URL: http://community.realitytvworld.com/cgi-sys/cgiwrap/rtvw2/community/dcboard.cgi
Forum: DCForumID57
Thread Number: 4654
[ Go back to previous page ]

Original Message
"Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"

Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-18-06 at 03:41 PM
Antonia feels strongly about NOT filing for bankruptcy. She claims to be a "fixed" kind of a person, and when she "says something, she means that".

Maybe that philosophy should carry over into the area of what she reads and signs as well. Every time she pulled out one of her cards and signed that charge slip in exchange for the fashion du jour, she was saying that she agreed to pay the bill in a timely fashion.

Actually, I do give her points for not jumping at the bankruptcy option. Whether she has the ability to pay her debts or not, at least she still has some conscience left.

I'm not sure if I agree with the easy-on-the-eye credit counselor though. He believes that a bankruptcy will have a negative impact on her credit for a year. Wow, those bankruptcy guidelines must have REALLY changed in October - I thought it followed you around for ten years. Of course, I don't know her credit score. It could be below 400, in which case, you have to ask yourself: how much worse could it be? Maybe not too much worse in terms of the score, but in terms of the impact a bankruptcy makes on creditors...well, I think it is significant.

I don't think she'll have to worry about whether or not she'll be responsible with credit cards the next time around. She won't get an unsecured card with more than a $250 limit for a long, long time.

I would have elt better if she said, "I'm done with credit cards".

Why do so many of these women come to SO house on the verge of financial collapse or tipping the scales in their 20's and 30's?


Table of contents

Messages in this discussion
"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Lanna42 on 05-18-06 at 03:59 PM
Seasoned, I too give Antonia kudos for not wanting to file bankruptcy and work two jobs if she has to so she can pay off her debt.With the new bankruptcy laws in place it wouldn't do much for her anyway other than to get her creditors to stop harrassing her.She needs to call up every creditor she owes and re-negotiate her interest rates.They will probably knock a lot off of them if she asks.I do think the credit card schills dole out these cards to teens and college students anticipating that a certain number of Antonia's will be among them.Meaning persons to young and irresponsible to handle credit.Or who do not understand interest rates.Not that it absolves the young people of responsibility.But they do target them.

The only credit card Antonia should have is an American Express card.Which has to paid off monthly.Or a debit credit card that will only allow her to charge on what she actually has in an account.Interest rates on credit cards today are way to high for most young people to cope with.And there is to much of an attitude of instant gratification and entitlement.Hard work and savings is the only way to go.Even if you have to start at an entry level position.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-18-06 at 04:12 PM
See Lanna, who needs a credit counselor? Your advice is perfect. A debit card and AmEx - in that order - are great ways for young people to understand the proper usage of cash substitutes. The built in boundaries in those types of cards are priceless.

I'm with you on the credit card companies giving out these cards to people who will probably hurt themselves and their futures by using them irresponsibly. It's lousy.

I spoke with an acquaintance who does collection calls for Nextel, the cell phone company. She said she cannot believe how many under 21's she speaks to who owe less than $100 on a delinquent bill, and they are unyielding in addressing their debt. Even when she tells them that Nextel is a credit reporting company, their general response is, "So what? I don't need the phone or the credit right now." Truly sad.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by eire_heart74 on 05-18-06 at 04:29 PM
Antontia is just one of many college students that fell with the free give away sports bottle or gym bag with credit card aplication at her student center on campus. They were there almost daily at mine. I didn't have a card until I was 20 but I had enough smarts to truely only use it for books and emergencies (ie car repair not new clothes) and I paid it in full every month if I used it.

Why do I have no debt other than a mortgage at 32? Because I was raised with the idea that credit cards are nothing but loans if you abuse them. Loans with high interest! Something was lacking at home that she didn't learn that.

Her sense of entitlement is so large and that certainly doesn't help.

I do admire her choice to work off the debt. Maybe she's finally using that college educated brain of hers to realize it would be better for her in the long run to learn that value of a dollar.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-18-06 at 05:11 PM
eire_heart,

You're the type of person bankers want to lend money to. Good for you for fighting and winning the war of youthful indiscretion! That isn't easy to do when you're nineteen or twenty.

Your parents did you a big favor by teaching you the truth about credit. My mother, who is now 66, told me more than once about a credit nightmare she lived through at 23 years of age. Living in a small apartment in the Bronx, she and my father (who was 25) went to Sears and bought a carpet and a vacuum on credit. With three children under the age of 4, they had a hard enough time feeding us, clothing us, and paying the rent. Eventually, they missed several of the Sears payments. One day, a man from Sears showed up at the door to repossess the items (the good old days...). He took one look at the apartment, saw that there was hardly any furniture in it AND three small children. He had mercy on my mom and only took the vaccuum back. He said he would tell Sears that the carpet was too worn to return.

My mother had only been in America for two years at that point. That was her first and last "on credit" purchase for years. I never saw my parents use a credit card - never. They had a mortgage and cars loans, but they were paid on time, every time. And if there was an emergency, their savings usually covered it. If not, they always had the credit to borrow from the bank without a problem.

Funny, mom gets credit cards sent to her all the time, but most she cuts up and throws away. She has one with a $50K limit, but I don't think she uses it more than a few times a year.

Credit can be a wonderful safety net, or a ball and chain.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Ujena on 05-18-06 at 05:21 PM
Do the sports bottles for the free give away for filling out a credit application have designer labels ;)

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-18-06 at 04:53 PM
I have to admit, at least she didn't jump on the bankruptcy bandwagon! Why is that always Iguana's first line of defense?? Credit counselor guy also seemed quite willing to go there first,too. Was he told that Iguana LIKES for people to file for bankruptcy?? I'm related to a credit counselor and that would NOT be his first line of defense! And what was with that "one year" comment?? Man, this show is getting more and more OUT THERE, imho.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by petmama on 05-18-06 at 05:28 PM
At least Antonia didn't jump on the bankruptcy bandwagon like Allison did. Antonia's entitlement mentality pales in comparison to Allison's.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Ujena on 05-18-06 at 05:28 PM
Do credit counselors get a kick back with every backruptcy filled? I think it's the worst thing anyone can do and what did I miss? I also thought that a backruptcy follows you for 10 years? There is something called credit counselors and they work out a plan with those you owe money. You pay a low payment each month....it still follows you but you are at least paying some of the debt and creditors are impressed that you at least made the effort and you are not going to just jump into the "easy" fix of bankruptcy.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by EMTBGRL on 05-18-06 at 06:25 PM
I was so angry with the whole pushing Antonia into bankruptcy situation, I could have thrown something (soft) at the TV!

1. It costs MONEY to *file* for bankruptcy! Last I checked for a friend that wanted to file bankruptcy under the new laws? It was a $2,500 retainer fee just to GET a bankruptcy started. The paper in the mail. The attorney lined up. That's it.

2. A bankruptcy NOW does NOT "forgive your past debts." There are three new criteria to each type of bankruptcy that makes it virtually impossible to get your debt forgiven. (I don't have the new criteria at hand.) But, basically, if the debt was your own making? Without any catastrophes of illness or God? Bankruptcy is a terrible and devastating idea.

3. Bankruptcy follows you for TEN years, not ONE! (Was this man a scripted actor?) It would be TEN years before Antonia's bankruptcy was charged off, and she would still be responsible for the majority of the debt, AND have paid a retainer fee.

Did Iyanla make some kind of arrangement where SHE would get paid if Antonia filed for bankruptcy??? I mean, REALLY!

I was 110% per cent behind Antonia today on her decision NOT to file for bankruptcy. She's right. She needs to pay off her debt. She needs to pay off her debt without destroying her credit rating for ten years.

Unbelieveable! When she said, "I don't really trust anyone" when she decided to go that hill alone? If I had been told what she was told about bankruptcy today? I'd feel the EXACT same way!

Did Iyanla file bankruptcy herself, and now wants everyone else to suffer along with her? I mean, really, Life Coach? More like "Scary a$$ woman"


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by tac_2 on 05-19-06 at 01:18 PM
>
>3. Bankruptcy follows you for TEN
>years, not ONE! (Was this
>man a scripted actor?) It
>would be TEN years before
>Antonia's bankruptcy was charged off,
>and she would still be
>responsible for the majority of
>the debt, AND have paid
>a retainer fee.
>

Not to mention the STIGMA that lasts a lifetime. Ten years? I almost let loose on that one.

>
>Did Iyanla file bankruptcy herself, and
>now wants everyone else to
>suffer along with her? I
>mean, really, Life Coach? More
>like "Scary a$$ woman"

Exactly my thoughts.

Iyanla did legally change both her first and last name. Makes one question what the real reason was.



"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by GoodnightLittleBear on 05-19-06 at 01:22 PM
Unless Iyanla also had her social security number changed. That credit history will follow regardless of her name. They run credit reports using your SSN.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by 26mitogo on 05-18-06 at 06:53 PM
Good question maryellennaco ... why does Iguana seem to not mind the HGs going the bandruptcy route? She seems to encourage it, actually. Sure you have to live with your decision for a number of years once you declair bankruptcy but I have always thought that, unless there is a true emergency, bankruptcy is just another way of stealing what you feel entitled to but can't afford. SO seems to treat bankruptcy ever so nonchalantly ... as an everyday part of anyone's life. Allowing someone like Allison or Antonia to wipe away their debts resulting from frivolous purchases just seems wrong to me. Both these women have had some serious issues with buying clothes, accessories, etc. just because ... well, they WANTED them. Thankfully Antonia has some scruples left and plans to pay what she owes rather than declair bankruptcy. I hope she means it and doesn't later change her mind ... when she's tired & doesn't want to go to one job, much less two, and when she misses the adrenoline rush of shopping and non-stop partying. If she sticks with this decision, in the long run she will gain self-respect, self-pride, and an ample amount of self-esteem knowing she can rise to a tough situation and accomplish something difficult. Sadly, isn't respect, pride, & esteem what Allison kept looking for? Too bad she was never willing to do what it takes to gain those things.

SR ~ I loved the story about your parents debt "crisis". I was also raised by parents who never used a credit card, even tho they too had difficulty at times feeding 4 children. And to this day, except for the house and occasionally a small short term car loan, I still prefer to save first, buy later ... rather than buy now, then pay & pay & pay & pay looooong after you've forgotten what you charged to begin with and, including the accrued interest, you end up paying twice the original cost of the item.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by bookwomanblue on 05-18-06 at 07:48 PM
I think it was a good thing that Iyanla had Antonia explore the option of bankruptcy. Not only did she learn something, but she became convinced of her own resolve to fix her own mess. That is a very good thing. Her determination is the only thing that is going to carry her through this....not some stupid flag.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-18-06 at 08:12 PM
BTW, I had to add something about today's "climbing the mountain" assignment.

Did you guys catch Iyanla sitting up there on her chair with her bullhorn shouting, "Watch out for ob-sta-cles! Watch out for ob-sta-cles!" I don't know why that hit me as such a funny scene, but it did.

Question: How did Iyanla get to the top of the hill? Do you think she, her chair, and her bullhorn were airlifted in and out?


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by 26mitogo on 05-20-06 at 01:22 AM
SR ~ maybe Jill let Iyanla borrow her hover-round for the long trip to the top of that hill. I'm sure with Jill's many attachments there would have been a perfect spot to stow the bullhorn for the trip up!


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by beckettrep on 05-18-06 at 10:37 PM
I think Antonia is really full of it. Once she's out of the house it won't take her long to decide she'd rather be free and clear of her debt. A couple months (if that long) of doling out all her hard-earned paycheck will soon sink in and she will tire of being broke real quick. Maybe she's hoping since she opted out of paying that the SO House will pay off at least some, in not all, of her debt - I'm betting she's hoping for that $900 tooth job to be picked up by SO as well. No one, at least not that I've ever met, with such a huge sense of entitlement and love of the 'finer' things is life, can have such a 'sudden' attitude adjustment and expect anyone to believe it's real. Just my take on this whole issue.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Cinnamongirl30 on 05-18-06 at 11:00 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-18-06 AT 11:01 PM (EST)

Totally agree with your post 100%
Antonia's speech about blood, sweat and tears and working two jobs to pay off debt that she rang up foolishly left me with a bad taste in my mouth. That's one of lifes lessons, a you made your bed kind of one. Big deal, I worked two jobs to support my son when he was a baby for as long as I had too. A year and a half to be exact. The dramatics that go along with her rambles are ridiculous. Does she really expect people to believe that she is this straight up, truthfull girl who doesn't lie when she managed to fraud credit card companies and no doubt lie to evade paying for so long? sorry Miss eyebrows, your words are as solid as a soup sandwich.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Juliejo on 05-19-06 at 11:12 AM
Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. We will see if Miss Antoina pays off all of her debt or not. It is her responsibility and I hope she has learned something. I worked two jobs and went to college and I survived without running up credit card debt. I think all those credit card offers to college kids needs to be stopped. Too many of them come out of college and right ito debt because they dont' have the foggiest about how to pay bills and not use a creadit card until it is maxed out.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Shazbot on 05-19-06 at 12:18 PM
It is definately a new world. When I was a student, it was busfare and lunch money. (and I'm not that old really). Now tuition is incredibly high too... and maybe that adds to a student's feeling of desperation, and 'I gotta have it' attitude.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by GoodnightLittleBear on 05-19-06 at 01:09 PM
I'm not going to go the "walked 30 miles uphill in the snow both ways" route but I do think that credit cards are too available to people who cannot afford it. College students can get one without even having a job. Credit card companies are making it too easy and attractive for young adults who are just starting out or not even starting out yet.

With the new bankruptcy laws, it is extremely difficult to be free of your credit card debt. So she's not going to be free and clear even if she does file.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by bentherdunthat on 05-19-06 at 12:58 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-06 AT 01:03 PM (EST)

I hope that's how Antonia really feels butI gotta' tell you that it all seemed a little contrived to me. In fact, everytime Antonia goes on about how she's going to pay off the debt and not claim bankruptcy I think of Kim Bookout from last season "fake it till you make it". I think Antonia shunned bankruptcy because she thought that was what Iyanla wanted to hear. It must work because Antonia is graduating and all she actually did was call her creditors to find out how much she owed. Pathetic. She's going to be a "grown-##### woman" and take responsibility ...until she breaks a tooth-then she needs mommy. Her housemates talk her out of it and *poof* all of a sudden she's a "grown-##### woman" again...until she finds out how much it's going to cost for a temporary fix...then she needs mommy again. That doesn't speak to me of a fixed type person. I think she's stubborn, but doesn't have the ability to perservere.
You know, it's easy to talk a good game when you aren't actually playing. I think when Antonia is out of the house, and things are getting tough she'll see something shiny and be right back into her old habits.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by sm2 on 05-19-06 at 01:52 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-06 AT 08:02 PM (EST)

They must have secret meetings at night, how to walk the walk and talk the talk to graduate from the SOH Christie must have been too tired to attend these meetings). Honestly that is the only was I can see that Antonia gets to graduate so fast. She said she will pay her bills and not file bankruptcy and she gets to graduate?? Oh, and yes, the very fine curling of hand and snarling.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-19-06 at 05:22 PM
Seriously!! Why in the heck did she even bring her stuff to the SO house?? They could've graduated her grown *ss in like, 30 minutes!! Nope, no bankruptcy, nope, no Daddy.
POOF*** YOU GRADUATE!! Now, calm down on the growling and curl your wittle hand..... CYA!
This show NEEDS to go already!

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by mrspicklepants44 on 05-19-06 at 01:55 PM
I agree, she didnt want to look bad on tv.. it was all an act..

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Zoey on 05-19-06 at 02:54 PM
It's funny, yet I hate this. I'll watch the show and come to my own conclusion but sometimes all of your comments make me see things differently. (Am I openminded or easily swayed?) *shrugs*

My original thought was that it was admirable of Antonia to want to pay off her debt. It was especially surprising coming from the Queen of Entitlement....but it does seem to good to be true.

She's a lazy person, I can't imagine her being so determined to pay off her debt AND restricting her purchases so as not to continue piling the debt on.

I think she is somewhat living in non-reality. She gets paid to be in the SO house, has (to my knowledge) no food bill, no phone bill, utilities, rent, etc... Maybe she is just diillusioned from being in the house.

A note on Iyanla: Maybe filing bankruptsy would have ended Antonia's debt and made for a cleaner graduation - not Antonia leaving and still having to clean up her mess, even if that is the more honourable method to solving her problems.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Twinkles on 05-19-06 at 05:54 PM
Bankruptcy is a strange thing. I did it about 15 years ago.
I talked to 2 people who weren't professionals and one had the "yeah, wipe out your debt" response and one had the "OMG, you'd be a BANKRUPT!!!!! people used to go to jail for that, that's horrible, never ever ever do that" stigma response.

I was overwhelmed by a combination of medical bills and consumer debt. Most of the consumer debt was from compulsive shopping and I knew I had to change my habits drastically. I knew that bankruptcy alone wasn't a solution.

So I talked to a bankruptcy lawyer and got what I thought were the facts. It sounded serious enough that I figured I wouldn't get back into the trap again.

I decided to go through with it. I realized people wouldn't know about it like some Scarlet Letter B on my forehead. It's true that after the formal court discharge after one year there was very little difference compared to being broke. I could get credit cards, department store cards (but not at the same stores where I used to shop). The interest rates were higher, the limits lower, and my credit score lower than if I had managed to get myself out of debt but I was sent a thing for buying a car and I had money to do that because I wasn't spending all my money on paying credit cards and hospital bills. Plus I had cash left over to pay for things so I didn't need cards anymore. I got one secured card and it was all I needed for a few years.

I'm still driving that '94 Ford. I paid for it in 4 years and probably got a high interest for it but at the time, without the bankruptcy -- I had no idea how i was going to get a car at all.

Later I regretted the bankruptcy. I realized it was done out of panic and I hadn't sat down and thought carefully that with my salary I could have been out of debt in maybe 3 or 4 years. (i wasns't even sure -- maybe 5 or 6 but without panic does it matter, really?) I didn't know creditors will lower the interest rates - if you ask. Instead I've had years of high interest and still have low credit scores. I didn't have a source of real facts of bankruptcy info, just someone who was going to profit from it if I did it.

What everyone needs is advice from COMPLETELY NEUTRAL, non emotional sources that give facts. Maybe handsome SO guy had no interest (other than being on tv) but he didn't lay out much info for her. (not that she would sit still and stay awake and listen)

I know she decided against it for now. I wonder if she knows enough about it to make an informed decision if she changes her mind.

After awhile, her internal drive to do it all on her own may wear thin. The pull of a few shopping sprees or the cost of school may be all it takes for her to reconsider. The new bankruptcy laws might actually make it a more reasonable choice for people -- less of an all or nothing. I haven't seen the facts myself.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-19-06 at 11:06 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-06 AT 11:10 PM (EST)

Fabulous, intelligent post, TWINKLES. Thanks for your imput!!!This clears it up for all of us who don't know the whole story! Too bad SO didn't have someone like you to talk with before, but hey, it's a crappy television show that's just about over. Thank you again for your honesty and information!!

ETA: Moniker


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by Twinkles on 05-20-06 at 01:52 AM
Thanks, I know my posts go on a bit.

Here's a short one. Why are Antonia's choices "work 2 jobs or get roommate"? If you can't stand the idea of having a roommate then get a roommate and have 2 jobs at the same time. You'll never see the other person and have even more money.

Plus, what happened to the lessons of Rich Dad/Poor Dad guy? Wasn't he supposed to get her on the road to learning how to be an investor, not a 9-5 work to stay poor type of person? There was no followup on the poetry slam investment and how to improve on that.

These courses in money management were woefully short.


"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by crazeec on 05-20-06 at 02:21 PM
I think she'll be on the phone to MOMMY before she evens gets to the airport to go back to the Never Never Land she came from. One minute she says she's a grown a** woman, the next she'll call Mommy about the glasses because she knows where to take them and Mommy for the tooth. No offence to anyone over 18 who chooses to call their Mother Mommy - but I've only heard her mention her when something needs a fixin'.
Did I hear her right? Did she say something about maybe she would go on another reality show and just smile a lot???
I'm truly non-violent but I think Mommy should watch the show and spank her grown a** woman's butt lol.
I hope they do have another season and this time they do a follow-up on the fake starter-overs they gave the easy A's to.
Anybody got Mommy's number? I need a new shower curtain to match my new tooth brush.
This girl is 'fixed' alright.

"RE: Antonia - A 'Fixed' Type of Person"
Posted by MizJazmine on 05-20-06 at 04:54 AM
Well...coulda, shoulda, woulda, didn't, but NOW Antonis is trying to clean up her credit and I think she will. I guess I just see something really good in Antonia. True she was irresponsible and made a huge financial mistake, but she made the kind of mistake as a young person she can correct. There's a lot of support out there for her to do just that. Debt is an epidemic in this country, but it's not the "Antoinia's" who are the bulk of it. They're just easy scapegoats IMO.

It will be hard, and it will take years but I think she can do it. I think Antonia has a real conviction about not going into bankruptcy. Both Antonia & Iyanla's body language was very telling when they were sitting there with the Credit Counselor. I really got the feeling Antonia HAD already told Iyanla where she stood on the subject, but she HAD to go to the meeting just the same. Antonia did not change her mind.

I was really proud of Antonia in her climbing exercise. She got the metaphor WITHOUT Iyanla's "interpretation"! It was really too bad Iyanla couldn't just let Antonia have that and her victory. I felt Iyanla scolded her and it just wasn't fair, because I think Antonia really INTERNALIZED the fact that it is HER responsibility and HER'S alone to clean up HER debt. Nobody else is gonna do that for her. I think Antonia really did connect all the dots.

I do think Antonia's word is her bond. I really do think she knows she failed in keeping her word, but she's not choosing to continue to fail. She's choosing to take full responsibility and correct the mistakes she's made. That's all anybody can do IMHO.

*In answer to your question about 20's & 30's...I say consider the decades they were born in...now look at the fruit. I know it's more complicated than that, but hey sometimes it's not.