I cried and cried today while watching poor Niambi at the BOR. I hated that she got the C. I can sure relate to what she is going through. My own mother was the exactly the way Iylanda described. It was an emotional BOR and maybe Niambi will let go of her pain and begin to make some major changes. I really really like her and I hope she kicks Mr. Situation to the curb. I can see why after watching her today she settles for sloppy seconds. Her self-esteem is nil and she really believes she is worthless. I want her to succeed. It is a darn shame that parents are given a hand book on the do's and dont's of what to say to your children. It has really screwed up lots of people. I read somewhere that it takes 100 at a boy's for one negetative comment made by your parents. So many women fall into this catagory and SO has a great opportunity to do some real good for lots of women. I hope they use it wisely.

• RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,TexasSOfan, 03:05 PM, 05-04-06
  • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,Baxtera, 03:14 PM, 05-04-06
    • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,mirage3033, 03:27 PM, 05-04-06
      • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,steelmagnolya, 11:26 AM, 05-05-06
  • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,2Centz, 03:29 PM, 05-04-06
• RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,JACKBAUERSCHIC, 04:25 PM, 05-04-06
  • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,PanchoVilla, 05:19 PM, 05-04-06
    • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,shawnar, 06:50 PM, 05-04-06
      • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,mikaela643, 07:28 PM, 05-04-06
        • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,sweet cheeks, 08:03 PM, 05-04-06
  • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,AshLanie, 05:47 AM, 05-06-06
• RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,sweet cheeks, 07:56 PM, 05-04-06
  • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,sharnina, 09:11 PM, 05-04-06
    • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,sweet cheeks, 00:10 AM, 05-05-06
• RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,MizJazmine, 01:17 AM, 05-05-06
  • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,Cleverone, 01:47 AM, 05-05-06
    • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,sharnina, 03:59 AM, 05-05-06
      • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,Juliejo, 08:45 AM, 05-05-06
        • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,SueNahMe, 09:53 AM, 05-05-06
        • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,NicNac, 09:54 AM, 05-05-06
        • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,2KOOL, 01:44 PM, 05-05-06
        • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,Cleverone, 10:48 PM, 05-05-06
  • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,sweet cheeks, 11:50 PM, 05-05-06
    • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,tac_2, 02:27 AM, 05-06-06
    • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,MizJazmine, 12:10 PM, 05-06-06
      • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,SeasonedRefinement, 12:51 PM, 05-06-06
        • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,kristin830, 11:13 PM, 05-06-06
          • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,SeasonedRefinement, 10:50 AM, 05-07-06
            • RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,MizJazmine, 06:25 PM, 05-08-06
• RE: Niambi's C at the BOR,msshasha, 08:08 AM, 05-07-06

I had one of those mothers too juliejo! I'm not usually moved by a SO episode, but I had tears in my eyes today. Iyanla was great with niambi today. I'm dying to see where she goes with this and if she can help niambi.

I thought it was a good thing because when she was talking with Christie she definitly was not getting that she was the problem not the other hg and that she needed to either get with the program or move out of the house. Hopefully the C will be the wake up call she needs to get on or get out.

I felt bad for Niambi too, speak English?? comeon IV she was just spouting out all you had told her. ahh, its not her daddy's fault??? but Iv spent so much time last week hammering it into her head that she did have daddy issues. I think Niambi's pain was trying to come up with what IV wanted her to say.

Iyanla never went along with Niambi having daddy issues. She tried to show her that the negative image she had of her dad where all traits she believed about herself. I don't think it was a coincidence at BOR that Iyanla called her out on the lie that it is all her dad's fault. Iyanla knew there was more to the negative self hate all along.

If you believe the stuff discussed in the thread "Niambi's Phone Call" you'll know that the SO house has not had much of an impact on her. It's a little spoilerish, so be careful if you want Niambi's story to be a total surprise, but it contains an entry by Niambi herself as well as Mr. Situation's girlfriend.

here is her site link

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=58273545

Niambi.....YAWN

So far I am really liking Niambi. I can relate to all herself hate. This is something that I am slowly overcoming. I have been brought to tears the last couple of days with her. I was starting to give up on IV she has been getting stranger and stranger but thou, maybe she was a little harsh today I think that she can get throu to her. Or at least I'm hoping. The other thread about the phonecall has little to no impact on my opinion of her. It can be all hear say and who knows if they are who they say they are if you know what I mean. I chose to believe the best in someone untill I see otherwise. I am not saying I might not change my mind in the future I tend to do that. But for now I have sympathy for her and want to see her get it. I was sad to see her get a "c" but maybe now it will give her a kick in the A$$ to get real.

I'm not sure i'm buying into this whole Niambi's mother thing yet. It just seemed like Iyanla had to prod her into giving the answers. IMO it seemed that Niambi guessed the right answer was to say the problem is her mother. Niambi just seemed so lost at BOR and then suddenly she came up with the mother issue.

It is her Mom. When Iyanla said its not your Dad.
You know who it is Niambi.
And Niambi said ....But she Loves me.

So to me it is the Mom. Iyanla said African American women
have a thing . Do not tell or her blame the Mother.

>here is her site link
>
>http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=58273545

Sigh, she mentions she is a model, writer and recording artist (yet she acted like she didn't wish to sing on Fri's show) and an aspiring actress...

She goes on to say she will be posting some of her pics from her photo shoot and from her portfolio.

So on that tone, was her BOR as difficult as the show would have us think or was it all scripted?

Was the recording studio setting and her recording cd scripted also? She *acted* like she didn't want to sing yet that is one of her careers....chuckling

Is her story even real or scripted in for May drama rating? Does she have a Mr. Situation Man or is it a friend playing the part?

I am sooo tired of most of these ladies being aspiring actress', singers, tv talk show hosts, models, etc.

S.O. Life have never been so UNreal

I'm with you I cried so hard . Iayna was treated bad by her own Mother so she did get it.
My Mother did not berate me but she never instilled in me
confidence. To be proud of yourself. And you can do anything .
If you put your mind to it.
But my Mother did the best she could.

I just can't understand why a Mother would down her daughter
like that.
Poor Niambi .
I hope she will do well . With Ilayna help I think she will
succeed . But Its going to be a hard road.

Well said, Sweet Cheeks.

I think you are awesome.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Well shucks I think your pretty nice yourself....

Well...okay...I'm really trying with Niambi, but something is just not "clicking" for me. It's like I still don't feel her being honest, and I don't know what it is because I see her as a very beautiful and self determining woman. Niambi strikes me as a person who doesn't do anything that she doesn't want to do. So it's like I see her, I hear her, I see her tears, but I just really feel like I'm not seeing HER. To me it's a facade of sorts. I don't know if it's the camera's or what, but I feel like she's doing the body count thing, and disappears at the same time. So I feel like I'm still waiting to see Niambi. Although I felt like I saw glimpses of her on her recent phone call.

The most I've felt from Niambi was a real simmering rage, and that was before the "bat" exercise. Even then when she was doing that exercise I felt her transfer something where she was no longer focusing on herself, but somebody else and it was really potent, but who I don't know.

I'm not so sure about the mother thing either because I just don't know. That's Niambi's perspective on her mom. I guess I would like know more and see the two of them together before I jump on that bandwagon. I suspect some cultural things regarding Niambi, and maybe Iyanla will talk with her about it...I dunno. I thought the "C" was good for Niambi. I like the fact that Iyanla makes her "clients" work for it, and she'll totally take 'em down to bring them up. I like that.

Well said MizJazmine ..... although, I cried for her today, especially when she made the statement " but, she loves me" ...that... I found to come from her heart and not her head...it's obvious that someone told her these negative thoughts for them to be so instilled in her.

What you see MizJ, is a facade of sorts, because Niambi hasn't let down her guard until today and it's not totally down, yet. Even Sommer recognizes herself in Niambi
because she, too, was the same way when she was in the house the first time... too aware of the cameras and the fact that it's all being filmed...really makes it hard to surrender to the process without feeling as if you're walking around exposed. That's why they should really think about what their fifteen minutes of fame is really worth ...(JMHO).

I had the same feeling during her "bat exercise" as well...it seemed to take on a different meaning when Niambi started wacking away...transference sounds viable to me...but, I really didn't get the sense that it was for her as it was intended.

I hope this "C" is a wake up call for Niambi because I'd hate to see her have to leave SO as Sommer did...she should have Sommer relate her past SO issues with her.

****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************

Could you just have died when she looked at Iyanla with tears streaming down her face and said, "Can you help me?"

Ahhhgghh... I was a blubbering puddle on the floor after that. She's killin' me.

She seriously needs to let go and figure out what is holding her back.

Iyanla did make a very good observation today concerning Niambi's athletic career. She pointed out that Niambi had been under the direction of a parent or coach for her whole life (until she was 28). Since that has ended she has sort of floundered without that structure and direction in her life. She doesn't have the personal skills to manage on her own. Hopefully that is what she will gain from her experience at SO. But the way things have been this year ... who knows?

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Oh yes, the "can you help me" was a big one for me too, and I know in my heart that someone took that girls spirit and self-esteem. She has had the direction of a coach and her parents her entire life and now she is helpless and doesnt know what to do. She isn't isolating herself because she is a loner that is her way of coping. She just needs to open up and let it all out. I think Iylanda did a good job with her yesterday and I am on her side and want Niambi to make it. This was the first time in a long time that I actually got something out of SO. It has been so boring lately with Christie and Jodi and I am glad to see it moving in the right direction.

>Oh yes, the "can you help
>me" was a big
>one for me too, and
>I know in my heart
>that someone took that girls
>spirit and self-esteem. She
>has had the direction of
>a coach and her parents
>her entire life and now
>she is helpless and doesnt
>know what to do.
>She isn't isolating herself because
>she is a loner that
>is her way of coping.
> She just needs to
>open up and let it
>all out. I think
>Iylanda did a good job
>with her yesterday and I
>am on her side and
>want Niambi to make it.
>This was the first time
>in a long time that
>I actually got something out
>of SO. It has
>been so boring lately with
>Christie and Jodi and I
>am glad to see it
>moving in the right direction.

>

In total agreement with you. I cried like a baby, right along with Miambi. I really did feel sorry for her. But I also understood where Iyanla was trying to go with her. I just hope she gets the help she desperately needs. It was so nice seeing the other hg's embrace her.

Today was actually the first time since I have been watching SO that I found myself with tears in my eyes. Whatever Niambis' issues are, I hope that she finds what she needs at the SO house. I truly feel deep sorrow for that girl, mainly because she seems so SAD all the time. There is a deeply instilled sadness in her that came from somewhere as she was growing up and I truly hope that Iyanla and Dr. Stan can get to the root cause of it. I can almost bet that she has never ever had a good, long, crazy, silly laugh with girlfriends - the kind that makes your stomach hurt by the time you are done. That is my wish for her - to be able to experience the true joy of just being alive.

>>I actually got something out
>of SO. It has
>been so boring lately with
>Christie and Jodi and I
>am glad to see it
>moving in the right direction.I can
>
I can't agree more.

Sweetcheeks also wrote: "I'm with you I cried so hard . Iayna was treated bad by her own Mother so she did get it.
My Mother did not berate me but she never instilled in me
confidence. To be proud of yourself. And you can do anything .
If you put your mind to it. But my Mother did the best she could."

OMG, I experieced the same thing with my mother. I know that at this very moment I am writing I don't have as much confidence as I should have because is wasn't necessarily instilled in me. I have three older sisters and they all have their own ways of dealing with their issues with my mother. I know you have to go through life and gain your own experiences and learn about yourself, but the number one person you would like to go to about your insecurities as a woman is your mother. So you put your gaurd up because you don't want to look weak. Like Niambi said "but I love her." That came straight from the heart. Being an afican-american woman myself I understand why she said that first instead of just becoming frustated. You really just don't talk back and disrepect your mother unless that's the type of relationship she allows and most older african-amiercan women didn't allow that to happen. Like Niambi and myself our mothers raised us but our father's were around. The one thing you don't forget is the hard times your mother went through as a single mother. I also liked how Iyanla made everyone go around and share something that they know they are not perfect at yet to show her that they are no better than she is and that just because they have been open to the process that they are not still perfect. I definitely hope that she heals that part of herself because it will definitely help me.

>Oh yes, the "can you help
>me" was a big
>one for me too, and
>I know in my heart
>that someone took that girls
>spirit and self-esteem. She
>has had the direction of
>a coach and her parents
>her entire life and now
>she is helpless and doesnt
>know what to do.
>She isn't isolating herself because
>she is a loner that
>is her way of coping.
> She just needs to
>open up and let it
>all out. I think
>Iylanda did a good job
>with her yesterday and I
>am on her side and
>want Niambi to make it.
>This was the first time
>in a long time that
>I actually got something out
>of SO. It has
>been so boring lately with
>Christie and Jodi and I
>am glad to see it
>moving in the right direction.

You know JulieJo, reading your post made me realize what it is about Niambi that keeps me reluctant to completely believe her...she does seem to always be isolated. I thought she was just adjusting to SO's environment....but, she's never been on her own so to speak and doesn't have any directions. The path she's chosen is definitely the wrong one and she doesn't know how to get out of the game before she's declared the loser...I feel for her because her addiction to Mr. Situation is "for real" and it shows.

Isolation is her "coping mechanism"...I see that now and it reminds me of the HG that was a "former Olympian" (I can't think of her name at this moment) who was very much like Niambi. She, too, was involved with a guy who was using her and was not encouraging her forward progression...he belittled her and trampled all over her self-esteem...she was so addicted to him that she paid off his debt and spent almost all of her money on him. They have quite a bit in common...wrong man, no direction, and living in the shadow of past performances.

Iyanla is always on target to me...even when I don't agree with her..in the long run her efforts are realized and I believe she'll get thru to Niambi...even when she's tested after leaving...it may not be immediate, but the wise one's words will resonate in her head until she is awakened. At least that's what I hope for her.

****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************

Well if you watched the show on friday.
You will see that its related back to Niambi Mother.

First IV has Niambi tearing her father apart, now her mom. Nice.
Wondering...does she have any sibs? Are her grandparents still living?
Who's next? Uncle, aunt, cousins, neighbors, the mailman, plumber...

When will Niambi run out of things to smash or people to beat and cuss out?
~good thing she's athletic, eh?~ ;)

All Niambi has to do is take note of the last hg that got a "C", Jodi, and she'll realize to raise her grade and get IV off her back is start playing life coach, bestest friend, and house marm.
It's so simple beating those C's when you know how to play the game.

LAST EDITED ON 05-06-06 AT 12:20 PM (EST)

Well sweet cheeks ...Unlike everybody else, I'm not really persuaded that it's her mom...sorry but I'm just not. I can't put my finger on it, but it's something I feel. I don't know what kind of woman her mother was then and is now. As a black woman I can tell you that I REALLLY understood what Iyanla said about mothers and the African American community, but for me something is just not witnessing for me here, and I don't know what it is.

Niambi does this thing where she interchanges what she says to herself vs. what someone else has said vs. what she thinks is the right thing to say. Niambi has a negative self talk but I'm not so sure how much of it is or was her mother and how much of it is just Niambi. What are some of the specific times when her mother said these things..."When I was 5 years old...When I was 12...." Was her mother not supportive of her in her career? Is Niambi blaming her mother for her father? Is Niambi's mother in the "church"? In the black community that's a very real tradition. The other thing is that at BOR I'm pretty sure Niambi said how she "felt" that nothing she did was good enough for her mother. Did her mother ever say that or convey that to Niambi? Is it truth or is it just something Niambi "feels"? These are all things I'm just wondering.

I'm kinda wondering how much of this is really about her mother or if some of this or maybe alot of this is about the messages both covert and overt that this society gives to especially dark complected African American children, who might grow up carrying those wounds for the rest of their lives. On the flip side Niambi said herself that there's enough blame to go around, so I'm wondering who's to blame next? I'm also wondering if her mother knows about "Situation man" and has spoken maybe her disapproval of it.

So like I've said, I don't know...I really don't, but I'm not jumping on the "mom" bandwagon just yet 'cuz the next morning Niambi got in that camera talking about she felt misunderstood and later in group that she didn't feel safe....Why? Didn't she tell the truth or did she just say what she thought Iyanla wanted to hear?

First, thanks to our African-American sisters who have expounded on what Iyanla said. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, and your personal input helps alot.

I'm with MizJasmine on this one. There is some very deep pain and rage in that girl (either that or she is a world class actress). Yesterday's exercise was intense. I hope Iyanla knows what she's doing - I would have never pressed as hard as Iyanla did.

Niambi strikes me as such as tragic figure. She's so beautiful, intelligent, and skilled, and yet she sits there as if she is just a shell, a million miles away. I saw her website, and I can't believe that what I read is what Niambi believes she is.

I'm not sold on the mother thing either. Maybe mom has made some mistakes, but the magnitude of Niambi's pain is so huge. I hope she wasn't misdirecting her rage. This episode could be so devastating to her mother.

Anyway, Niambi is compelling. She has incredible potential.

*******************************************

Like Niambi, I am an only child. I can see that it is hard to open up, since you really never had that opportunity as a child. I can understand why she likes her alone time. That's what happens when you are an only child. You don't have that constant interaction with others. You usually have the interaction with adults. It is hard to shoulder that load alone. All your parents focus is on you and you don't want to fail them. It's not that all only children are anti-social, but I think alot of us are guarded. We become self-sufficient in entertaining ourselves. We want to please everyone. I really feel for Niambi and don't believe that she deserved a C. She did deserve a B- and a the jolt that she got. Why beat a person when they are down?
She has lived her life as a loner, even her track event was an individual event. She is not used to the "team" approach. If you haven't lived life like that, what makes the life coaches think it will happen in 2 weeks? And as far as Christie being an accountability partner, she stinks at it. Unless it revolves around her she can't be botherered. Why didn't she approach Niambi earlier? Why didn't she say hey are you concious you are doing this? Instead she sits on her perch and acts like a diva!

I agree kristin. I don't think the C was fair.

I know that the women have a limited time frame to "get it", but I wish the LC's would give some consideration for the various personality types that come into the house. Some slow starters progress rapidly once they have established in their own hearts that they can trust what's going on around them. Niambi has a distinct personality - it's been forming for years. She cannot drop all of her defense mechanisms at once - especially since she is in front of cameras all day and night.

So she's guarded. That needs to be respected. I think she is bonding with Iyanla, and in the process, there is a level of trust developing between them. I thought Niambi did more than "show up in the room" when Iyanla had her smashing her pics with a baseball bat. I think she felt some very intense pain. She became vunerable.

What concerns me is the way that Iyanla nurtured, held, and spoke to Niambi in the aftermath of that grueling exercise. It was as though she was delivering a message that Niambi was always safe with Iyanla. She could put down her defenses.

When I compare that behavior with the way in which Iyanla spoke to her at the BOR, I was surprised. Iyanla was aggressive. She wasn't giving Niambi a chance to properly digest Iyanla's conclusion that the REAL problem has been Niambi's mother all along. It was as if Niambi HAD to concede to that idea or be told that she was lying. It made me uncomfortable.

Iyanla's aggression may have been warranted if Niambi was not engaging in the counseling sessions, but she is. I don't know what Niambi was thinking as Iyanla confronted her in front of the group, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was feeling confused. She looked hollow and raw the next day, slipping off to somewhere while everyone else was participating in the group session.

I think a B or a B- would have been a fair grade. The woman has taken the plunge. That should count for a little.

*******************************************

>
>When I compare that behavior with
>the way in which Iyanla
>spoke to her at the
>BOR, I was surprised.
>Iyanla was aggressive. She
>wasn't giving Niambi a chance
>to properly digest Iyanla's conclusion
>that the REAL problem has
>been Niambi's mother all along.
>It was as if Niambi
>HAD to concede to that
>idea or be told that
>she was lying. It
>made me uncomfortable.
>
>Iyanla's aggression may have been warranted
>if Niambi was not engaging
>in the counseling sessions, but
>she is. I don't
>know what Niambi was thinking
>as Iyanla confronted her in
>front of the group, but
>I wouldn't be surprised if
>she was feeling confused. She
>looked hollow and raw the
>next day, slipping off to
>somewhere while everyone else was
>participating in the group session.
>
>*******************************************

Seasoned ...This is some of what got me to thinking that something was off here. For me if Niambi had "unburdened" her soul regarding her mother, then why did she say the next morning that she felt misunderstood and unsafe? See that doesn't add up for me. At the BOR all the women shared with her things that they were still working on. So who is Niambi not feeling safe with?

It bothers me because I feel like Niambi was basically put in a situation where her back was against the wall. I did feel like it was more of a concession and a confession under duress. When Niambi said, "But she loves me..." there was more there, but Iyanla took it somewhere else. Iyanla began to say this, that, and the other. Niambi didn't say those things. Maybe it would have been different for me if the "mother issue" had come up prior to the BOR. To me I just felt like Niambi was ambushed.

It wasn't until the CD exercise that Niambi was saying some things, but there was still no examples or time frame. I guess I'm just saying if Niambi is making accusations, and I really don't know if they're true or not that her mother should have the same opportunity to defend herself because this is not being said behind closed doors but on national tv.

My heart would just drop for both Niambi and her mother if it really wasn't true.

LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 08:11 AM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 08:09 AM (EST)

That 100 at-a-boys is directly from Dr. Phil.