description: Be there as Rupert enjoys a bath and explains why his tribe's spirits are high.

Markopolo's note: I have no clue what Rupert is doing. None. I would rather have Amber win at this point. Yeah, it's that bad.

Frankly, I think Rupert is a baby. To prove my point, check out this pic

Rupert (confessional): You know, it's not the same Rupert that was in Pearl Isles. I don't have the tools that I've got. I still have the confidence. But without the tools, it's a lot harder. (TOOLS? CHRISTA AND JON WERE TOOLS ...)

And ya know, I kind of held off a little bit on catching fish. I wanted. I learned my lesson in the Pearl Isles. Don't start off feeding everybody everything. Catch one fish, and let em all share one fish. Then another day, catch another fish.

Today, we had all day. I tried to catch six. I should have had seven in the bag, but we got five good fish. And a dozen and a half oysters. That's a good day. We're going to have full bellies. We're going to be happy tonight.

(WAIT, DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY NOT TO CATCH A LOT OF FISH? I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED!)

Everybody's going to be appreciative. They're not going to vote me off (THEY WILL EVENTUALLY).

Me and Big Tom had some good time bonding. (RUPERT FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE DUMBER THAN HIM) It was a great day for me. I think it was a great day for Chapera tribe. You know, everyone seems happy, and we haven't even got full bellies yet and everyone's happy.

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Thanks, Marco. Always a fun read.

Thanks Marko!