*sigh* Yesterday's events shocked and saddened me, as they did us all, but until about an hour ago, they were still somewhat distant for me. And then I opened up an email from an old class-mate. Dammit, I'm crying again...

Okay. Class-mate sent along an article about UCSB's new Gymnastics coach. Apparently, she was on the plane that crashed into the Pentagon. Her name was Mari-Rae Sopper. Shit. Sec...

Mari-Rae was in Fremd High School's Class of 1984. As was I. She was a cheerleader at the same time I was the school's mascot and we were in several classes together. We weren't close friends, but we were friendly acquaintances. The last time I saw her was at our 10-year high school reunion. At the time, she was just starting law school. She was one of the people that I didn't hang out with much in high school that I spent a fair amount of time with at the reunion.

It's surprising to me how much I suddenly miss this person that I haven't thought about in years. I keep thinking about her brothers and sisters that I also went to school with and what they must be going through now.

Rather than dredging up a lot of old memories of the girl I used to tease in English class, I'll just paste the article here. As were many of the passengers I'm sure, Mari-Rae was a special person.

Gymnastics Coach Killed in Attack
Updated: Wed, Sep 12 4:37 PM EDT


SANTA BARBARA, Calif. (AP) - Mari-Rae Sopper, the women's gymnastics coach at UC Santa Barbara, was aboard one of the flights downed by terrorists.

She was traveling on the American Airlines flight from Washington that crashed into the Pentagon on Tuesday, according to a list released by the airline.

Gymnastics had been dropped by UCSB on Aug. 10 but was reinstated three days later for one year, and Sopper was hired as coach less than two weeks ago.

School officials chose to keep the sport for one more season after the athletes complained they had not been given enough time to transfer to other schools.

"What is so amazing about Mari-Rae is that she knew the program would only be in existence for one more year, but she accepted the job with so much enthusiasm," UCSB junior Cara Simkins told the Santa Barbara News-Press. "We were supposed to get together with her on Sunday in a meet-the-team barbecue.

"We had been e-mailing her, and her e-mails were so enthusiastic. Her arms were so wide open for us. She cared so much."

Sopper had been an assistant coach and choreographer for the U.S. Naval Academy's women's gymnastics team before taking the job at UCSB. She also served as a graduate assistant at the University of Denver for one year, as the floor exercise coach and choreographer for the Colorado Gymnastics Institute for three years, and as a Junior Olympic gymnastics coach in Dallas for three more years.

In high school, Sopper was honored as the outstanding senior gymnast in Illinois in 1984.

She graduated from Iowa State in 1988 and received a master's in athletic administration from North Texas in 1993. Three years later, she graduated from the University of Denver College of Law.

"She was an incredible person who had done so much in her life," said Lesley Ross, a sophomore gymnast at UCSB. "She had an awesome attitude and was so in love with the sport. She was getting us all pumped up to come back."

Simkins said the teammates she has spoken with still plan to compete this year.

"I think we just have to keep going, take everything what's happened into our season, and try to come out of it even stronger," she said. "We can't go out like cowards."

*sigh* I'm really going to miss her at the next reunion. Sorry for being a downer, but I kinda needed to share.

• RE: the personal side,Mon Cherie, 06:25 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,aymelek, 06:26 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,Drive My Car, 06:49 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,ItzLisa, 07:08 PM, 09-12-01
• Sympathy,AyatollahKhomeini, 07:15 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,desert_rhino, 08:32 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,LadyT, 08:37 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,moonbaby, 08:51 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,PepeLePew13, 09:57 PM, 09-12-01
  • RE: the personal side,Dalton, 10:20 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: the personal side,dabo, 10:17 PM, 09-12-01
• Dear Dave,MakeItStop, 09:44 AM, 09-13-01
• RE: the personal side,SherpaDave, 12:00 PM, 09-13-01
  • RE: the personal side,moonbaby, 11:08 PM, 09-13-01
• RE: the personal side,janisella, 01:24 PM, 09-13-01
• RE: the personal side,SkyRaider, 08:19 PM, 09-14-01

*Big Hug*

Mon Cherie

I'm so sorry, Dave. You're not a downer...talking about it and sharing it with others is important and helps ease the pain. We're good at comforting here in our little community. Even though you haven't talked to Mari-Rae in a while, it doesn't make it any less hard on you. Your tribute to her here, and your kind words about her will keep her memory alive. I'll say a prayer for your friend, Mari-Rae Sopper.

*hugs Dave hard*

Dave,
I am so sorry you lost your friend
We are all affected, and sometimes we don't know how much
Love to you

Oh, Dave...honey, I don't even know how to say how sorry I am. First of all, you're not being a downer - we've all been affected personally in one way or another by this, but now you've lost someone you know. You're going to need to talk about it and get plenty of love and support, and we're here for you for that. With the way I've been spilling my guts in a total flood since it happened, I'm fully qualified first hand to say that this wonderful bunch of people is here to listen to anything you need to tell us. We love you, and we're all going to get through this together.

****************************************

Dave, our sympathy goes out to all of those who knew Mari-Rae. Also, one of the members of the EBT (I checked in there today as well) knew the co-pilot of American Airlines Flight 11. It's hard to believe that so many lives could be swept away to satisfy the whims of a rich terrorist.

Right out of High School, I worked at the University of Denver as a research technician. I lived close enough to walk to work.

Small World.

-- JV

"What rage for fame attends both great and small!
Better be damned than mentioned not at all." --John Wolcot (1738–1819)

*Big Hug Dave*
Love to you and everyone here

Oh Dave, how awful. I'm sorry.

real sad to hear, Dave. it becomes that much more personal when you actually know someone involved -- be it a close friend or a passing acquaintance from years ago.

no need to apologize for being a downer and thanks for sharing... we're all here to be there for each and every one of us no matter what -- it might seem minor to others but it's always major to the person involved.

Dave we are all here to share. I'm so sorry about your friend....so senseless...so many deaths. When one of the news channels was banner-running the names of AA passenger lists I kept muttering --- "Please, don't let me see a name I recognize." But at the same time I couldn't take my eyes off the screen.

There is true evil in this world and innocent people are being hurt by it and the rest of us can no longer afford to close our eyes and hope it will go away without affecting OUR lives.

Hug from Dalton

I am very saddened by the news of the loss of your friend from high school, Dave. I expect many of us throughout the country, throughout the world even, when all the victims are known, will have had at least a passing acquaintance with someone on the list. I share your sense of loss and will remember Mari-Rae and her family and friends tonight in prayer.

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than monkeys." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Thanks for sharing her story with us. <hug>

Thanks, all, for your kind words. Found this in my hometown paper and thought I would share. Reading the words of her sister (my sister's classmate) and her mother made what happened to Mari-Rae a little easier to stomach. I wish I could be in the old high school gym for the memorial. I remember seeing her compete there several times.

Here's the article:

Inverness native pursuing her dreams killed in attack
By Jamie Sotonoffand Shruti Daté Daily Herald Staff Writers
Posted on September 13, 2001

Whenever Mari-Rae Sopper did something, she did it in a big way.

When she competed in gymnastics, she became the Illinois Senior Gymnast of the Year and Iowa State University's MVP.

When she decided to quit her coaching job and go to law school at age 28, she handily passed the bar exam in three states, and landed a spot as a trial and appellate attorney with the U.S. Navy.

Sopper's family isn't surprised that now, at 35, she was still pursuing her dreams. But they're sad that her promising life was cut short.

Sopper, an Inverness native, was a passenger on American Airlines Flight 77, which crashed into the Pentagon Tuesday morning after being hijacked by terrorists. All 64 people aboard were killed, as were hundreds of others on the ground.

"It's just like her to go down this way and be part of history," said her mother, Marion Kminek, a West Dundee resident and a longtime Realtor with Re/Max Unlimited in Palatine, as a smile crossed her tear-strewn face.

Sopper was leaving Washington D.C. to take a new job as the head coach of the girls gymnastics team at the University of California-Santa Barbara.

Wednesday was going to be her first day on the job.

"Here is this girl, who all her life had considered coaching, and she was finally going to live her dream ... obviously that dream was cut short," said Amy Pyle, who served as Sopper's gymnastics coach at Iowa State University in Ames from 1984-88.

Kminek was watching the televised reports of the attacks in Washington, D.C., and New York on Tuesday morning. She didn't fear for her daughter's life until she heard that one of the four hijacked planes had taken off from Washington Dulles Airport, destined for Los Angeles.

"I screamed because I just knew," Kminek said. "I could feel it. I knew she was on that flight."

Kminek frantically called Sopper's friends and American Airlines, but didn't get confirmation that her daughter was on the plane until 6 p.m. Tuesday.

Since then, a steady stream of friends have been stopping by Kminek's home in West Dundee, offering their support. The phone rings every five minutes with friends asking if they can do anything.

"It doesn't seem real yet," Kminek said. "It's not something you think will ever happen to a member of your family."

Family and friends describe Sopper as an intense, hard-working, health-conscious and politically opinionated person. She was a strong advocate for women's rights and civil rights - beliefs that helped lead her to become a lawyer.

But her passion was always gymnastics. Sopper had for years coached gymnastics on the side and attended the World Championships and other major tournaments.

She was well-known in the nation's gymnastics community and had a reputation for her beautifully choreographed dance routines. Parents of gymnasts frequently hired her, flew her out to their town, and had her choreograph a routine for them.

Sopper's talents as a gymnast, and as a leader, had propelled the girls gymnastics teams at Fremd High School and Iowa State to several championships. She competed on the teams during each of the four years she attended Fremd and Iowa State.

"It all started with her. She put Fremd on the map," said Larry Petrillo, Fremd's girls gymnastic coach.

The team had hardly won any meets during her freshman year, but by her junior and senior year, Fremd's girls gymnastics team ranked second in the state. Sopper, a 1984 graduate, pushed team members to accomplish their best and led by example. She was a high school All-American in 1982, 1983 and 1984, and an Illinois State Scholar and National Merit Semifinalst.

"We would not be as good as we were if it were not for her. Her dedication rubbed off on us," said Susie Halford, who served on several school and community gymnastics teams with Sopper.

Friends and coaches agreed Sopper's competitiveness pushed her.

"Mari-Rae was one of those gymnast who gave 110 percent for herself and the school," Pyle said. "She was a competitor, not afraid to speak up whether you wanted to hear it or not."

K.J. Kindler, who succeeded Pyle as the gymnastics coach at Iowa State, attended the university after Sopper graduated but said she constantly heard about the legend of Mari-Rae.

Even as she pursued a career as a lawyer, her passion for gymnastics never waned. She continued to coach on the side when she attended the University of Denver law school, and most recently, as an assistant coach at George Washington University.

She took a job with a large corporate law firm last year, and during that time, her passion to coach overcame her desire to practice law.

"She made the decision to become a gymnastics coach because she loved it ... it was always a passion," Petrillo said.

Friends emphasized that Sopper saw the career change as a dream come true and a challenge. She hoped to rejuvenate the UCSB girls gymnastics team, which will enter its final year this fall. She accepted the job just two weeks ago.

Though they had never met Sopper, players on the UCSB volleyball team were deeply saddened by her death. Word of her fate spread quickly throughout the Gaucho gymnastics program, a sport which ironically had been dropped by the university on Aug. 10 and then reinstated three days later for just one more year. UCSB officials opted for one more season after the athletes had complained that they had not been given enough time to transfer to another school.

"What is so amazing about Mari-Rae is that she knew the program would only be in existence for one more year, but she accepted the job with so much enthusiasm," said junior Cara Simkins. "We were supposed to get together with her on Sunday in a meet-the-team barbecue.

"We had been e-mailing her, and her e-mails were so enthusiastic. Her arms were so wide open for us. She cared so much."

The death of this accomplished young women also has brought the terror of the attacks hundreds of miles away close to home.

"I think there are so many casualties that everyone seemingly knows someone, but you never think you are going to know somebody," Halford said. "It's just surreal."

Mari-Rae's sister, Tammy Sopper, 33, said it is comforting to know Mari-Rae accomplished so much with her life.

"It's not like we think, she didn't have a chance to live," Tammy Sopper said. "She was at a high point in her life. A lot of people never reach those high points. That makes it a little easier."

A memorial service for Mari-Rae Sopper will be held at 11 a.m. Sunday in the Fremd auditorium, 1000 S. Quentin Road in Palatine. Her family chose that location because it was so special to her and the site of many of her proudest accomplishments.

Friends also are working to establish a gymnastics scholarship in Sopper's memory.

Sopper is survived by two grandparents, her parents, a stepfather, and five siblings.

Those closest to Sopper aren't angry about what happened, only sad.

"We aren't the only ones being affected by this," Tammy Sopper said. "This wasn't done by someone who wanted to hurt Mari-Rae. It's just a sign of the times."

• Mark Patton of the Santa Barbara News-Press contributed to this report.

Dave, thanks for bringing forth the personal side. Alot more people are going to be personally effected by this in the days to come. I am so afraid of calling one of my best friends from high school. She works downtown for an investment firm and her husband is a firefighter. I am a coward-afraid to call and hear the grief in someone's voice as they answer the phone. God help us all to get throught this. What a terrible world we live in, it will never be the same.

Dave, I'm glad you trusted us enough to share your feelings here.

At times like this we need our "village".

Cath

Here is the website for the Ventura County Star article about your friend:

http://www.staronline.com/vcs/college/article/0,1375,VCS_137_823503,00.html