Although the Aruba Commission is newly formed, it was around when the Fab Four decided to have some fun with a rumor launching a conspiracy theory that popular bandmember Paul McCartney was dead. Sound bites turned up stating, “Turn me on, Dean Man,” “I buried Paul,” and “Paul is a dead man; miss him, miss him.” These words along with numerous “clues” in album covers and Beatle posters convinced some theorists it MUST be true.

Now half a century later, despite the fact numerous Beatle classics were still being co-authored with John Lennon...he became the front man for the Wings after the Beatles breakup...he earned 18 Grammys (six as a soloist) and was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame first as a member of the Beatles and AGAIN as a solo act, some fans still hang onto the theory that some look-a-like imposter for 50 years could be capable of all those accomplishments.

We now proceed to the modern-day Survivor conspiracy theorists, hence the formation of the Aruba Commission and its episode #4 findings:

FINDING #1 The bonding of Ryan and Chrissy could be a formidable duo this season. Conspiracy theorists may cry “foul” and contend this power couple was preconceived and scripted into the season via the tribal switch. The Commission concludes Ryan was among the first to select his new buff, and about a dozen castaways later Chrissy was next to last in completing this random selection process. That’s one hellava “script,” but keep those theories coming and we’ll continue to “bury Paul.”

FINDING #2 The Commission is outraged that Desi and Ali show up to challenges wearing LONG PANTS? This is a travesty! It is not only understandable to cover stick legs like Ryan’s or ham hocks like Lauren’s, but should be required. Nothing more than briefs should be allowed for these beauties to showcase their shapely curves. If scraped knees and bruised shins are concerns, then apply for “Cooks vs. Cons.”

FINDING #3 More suggestive innuendos. During the IC, a female voice could be heard on the Blue Tribe shouting, “It’s tight, it’s tight.” Followed by a male voice from the same tribe responding, “Yank it.”
The FCC is now conducting a full investigation.

FINDING #4 In the NHL, embellishment is a penalty—you get two minutes in the box for that infraction. The extreme at which Chrissy is exhibiting should be a ten-minute major. Her reaction to the “new look” Hustler tribe with Patrick voted out at the last TC was nauseating. Like she really was so emotionally involved over Patrick’s boot? Are we going to find out SHE may have known Patrick beforehand as well?

When Jeff had everyone drop their buffs, Edvard Munch could have used Chrissy’s face as a model for “The Scream” masterpiece painting. It’s not like the tribal switch is an unexpected twist no one could have seen coming. Any further exaggerated antics on Chrissy’s part and the Commission may have to impose a game misconduct.

Counter-point #1 - The players' name was written on each wrap. Conveniently from a story perspective, Jessica and Cole wound up together as did Alan and Lauren.

Counter-point #2 - The commisionner should show more restraint; his remarks border on sexual harassment and this is a bad time for saying the wrong thing.

Counter-point #3 - Jiffy has been using large poles, big balls, ropes and many more suggestive objects since day 1 so why are you suddenly surprised?

Counter-point #4 - Those reactions were scripted for your benefit.

>Counter-point #1 - The players' name
>was written on each wrap.
> Conveniently from a story
>perspective, Jessica and Cole wound
>up together as did Alan
>and Lauren.

And you know as an undisputed fact the player's names were written on each wrap??? The Commission's finding--100% opinion based on 0% fact. Your far-fetched conspiracy has taken on a whole new level.

>Counter-point #2 - The commisionner should
>show more restraint; his remarks
>border on sexual harassment and
>this is a bad time
>for saying the wrong thing.

If Production can get away with Counter-point #3, this Commission will make no apologies to you. What are you going to do??? Get law enforcement Sluggo to apprehend the Commission?

>Counter-point #3 - Jiffy has been
>using large poles, big balls,
>ropes and many more suggestive
>objects since day 1 so
>why are you suddenly surprised?

I guess you need to be reminded the Commission was formed only a couple weeks ago, so that's way the "sudden" findings.

>Counter-point #4 - Those reactions were
>scripted for your benefit.

I'll respond to this one with one statement...

IIIIIIIIII BURIEEEEEEED PAAAAAUL!

LMAO

I could say that I have HDTV and actually saw the names written on the wraps but I wrote this mostly to rattle your chain and make you talk. You did realize that, didn't you?!

Fact 1: We weren't there so we don't know what went down but the pairings were rather fortuitous.

Fact2: It's rather incredible how often "random" switches have worked EXACTLY the way production wanted over the years. After defending them so many times, you should realize something sticks.

And the line isn't "I Buried Paul" but “cranberry sauce”.

Had you said you actually saw names written on the wraps, the Commission would have dismissed it. For the record, you made the Commission laugh before it talked.

Your "Fact 1" is why conspiracy theories will always stand the test of time and linger on for centuries.

The key word in your "Fact 2" is OFTEN.
The Commission resolves this as inconsistent and provides the much needed "wiggle room" theorists use to hang onto their unproven opinions.

The Commission has determined "berry" could very easily be mistaken for "buried." "Sauce" and "Paul" not so much..."S" for "P?" Nope, although they both have an "au." But NO WAY can anyone spin "Cran" for "I." So nice try.

Try this line on for size...
"TURN ME ON DEAD MAN"

Rattle the Commission's chain with another bogus interpretation.

Do you realize how often I've pointed out near impossibilities and you've dismissed them? You act as if everyone was honest 100% of the times and that there has never been any deceit anywhere and at any time. That's what's really funny.
I'm sorry but Survivor is a commercial operation trying to get the highest ratings possible so they are going to do whatever it takes including fixing their product.

"Cranberry sauce" is what John Lennon himself said was the exact phrase he used where people thought he was saying "I buried Paul".

Whereas conspiracy theorists continued to hang their silly hats on Paul really being dead, many accepted it for the hoax it was. Problem is a faction of the fan base and population did not think the hoax was funny at all and even criticized the Fab Four for its bad taste to joke about such a morbid matter.

The Commission concluded as the leader of the band, John needed to backpedal and perform some damage control to appeased those appalled by such a suggestion; hence the birth of “cranberry sauce.”
Truth of matter...it does not sound like “cranberry sauce” at all.
The Commission rests.

The Beatles had nothing to do with starting that myth. They always said it was a false rumor. And if you listen closely to John's distorted voice, you actually do hear "Cranberry sauce". Check out the 13 to 15 seconds portion of this clip:

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=i+buried+Paul&view=detail&mid=1842B807146D7F116CE41842B807146D7F116CE4&FORM=VIRE

Whereas it would be difficult to determine if the Beatles STARTED the rumor, it was apparent they continued to FEED the rumor/hoax with cryptic messages and various clues. And did so at the displeasure of many who felt the hoax was carried too far...so naturally the Fab Four were going to deny any involvement.
“S” is a very distinctive sounding letter.
You can listen to the sound bite a million times and hear absolutely NO “S” sound whatsoever to indicate “s”auce.

The Aruba Commission concludes to keep the cranberry sauce on the Thanksgiving table and out of the silly conspiracy theory.

Actually the Beatles did no such thing, denying the rumor every chance they had until they simply gave up and let the loonies rave on. Those people imagined those clues and messages all on their own. Why am I not surprised you are on their side?

Of course they denied it...for the reason stated above. Actually it is YOU who is on their side believing the "cranberry sauce" backpedal. They managed to sell that one to some, but had no answer for the other messages that were NOT imagined.

ANNOUNCEMENT

THE ARUBA COMMISSION WILL NOT BE CONVENING THIS WEEK, BUT WILL BE BACK THE FOLLOWING WEEK WITH ITS ADDITIONAL FINDINGS.

It's a conspiracy! The commission has been hijacked by protestors who want more transparency.

LMAO! TOO FUNNY!!

The hijack will take place at 7:00am tomorrow morning and the Commission will be released on Monday.

That's FIVE DAYS for the "loonies to rave on."