Big Barry (as my friends call me) here bringing you this week’s superb and super sensational spoilers that the rest of the spoiler world only wishes they had. But they don’t. Because I’ve got them. And soon you will too, because you are smarter than they are and know where to look. Here. Also you know the secret hand shake. If you don’t know the hand shake, security will have to escort you off this page, nothing personal, but after the recent infiltration by Russian hackers, we have to be careful.We also have a surprise for you this week; some disturbing and penetrating questions will be posed. I advise you to pay close attention to them, they may be life changing.
Security, are we clear? Good. Now on with the show. Which is the Buzzard Island Barry Spoiler show featuring me, Buzzard Island Survivor Spoiler Barry. Brought to you by the Fijian EPA with a message to everyone on Fiji and on Survivor to please stop the desecration of their beaches, and plug up the pollution outlet in the butt of the main polluter, Dave, with a coconut. Even better, use two. Their mottos are; “ Water Pollution ain’t cool so don’t be a fool” and “Please Salute, Don’t Pollute.” It doesn’t make sense, but it rhymes, and, well, I guess that is something. I must also mention one more; “Drown that SOB Dave”, simply because there a growing crowd outside chanting that one right now. It has become a very popular chant lately. On everybody’s lips.
The Fiji EPA warns that a certain Aruba Extradition Squad has been contracted to perform a special rendition on a certain Canadian for breaking their laws against demeaning their warning signs. Since the Local Aruban EPA enacted similar laws protecting the reputation of their own signage they were very incensed by this lawbreaker and have issued orders to kill at the slighted sign of resistance, like if he opens his big fat mouth again.
If I seem to be on edge it’s because I woke up Sunday morning to gunfire, jet fighters, howitzers firing, and men screaming at each other. False alarm though, it was just the Sunday morning talking heads. But still, I crapped my pants and headed for the secret underground shelter hidden under my palm tree. I have an emergency case of scotch down there and managed to make it to Wednesday morning before I ran out. Of scotch, then the shelter. BTW, the secret underground shelter is a secret, so mum’s the word on that. Pinky swear!
We should note that no talking heads were injured that morning. Feelings were hurt, but there was no physical damage done.
OK, now, this week as usual I will present the All-World Super Spoilers you’ve come to expect, and that some of you can’t live without. Mixed in, and in keeping with our esteemed substitute presenter the Survivor Island Mail Clerk’s excellent idea to liken the island doings to a soap opera, I will pose a few Super Buzzard Island Survivor Questions, just to see who’s awake
Question/Spoiler #1: As Warthog gets off the boat, he is astonished to see the previously ousted survivors feeding off Mama Reem’s teats while she sings and coos to them to sleep, like the little puppies they are. Damn he thinks, why didn’t I think of that? Well, I am kinda thirsty…Mama!
Question/Spoiler #2: Will Mama Reem welcome Warthog to suckle at her teat? Or will Warthog be the nestling that falls out of the nest?
Question//Spoiler #3: Will Warthog fall off the boat on the way to Extinction Island?
Question//Spoiler #4: How many times will Warthog fall out of something?
Question/Spoiler #5: Warthog will continue his unbroken string of pissing off everyone after arriving on new home, Extinction Island. This non-threatening but excessively vocal and self-important blowhard is now the (pardon me for giggling, but this is just so funny) “biggest threat on Extinction Island”. He will attempt to direct the boat driver to the wrong island and later claim that it was just a “Strategic” move.
Question//Spoiler #6: Will Victoria finally bite Rikki? (this one is limited to those readers that enjoy classic authors and their stories. Others will just have to have it explained to them).
Question//Spoiler #7: Will Aurora dig deep to find the meaning in life, or Rick’s bag, whichever is handy?
Question//Spoiler #8: Will Ron once again proclaim that he is the biggest mover on the island?
Question//Spoiler #9: And will that result in him moving off the island?
Question//Spoiler #10: Is everyone a liar, or are liars just everyone?
Question//Spoiler #11 Will the remaining Survivors shed uncontrollable tears during visits from home?
Question//Spoiler #12: Will Pippi’s freckles finally merge into one giant freckle? Another reference to classic literature, which will be beyond outside the interests of some readers.
Question//Spoiler #13: Freckle… freckle… what a funny word, Freckle.
Buzzard Island Basher Barry, OUT!
Buzzard Island Basher Barry