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"Christie's "compassion""

Posted by snowflake2 on 05-02-06 at 11:39 AM
Christie often talks about how "compassionate" she's become since being in the SOH, as if she considers it her single most identifying trait. She mentions it over and over...she said she feels such "compassion" for her mother, she said she had so much "compassion" for Kim, and for Cassie's story. Everytime a new HG arrives to tell their story, Christie feels so much "compassion" for them. She chose a symbol of "compassion" for her henna tattoo today.

So do y'all think Christie has really become a compassionate person, or is she just using the SO-speak she's learned while in the SOH to disguise the same selfish, judgemental Christie?

I find it ironic that today when discussing the 5K with Rhonda, Christie acted soooo into helping others change their lives, yet she is so hesitant to take any responsibility for her young brother, who is stuck with their homeless, drug and alcohol-addicted mom. Didn't Christie expect pity, "compassion" and help for dealing with this exact same situation? But she is considering leaving her brother in that situation because it's time to do things for herself, and live her own life? Like what? Launching a futile attempt at a career as a "supermodel"?

Anyway, if Christie sought guardianship of her brother, wouldn't she look almost as bad as her mom "on paper"?? Fresh out of rehab and a stint on a reality tv show, with a history of violence, and drug and alcohol abuse? (and apparently no "regular" job.)


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Messages in this discussion
"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by tvfun on 05-02-06 at 12:41 PM
Christie compassionate? choke...gag!!

>(and apparently no "regular" job.)
>

Oh, I think she thinks she is going to make tons-O-$$$'s from her modeling gig's she thinks she is going to get...especially since she has this new hot video of her "SO photo shoot" on her myspace...it's been turned into a "music" video. gag..choke

SHe is as bad as Allysham.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by Juliejo on 05-02-06 at 02:17 PM
It bothered me too that Chrisite knows her mother is homeless( on drugs) and that means so is her brother. Yet she is thinking more about herself and her own needs than the welfare of her brother. The child cannot take care of himself and she knows it. If she is so compassionate then she needs to step up to the plate and do something for her brother. If she doesnt want him then she needs to inform Social Services and they can find him a home with some kind of stability. Makes you wonder how he goes to school and eats and sleeps and stays warm and bathes, and gets clean clothes etc. Gag Choke.. for sure.

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by annie828 on 05-02-06 at 03:00 PM
She say's "I don't want to raise him" SELFISH-SELFISH...JUST PLAIN SELFISH! All she cares about is herself. She could take him in...or at least HELP OUT in some way....give me a break.

I went to her myspace and watched her "modeling video"
She can focus her life on building a "fantasy" career in modeling when she KNOWS their is a part of her that desparately needs help.

How in the world can she sleep at night knowing she has it all and he has "nothing" Compassion---I think NOT! jmo


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by standinmytruth on 05-02-06 at 03:07 PM

>Anyway, if Christie sought guardianship of
>her brother, wouldn't she look
>almost as bad as her
>mom "on paper"??

Actually Snowflake, she would be worse than her mother because she knows what it's like and has been given tools to overcome it.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by MizJazmine on 05-02-06 at 05:03 PM
Well I'm gonna go against the grain here and say that I do think Christie has grown in the area of compassion. Compassion may really mean something to her especially if she really didn't know she had any for anybody in past times because of her addictions. After all she came from rehab into the SOH, and there were probably A LOT of emotions she felt, so being able to identify and feel compassion is probably a big deal to her.

In terms of her brother, I can understand Christie's fear and ambivalence. She is just now taking ownership of her life. I don't think it's selfish of Christie to know that she may not be able to care for her brother the way he may need to be cared for. I don't think it's selfish of her at all to look at the big picture. A 5k run/fundraiser is just that, and then it's over. Guardianship is no joke. Just because Christie is an older sibling doesn't mean that she should be a parent, and she more than anybody may know that. After all Christie's "sobriety" is still in infancy IMO.

I don't think Christie wants to leave her brother in that situation, but she doesn't know how to help her brother. To me as of recent she really didn't know how to help herself and she's still learning. Maybe the possibilty of a group home or foster care might be better for her brother coupled with the support of Christie and her sister, and yes even their mom (when she's sober). Maybe there's a close family friend. I don't know, but I think it's good for Christie to know her limitations.

I can see that the situation with her brother really tears her up on the inside. So I'm hoping she'll find a really good and healthy solution that works for both her, her brother, and the rest of her family - whatever that may be.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by possibilities on 05-03-06 at 12:54 PM
MizJazmine
I'm totally with you. I see that Christie's compassion has grown significantly in the house....it's all relative. She's been fighting for her life and only then will she be in a position to truly help her brother. She's one of those women who comes across as having it more together than she likely does inside which then leads to higher expectations---meaning, many think she should be taking her brother in. Perhaps she will....but just not yet as she needs to feel the strength inside that we are seeing outside.

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by sillybear on 05-02-06 at 06:38 PM
I think this is just an example of the same old thing that goes on in the house.I call it the OVERUSE of a word.Frankly it gets on my nerves.I remember Christy using the words pi$$ed off over and over at one time.I do think compassion is a better word but...What can I say.I do think Christie should play a big part in her brothers life.I do not understand how the mother has custody of him.It does not seem like a lifestyle for childrearing.Odd.

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by EMTBGRL on 05-03-06 at 11:49 AM
It's interesting that the root of the word "compassion" is "com" which is translated as "With" and "Passion" means "To Suffer" (as in the "Passion Play" in Catholic Churches, that's where the name comes from) Therefore, "Compassion" actually translates "To Suffer With"

I can't help but wonder who Christie thinks she is "Suffering With" exactly? Everyone? That's a whole lot of suffering! Maybe she's "Compassionate" about Body Image issues (since this is a source of her suffering and able to see in others) but, about everything else? Yeahhhh...I just don't see it.

Personally? I think the word is thrown around too much in general, and definitely too much on this show!


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by 26mitogo on 05-03-06 at 12:49 PM
EMTBGRL ~ thanks for the vocab lesson on "compassion". Now we can all say we are officially getting educated while on the SO boards!! It is interesting tho, when you look at the actual meaning of this word vs. the abuse of it by the SOH.

I've always felt Christie had great difficulty expressing herself. She seemed to have a very limited useable vocab ... too many drugs & alcohol or not enough reading, who knows. For weeks she could only come up with one expression for every feeling or mood and that was the previously mentioned "pissed off". Now she has added a few more words to her list but I don't feel she has any more concept of their meaning or appropriate application. IMO, it's just another SO HM playing LC with what they hear around the house.

What is it with those they bring to SO? Why do so many honestly feel they are totally qualified to coach everyone else they meet after only a few weeks in that house? Is it the type people they choose or is it Rhonda & IV telling them that they are now brilliant, healed and "go spread the gospel"? I'm a little like Niambi ... what makes these others think they can tell me what to do, what is wrong with me, & how to fix it. Not that I don't think Niambi has her own set of issues but coaching from Christie & Jodi????? I don't think so! If that's called "resisting the process" then I'll gladly resist!


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by kristin830 on 05-06-06 at 11:17 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-06-06 AT 11:18 PM (EST)

Christie puts the A$$ in compassion!


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-07-06 at 00:12 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 00:21 AM (EST)

EMBTGIRL gave us a good definition of the word "compassion" - it speaks to being involved with the sufferer. True compassion generally moves people to act on the behalf of others. I don't know that Christie is feeling moved to compassion at every turn; I think she's feeling something, but it might be closer to sympathy. The root meanings and the origin of the word "sympathy" means "to have similar emotions (pathos)". I don't think it's splitting hairs to note the difference in the two words. And I agree with EMBTGIRL - Christie would be suffering with a lot of people if that was what she was really feeling. I'm not seeing that. I'm not saying she's unfeeling, I just think she using the wrong word for what she is feeling.

Sometimes I mentally drift when SO is on (Christie's monotone voice just isn't registering with me anymore), or I go in and out of the room because I have SO on when I'm doing something else. I say this because I must have missed the story of Chrisie's brother. Do I understand this correctly? Is he living with his homeless mother? Does that mean he is in a shelter? What about school? What about the authorities?

If this boy is not being taken care of, all I can say is that somebody better step up to the plate NOW. While I understand that Christy has had issues, etc., I am having a difficult time reconciling the fact that Christy, a 30 year old-woman, is lodging in a large house in LA reaching her goals while her own flesh and blood, a minor no less, is in a dire physical and emotional situation.

Is Christie the same woman who stood transfixed as she listened to Iyanla working with Niambi the other day? As Iyanla roleplayed as Niambi's mother, Niambi was on the receiving end of some very hurtful sentiments and insults that were being delivered in the harshest of tones. I heard Christie say, "No child should have to hear the things that WE heard growing up (referring to Niambi and herself)" and then she turned around and left the room in tears.

Let's hope that Christie's compassion is more than just sympathy this time. Sympathy won't help her brother - compassion might.


*******************************************


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by UWSider on 05-07-06 at 06:23 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 06:25 PM (EST)

>LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06
>AT 00:21 AM (EST)

>
>EMBTGIRL gave us a good definition
>of the word "compassion" -
>it speaks to being involved
>with the sufferer. True
>compassion generally moves people to
>act on the behalf of
>others. I don't know that
>Christie is feeling moved to
>compassion at every turn; I
>think she's feeling something, but
>it might be closer to
>sympathy. The root meanings
>and the origin of the
>word "sympathy" means "to have
>similar emotions (pathos)". I
>don't think it's splitting hairs
>to note the difference in
>the two words. >

Actually, I think "empathy" is even more on the nose of what you're discribing. But I disagree anyway, I think Christie is indeed compassionate. She is moved to help others in that she is one of the few housemates that is actually open and supportive of the women almost all of the time. She is seldom too wrapped up in her own stuff not to listen to the others or give a word of encouragement,a shoulder to cry on, etc. AND she does it while being kind and without bad-mouthing anyone else.

As for her brother...

>
>If this boy is not being
>taken care of, all I
>can say is that somebody
>better step up to the
>plate NOW. While I
>understand that Christy has had
>issues, etc., I am having
>a difficult time reconciling the
>fact that Christy, a 30
>year old-woman, is lodging in
>a large house in LA
>reaching her goals while her
>own flesh and blood, a
>minor no less, is in
>a dire physical and emotional
>situation.

This is a catch 22. If she wasn't in that large LA house reaching her goals, she'd be in no position to take care of her brother any better than her mother does.

>Let's hope that Christie's compassion is
>more than just sympathy this
>time. Sympathy won't help her
>brother - compassion might.

IMHO based on what I've seen of Christie so far, I think compassion will indeed take over after she graduates and will probably end up taking care of her brother. Right now that seems like a very scary proposition to her, but I think she'll gain the confidence she needs after leaving SO.



"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by snowflake2 on 05-07-06 at 07:33 PM
empathy:
Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.
The attribution of one's own feelings to an object.


sympathy:
A relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other.
Mutual understanding or affection arising from this relationship or affinity.
The act or power of sharing the feelings of another.
A feeling or an expression of pity or sorrow for the distress of another; compassion or commiseration.

compassion:

Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.


SeasonedRefinement wrote: <<I am having a difficult time reconciling the fact that Christy, a 30 year old-woman, is lodging in a large house in LA reaching her goals while her own flesh and blood, a minor no less, is in a dire physical and emotional situation.
Is Christie the same woman who stood transfixed as she listened to Iyanla working with Niambi the other day? As Iyanla roleplayed as Niambi's mother, Niambi was on the receiving end of some very hurtful sentiments and insults that were being delivered in the harshest of tones. I heard Christie say, "No child should have to hear the things that WE heard growing up (referring to Niambi and herself)" and then she turned around and left the room in tears.>>

UWSider wrote: <<But I disagree anyway, I think Christie is indeed compassionate. She is moved to help others in that she is one of the few housemates that is actually open and supportive of the women almost all of the time. She is seldom too wrapped up in her own stuff not to listen to the others or give a word of encouragement,a shoulder to cry on, etc. AND she does it while being kind and without bad-mouthing anyone else.>>
--------------------------------------------------------

I have to agree with SeasonedRefinement on this one...

If compassion is being aware of the suffering of others combined with a wish to relieve it, I just don't see that in Christie. Christie has a place to live...is she taking her mother in so she doesn't have to be "homeless"? Why does Rhonda have to force Christie to decide what she's going to do about the brother before she leaves the SOH? Isn't her "compassion" motivation enough? Christie says <<"No child should have to hear the things that WE heard growing up (referring to Niambi and herself)">>. I think Christie was only feeling sorry for herself here, not Niambi or her brother. I guess it's okay for her brother to "hear" those things...Christie doesn't need to be tied down with him when she has a futile pursuit of a career as a "supermodel" to plan.

And I feel Christie does badmouth others while expressing her "concern" for them, or delivering backhanded compliments..."I'm soooo concerned for Niambi if she is called up for BOR"...because here is a list of all her faults..."Jodi, I want to thank you for all your help with my 5K...even though you tried to take it over"..."Kim, I am so concerned because I think you have a drinking problem"...although I believe her real motivation was removing her own temptation.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by UWSider on 05-08-06 at 01:07 PM

>
>And I feel Christie does badmouth
>others while expressing her "concern"
>for them, or delivering backhanded
>compliments..."I'm soooo concerned for Niambi
>if she is called up
>for BOR"...because here is a
>list of all her faults..."Jodi,
>I want to thank you
>for all your help with
>my 5K...even though you tried
>to take it over"
..."Kim, I
>am so concerned because I
>think you have a drinking
>problem"...although I believe her real
>motivation was removing her own
>temptation.
>

Thanks for you insight, but I don't see the above examples you've sited as "bad mouthing". Expressing concern for Niambi in board of review is just that, "concern", not badmouthing. Badmouthing would be "Niambi is so friggin' lazy, I hope she gets booted at BOR." In fact, Christie was so moved by her "compassion" for Niambi that she sat her down, face to face and asked her in a very honest respectful way "what can I do to support you in the BOR today." How many times does that happen on this show?

The comment to Jodi was at least said to Jodi's face and not behind her back. Christie is also aware that Jodi is working on control issues and pointing out where Jodi's issues affect her own work is not only supporting Jodi in a constructive way, but also sticking up for herself and not being manipulated.

As for Kim, again "concern" is not badmouthing. I think it was pretty obvious to everyone in the SO house and the viewing public at large that Kim has a pretty serious drinking problem. Who better to identify (or "empathize") with Kim than Christie who is in recovery for alcoholism herself. Yes, she was removing her own temptation which again is taking care of herself so that she can take care of others. She wouldn't be a very affective or productive member of the SO house if she spent her time avoiding everyone and everything because she didn't have the guts to stand up for herself and remove the alcoholic temptation in the house.

This is also how I feel about everyone getting on her case about taking her brother in. She has to take care of herself first before she can take care of others. It's like they always tell you on an airplane "Don your own oxygen mask before assisting others". Words to live by.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-09-06 at 00:05 AM
Snowflake wrote: And I feel Christie does badmouth others while expressing her "concern" for them, or delivering backhanded compliments..."

There's a reason you feel that way. It's because Christy does exactly what you've pointed out. It's just a game a semantics for her. She can argue that she expresses support and concern for her housemates until she's blue in the face, but there is nothing subtle about a backhanded compliment or a "friendly" stick of the knife. They find their mark every time.


*******************************************


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by sillybear on 05-07-06 at 05:28 PM
LOL well put!

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by JustBNMe on 05-07-06 at 00:46 AM
Maybe the word compassion is a new big word that christie heard in the SOH and so and now she likes to use to try to look smart in her horn rimmed glasses. She should be wearing a pair of my grandma's cat eye glasses when she uses the word compassion as she is talking though her nose using her old lady voice. LOL

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by UWSider on 05-07-06 at 06:05 PM
What's with throwing "compassion" around like it's a dirty word? If there was more compassion in the world it would be a much better place in my opinion.

I don't know why, but I often have exactly the opposite impression of some of the same SO ladies many of you posters seem to vehemently hate. Maybe it's because I have a different perspective as a man? (For example--I don't know what everyone's beef is with Allisham as you all call her. I liked her and felt "compassion" for her story. I've also survived catastrophic illness, so again maybe I have a different perspective, but I digress...)

I find Christie's compassion very genuine. I think she's basically a really smart, kind woman who desires something better for herself and is seeking help to find it. She's doing it by working hard and "committing to the process" while being really kind and supportive of others. I think that's admirable.

As for raising her brother, it would not be smart or "compassionate" to take on raising a pre-teen before she has the skills to take care of her own life. Also, vying for custody of her brother could cause even more problems with her already troubled relationship with her mother. For Christie to take away the one bit of responsibility her mother has could send her into an even deeper destructive spiral.

Technically, it's not Christie's job to take care of her brother, although some might argue it's her moral duty to do so. Christie has already been robbed of her childhood because of the actions of her mother, should she sacrifice her adulthood and independence for the same reason?

It's a moral dilema to be sure--definitely not something you can make a snap, cut and dry judgement about.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by EMTBGRL on 05-07-06 at 06:50 PM
>What's with throwing "compassion" around like
>it's a dirty word?

The problem is not compassion as a "dirty word" (which nobody said) the problem is the misuse of the word as if it is a catch-phrase, and, therefore, starts to become meaningless. Also, imho, someone would be better helped to be compassionate, if he or she understood the TRUE meaning behind that word.

>If there was more compassion
>in the world it would
>be a much better place
>in my opinion.

Mine too! which is why I brought up the defintion of "compassion."
>
>I don't know why, but I
>often have exactly the opposite
>impression of some of the
>same SO ladies many of
>you posters seem to vehemently
>hate.

I do not believe this to be the case.

Maybe it's because
>I have a different perspective
>as a man?

That's possible. Maybe everyone here has a unique perspective based on life stories, too.

(For
>example--I don't know what everyone's
>beef is with Allisham as
>you all call her.

Since I've never called her that, I'll take a crack at it. I've always said "Allison." My problem with Allison was that I felt she needed much more psychological help than the SOH could give her. That it was unfair of the SOH to bring her back. The first time Allison was on the show? I was interested in her story. She was interesting. This was a TV show, after all. The second time Allison came back to the SOH? -- I don't know--she smacked of being a reality TV fake glory-hound who lost a lot of genuineness from the first-time around. Allison went from appearing as a woman with real problems to a woman wanting to act on a Reality TV show. When she appeared on-screen, everything about her said, "Acting." That could be why others refer to her as a sham, in her name. Allison, the second time around seemed disingenuous, or "a sham."(Anyone who disagrees here, please correct me)

When Allison went so far as to resist her second graduation (the coveted Starting Over goal) to pout in her bedroom and not want to leave and face the real world? I found that--well, -- beyond a little disturbing. Her behavior was what I found disturbing. Not her life story. Not her illness. Her behavior. Her second time in the house downgraded Allison from "interesting" to "embarrassing."

>I liked her and felt
>"compassion" for her story.
>I've also survived catastrophic illness,
>so again maybe I have
>a different perspective, but I
>digress...)

I have survived a catastropic car accident, illness, and critical condition in my lifetime. It's interesting that I still felt that Allison was fake. --Huh. Interesting.

>It's a moral dilema to be
>sure--definitely not something you can
>make a snap, cut and
>dry judgement about.

In real life. True. On these boards? Fair game. One of the reasons that I come onto these boards is because I don't do this in real life. Hey! Everyone needs a place to vent, right?



"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by UWSider on 05-07-06 at 07:20 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 07:25 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 07:25 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 07:24 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-07-06 AT 07:22 PM (EST)

Also, imho, someone would
>be better helped to be
>compassionate, if he or she
>understood the TRUE meaning behind
>that word.
>
But that's just my point. IMHO, I do think she understands the word and uses it appropriately.
>
>That's possible. Maybe everyone here has
>a unique perspective based on
>life stories, too.
>
>My problem with Allison was
>that I felt she needed
>much more psychological help than
>the SOH could give her.

Sadly, I think SO has made this mistake a few times. But IMHO I don't think Allison is in that category. True, her story took on an even greater challenge than anticipated when it was discovered she had the cancer gene and I think it would have been irresponsible for SO not to continue with her. I never felt her behavior was disingenuous.

More egregious examples of SO biting off more than they could chew was poor Kim. I still have no idea why they graduated her. The kind of abuse she suffered is not something that can affectively be treated over 10 weeks on a reality show.

Josie was another hopeless case and, I believe, just brought in 3 weeks before her due date for ratings. Out of guilt and a sense of responsibility they asked her back for season 2, but sadly, she just never got it. I think that fact that her life is no better now (so I've heard) than it was before SO is testament to that. Whatever happened to that animal training thing...? Anyone? But I digress...

>
>>I liked her and felt
>>"compassion" for her story.
>>I've also survived catastrophic illness,
>>so again maybe I have
>>a different perspective, but I
>>digress...)
>
>I have survived a catastropic car
>accident, illness, and critical condition
>in my lifetime. It's interesting
>that I still felt that
>Allison was fake. --Huh. Interesting.

Without making this a contest of whose life has been more catastophic, I think it's safe to say that in the face of grave danger we all react differently, including Allison. Just because she didn't act the way you, I or others who accuse her of being fake would behave, doesn't mean what she was feeling wasn't real. She's got a lot on her plate.

And now we'll be getting a warning for going off topic. Duly noted moderators!


"WARNING - UWSider"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-08-06 at 01:51 PM
No, you'll get a warning from me for bashing posters up and down this and other threads. Knock. It. Off. Now.

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by 00fun on 05-08-06 at 10:20 AM
Christie IS selfish and judgmental. She is just one of those people who THINKS she is comming across as a compassionate person. I bet Christie doesn't even know how to spell the word, let alone BE it. She is a big fake!

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by snowflake2 on 05-08-06 at 11:31 AM
Christie has simply learned to reframe her selfishness and judgement as "concern" for the other party.

Today she was "annoyed" and "frush-tchated" that Jodi volunteered to drill the holes and install the swing-arm lamp. Nothing stopped Christie from volunteering, other than her laziness. Christie always looks and moves like someone put a sandbag in the seat of her pants to weigh her down. She was "p!ssed off" that the camera would be on Jodi for a couple minutes, so she tried to get all the housemates to stop participating in the exercise and get the ball rollin' against Jodi. (Geez, maybe Jodi should have been scared if there were any hammers around.) But she explained away her sulking-child behavior as "concern" that Jodi's mask was coming back. Personally, I think Jodi got it right...unless someone approaches Christie in EXACTLY the way she likes, there's going to be issues.



"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by annie828 on 05-08-06 at 11:42 AM
You are right. Christie was so resentful, judgemental and she lacks enthusiasm. She is just selfish...what is wrong with this girl?

And she has the NERVE to call herself compassionate I am so sick of her less than enthused lazy attitude.

Christie needs someone to give her a good swift kick in the behind and knock her off her "all mighty" petistal. She has turned into such a snobby b!tch.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by Baxtera on 05-08-06 at 11:48 AM
I think there are two issues here.

The first is that I do see Christie as judgemental and self-absorbed. The situation with Jodie today was typical. Instead of using her tools that she's always talking about to address a problem she had with Jodie taking charge, she sulked, she manipulated, and she tried to get the others to form a possee against Jodi. Now regardless of whether Jodi should have been more inclusive Christie needs to be older than a teenager and do something constructive. I'm sure had she asked one of the instructors would have let her do a project. It seemed as if she didn't necessarily want to do anything but also hated the fact Jodi did. Christie likes to get her jabs in but is afraid of what people will think of her.

However, the second issue regarding her brother is different. You can't help someone else if you aren't emotionally, physically, and financially prepared to do so. You can do more harm than good by trying and failing to help someone if you yourself aren't prepared to do it and aren't doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes it's more selfish to promise something, give someone false hope and then not be able to deliver. It's better to be honest and realize you can't do something and can't save someone than to screw up their lives even more by offering them a line and then letting it drop when you realize you can't hold up your end of the bargain. I've seen that happen to too many kids and it destroys them. If she can't be there for her brother, than she should be honest and admit it rather than screwing up his life even more.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by snowflake2 on 05-08-06 at 12:21 PM
Baxtera, I agree.

Issue #1:

I think the DIY exercise illustrated one of Christie's personality traits...she sits back on her @ss, then looks for other people/situations to blame for not accomplishing something. And yes, she tried to get a posse going against Jodi. Then when she was confronting Jodi, she could conveniently toss out, "And I'm not the ONLY ONE who had a problem with your behavior."

Issue #2:

While I'd like to see Christie express some GENUINE concern for her brother's situation, I agree that being in Christie's care might not be in his best interest. I don't think Christie has really acquired all the "tools" she is always professing she now possesses. I think she is simply allowing her "addiction" to being a faux-celebrity to temporarily replace her drug, alcohol, food, and men addictions. I wonder what Christie's life will look like when her 15 minutes is up? And for all of her own addictions, I thought Christie's mom seemed a lot more loving, honest, and less judgemental and bitter than Christie (although to be fair, we only saw her briefly).


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by Baxtera on 05-08-06 at 12:30 PM
Christie has lots of excuses for failing and they usually involve other people getting in her way. Today it was Jodi's fault she didn't take the initiative to get involved and ask for what she needed. It would be easy enough to go up to one of the instructors and ask what can I work on and move apart from Jodi and separate herself from being dominated if that's what she felt was happening. I think she has a hard time watching others enjoy themselves and be happy doing it. Pouting isn't a coping strategy it's a manipulative one that she then encouraged Cassie and the rest of the pack in.

I also agree it would be great to have her express real compassion about her brother's situation and even show her researching some other options to get him help, even using SO's contacts, Dr. Stan's resources etc. to get her brother/mother some help. I think SO has a tendancy to encourage the HG to take on the role of coach before they can take care of themselves. I would not want to see Christie with the care of a teenager.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-08-06 at 04:03 PM
Today's show looked like a random sampling of Christie's growth. I didn't see much compassion, empathy, or sympathy in Christie today. I did see a pouting child who was trying to santize and repackage her bad mood by using words like "concern" and "defensive", so she could sell it to other offended HG's who were just waiting for a mouthpiece. Actually, Christie was displaying that same irritated "I have better things to do than this stupid assignment" attitude that I saw last week when the HG's had to search the house for playing cards. Does it have something to do with Christie having to rise from a sitting or reclining position and actually move around the house?

Wasn't it only a few days ago that Christy was on the verge of tears as she considered the possibility of Jodi leaving the house after Jodi received an A at the BOR? On that occasion, didn't Christie say something like this: "Jodi, you've shown a lot of growth. You've been so supportive of my 5K race - and you could have just tried to take it over."

So what happened to all of that compassion for Jodi? Well, I guess we have two choices: either Jodi has lost a significant amount of ground, and she has put her mask back on OR we are about to see another example of Christie's concern over the perceived character flaws of her house mates.

Let's see. Iyanla gives the women yet another irritating assignment with a time limit (a job list without the proper tools necessary to do the job). At first, everyone seems to putter around, but one woman, Jodi, actually begins to direct the assignment, breaking the jobs down. Christie's compassion surfaces:

"I'm thinking, 'who died and made Jodi boss here?' She seems like she continues to steamroll over us to take over and I'm really annoyed." And a little later, we see a confessional Christie. She has this to say: "I am so annoyed with this whole exercise with Jodi with her mask coming back...it's just, it's overwhelming and I'm done" (Hmmm...and when did Christie start? I missed that part - damn editing again...)

After Jodi leaves the room to find another door to work on, Christie is in her favorite position - sitting. Knowing that the coast is clear, we see that compassion kick in again, and Christie addresses the other slugs: "I'm getting really frustrated with her (Jodi), and I don't know how to handle it without being defensive". (Forget defensive - maybe she should first try to handle it on her own without trying to gain back-up support from other people) And then we have Cassie (who is looking rather out of it lately, IMO) piping in with, "because everytime I tried to say something this morning, she (Jodi) attacks me!" "Attacks" her? Is Cassie referring to the faucet job? Maybe Cassie felt crowded and overpowered by Jodi, who is far brighter than Cassie - but "attacked"? I wouldn't say Jodi attacked her.

Thank goodness Sommer is on hand to help Christie channel all of her compassion and concern. Sommer tries to be diplomatic, but ends up offering little more than nothing. I wonder at this point, what is so difficult about pulling Jodi aside, and without using sarcasm as her shield, why can't Christie just tell Jodi what it is about Jodi's behavior that is eating away at Christie today? Actually, why didn't Christie do that before testing the waters with the rest of the group? Is this concept really that ground-breaking?

Christie, Sommer, and Cassie all stand watching Jodi and the toolbelt divas working on the assignment. Cassie is lamenting the fact that "this" can't go on for the entire assignment and asks, "what do we do?" And then we see it - all of the whispering and collaboration culminates in this mature resolution: "You just let us know when you want us to come in, cause you're in charge, essentially", says Christie to Jodi. Oh that was healing...that was building a bridge - not a wall (insert eyeroll here).

Later, Christie confronts Jodi, (or more likely, Jodi confronted Christie) and Christie is saying that she won't be bossed around. Jodi says that no one was bossing her around. Now here is that compassion again, that striving to understand and help the other person: "well if you were or if you weren't, that was where I was coming out of...I was annoyed" (translation: what about me, what about me, what about me?) Back to the confessional, we see Christie saying, Although I've been annoyed with Jodi today, I love and care about her SO MUCH, that I don't want to see her slide back into old behavior and old patterns, so I really feel like I must bring it to her attention. Christie does just that, "I don't know how to talk to you without having to feel like I'm sacrificing what I'm trying to tell you, and I don't want to bring anybody else up, but I am not the only one who was frustrated." (translation: "I'm the mature one. I'm the spokeswoman of the group")

Jodi's answer was on target: "I am not going to change who I am for people. Relinquishing and allowing other people to step up? Yes, most definitely. And I have. I just wish that you could have as much compassion for me as I see you having with other people...and I don't, and I've said this to you before. I really feel like if I don't come at you the way it works for you, we got issues".

Christie can call her talk whatever she wants, but it doesn't fit any definition of compassion that I've seen. And you know what? You guys are right. Maybe it's best to find somebody else to take care of Christie's brother after all. There's no problem with her getting on the phone, filling out paperwork, finding out what options her brother has, and getting the ball rolling. That would be nice.


*******************************************


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by UWSider on 05-08-06 at 01:18 PM

>
>However, the second issue regarding her
>brother is different. You
>can't help someone else if
>you aren't emotionally, physically, and
>financially prepared to do so.
> You can do more
>harm than good by trying
>and failing to help someone
>if you yourself aren't prepared
>to do it and aren't
>doing it for the right
>reasons. Sometimes it's more
>selfish to promise something, give
>someone false hope and then
>not be able to deliver.
> It's better to be
>honest and realize you can't
>do something and can't save
>someone than to screw up
>their lives even more by
>offering them a line and
>then letting it drop when
>you realize you can't hold
>up your end of the
>bargain. I've seen that
>happen to too many kids
>and it destroys them.
>If she can't be there
>for her brother, than she
>should be honest and admit
>it rather than screwing up
>his life even more.

BRAVO! Well said and exactly what I've been ranting about in my posts too! Glad someone agrees with me on that one! Thanks!


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by UWSider on 05-08-06 at 01:14 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-08-06 AT 01:31 PM (EST)

She
>was "p!ssed off" that the
>camera would be on Jodi
>for a couple minutes, so
>she tried to get all
>the housemates to stop participating
>in the exercise and get
>the ball rollin' against Jodi.
> (Geez, maybe Jodi should
>have been scared if there
>were any hammers around.)
>But she explained away her
>sulking-child behavior as "concern" that
>Jodi's mask was coming back.
> Personally, I think Jodi
>got it right...unless someone approaches
>Christie in EXACTLY the way
>she likes, there's going to
>be issues. >

Actually, I saw exactly the reverse here. Jodi doesn't want to change her style if she can help it. However, her style is so off-putting to people that she has no friends or boyfriends or any kind of lasting intimate relationship in her life and never has. Christie is right, Jodi put her mask back on and where did it get her? The rest of the ladies were completely put off by her. As Dr. Phil would say "How's that working for ya, Jodi?"


"WARNING- UWSider"
Posted by mysticwolf on 05-08-06 at 02:27 PM
The fact that you edited your post to remove your poster bashing comment is a start and I appreciate it. But, better yet would be if you read and decided to abide by our guidelines in the first place.

This is not the first time you have been warned for this behavior by a mod, but I expect it to be the last.


An Arkie curious cub blogging's scary


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by Twinkles on 05-08-06 at 04:35 PM
It sounds like they both have the same issue in a way. It's one thing to have a knack for something and another thing to make it work.

For Christie she keeps announcing to people that she is compassionate almost like a bumper guard in a conversation when she is dishing out unpleasant news. What would be more effective is for her to act compassionately. Acting with compassion is much more difficult.

At the moment she believed Jodi was slipping in the control area if she wanted to be compassionate and helpful she could have acted. Perhaps during the exercise that was the time to take the scary leap, not out of criticism but as part of a way to allow Jodi to take a different path. She could offer to Jodi, "hey, no let me try, you've been leading for awhile now and that's what you always do, let's try something new." If she was saying this from compassion instead of criticism then it would have been on Jodi to to accept or reject the offer.

Okay this was an idealized time and reaction. But at anytime from the point she thought Jodi was being controlling I wonder if Christie remembered if it was Jodi's identified issue and actually felt compassion that Jodi was slipping, not just victimized that she was not enjoying the exercise.

I don't really believe she feels much compassion because she acts like she's still the victim. I suspect this because she is still so critical and angry. It's like she's faking the enlightenment. It's better than not being at all compassionate or enlightened but she ends up having these passive aggressive conversations:

The subtext for her one on one conversations to me is "You and the world made me miserable so clean up your act B***h" and I'm saying this nicely so don't say anything back, ok?" She says it with nice words but her actions of the day and her driving need to complain don't match her claim that it's out of compassion.

I wish Christie would keep busy, like with her race and not think all her feelings need to be revealed to everyone she cares about. She ends up revealing every critical thought she has even though she attempts to disguise them in her positive spins.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-08-06 at 06:15 PM
So THAT's what in the seat of her pants!!!

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by Baxtera on 05-09-06 at 08:35 AM
I'm not sure she understands compassion. I think she sees the victim status as being compassionate. She had "compassion" with the other housemates because they all moved into victim mode when Jodi took over. She got angry and started to gossip. That's not compassion, what she felt was frustration.

These woman rarely identify what their feeling, they communicate poorly, and then don't know what to do with what they are feeling.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by EMTBGRL on 05-09-06 at 01:58 PM
>I'm not sure she understands compassion.
> I think she sees
>the victim status as being
>compassionate.

Sometimes. But, I also see Christie defining the "personal marytyr" position as being "compassionate." It's like someone who insults you or gives you a backhanded compliment, and then continues by saying, "I'm only telling you this because I care so much about you."

She had "compassion"
>with the other housemates because
>they all moved into victim
>mode when Jodi took over.

Do you see this as Christie suffering with the other HG's or just instigating so that the other HG's FELT that they might BE suffering at the hands of Jodi? I saw this as "Christie is instigating a strike against Jodi." That's not compassion with the other housemates, or Jodi, it's putting them in a bad position of pitting "US" against "HER." Regardless of what Jodi did or didn't do (and I am not a fan of Jodi) that's unfair. It's dirty pool. The most compassionate response would have been accepting Jodi, with all her flaws, and not to play in the first place. The most compassionate response towards the Christie/ Jodi conflama would have been, "Yeah. We know none of us is perfect. Thanks for the reminder. Christie, would you like to screw in the lightbulb?"

> She got angry and
>started to gossip. That's
>not compassion, what she felt
>was frustration.

It's controlling behavior, too. But, who's surprised? Kettle---pot---black....Pot calling kettle black...
>
>These woman rarely identify what their
>feeling, they communicate poorly, and
>then don't know what to
>do with what they are
>feeling.

Well,...isn't that what they are taught to do at SOH? It makes me CRAZY when LC's say things like "Just speak. It doesn't have to make sense." When they leave the SOH? Christie is going to be in for a rude surprise when she tries to hold a J-O-B and she tries 'communicating' with coworkers and supervisors, "I am just trying to express my FEELINGS about what you said to me--it doesn't have to make sense." Shyaaa--if I pulled that at work? I'd spend a LOT of time alone!



"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by annie828 on 05-12-06 at 03:48 PM
There's that word "COMPASSION" again. Jodi telling Christie how much compassion she has for others......gag gag gag!!!!

There is a "Landmark" phrase for Christie. Christie is all about looking Good She is all about looking good on the outside so others don't see her "mean, judgmental, angry, ugly" self.

If she looks like she is being compassionate, and or brags about being compassionate...therefore people will see her that way.

Christie doesn't have what it takes to be compassionate


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-19-06 at 01:22 PM
Today, the dumb*ss has "compassion for herself while in rehab"? WTF???? This, as she's once again slamming Niambi because "she doesn't get it" ,blah, blah.... Then at BOR she says," I love you and you're so amazing" blah, blah, blah.... Somebody QUICK! Slap her, please! Or slap me because she's about to put me in a coma!! I USED to have insomnia, now I just watch the Sloth on Starting Over.... No better sleep in the world!

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by geminirose on 05-19-06 at 03:30 PM
Actions speak louder than words. Truly intelligent people or funny people or compassionate people don't have to constantly say, "I'm so intelligent.. I'm so funny... I'm so compassionate."

By constantly referring to herself as compassionate, it seems like Christie is trying to convince everyone (including herself) that she is really compassionate.

Christie has problems with comprehension, and I dont think she knows what compassion means because her actions have shown her to be selfish, ignorant, codependent, weak, dishonest and judgmental.

ok-- at the BOR she's rolling her eyes when niambi is up there crying. and honestly, if she doesnt think niambi should be in the house (which is pretty much what she said in her confessional), then be a woman and say it at BOR.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-23-06 at 05:52 PM
Boy, she sure showed her "COMPASSION" for Niambi today at that pukefest of a graduation. Any more "COMPASSION" like that and the knife she stuck in Niambi's back would have to be surgically removed. What a doofus that chick is!

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by young_black_sista06 on 05-23-06 at 06:01 PM
Christie is a real B!TCH. At first I thought that her stupidity was just an act, but as time went along I realized that she really is that dense! I was so mad that she did that to Niambi today. Doesn't that poor girl feel bad enough that everyone around her is graduating, and she hasn't. That whole inspirational speech that Christie gave was a load of crap, and I hope that more people than just me know it!

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by SOfan0221 on 05-23-06 at 06:08 PM
I likened her little jab at Niambi just like Kim took a 'friendly' jab at Kelly. SO at it's finest.

Christie has apparenlty decided to extend her compasison to include her brother, although that was somewhat of a surprise that she just up and blurted that out. Didn't see that happening after all the times Rhonda brought it up and Christie said she couldn't do it.

I guess I would rather hear her rant about all her 'compassion' she has for others than the standard 'standing in my authentic self' babble that the HG quote endlessly. Although, I agree with the majority of posters on here that Christie really hasn't quite got a firm grasp of 'compassion'. I think she is less judgemental, but that may only be because she doesn't speak it so often. She appears to be passive agressive and they always get their jab in, even while smiling.


"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by Redbud on 05-24-06 at 06:01 PM
How compassionate of Christie to decide to care for her brother <snicker> Isn't it interesting that she made her decision on television at her graduation when she has the full attentionn of the camera crew and viewers. Let's follow up and see if when the cameras are gone Christie actually does raise her brother. After all, she now has Jodi's $$$ to help her. I don't believe her words at graduation, I choose to see what action she really takes after SOH is a distant memory.

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-24-06 at 06:33 PM
With you there, Redbud!! Even on her recent bull dookey blog mess, NO MENTION of the little brother. And how is it that before Piss-T "decides" to raise her brother, there's no mention of why she hadn't turned her Mom in for having a kid living in a car?? Seems like that would have been the "smart" thing to do.. Plus, why if her Mom HAS been looked over by Children's Protective services and obviously "passed" would she now hand over the poor kid to Piss-T???
Something smells here and it's not tequila or a pina colada. I think the beyotch has just found another way of scamming folks a la Allisham and her cancer bills. It's all a little too neat.JMHO

"RE: Christie's "compassion""
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-24-06 at 07:01 PM
"Compassionate Christie". That will always be an oxymoron for me, just like "living dead" or "virtual reality".

Remember a few weeks back when everyone was at the restaurant having dinner, and Jodi's graduation was announced? When Jodi's mother mentioned ordering a glass of wine with dinner, a desire shared by Niambi and Antonia, Christie wasted no time in making her needs -- demands, actually -- known to all. I'll never forget the smirk on Christie's face as Jodi explained the "Christie Covenant" to the three clueless women. It bothered me then, as none of them were participants in the mandatory prohibition, and none of them were alcoholics.

The proof of Christie's hypocrisy at that table can be found in the montage we saw at Christie's graduation. Here's the set-up: As Rhonda reiterates the scope of Christie's substance abuse, Christie tearfully handles an open bottle of tequila. Sniffing it, she moans:

"This really sucks...that I can't handle this...that I can't take this anymore...that I'm not going to be able to have a drink on a cruise...that I'm not going to be able to sip Pina Coladas on a beach because I can't handle it and **expletive**, it PISSES ME OFF!"

Too bad Compassionate Christie couldn't quite make the connection that other people might feel the same way when they were constrained from ordering a glass of wine with their dinner just because an alcoholic was at the table. Maybe they were even "pissed off".

Ahhh...selective compassion.