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"“Be The Survivor” S35 Ep06 “This Is Why You Pay On Survivor”"

Posted by RollDdice on 11-01-17 at 09:36 PM

Outrun. Outpitch. Out at home. The Survivor world goes on, but a large number of American bipeds are going to be watching Game 7 of the World Series as the Houston Astros and the Los Angeles Dodgers continue their battle royale.

But you want your drama with more sand and unexplained rashes. So here we go... Mike has found a Yelp fish restaurant that’ll deliver to Yawa, so he’s feeling pretty proud of himself. Meanwhile, tribemate Cole is getting good marks for finger painting and mat-sleeping, but sharing? Not so much.

Joe is also in a non-sharing mood as his nocturnal ramblings yield him a 2nd Idol, making it harder for the Levu-ites to get rid of him. At Sako, Ryan tries to target JP, while JP tries to shrug off his Challenge strength. And over at Yawa, Cole loses vertical hold and Jessica gets a “tingly” feeling. But Mike thinks of it more as a “snuff the torch” feeling.

There’s no crying in baseball, which leaves plenty of it... plus fainting, blindsides and crotch rot... for Survivor.



Mark “This is what I get laid for” Burnett

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"And the Oscar goes to Cole! Don’t eat the roses. "
Posted by kingfish on 11-02-17 at 08:10 PM
LAST EDITED ON 11-04-17 AT 07:46 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 11-03-17 AT 11:51 AM (EST)


Peering down at the ants going about their daily routine of backbiting, accusing, and playing for the cameras, I notice that the ranks of said ants are getting thinner.

Hi, Nasty McBathrooms here with the latest observations of the Survivors, their habits, their loves, their hates, and their food stealing. Especially interesting is their food stealing, which we’ll get to a little later.

First I want to tell you about a little adventure I had when I had to crawl down from my lofty perch in my Palm Tree house for a little trip to the latrine. It seems someone dropped a coconut into the facilities up top which pretty much ended my toilet action here, and the island plumbers are too busy watching the World Series (atta boy Astros) to make it here any time soon. So, I’m having to pee with the peasants this week.

So anyway, while I was there Lauren engaged me in a game of pitch/catch (using a coconut), and nearly broke my hand with her soft tosses. I ran out into the surf (temporarily forgetting that the surf was used as a latrine by some) to ease my burning palms, and whaddya know, I stepped on a flounder as big as a doormat and managed to wrestle it ashore. Pretty cool, huh? I flung it on my back like the hero I am and began climbing back to my place in the tree. Truth disclaimer: I did fall back a few times – that fish was heavy – so I figured that since I caught it, the Spy Girl Squad (all Super Sleuthy Spoiler and Very Raunchy Girl Graduates of the Really Really Raunchy but sorta Snobby School for Hopped up Motor Scooter Mechanic-ing and Hands Free Coconut Tree climbing - you really gotta see that to believe it - should do their part and get it up to the grill. And clean it. And cook it. With hush puppies and cold slaw, and ice cold Mexican beer.

We had a feast. We at and ate till we all rolled away from the table and went to sleep. Then we got up and ate again.

In between feedings I received the latest batch of super accurate and, contrary to what I’ve been accused of, really real spoilers of things to happen in the future. Doubters can suck it. Here they are:

Passing Flounder Gas Spoiler #1: The ballots for the 90th presentation of the Academy awards reportedly include Cole’s performance in the drama “I’m eating your food to save our Tribe”. However it’s possible he went over the top when he scarfed up all the available food at camp and then fainted. But when he explained the selflessness of his actions, that he was doing it so that the tribe could win challenges, the audience cried. His tribe mates appeared to be willing to donate his sorry carcass to the island cannibals, however.

Passing Flounder Gas Spoiler #2: Still no bathing suits. Latest theory is that Trump cut off air service to Fiji, and all their luggage had to be delivered by outrigger canoes. There are a lot of brown people in Fiji, and, well, Trump don’t like brown people.

Passing Flounder Gas Spoiler #3: There is a lot of tension in the Soko tribe between Ali, Chrissy, Rat boy (ref. below), and JP. Actually JP is just listening. Yet with all the tension and the paranoid thinking, no one searches for an idol at that camp. Arguing and plotting and crying and begging and pleading instead of searching.

Passing Flounder Gas Spoiler #4: The biggest spoiler of all (everybody should be sitting for this one) next week the tribes merge! Whoa, didn’t see that one coming, I’ll bet. Three tribes into One! Can you believe it?

Passing Flounder Gas Spoiler #5: P.S. – Rat boy is Ryan. If he gets any skinnier he’ll implode into a different dimension where black and white are all the colors that exist, and bones are animate. It’s Halloween all year round.

Nasty McBathrooms
If it's yellow, it's mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. Also run away screaming if it starts to crawl out.


"RE: “Be The Survivor” S35 Ep06 “This Is Why You Pay On Survivor”"
Posted by Aruba on 11-03-17 at 06:03 AM
LAST EDITED ON 11-03-17 AT 06:11 AM (EST)

The Aruba Commission has returned from its hiatus. Some catching up to do, so without further ado…

FINDING #1 – When convened last, Michel was suggesting the possibility of bringing the Commission up on sexual harassment charges for recommending less leg ware for the female castaways. Fortunately, Production may have been listening to the Commission because “viewing pleasure” during the challenges has improved dramatically.

FINDING #2 – If makeup is provided for the female castaways to wear, why can’t it provide Proactive for Ashley’s complexion? HDTV has NOT been a complimentary ally for poor Ashley.

FINDING #3 – The medical staff on location must include a world-renowned plastic surgeon. That’s the only explanation why Chrissy’s nose is not ten feet long by now.

FINDING #4 – Speaking of Chrissy, we may need a barf bag for Ep. 7 if the nausea is too overwhelming watching Chrissy’s embellished reaction of utter “shock” and “surprise” when Jeff officially announces the merge.

FINDING #5 – Speaking of “shock” and “surprise,” TWO episodes and FOUR challenges in a row without any silly puzzles. Now THAT is why you play Survivor!

FINDING #6 – In the preview, Jeff is ready to “drop a bomb” when he announces the merge. Never has a “bomb” been more easily detected before reaching its target.

FINDING #7 – Ali’s parting words reflected on how she was deceived by a “little twerp” and was disenchanted with the “Liar of all Liars.” It brought the Commission back to Borneo—the season that started it all. Though lacking the malice of Sue Hawk’s FTC speech, one could make a correlation to the deceptive SNAKE/”little twerp” Ryan and a RAT/”Liar of all Liars” Chrissy. Borneo ended as “nature intended” with the “snake” eating the “rat.” Will we see history repeat itself 34 seasons later?


"RE: “Be The Survivor” S35 Ep06 “This Is Why You Pay On Survivor”"
Posted by kingfish on 11-03-17 at 12:32 PM
Finding #1 - We all know Michel is a twerp. But credit where credit is due, he did conjure - out of thin air - the correct outcome of the Ali/Ryan/Chrissy affair, even though he didn't have enough faith in his own imaginary (at the time) scenario to vote for Ali, the obvious bootee if one actually believed in his hocus pocus. I think the commission should award him two coconuts for his correct wild ass guess and penalize him three coconuts for being so obnoxious in his self-congratulatory rectitude.

Finding #2. (Hey one isn't enough? I have to do another? OK, here goes). I'm giving this one to Ashley. Pimples aren't her fault in that environment, and not everyone has the natural unblemished beauty of Ali. Underneath that rough facial surface lies a very comely girl, and from the neck down lies enough woman for anybody.

Besides, we're running out of girl watching subjects. We still have Desi, but Jess is eroding before our eyes, and I'm a bit less selective after losing Ali and ♪ Simone ♫ . And truth be told, I don't have high standards anyway.

Finding #3. True dat. In this game, that's a compliment.

Finding #4. Again, true. But garbage pail next to the recliner has long been required item when watching Survivor. Two when watching Big Brother.

Finding #5. Yeah. And what happened to eating spiders and snails? That separated the men from the effete snobs.

Finding #6. Wow! You weren't surprised? That the merge that always happens reight about this time is announced? I'm pretty sure that the rest of the viewing audience stifled a yawn long enough to act surprised. The audience that hadn't switched channels to game 7 of the World Series, Astros versus the dodgers, that the Astros won for the first time in their history, 55 years in the making. Go 'stros!!

Finding #7. The analogy is there, but the venom wasn't. Ali is class (and no, I am not empathizing her ass, although it would be accurate to do so, I am not that kind of oaf - yes I am), and describes Rat boy and Chrissy accurately, and well, somebody had to say it. I'm proud that it was her. If rat boy gets eaten by Snake woman (Since I labeled Ryan as rat boy - I mean, just look at him and his rat face - I have to put the snake analogy on Chrissy, I think you'll agree that that fits as well) and we are at our usual raunchy best by furthering the analogy to mean eating in the other way, then at least Ryan will get to pop his cherry. More than that ratboy deserves, but he'll walk away a winner.

.


"RE: “Be The Survivor” S35 Ep06 “This Is Why You Pay On Survivor”"
Posted by michel2 on 11-03-17 at 08:11 PM
> Finding #1 -
>We all know Michel is
>a twerp. But credit where
>credit is due, he did
>conjure - out of
>thin air - the correct
>outcome of the Ali/Ryan/Chrissy affair,
>even though he didn't have
>enough faith in his own
>imaginary (at the time) scenario
>to vote for Ali, the
>obvious bootee if one actually
>believed in his hocus pocus.
>I think the commission should
>award him two coconuts for
>his correct wild ass guess
>and penalize him three coconuts
>for being so obnoxious in
>his self-congratulatory rectitude.

Better a twerp than a bristlenose catfish! I've rarely indulged in self-congratulations. I voted for Cole leaving mostly because I thought Yawa was going to lose the challenge.

> Finding #2. (Hey
>one isn't enough? I have
>to do another? OK, here
>goes). I'm giving this one
>to Ashley. Pimples aren't her
>fault in that environment, and
>not everyone has the natural
>unblemished beauty of Ali. Underneath
>that rough facial surface lies
>a very comely girl, and
>from the neck down lies
>enough woman for anybody.

You got that right!

>Besides, we're running out of girl
>watching subjects. We still have
>Desi, but Jess is eroding
>before our eyes, and I'm
>a bit less selective after
>losing Ali and
>Simone ♫
. And truth
>be told, I don't have
>high standards anyway.

Jess is still looking great but you're right again: Too much of the Big Thing, not enough cute women.

> Finding #3. True
>dat. In this game, that's
>a compliment.

Aruba thinks you can win Survivor without lying!!


> Finding #6. Wow!

> Finding #7. The
>analogy is there, but the
>venom wasn't. Ali is class
>(and no, I am not
>empathizing her ass, although it
>would be accurate to do
>so, I am not that
>kind of oaf - yes
>I am), and describes Rat
>boy and Chrissy accurately,
>and well, somebody had to
>say it. I'm proud that
>it was her. If rat
>boy gets eaten by Snake
>woman (Since I labeled Ryan
>as rat boy - I
>mean, just look at him
>and his rat face -
>I have to put the
>snake analogy on Chrissy, I
>think you'll agree that that
>fits as well) and we
>are at our usual raunchy
>best by furthering the analogy
>to mean eating in the
>other way, then at least
>Ryan will get to pop
>his cherry. More than that
>ratboy deserves, but he'll walk
>away a winner.

Yep! Chrissy used Ryan to her advantage just like Hatch used his allies.



"RE: “Be The Survivor” S35 Ep06 “This Is Why You Pay On Survivor”"
Posted by michel2 on 11-03-17 at 07:53 PM

>FINDING #1 – When convened last,
>Michel was suggesting the possibility
>of bringing the Commission up
>on sexual harassment charges for
>recommending less leg ware for
>the female castaways. Fortunately, Production
>may have been listening to
>the Commission because “viewing pleasure”
>during the challenges has improved
>dramatically.

I'm all for enjoying beautiful women but when you pose as "commissioner" you need to be careful with your impulses.

>FINDING #2 – If makeup is
>provided for the female castaways
>to wear, why can’t it
>provide Proactive for Ashley’s complexion?
>HDTV has NOT been a
>complimentary ally for poor Ashley.

Maybe her skin is suffering a bit from all the sun and sand but this was the nicest image of the season:


>FINDING #3 – The medical staff
>on location must include a
>world-renowned plastic surgeon. That’s the
>only explanation why Chrissy’s nose
>is not ten feet long
>by now.

The problem with idols is that you have to lie. Using Lex's approach of complete honesty could get you hit by an idol. If you sign uo for Survivor, expect lies.

>FINDING #4 – Speaking of Chrissy,
>we may need a barf
>bag for Ep. 7 if
>the nausea is too overwhelming
>watching Chrissy’s embellished reaction of
>utter “shock” and “surprise” when
>Jeff officially announces the merge.

Embellished reactions are what gets re-invitations so blame production's love of returning players for those images. It's either that or she's following their script.

>FINDING #5 – Speaking of “shock”
>and “surprise,” TWO episodes and
>FOUR challenges in a row
>without any silly puzzles. Now
>THAT is why you play
>Survivor!

Yes, but absolutely nothing involving the local culture or Survival skills, just different kind of "Mickey-Mouse" carnival games.

>FINDING #6 – In the preview,
>Jeff is ready to “drop
>a bomb” when he announces
>the merge. Never has a
>“bomb” been more easily detected
>before reaching its target.

Finally a valid point.

>FINDING #7 – Ali’s parting words
>reflected on how she was
>deceived by a “little twerp”
>and was disenchanted with the
>“Liar of all Liars.” It
>brought the Commission back to
>Borneo—the season that started it
>all. Though lacking the malice
>of Sue Hawk’s FTC speech,
>one could make a correlation
>to the deceptive SNAKE/”little twerp”
>Ryan and a RAT/”Liar of
>all Liars” Chrissy. Borneo ended
>as “nature intended” with the
>“snake” eating the “rat.” Will
>we see history repeat itself
>34 seasons later?

I'm sure Chrissy would win against Ryan just as surely as Jeremy beat Spencer. And watching her sell her point of view in the last vote showed her mastery: Ryan wanted JP out and thought he could still work with Ali but Chrissy knew she didn't have to fear JP while Ali's game was too similar to her own and would be much more dangerous down the road. Ryan lost an ally and may look suspicious to the other two Hustlers while Crissy can easily rejoin all the heroes. She played your boy like a fiddle.


"RE: “Be The Survivor” S35 Ep06 “This Is Why You Pay On Survivor”"
Posted by Aruba on 11-03-17 at 09:07 PM
#1 - The Commission is quite careful on how to walk a fine line...but is touched by your genuine concern for its well-being.

#2 - Now wait a minute comrades...I’m not “blaming” Ashley. Didn’t I state “POOR” Ashley. On the other hand, if you want to blame the “sun” or “sand” is there another sun or other sand hitting the faces of the other castaways? All I’m saying is if Production can provide make up for Ali and Desi, they can cough up some Proactive for POOR Ashley.
Thanks for sharing the pic, but far from the “nicest image of the season.” The pic you posted couldn’t hold a candle to Desi walking the balance beam in the Ep. 5 challenge.

#3 – AHHHHH, the REAL problem here is when you are too inept to be able to find idols or perform well in challenges you have little choice but to lie. And I’m talking more specifically about premediated, made-up lies purposely fabricated with the intent to discredit/deceive another. Westman signed up for Survivor and did not rely on that tactic to win.

#4 – You know how I feel about returnees, but Chrissy’s embellishment is just another example of you are...who you are...who you are.

#5 – And what about the “coconut chop” challenges? It allowed everyone to know what others thought and where they stood in the game.

#6 – I always make valid points.

#7 – Jeremy/Spencer? Please stick with real seasons. Ryan had to eventually choose between Chrissy and Ali and this was a perfect time to cut Ali loose. I explained it perfectly in my list I just posted on another thread. Ryan knew Chrissy along with her Hero connections could bring much more to the table post-merge. All Ali could offer was herself. As for Ryan looking “suspicious,” I also addressed that in my list as well...he should have no problem with that.


"RE: “Be The Survivor” S35 Ep06 “This Is Why You Pay On Survivor”"
Posted by kingfish on 11-06-17 at 12:03 PM
As for images this season, this is also a winner:

Nasty McBathrooms
If it's yellow, it's mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. Also run away screaming if it starts to crawl out.