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Original Message
"Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by tribephyl on 07-06-07 at 01:40 AM
*ding ding* Pirates to the quarter deck please!

Looks like the great ozzyooglymoogly likes the idea of themed episodes, so we're gonna stick with it.
This week we'll be concentrating on the battles of the sexes.
The Oafs versus the Waifs.

Let's get started shall we?

We'll open on the Cap'n's Triad. A group of three guys who prefer to play only with each other rather than with anyone else on the ship. (Thank goodness for them their isn't four guys in their group.)
Then we'll skip to a scene of Cap'n Laz-myth, snoring away while all the women swab the decks.
Then go to the Cap'n half mumbling in englinese a string of non-sequitors in front of his mortal enemy JoeDumb. Who grunts in return, something of an agreement. Or was it not an agreement. (I can only read caveman, but can't really translate it orally. So I couldn't tell.)

Now to focus on the Waifs. There's Joy, who still can't seem to do her breast er best. And Kendra who is particularly good at sucking. Jupiter the cook. Oh and Nessa, she's the beetch in heat.
Then, there's Christa! *singing angels*
The lovely Christa. The one every is envious of. She sits in her high bed with a golden glow surrounding her lovely form extolling words of wisdom while the other waifs enjoy a tea party they've started on the floor.
Naturally the conversation turns to discussing what the world would be like if women ruled the world. The women all agree it would be wonderful. JoeDon just nods. Wait? How'd he get in here? Cut.

Okay. Take a moment to consider what this all means...
It's now a ship devided by gender.
The men doing their manly typed things like making a mountain out of a molehill, speaking before thinking and communicating in grunts and nods.
Then we have the women all catty and coniving, speaking pleasentries while stabbiong you in the back and remaining barefoot in the kitchen.

To ground everyone, let's make sure to sneak in a couple shots of JuanDon and Nesstle together, sharing rumsoaked saliva.
Ooo....the meeting of the sexes. And what fireworks.

Then we'll watch a little bit of Laz-myths azzcrack and Louie's bumbling and fumbling. Kendra's uselessness and Joy's complaining.
Then a trio of greedy bastards and a couple of weepy hugging sisters.

Looks like the black marks are going to Joy, Kendra and JD.
Of course JD doesn't need to worry as he stupidly spends a big chunk of dough on a very useless item. The pardon goes unused and JD goes back to his hoochies waiting arms.

That leaves Kendra and Joy. And frankly, I think you should both be kicked off.
And in the interest of saving time...I'm just gonna do it.

BOTH of you have been removed from this show!
Cut their ropes! Hurry! Yo' Snoozmyth! Wake up and cut the ropes!

Aw' c'mon mark. Let me just do it this once.

Allright fine.

Joy, you received the most votes, it's time for you to go.

Alas, I hardly miss ye'.

Well folks. The lesson to be learned from this entire episode dedicated to the Oafs versus Waifs debate can be summed up in one small sentence.
"Never bet on black."



You can call me Daddobot.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by jbug on 07-06-07 at 09:14 AM
LAST EDITED ON 07-06-07 AT 09:16 AM (EST)

The way I figger it, if I'm not finding or stealing any gold, I mite aswell be having some fun - & JD sure ain't objectin, so.....
He eben gave me back what I paid for that parchment and then some .

What I cain't figger out if WHY we didn't mutenie. Anyone?


Honored by Tribe

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by agman on 07-06-07 at 09:44 AM
youse guys didn't mutiny cause your'e all still in shock that the wench julie Chen be taken yer time slot. ya never should of got rid of me. I was the glue that held this here ship together.

argh matey, me arse has been sent adrift out here amongst the lawyers...I means
sharks!!!ah carp, something just bit me..........


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by Spanky68 on 07-06-07 at 12:29 PM
Joy. I like you and all. But you are a drag in the challenges.

Kendra. Your slowness is slower than slow.

Joe Don, I don't think even these morons are braindead enough to vote off the strongest chance they have to oust me. Wait..did I say that out loud?!?!

What I meant to say was: "Joe Don, you are a guy. Why shouldn't these beautiful lasses vote you off to make sure that more money goes to women. Did you realize that female pirates only make 58 cents for every dollar that male pirates make? THAT is unfair. Now here before you stands the chief perpetrator of that theft. Who but Joe Don has taken the most money unfairly from poor women and children (wink at Christa)?!?! Rise against your cruel overlords and cut Joe Don adrift as the scurvy, testosterone-addled curr that he is!!!" Well, that is what I MEANT to say.


could these people be any more clueless? How much of a moron do I have to be to extol JD's virtue and strength when I really want him gone?!?!?

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by rasslinmomma on 07-06-07 at 05:02 PM
Yeah, yeah. My slowness is physical. Yours is between your ears.

How is it you're still able to talk? You've got both feet in there now after first targeting Laurel for "sides" and then reminding us all that JD is our only hope.

Please pass Azmyth the salt, he's having trouble choking down both feet at once.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by Spanky68 on 07-09-07 at 00:27 AM
I did come off as dumb. And mealy-mouthed. And indecisive. And incredibly cheesy with that half-british accent.

But just between us, it was all a put-on. I am not actually dumb at all. I just wanted to seem that way so that the crew would underestimate me as a mental threat. This way, they think they can outwit me.

Suckas! All of them, suckas.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by The Cake on 07-09-07 at 08:53 AM
SuperFreak he's superfreaky!


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by dragonflies on 07-06-07 at 12:35 PM
Hey Joe Don! Svcks pulling Kendra around, huh?


arrrrrgh!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by vince3 on 07-06-07 at 01:05 PM
I'd rather be pulling Nessa around, TYVM, but she's a faster swimmer and I'm not sure she was on my team this week or not....


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by jbug on 07-06-07 at 03:32 PM
Hey baby! I thought you tole me you had found a spot away from the cameras! I really don't want the whole world to see me makin out with you - Oh, who am I trying to kid! I don't care - come mere big guy!

I'm always on your team sugar.


Honored by Tribe

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by rasslinmomma on 07-06-07 at 04:57 PM
You know, swimming slow was my plan all along. I just wanted you hands on me, JD darlin'.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by Glow on 07-06-07 at 02:52 PM
hi! Am I still on this show?


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by jbug on 07-06-07 at 03:32 PM
Sure you are honey! Now get right back in the kitchen!


Honored by Tribe

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by rasslinmomma on 07-06-07 at 04:55 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-06-07 AT 04:56 PM (EST)

I am not the weakest link...
I am NOT the weakest link...
I am NOT the weakest link...
I am NOT the weakest link...

Heck guys, I'm your biggest asset! Let's see if we can rig the marbles to get me on Azzy-muth's team...I'll help get rid of that fake-accent speakin', loot-percentage changin', boys-club lovin' scoundrel.


It's the perfect task for me because I won't even have to exert myself to do it!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by KObrien_fan on 07-06-07 at 05:23 PM
Barbie on steroids? Why Ben I should get you cut adrift for that remark, how dare you try to blow my cover. I will be Captain soon, so you best behave!


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by tribephyl on 07-06-07 at 09:12 PM
Whenever you're around...


Angels follow....Ahhhhhhh.......

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by KObrien_fan on 07-06-07 at 09:36 PM
Yes, well thank you Cam, I mean it is nice to be recognized, but I am trying to keep these guys in a trance and well, Ben isn't helping me any!


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by tribephyl on 07-07-07 at 11:09 PM
Okay then. Ben is next to go.
I'll make it happen.


You can call me Daddo.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by KObrien_fan on 07-07-07 at 11:15 PM
Mmmmmmmm thanks Daddo, need your deck swabbed?


I have always thought you were hot, and yours is an accent I don't mind listening to!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by tribephyl on 07-08-07 at 06:07 PM
Ahhhh..Leadblade and Leadhead together at last...

(Huh? what's that honey? Right. right. You're my one and only. Give me a hug.)


*winks at Christa from over wife's shoulder*


You can call me anytime.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by piratepolly on 07-10-07 at 02:26 PM
AWWKKK!!

Christa and Ben, sitting in a tree, PIXE-LATING...

AWWWKKKK! AWWWWKK!! Polly wanna be blond! Polly wanna be blond!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by qwertypie on 07-07-07 at 11:31 PM
You voted me out!?!?! And I thought snuggling up to Jupiter was going to be enough to get me to stay.
I've given 110% and since my 100% is like your 40% that means I gave um, ah, crap - I was never very good a math.

You gotta admit, I made all of you feel superiour. "At least I didn't get sick like Joy", "At least I didn't have to be hoisted over Sean's shoulders like a sack of wet potatoes like Joy", "At least I didn't stop on the trail and had to pushed on the a$$ like Joy". Now who is going to be on the bottom of the totem pole?



I've been planked by Tribe!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by rasslinmomma on 07-08-07 at 10:00 AM
I think I can answer the question of who will be bottom of the totem pole now...in fact, I'd bet me booty on it!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by Bravehart on 07-10-07 at 01:48 PM
Officer Ben and me Super Blonde Cap'n Azmyth need Kendra fer da votes, sure she's slow but we had a deal from da start! I like to keeps em dumb on me crew....how else is I going to get da booty??

Oafs vs. Waifs arrrrg:


Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...

So they buried her.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by piratepolly on 07-10-07 at 02:21 PM
AWWWKKKK! AAWWWKK!

Where's Ben? Where's Ben? AAWWWWKK!!!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by sporkman on 07-10-07 at 07:49 PM
Shhh! No one else has noticed I'm not around. Not even when I take off my shirt to show the ladies what a hunky band geek I am. I'm pretty sure the ladies thought Sean somehow snuck back on the ship.

Its not like I really have to say or do anything on the ship now. I'm one of the Alpha Male Triad now. I think I'll just relax and float to the final episode.


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 07-10-07 at 09:05 PM
Sorry that Louie is late to the party this week. I have been busy signing autographs and making appearances. Ugg, it's so draining being America's Sweetheart.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by sporkman on 07-11-07 at 12:56 PM
Cameron, at the risk of drawing attention to myself, I'd like to ask where the Be the Piratemaster 1.7 post is. What happened? Are you sleeping in today? Don't you know only our good captain Azmyth is allowed to sleep late. Everyone else is expected to be up before dawn to start on swab the deck, or watch everyone else swab the deck if you're an officer.

Cap'n Azmyth and Officer Jay, I think this Cameron guy might be a threat. We should make him take all of the watches tonight. That should teach him not to over sleep.


"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 07-11-07 at 01:40 PM
He's down in the hold with us, sleeping off the effects of our nightly kask of grog.

See what being stuck on a ship with you brainiacs has done to us?

And where the devil is the Admiral? I'd like to give him a piece of my mind!

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by The Cake on 07-11-07 at 02:25 PM
The change in day/time slot must be messin with his head. Or, he's tryin to get over the shock that I actually won some more coins.

"RE: Be The... PirateMaster 1.6"
Posted by Bravehart on 07-17-07 at 01:28 PM
Too much Grog fer this Skallywag this week! I's be drunk with power! Yo ho ho!