LAST EDITED ON 06-19-06 AT 10:50 AM (EST)

You can't learn to swim unless you get back in the pool...I've been sticking my toe in the water and it's luke warm, you know that not hot, but not cold kind of feeling? Yuck. I feel like Sandra Bullock right now. My one true love might as well be in a time warp. I talked to him recently and he seeemed honestly happy to reconnect with me and then...nothing. BSO I would be pulling my hair out of my head right now and yes I did just compose a text message but before I pushed send I took a moment to myself to connect with my source and deleted it. I'm hearing Bonnie Raitt playing in my head..."I Can't Make You Love Me If you dont..." I don't know if that's the truth or not that he doesn't love me but day 14 and still no call, that's how it feels...
Then I meet a new guy who in a conversation before our first real date informs me that when he "makes it" he's gonna "Be like everyone else. By a Car, a House and a Wife." This is why I haven't dated in so long. And then sadly I think, Well at least HE called! Then, in my conversations with him after that comment (YES I continue talking to him) I realize something about dating and connecting with a man brings out this constant seeking of approval while trying not to appear that way, training yourself to have no expectations but knowing that a man that you have no expectations of is not the man that's gonna make your heart sing but somewhere hoping he is so you can stop this maddening dance...Does he want me? I don't care. But I wish he'd call...well so what if he doesn't...That's a lie I want him to call! Well when he DOES call I will act like I don't care...But I do so why can't I tell him that?
This much I know is true. I would cut off a toe if my true love would call right now and I could give a ##### wheter Mr. No Expectations ever calls again. Can I just tell the tell the truth about my feelings???
I wish I did have a real date in the SO house. Then I could have really addressed the real feelings of dating. It's really easy to say I just really want a man to compliment me and come to the table with as much as I do and be really cavalier about the whole thing until you're presented with the opportunity to fall in love. There is absolutely nothing logical about love. Nothing. Wanting to be in love will make Mr. No Expectations seem interesting. Waiting for a call from your one true love can feel like running a can opener accross your heart. Realizing this is what I'm gonna have to go through to find true love, it's clear why cupcakes have been my best friend...
Maybe I'm just someone that he used to love. Maybe time has healed those wounds for him. While I'm standing here with my heart beating in my hand. Not really knowing what to do with it. Mr. No Expectations has no clue what to do. Ok, and did I just consider giving it to him?!!! 'Cause I feel like it's out I gotta do something with it ??? I'm feeling really sure I don't want to be this vunerable and if I put my heart away, I may never open it again. That is unless he calls...

• RE: JILL"S new message: How Come You Don't Call Me? ,creepyoldwoman, 11:27 AM, 06-19-06
  • RE: JILL"S new message: How Come You Don't Call Me? ,JessicaRN, 12:08 PM, 06-19-06
• Locking ,mysticwolf, 12:09 PM, 06-19-06

lol, I thought this was at first about Iyanla not calling Jill.

"Then I meet a new guy who in a conversation before our first real date informs me that when he "makes it" he's gonna "Be like everyone else. By a Car, a House and a Wife."

******What is she, cruising the Arab shiek circuit? Buy a wife?

"
This is why I haven't dated in so long.<

yea, blame the guys but honey, where are you looking for them?

And then sadly I think, Well at least HE called! Then, in my conversations with him after that comment (YES I continue talking to him)<

******Well, at least you know the thing you are supposed to do.

I realize something about dating and connecting with a man brings out this constant seeking of approval while trying not to appear that way, training yourself to have no expectations but knowing that a man that you have no expectations of is not the man that's gonna make your heart sing but somewhere hoping he is so you can stop this maddening dance...Does he want me? I don't care. But I wish he'd call...well so what if he doesn't...<

******no Jill. this is called 'playing games". Take it from a married woman. The real thing doesn't get off doing this to you. Become what you want in a man, then perhaps you will meet what you like. Until then, Stop looking!!!! live your life and get off the net with all of your moping.

That's a lie I want him to call! Well when he DOES call I will act like I don't care...But I do so why can't I tell him that? <

******why don't you act like you are 40 and not 14 yrs old?

This much I know is true. I would cut off a toe if my true love would call right now and I could give a ##### wheter Mr. No Expectations ever calls again. Can I just tell the tell the truth about my feelings???<

wow, what a turn on, Jill. A woman who will mutilate herself for a man. What guy wants the responsibilty of such a masogynist(spelling). A self punisher. Yea, you'd make a strong partner. At the first sign of problems you are cutting off body parts.

OMG, this is really pretty sad. Maybe having nothing to do for 3 months but sit around and focus on yourself did even more damage. Jill needs to get busy with perhaps a full-time job (a novel concept I know), volunteer somewhere, continue to work on her health problems and get back to the real world (not the reality show though). She needs someone like Dr. Phil to say "Enough already. Stop creating drama and additional issues." The sad thing is that I really liked Jill the first time she was in the house and I think she is clever and creative and perhaps she should try to tap into this as a hobby when she comes home from work.

This forum is to discuss what happens on the show, not various blog entries. And, just because the show is in reruns doesn't change that.

Mentioning in a show thread that a HG doesn't seem to "get something" based upon what they wrote in their blog, and perhaps excerpting a single sentence or two, is different than copying a complete blog entry and offering it up as the topic of discussion.

Copying entire blog entries from a HG blog site to this one without their permission is no more appropriate that copying entire news articles. They own this content. If peeps want to see the entire entry they can visit the SO Links to find the blog and read it.

Puppy Lvoe from Tribe blogging's scary