I have been reading these posts for sometime. For the first time I feel the need to post a response. I am the adopted mother of a beautiful, healthy, brilliant, happy 10-year-old son. He has been the joy of my and my husband's life since before he was born. His birth mother selected us from a list of potential parents through an adoption agency. Our son's birth mother was in her late twenties, and in my opinion, very responsible. She was raising two other children, and not getting any help from the children's father, and she was in the middle of divorcing my son's birth father. Her fear was that she would end up homeless with three children. So, she made the best decision she could for all three of her children, the two she had, and the son she blessed me and my husband with. It was a difficult, heart-wrenching decision. She could not fathom abortion, instead she gave him life, and my husband and me a family. Whatever circumstances prompted Cassie to give up her son for adoption, I beleive she always loved him. I'm not certain that she should be contacting him before he's at least 21-yrs-old though. The state I live in won't allow birth parents to seek out children before age 23, the point is to allow the child to hopefully reach emotional maturity. Adopted children in my state are; however, allowed to seek birth parents when they turn 18 if they desire. My concern is with the adopted mother. There is never a valid reason for lying to your son. Remember, without Cassie, you would not have your son. Regardless of what you think of her, she gave birth to your son. If you're protecting him from what you believe could be potentially harmful, I understand, but lying to him about her being dead is simply wrong. You raised him, you've made memories with him, you are his mother in every sense of the word. There's no need to fear that his birth mother will steal him away, she can't do that, she does not have history with him, you do. Only you can damage your relationship with him by not being truthful about his adoption. I truly hope that you and he will be o.k., I believe you love your son, but you've allowed your fear to cause you to make the mistake of lying to him about Cassie. I don't think you're a horrible person, I just think that you were afraid of losing the child you've raised. Lots of prayer, and counseling from liscensed adoption social workers helped us to understand those type of feelings (they're real), and how to react to them. We could never lie to our son about his adoption. He knows that we are his parents in the truest sense (his real parents). But he also knows that his birth parents are the vessels by which God blessed us all and made us a family. As painful has infertility was for me, I am so thankful that God still saw fit to make me a parent, and that my son's birth mother was brave enough to allow us to raise the child she gave birth to (and loves). All the more reason for me not to dismiss the reality of birth parents. I send pics, updates to her through the agency (1st names only are known) because I want her to know that he is being raised to appreciate her decision, and not to think of her has some bad person who simply abandoned him. I know that I have a huge hug waiting for the woman who helped to make me a mother. Read the book "Dear Birthmother" It's a very poignant book about the love most birth parents have for the children they give up for adoption. Much love -- DeltaDarkStar

• RE: Cassie and her preparation for her reunion with her son,Denalio, 01:49 AM, 04-30-06
• RE: Cassie and her preparation for her reunion with her son,beckettrep, 08:18 AM, 04-30-06
• RE: Cassie and her preparation for her reunion with her son,Bebo, 09:09 AM, 04-30-06

What a lovely post. I appreciate what you wrote very much.
The world needs more of this kind of kindness and perspective. Thank you for telling your story.

This is absolutely the best post written on this topic yet. You were precise and to the point and left out any and all bias regarding Cassie, her hair, her looks, her voice etc etc. It's too bad Dustin didn't have an adoptive mother like you. His AM sounds terribly insecure and to be honest she just doesn't sound (to me at least) like she's 'all there'. I suffered from infertility from age 19 to age 30 and then miraculously I got pregnant and now have a wonderful 25 yr old 'wonder son' (loving referred to as I wonder how I ever finally had him LOL). Because of my own infertility problems and eventual giving birth I feel I can relate (for the most part) to both sides of the issue. I commend everyone who has the courage and love to put the childs needs first and foremost and do what's best for the child (adoption). I hope Cassie and her son have a joyous reunion and once that part is behind them I hope Cassie has the courage to accept whatever decsion Dustin makes regarding any future contact/relationship they may or may not have. You are a shining example for all AM to follow. God Bless You.

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