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Original Message
"Kelly Graduating "

Posted by kree on 04-19-06 at 01:03 PM
It's proof to me that some people graduate for other reasons than just reaching their goals. I think sometimes the coaches and producers agree that a person just can't progress any further and might as well just be sent home. Since Kelly pretty much did all her assignments she wasn't ever going to be kicked out, but she certainly didn't reach any level of true self awareness. She was getting more and more mean spirited toward other people and selfish, which, I thought, was something she was there to change.

The same thing happened with Nyanza in the first season, remember? She was allowed to be selfish and abusive to others, yet graduated regardless. I don't think they knew what to do with her, and they didn't know what to do with Kelly.


Table of contents

Messages in this discussion
"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-19-06 at 01:07 PM
I'm Glenda, Kelly's older sister. Yes, it's proof that they graduate anyone who they don't want to deal with completely. SO had to realize that Kelly needs "professional" help with her anger towards her family (Dad, Mom, me, and brother) She might have come home and is a better person in her home, but she came home VERY angry with all of us. I find it hard to believe that someone with her anger can actually change in 8 weeks. I hope she finds happiness one day.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by kree on 04-19-06 at 01:13 PM
I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you in any way. I realise that it must be hard watching family go through this ordeal. I'm sorry to hear that all is not well. Perhaps watching the show, and seeing herself will help further her growth. Sometimes it takes more than even extreme experiences to change. There's a lot og good in Kelly- she just doesn't know it or see it or know how to use it.

The best of luck to you and your family. Let us know how things are going as time passes on!!


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-19-06 at 01:27 PM
No offense taken. Yes, there is good in Kelly. I'm very let down by this whole experience because when she left for the SO house I was so excited that she was going to get "help" for her issues. I believed that once she let down her guard we would re-build our sisterhood to become friends. Our last phone call she had such hate in her voice and I couldn't take it since she just got back from the SO house and there was no change in her as far as I could tell. Pure hatred in her tone, just like you saw on tv.

Time is passing on and now that she is graduating on tv we will all move on with our lives.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by punkin123 on 04-19-06 at 01:29 PM
I hope you find a way to get her into counseling that you all can benefit from. I felt that she made some progress while she was there and know 8 weeks won't do it.

I've given up on own my "Kelly sister" and only see her at holidays. She is also unable to stop herself from being abusive and is stuck at two years old emotionally.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by 00fun on 04-19-06 at 01:32 PM
>I'm Glenda, Kelly's older sister.
>Yes, it's proof that they
>graduate anyone who they don't
>want to deal with completely.
> SO had to realize
>that Kelly needs "professional" help
>with her anger towards her
>family (Dad, Mom, me, and
>brother) She might have come
>home and is a better
>person in her home, but
>she came home VERY angry
>with all of us.
>I find it hard to
>believe that someone with her
>anger can actually change in
>8 weeks. I hope
>she finds happiness one day.
>

Can I ask...you don't have to answer, but why was she angry at her family? was she angry with all of you before she went into the SOH, or did she just come out angry for ???? whatever the reason...just curious as to what could have happend while she was in the house. I thought SO was trying to bring her closer to her family.

I say this because I know she made a call to you, and your mom...although she was kind of mean to your mom, I thought she sounded genuine to you....boy, I guess it was all an act for Rhonda, huh?

I wonder why SO didn't bring you or your mom to the SOH?



"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-19-06 at 01:40 PM
I'm not sure why she is angry at all of us. But, yes, she had the anger before she left to the SO house - they chose to focus on her "touching" issue and her attitude with her immediate family. However, her anger stems from childhood, etc. She is mentally stuck in 8th grade and can't get past the anger. I now think that she doesn't want to deal with us because it's too painful.

I remember when she called me - I thought she was genuine, but now see it as a way to make points with LC so she could graduate. I wasn't able to tell her my thoughts about anything during that call. It was one-sided - "I'm sorry - goodbye"

They didn't have me or my Mom come to the SO house because we were told by Kelly "you aren't a part of my story" I guess that chapter was skipped.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by kree on 04-19-06 at 01:52 PM
You know, one of her last sessions was with Dr. Stan and she actually told him about her tiff with Jodi. He had a great opportunity at that time to try to put her in her place, because if anyone could get through to her, I believe it would have been him. But he didn't. It was almost like he figured out it was too late.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said she's treating you like that because it's too painful to deal with. It's obvious also that she holds her husband in high regard, and perhaps being a father figure to her, is being sort of protective of what is safe for her. She sees you guys as a threat to that sanctuary. But still... that's no excuse to treat you in a cruel manner. The sad thing is that here you are, obviously caring about her. You've watched the show, and hoped for her change; wanted to love her and be given love in return, but it didn't happen. Hopefully someday she'll see the love you have for her. You've done your part, and do not deserve to feel bad.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by craft123 on 04-19-06 at 02:46 PM
If you really are her sister, Glenda, I feel sorry for Kelli. You have absolutely no family loyalty airing your grievences on this website.

You must also have issues and a visit to SO might help you also.


"WARNING - craft123 "
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-19-06 at 03:06 PM
As a fellow poster, Kelly's sister is entitled to the same protections as anyone else on here. That means you may not bash her. Please read our FAQ and guidelines if you haven't done so.

"Comment"
Posted by AyaK on 04-19-06 at 07:16 PM
>You have absolutely no family loyalty airing your
>grievences on this website.

I only want to discuss this part of the post, not the bash for which this poster was deservedly warned.

"Family loyalty"? I've heard that term used mostly by people who mean that you should never speak ill of another family member in public, no matter what that person says about you. It'a a noble goal. But it's not one that I aspire to emulate.

Speaking just for myself, I wouldn't tell outsiders anything about family members who behave nicely toward the family (the "cooperate" model), but I wouldn't hesitate to trash family members who behaved like Kelli (the "conflict" model) to outsiders. Especially after Kelli's comments on national TV.

How do others feel about this?


"RE: Comment"
Posted by sharnina on 04-19-06 at 08:46 PM
I respectfully disagree. I think telling others how wonderful someone is is far better than tearing them down in a public forum (speaking of family members of course). We all have bad times in our lives and I would feel awful if my sister thought that the only things worthy of making public are the crappy things I've done in my life.

I tell anybody and everybody what a wonderful sister I have and how smart and successful I think she is. She is a great mom and a great role model to anyone who knows her. I could think of some things to tell you that haven't been so great about her (and she could do the same to me) but who do I serve by doing that? Certainly not myself. I just come off looking immature and petty. So I will keep those things to myself. And also, once the words are out of your mouth (or keyboard) you can never take them back.

The problem with the above post is that GeeGee has not torn Kelly down in any way. She is sad that she doesn't have a good relationship with her sister. I think she will never give up on Kelly and what more could you ask for?

But you do have an interesting point of view.
sounds of extreme sucking up

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


"RE: Comment"
Posted by flashwife on 04-19-06 at 10:16 PM

>The problem with the above post
>is that GeeGee has not
>torn Kelly down in any
>way. She is sad that
>she doesn't have a good
>relationship with her sister. I
>think she will never give
>up on Kelly and what
>more could you ask for?

She has been kind to her sister BUT knowing Kelly, this would push her botton's BIG TIME.



"RE: Comment"
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-25-06 at 06:36 PM
Yes, Kelly is VERY upset that I came to the boards. However, she's taking her anger out on our mother instead of talking with me directly. You know how she punishes the weak! I did not say anything bad about my sister - only that I wished she would have dealt with the real issues of her intimacy problems, in other words her anger. I honestly wished she would have come home a kinder, gentler woman, but that was just a fantasy. She wants to believe I am the enemy and that will keep up apart.


"RE: Comment"
Posted by flashwife on 04-25-06 at 10:24 PM
>Yes, Kelly is VERY upset that
>I came to the boards.

GeeGee, maybe you can reach her in a different way, by sending her a letter or a card. If it were my sister I would write or send her a card EVERY DAY if she sent it back I would put it on her door. Or I would call my bro-in-law, just keep trying.


"RE: Comment"
Posted by Cleverone on 04-20-06 at 01:34 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-21-06 AT 04:35 PM (EST)

Hi Ayak....like Sharnina, I don't think trashing a family member to outsiders is a good thing...by speaking ill of them, it says something about "you"...you would be putting yourself down to the level of the one you trash. If I couldn't say something positive, then I'd leave it at that.

Kelly came to SO with the knowledge that she'd be airing out her laundry...her family knew as well, maybe not to what extent, but they had to assume so. I didn't think Kelly trashed her family at all...she never (as I recall) spoke negatively about them, just her self and her reaction to things that happened in the famiily that influenced her life. She talked more about her behavior and how she realized that it was inappropriate and wanted to learn how to change it....this poor woman is sooo misunderstood, primarily of her own doing, but misunderstood none the less. I wish her well and hopes she finds the way to make peace with all of her family someday.

****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by eire_heart74 on 04-19-06 at 01:09 PM
They have done this before and they will still do it as long as they get people like her. I honestly don't think SO could of done another thing for her other than kicking her butt out the door. Bye Bye Kelly. Watching you daily made me realize not to sweat the small stuff because you're doing it all for us.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by 2KOOL on 04-19-06 at 01:54 PM
Not to get off the subject of family. If Kelly is truly an angry person (as we now know is her true personality), how has she been able to keep a steady job as a waitress for 25 years. I would hate to have made her mad and let her handle my food
No disrespect to you GeeGee45.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Juliejo on 04-19-06 at 02:06 PM
Kelly was angry when she came into the SO house and she will leave just as angry as when she got there. She took that anger out on anyone who disagreed with her or that she was jealous of. I am glad she is going and I wont miss her at all. At least now they have a HM who will keep us laughing. I will say this though Kelly has a wondeful kind and caring husband and two well mannered handsome and kind sons. I would assume that they take after their FATHER?

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-19-06 at 02:21 PM
Yes, my brother-in-law and nephews are great people. Kelly to for that matter - she just has anger deep inside that maybe (just maybe) she'll let go of one day to be a happier person.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by staceeturner on 04-19-06 at 02:13 PM
Well just go and burst my bubble why don't ya. just kidding I did really think that she was changing for the better, now I see and hear that it's not all what it was made out to be. sorry Kelly's sis and extended family that is crappy that she did not use her "tooles" to "Fix" her whole family. just goes to show you what some people do to fool others. JMHO

short&sassy


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Sues on 04-19-06 at 02:23 PM
I think what clinched it for me was Kelly in the 'confessional' talking about how she would have been judgemental 'before' when it came to Niambi....all I saw was judgement...she may not have said it, but her body language screamed it....

Maybe when folks around her call her on it a bit more, she'll change...who knows....
(I would have loved to have seen video of her at work though...)


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-19-06 at 02:20 PM
Kelly is an excellent waitress and her guests like her service and they tip her well. However, she has had many issues with fellow co-workers / bosses because of her attitude. She honestly wants to leave waitressing because that work takes a toll on your body. She's been going to a Junior College and the last I heard she plans to get her X-Ray Tech. License. I hope she finishes her goal.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by zipitgood on 04-19-06 at 02:35 PM
I think some people are just born mad. They think they always get the short end of the stick. Someday when Kelly is an old lady she will think, why did I do that? I think she needs some spiritual help! Sometimes that helps people like her..

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by sharnina on 04-19-06 at 04:35 PM
Well, GeeGee45, I think that Kelly has a treasure in you. I hope that she sees it soon. I have a good feeling that it will never be too late for Kelly where you are concerned. In that she is truly blessed.

Like a poster above I was concerned at first about your willingness to post here about Kelly. But in every post you elevate her and express your love and respect for her. I feel your sadness in every post. If anything I think you have given all of us a different perspective on Kelly. She is much more than what we have seen on the TV. Thank you for sharing something that is obviously so painful with us.


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Zoey on 04-19-06 at 02:26 PM
As far as goals go, the LCs can only work on so much, otherwise they'd all be like Allison or even worse, live there permanantly.

Kelly wanted to work on her goals and go home. She didn't want to deal with the people in the house or try to fix every single thing in her life.

I think Kelly deserves to graduate. I don't think she's changed drastically, if at all. I do, however, think that she's gotten all she's gonna get from the SO house. Going by Kelly's personality alone and not comparing her to others, I think they've done what they can with her. There may not be huge improvment but maybe Kelly's personality is handled better by praising her for small improvments. I never expected a dramatic change in her.

It's kind of like high school. Some people graduate with high honors, others just get by. I don't think that she has failed in any way butI don't think they should invest anymore time in her either.

Therefore, a passing grade. Not well deserved but not undeserved either.

...My opinion.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by 26mitogo on 04-19-06 at 04:24 PM
I've been sick of Kelly since she began her attacks on anyone and everyone that didn't do & say what she wanted and who weren't immediately afraid of her. She showed no intention of dealing with this anger ... even seemed to get energy, life, and pleasure from it. I don't feel this part of Kelly has changed. Where I do see a possibility is in her desired relationship with her children and husband. Maybe ... just maybe she can find out that the rest of the world is not laying in wait their entire lives to get her. Maybe she'll find out, like I heard someone say, if you actually knew what little amount of time others actually spend thinking about you, you wouldn't worry about others.

It seems Kelly wanted to make her changes ONLY for her immediate fam (sons & hubby) and made that abundantly clear. I was shocked she was never called on her "mean girl" bully attitude and that it was simply referred to as a "tone"! But at least she admitted she has ruined much of her sons memories ... even tho she took that "tone" with them in discussing the matter (when her older son said "Mom, it's OK" I thought she was going to bite his head off when she said "No it's not" in that "YOU ARE WRONG, I AM RIGHT and don't argue with me!!!" tone.) But maybe she will see when and where she insists on being "right - end of discussion" . In all the apologies I saw, she was saying she was sorry while demanding she was right about it all and everyone else had no place responding.

I suspect Kelly will try to continue being decent to her hubby & sons ... she has established her position with them and is therefore safe learning to be vulnerable with them. They know well what she can do yet they never gave up on her ... so she can safely put down the whip and maybe even give them a little breathing room. I suspect even this may be difficult for Kelly. If she sees any one of them getting a little "out of bounds" based on her definition, and heading down a track that she doesn't like, I suspect she may put them back in their place ... then calm back down into a more loving place. For her sons, I hope she can let them explore who they want to be, what they want to do. I am sure they have lived being who she expects and may still choose careers, activities, etc. based on what they have been told is "acceptable". But, heck, we all do that. It's just a time to let them begin exploring what THEY want. I too want my child to choose a "good" career, etc. but my opinion of "good" may be different than hers ... and that is always hard. The true test of parenthood is when your child chooses something you yourself would not want (be it career, spouse, interests, etc.) yet you are able to support their decisions and love them when they aren't the person you dreamed of before they were born.

Kelly did irritate me but I did learn to see glimpses of the qualities she wanted - once she had established superiority and control. For now, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt ... that she chose to ONLY concentrate on her immediate family, knowing that is vital and really an emergency for her. Maybe she knew she could never concentrate on being vulnerable with her family if she thought she had to let her guard down with anyone else. Maybe someday she can begin applying it to others. I do think Kelly may be just one of those who will never feel safe in letting down her bully guard unless she first knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you will never, never, ever cross her .... ever!


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Omniscia on 04-19-06 at 05:25 PM
I just find it really hard to believe that this is Kelly's sister. This happens so often on message boards, people pretending to be friends and relatives of the one being discussed... I'm very suspicious and am not believing any of this.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-19-06 at 05:50 PM
It's ok, I understand your hesitancy to believe that I'm Kelly's sister, but I am. I am not here to rag on Kelly - I guess I needed a place to vent my frustations that my fantasy to have a relationship with her once she left the SO house vanished right before my eyes. If she learned enough tools to save her marriage and build better relationships with my nephews then it was worth it because they are her priorities. Maybe someday down the road we will meet up and repair our differences.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by sharnina on 04-19-06 at 08:28 PM
Yep, I'm buying it because other people that have claimed to be friends or relatives of a house guest usually contradict themselves, bash the person or make outrageous claims. You have done none of this as I stated in an earlier post. Also the connection with your daughter who posted on another thread and graciously answered questions just rings true to me.

Again, thanks for sharing with us.


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by ChristinaJB on 04-20-06 at 00:24 AM
>It's ok, I understand your hesitancy
>to believe that I'm Kelly's
>sister, but I am.
>I am not here to
>rag on Kelly - I
>guess I needed a place
>to vent my frustations that
>my fantasy to have a
>relationship with her once she
>left the SO house vanished
>right before my eyes.
>If she learned enough tools
>to save her marriage and
>build better relationships with my
>nephews then it was worth
>it because they are her
>priorities. Maybe someday down
>the road we will meet
>up and repair our differences.
>
GeeGee,
I have an older brother that is your sister's clone. He is angry and resentful all the time. He has held probably 50 jobs because everyone is out to get him, they hate him, they were mean to him, they lied to him - you get the picture. He is always angry and resentful toward me because I have a happy life. I feel for you and I know what it is like to have a sibling and want to be close to them and share your life, but can't. ((hug for you))


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by tracyc1166 on 04-21-06 at 01:27 AM
GeeGee45,
I had a falling out with my family a few years ago. We have always been a very close group. Every holiday and birthday was spent together. For one year I did not speek to my family. It was the worst year of my life. There was a lot of hurt felings and anger that I had to forgive in order to get back to that close family I had before. In that time I learned not to sweat the small stuff and not to hold a grudge. I hope you and Kelly can become as close as my sister and I. Both sides need to agree to just put the past behind you. I value every min. that I have with my family because you just don't know how long you may have with them. I wish you and Kelly the best.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Chienne on 04-24-06 at 07:13 AM
GeeGee I've read most of your posts and, not that it matters but, I DO believe you are her sister. Because of that I will try hard not to sound disrespectful here. It seemed to me that Kelly had to de-humanize a person before she could ever feel for them or have any compassion for them. Like if she barrated them enough that they crumble to a vulnerable state where Kelly feels she reigns, has power over, or is superior to, then and only then does she see them as a person. (Like with Kim, the only time Kelly softened with Kim is when Kim came to her crying and apologizing) She got along with Jodi only when Jodi was vulnerable. Does she have such a low self-esteem that she thinks just everyone is out to get her and has to tear them down to find their weakness so she can feel good about herself? She admits in confessionals how she lashes out to people (in her anger state) very vindictively. It's calculated like her cooking next to Jodi just because she wanted to get under her skin. This type behavior really warrants therapy, I'm wondering if she does this to those she loves as well or just anyone outside of family. Is she getting after care treatment of any type? She has the capacity to reach out but I don't know if it's just Kelly's personality that has a mean streak or if she is just so filled with the inner voice nagging of low self-esteem that she reacts this way and doesn't even realize why.

Is she the kind of person that if a family member wanted to reach out to her that they would have to seem weak to her in order for her to listen to them or be open to communication with them? I think it must be quite difficult for you to understand right now and to cope with her with all of her issues.

I see that you love her and get frustrated that she seems just so unreachable.. sometimes it's best just to love them from afar and not bring that negativity into your own life.. which is your choice because unless Kelly can treat you with respect then she's making the choice to repel even her family members. If you do want a relationship with her and are able to take all of the brunt of her animosity of the world then you may have to change your whole way of communicating with her, almost presenting yourself as the one needing her just to get your foot in the door to discuss further assistance for her, maybe even asking her to go with you so that you are both getting help but essentially it's just supporting Kelly to get the help she needs. I hope that you take no backlash from Kelly's appearance on the show because from what I see.. the two of you are quite different people. Thanks for coming and sharing with us.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by beckettrep on 04-20-06 at 00:12 AM
>Not to get off the subject
>of family. If Kelly
>is truly an angry person
>(as we now know is
>her true personality), how has
>she been able to keep
>a steady job as a
>waitress for 25 years.
>I would hate to have
>made her mad and let
>her handle my food
>
>No disrespect to you GeeGee45.


And I have to ask myself if Kelly was gonna hook up with an old coot why didn't she find one who could support her so she wouldn't have to work for the past 25yrs - she could have been a stay at home mom and raised her kids. Seems to me it's a big waste of time to hook up with some old geezer and then still have to work LOL. Kelly is just a mean, vile, ugly person and no amount of time in the SO House was gonna change that - it was that obvious (at least to me).


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by MizJazmine on 04-19-06 at 05:29 PM
I'm glad for Kelly. The one thing I really respected about her from day 1 is that she took ownership of the fact that she was the problem in her family. She never wavered from that. I could tell that this is a woman who loves her husband and her sons. She just didn't know how to show it and she said that. She even said with one exercise how she hurts everybody - friends, family, co-workers etc.

Sure Kelly had conflicts in the house, but so did everybody else and not just with her! In some of her conflicts I felt her instincts were right on. No she didn't handle every situation "smoothly", but that in part to me was what she was there to work on. I also always considered who she was there in the SOH with. I don't think Kelly should have faked her relationships in the house. I understood her "I'm here for me" because I could see how the house started revolving around one hg in particular. Heck this board was doing the same thing IMO, so I understood it! I think because Kelly didn't choose to fake her relationships in the house in part was why one hg got her recent breakthrough (IMO that is). Sure she could be petty, but there was a lot of pettyness going around in the SOH too IMO. So yes I do think there was an honesty that Kelly had. She knew what she felt, but she just really didn't know how to express it in an appropriate way.

There were times when I felt like Kelly was the person on Rhonda's caseload (for lack of a better word), that was really overlooked. Maybe she did a variety of assignments, but they just didn't choose to show it. Rhonda said that they talked about the tone, but did they talk with Kelly about her "death stare"? I don't know. If they did, they sure didn't show it. I felt like if she didn't get the "tools" she needed, it wasn't for a lack of trying. That I lay at Rhonda's feet.

Kelly has a precious family. She has a very generous husband who has by choice stayed with her & two handsome sons who love her. I hope she enjoys her family like never before and that she continues to heal & grow. I liked her and I wish her the best.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by mcclan9 on 04-19-06 at 06:00 PM
I am also glad for Kelly. I see good growth in her attitude towards her sons. I don't have the problem to the extent that she did, but watching her helped me realize that I needed to sometimes "stop and smell the roses" with my sons. They are the same age as Kelly's sons (and I have older kids too). The time that they are young goes so quickly, but it is easy to get caught up in the day to day drama and forget to enjoy the kids!

Thanks Kelly, for helping me love and appreciate my boys more...


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by flashwife on 04-19-06 at 06:30 PM
I feel there is two side's to every story, I hope that Kelly work's on her family. I know how I would feel if my sister felt the need to talk about me in an odd way, but I do think Kelly should have gone to A.M. classes, I feel it would have helped with her sister's and family.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by cronemoon on 04-19-06 at 06:56 PM

I hope she gets a beautiful makeover..tomorrow..( im getting some biopsies done i will miss the show)I hope she finds peace and joy in a moment.. maybe not a week not a hour but a moment.. I pray Kelly writes journals ..not for the world to read but for herself to ease away the painful angry moments..

I also hope she uses her computer skills to research natural healing herbs, aromatherapy, soft soothing music,, candles,,
massage , meditation..to control those rage moments...

i am bi-polar i got it as a result to cope with 10 years of incest and moving 23 time before i was 16 years old.. i was angry with
everyone in my family and i too have an issue with touching and being touched..

I am lighting a candle a pink one in healing and offering peace to Kelly.. i see me in her and her in me...

I also must offer a suggestion on Kelly wanting to be an x-ray tech.. it may be too intense for her.. I had a friend who went into that field ..she had visions of a quiet room..the humming of the x-ray machine.. what she got was screaming patients pulled from wrecked cars ...in the ER..maybe if she went into doing Mamograms for women that would be a calmer envirement..
just a hint..

anyone that can work as a waitress for all those years deserves a medal...bless her..

I see sadness in her eyes..beyond the anger,, beyond that pain and sadness and fear..i have seen those same things in my eyes..

i pray we all find peace and calm in our quiet moments..

GOOD LUCK KELLY...its been a long hard road..
i will be wishing you the best.. you can always turn the page
and start over ..start a new day.. thats the beauty of the sunrise and the calm of walking in the moonlight they both refresh you..and ease the pain...

good luck..peace be with you


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by kalalala on 04-19-06 at 07:21 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-19-06 AT 07:28 PM (EST)

What a treat to read so many intelligent thoughtful posts about Kelly!!! Thank you. Such a pleasant change from some of the other Kelly threads. (I know, I know, mods, don't talk about the other posters, talk about the houseguests) I too see a big change in Kelly, but I also see that she has a long way to go. Good for her in soaking up all the help she could get in order to get this start.

GeeGee, I can empathize with your hopes and wishes that the SO house could have helped Kelly more than they did with the rest of her family. Unfortunately, like someone said upthread, that would have taken a lot longer, more intensive, course of therapy than what they are able to offer. While you are being very gracious in your comments about Kelly, I can hear your disappointment in your posts, especially about the phone call she made to you. It probably would have been better for you to be able to discuss the childhood situation and been able to work out some agreement on it, but she really was just following her coach's instructions to not get into justifying her behavior, but just apologize for her part in it. Maybe once Kelly gets more secure in her immediate family and how she relates and deals with them, she'll be more comfortable in going a little further and digging a little deeper. It sounds like some family counselling would be good for the relationship between the two of you to discuss how you both feel about it.

In the meantime, way to go Kelly! I look forward to seeing the makeover tomorrow. Little leery about what crazy Andy might do to her, but I think even just a good styling from a hairdresser will make a big change.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by zipitgood on 04-19-06 at 07:44 PM
I actually teared up when Kelly was at the coffee shop. I hope she is sincere about treating her kids better. They looked shocked and please.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by ChristinaJB on 04-20-06 at 00:28 AM
>I actually teared up when Kelly
>was at the coffee shop.
>I hope she is sincere
>about treating her kids better.
>They looked shocked and please.
>


I did too - she did seem so vulnerable and honest in that moment. I noticed a flash of this too, when she called her friend and sister to apologize. It was short with her sister though and I could see how scared she was to go any further with it. GeeGee, give it some time, maybe she'll come around. Try to reach out to her?


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-19-06 at 07:50 PM
Yes, I agree. I think that SO wasn't able to deal with her deep childhood issues, but help her to live in her house with her family. I have not seen her in almost 4 months so I have no idea if she is living her "authentic" self in her home. Maybe watching herself on television re-lit the fire for her to stay true to herself and my brother-in-law and nephews.

As far as her telephone call to me. I understand that it was an assignment. But remember, Kelly and I have never really had a heart to heart talk so her just saying "I'm sorry" felt like a door was opening for us and I looked forward to her coming home and us being able to work together to make our relationship better. Like you said, maybe someday down the road we will make it happen. It takes both of us to make that happen.

Thank you for your kind words.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by sharnina on 04-19-06 at 08:36 PM
I like you.

I hope for Kelly's sake that she comes around soon. She needs you more than she can ever know.


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by standinmytruth on 04-19-06 at 08:39 PM
btw, i'm kelly's sister too. because i am a loving and supportive family member, i am absolutely thrilled that she has changed her life in order to make my nephews happy. they are her children and therefore more important to her than me and any petty issues i my have.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by sharnina on 04-19-06 at 08:48 PM
Awww, you're just pulling my leg, standinmytruth, we all know Kelly only has one sister.


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Shazbot on 04-20-06 at 01:08 AM
GeeGee45 - I'm sure you love your sister, and I'm sure she loves you... and maybe this is enough. I think there is a problem with the way Kelly experiences the world, and it's probably connected also to a hypersensitivity which also shows up in her feelings about touching, and showering with total privacy etc. Her behavior is very familiar to me because it's very similar to that of my mother.

I got a kick out of Kelly when she'd display her sense of humor. She could also be wise. But I also bristled at her harshness. Kelly seems to go after blood if she smells it. My advice to you would be not to make a big deal out of things... and realize your sister has a relationship with the universe that is all her own.

It has not been easy, and I have had my moments, but I know keeping a certain emotional detachment has really helped me. Think small and take it slow. I think things evolve too, I think life goes on and things change for everyone anyway. So life can help you to. Just protect yourself also.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by standinmytruth on 04-20-06 at 01:30 AM
you are so right. when she is being humorous or having fun she seems so excited like she can't believe she's having a good time. i think she'll keep growing. he's boys where so pleased today. it was great.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Boots12565 on 04-20-06 at 01:43 AM
Kelly doesnt desearve to graduate-PERIOD!She is a mean-Evil-Nasty person-I only WISH she could have had Iyanla as a lifecoach!Kelly even ADMITTED she RUINED alot of her Kids Holidays-WTF??!Who does that?A PSYCHO BEYOTCH for SURE!I LOVED her husband and Boys _Thats the only GOOD thing in Kellys life!JMHO-PEACE

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by standinmytruth on 04-20-06 at 01:59 AM
>Kelly doesnt desearve to graduate-PERIOD!She is
>a mean-Evil-Nasty person-I only
>WISH she could have had
>Iyanla as a lifecoach!Kelly even
>ADMITTED she RUINED alot of
>her Kids Holidays-WTF??!Who does that?A
>PSYCHO BEYOTCH for SURE!I LOVED
>her husband and Boys _Thats
>the only GOOD thing in
>Kellys life!JMHO-PEACE


but do you like her?


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Boots12565 on 04-21-06 at 11:43 PM
He** to the NO!PEACE AT YA

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by SOfan0221 on 04-20-06 at 06:36 AM
GeeGee45, you have my total sympathy. It must be so hard to have a sister that you cannot have a close, loving relationship with because of her deep seated anger.

I felt so sorry for your mom when telling was on the phone telling her how she was never, ever, ever going to be the person her mother wanted her to be, ever. I thought she took that assignment Rhonda gave her as an ok to start telling people off.

Kelly and I would last about 5 seconds in a face to face. Bullys really set me off. She may be able to kick someones a$$ just using her mouth (and I have not doubt that is true) but what kind of boastful pride is that. She appears to be the kind of person that is going to strike out first so she doesn't get her feelings hurt - that is if she has any to begin with.

It must be hard on you, as her sister, to hear your younger life played out on the soap opera that SO has become. You have my condolenses for that. I thought it was weird when Kelly called you and started right in on ....I forgive you for blah, blah, blah and I have held that against you for blah, blah, blah. I remember thinking, geesh Kelly give her a chance to speak up instead of rambling off 5 sentences and then saying ok, bye bye. I thought either it was extemely stupid editing or Kelly felt she had some big revelation which sounded so fake to me.

I hope at some point you two have the chance to come together as sisters and get close. Life is way to short to go through it with the perpetual scowl and crummy attitiue Kelly posseses. Maybe she will have an epiphany and come out of it, doubtful but stranger things have happened.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Cleverone on 04-20-06 at 01:47 AM
>I'm glad for Kelly. The one
>thing I really respected about
>her from day 1 is
>that she took ownership of
>the fact that she was
>the problem in her family.
>She never wavered from that.
>I could tell that this
>is a woman who loves
>her husband and her sons.
>She just didn't know how
>to show it and she
>said that. She even said
>with one exercise how she
>hurts everybody - friends, family,
>co-workers etc.
>
>Sure Kelly had conflicts in the
>house, but so did everybody
>else and not just with
>her! In some of her
>conflicts I felt her instincts
>were right on. No she
>didn't handle every situation "smoothly",
>but that in part to
>me was what she was
>there to work on. I
>also always considered who she
>was there in the SOH
>with. I don't think Kelly
>should have faked her relationships
>in the house. I understood
>her "I'm here for me"
>because I could see how
>the house started revolving around
>one hg in particular. Heck
>this board was doing the
>same thing IMO, so I
>understood it! I think because
>Kelly didn't choose to fake
>her relationships in the house
>in part was why one
>hg got her recent breakthrough
>(IMO that is). Sure she
>could be petty, but there
>was a lot of pettyness
>going around in the SOH
>too IMO. So yes I
>do think there was an
>honesty that Kelly had. She
>knew what she felt, but
>she just really didn't know
>how to express it in
>an appropriate way.
>
>There were times when I felt
>like Kelly was the person
>on Rhonda's caseload (for lack
>of a better word), that
>was really overlooked. Maybe she
>did a variety of assignments,
>but they just didn't choose
>to show it. Rhonda said
>that they talked about the
>tone, but did they talk
>with Kelly about her "death
>stare"? I don't know. If
>they did, they sure didn't
>show it. I felt like
>if she didn't get the
>"tools" she needed, it wasn't
>for a lack of trying.
>That I lay at Rhonda's
>feet.
>
>Kelly has a precious family. She
>has a very generous husband
>who has by choice stayed
>with her & two handsome
>sons who love her.
>I hope she enjoys her
>family like never before and
>that she continues to heal
>& grow. I liked her
>and I wish her the
>best.

BRAVO!!!!!BRAVO!!!!! MizJasmine, finally...someone who understands Kelly as I do....very well said. My contention all along has been that Kelly just wants recognition for her efforts and you just gave it to her....thank you!


****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by standinmytruth on 04-20-06 at 02:01 AM
i agree too

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by sharnina on 04-20-06 at 02:13 AM
but do you like her?


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Cleverone on 04-21-06 at 04:30 PM

Yes Sharnina...I liked her...she was a little rough around the edges, but given a chance and some understanding along with a measure of gratitude for her efforts, I believe that Kelly would be very likeable and a very good friend.

****************************
"I walk in my own shoes..."
****************************


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by sharnina on 04-21-06 at 08:18 PM
I was just joshin' with standinmytruth.


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Boots12565 on 04-20-06 at 02:12 AM
Bye Kelly-Happy Graduation!-NOT!The S.O. House is ALOT better off WITHOUT YOU!AND please-Clip your toenails-OR should I say CLAWS?!PEACE AT Ya!

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by staceeturner on 04-20-06 at 01:18 PM
the makeover did help her look a little softer, but did you see the flame coming out of her nostrils and ears when Kim said what she said? I was LOL, however it did take courage for her not to say anything back. peace

short&sassy


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by redheaded1 on 04-20-06 at 01:56 PM
GeeGee45, I truly do hope that you and your sister can re-connect and have a loving relationship. I love my sister dearly and can't imagine life without her. However, I personally would have a very hard time trying to connect with her, if my she came onto a public forum and said what I consider to be hurtful things, regardless of the intention. It's my opinion that those sorts of things should be kept private.

I also have to say that no one makes a 100% transformation by the time they leave the Starting Over house. It is truly just the beginning of the starting over process. The 8 weeks in the house is just the very tip of the iceberg. She has a lot to think about & absorb. Yes, Kelly still has some hard work to do but I think she's made some huge strides.

I wish Kelly and all of her family the absolute best.

"Life's big problems include the words indictment or inoperable, the rest is small stuff"


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-20-06 at 02:06 PM
When Kelly decided to go to the SO house we (her family members) thought it was a great opportunity because we knew she was so miserable. I truly feel that she went there to get enough tools to come back to her husband and sons to make life better for them. Her past is too much for her to deal with right now. When our mother went into the hospital I was a Junior in High School and Kelly was in 8th grade. That was probably the time we all emotionally detached from each other in order to survive. I chose to live with my Dad and didn't really have contact with Mom, Brother or Kelly for about 3 years. There was a lot anger between all of us with the divorce, etc.

Throughout the years Kelly and I have been in touch with each other, but never real close. We both have had walls up, but the last few years I've tried to let them down and get close to her. I don't think she's ready for the walls to come down and I have to respect her. Time tends to heal and all I can hope is that one day down the road we will hug and leave the past behind so we can move forward. Time is too precious to be angry.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by tac_2 on 04-20-06 at 02:17 PM
Time tends
>to heal and all I
>can hope is that one
>day down the road we
>will hug and leave the
>past behind so we can
>move forward. Time is
>too precious to be angry.
>

At some point maybe you and Kelly can find a mutually comfortable getaway location and spend one on one time together. It's not just Time that heals wounds...I wish that was true. People have to be checked in physically and mentally, too, in order for the process to even begin. My impression of Kelly is that she's probably not the type to make the first move, either.
Good luck, hope you can reunite with your sister.



"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by NicNac on 04-20-06 at 02:22 PM
GeeGee, I admire you for not "giving up" on Kelly and keeping the door open so that if and when Kelly is ready, you two might be able to re-connect as sisters and friends. A lot of people would just say "the he!! with it" and just write that person out of their lives. I also respect the way that, in spite of everything, you have positive things to say about Kelly. It would have been so easy for you to just agree with all of the Kelly bashing and add some of your own but you chose to take the "high road". Kelly is very lucky to have you in her life - whether she realizes it or not.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by GeeGee45 on 04-20-06 at 02:44 PM
I feel that watching Kelly's journey through the SO house offered me more insight into her life which allowed me to let go of my anger towards her. At one time in my life I was the type of person to say, the He** with her and give off an attitude too. But, I can honestly say that I have found that it doesn't work and you have to be gentler with people and it's working for me. You're probably right, I'll have to be the first to contact her if I want it to go anywhere with us, but I'm not at that place just yet. That's what I meant in terms of time healing. Time passing will allow one of us to be in a better place to contact the other person and put the past behind.

Thank you for your kindness


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Juliejo on 04-20-06 at 03:30 PM
I for one am glad that Kelly is gone. I think Rhonda did all she knew how to do for her, I feel sorry for her husband and children if she goes back to her old ways. She is lucky to have a good husband who is supportative and the boys who seem to love her a lot. She wears a chip on her shoulder and whenever anyone thinks or feels differently than she does she is ready to fight. So much anger and she is so quick to throw away her own mother and sister. Her mother got sick she didnt just leave Kelly because she wanted too like Kim's mother did so why all the anger? She has no tolerance for anyone she sees as weak and she wont work in a hospital with the public very long with her attitude either. So Good Luck Kelly cause you are going to need it. I think as Kelly's sister you are better off without having a relationship with her because you would spend all your time walking on egg shells just to get along. I dont see Kelly giving once inch to anyone and if she treats her own family this badly just think how she will treat someone she isnt invested too.
Who needs that kind of crap? Life is too short.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by C_Mar on 04-21-06 at 01:07 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-27-06 AT 03:17 AM (EST)

Does Kelly work at The Claim Jumper in RANCHO CUCAMONGA?


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Gizelle on 04-21-06 at 10:30 PM
Kelly truly is the epitomy of evil..i knew it the first time i saw her walk into that house...

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by BeeBe on 04-22-06 at 00:25 AM
There was a meanness about Kelly that I just couldn't get past. I felt that she tried to bully Jodi early on, then Kim, then just before she graduated, Jodi again (about the food thing). And when that didn't work, she walked away, only to burst into tears in calls with her husband. I felt that she was jealous of Kim for being softer and less angry on the outside even with her abused past. Kelly reminded me of the school bully who folds the minute they encounter anyone who actually stands up her herself. I did not see compassion from Kelly, and I really, really wanted to see it! I felt like she said the right things when life coaches were around, but when they weren't, reverted back to her usual self. Since the life coaches won't be around in her real life, I have serious doubt that she will maintain on an even keel. I think as with other guests, therapy is needed to reach the root of her problems, not just work on her outward behavior.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Speical Kay on 04-23-06 at 08:40 AM
>I feel that watching Kelly's journey
>through the SO house offered
>me more insight into her
>life which allowed me to
>let go of my anger
>towards her. At one
>time in my life I
>was the type of person
>to say, the He** with
>her and give off an
>attitude too. But, I
>can honestly say that I
>have found that it doesn't
>work and you have to
>be gentler with people and
>it's working for me.
>You're probably right, I'll have
>to be the first to
>contact her if I want
>it to go anywhere with
>us, but I'm not at
>that place just yet.
>That's what I meant in
>terms of time healing.
>Time passing will allow one
>of us to be in
>a better place to contact
>the other person and put
>the past behind.
>
>Thank you for your kindness

Actually Glenda, I think you are ready but you need counseling in order to learn how to deal with someone of this nature. Sitting back typing on a message board that you KNOW your sister is going to read is not productive to the process of any family healing. Wouldn't it be more appropriate to go into counseling yourself to deal with what happened in both your childhoods? We can work on ourselves but we can't get to the root of others problems or expect them to change if we can't change ourselves first and understand the dynamic of the events. Sometimes when one can get to the root of a family dysfunction it helps one understand the other family dynamics. Your family sounds like it had a lot of hard times. It just won't go away. Family or individuals need to work on healing. Sometimes that doesn't include the whole family. You can take the step to heal yourself from whatever happened. When one person in the family is toxic the whole family becomes toxic.


"WARNING - Speical Kay"
Posted by Bebo on 04-23-06 at 10:45 AM
These forums are for discussing the show, not other posters. Even if a poster claims to be related to a show participant, that does not give you the right to go after another poster.

We have community guidelines and a FAQ list - I suggest you read both of these.


"RE: WARNING - Speical Kay"
Posted by Speical Kay on 04-23-06 at 12:17 PM
>These forums are for discussing the
>show, not other posters.
>Even if a poster claims
>to be related to a
>show participant, that does not
>give you the right to
>go after another poster.
>
>We have community guidelines and a
>FAQ list - I suggest
>you read both of these.
>


Could you please show me where I went after another poster please?


"RE: WARNING - Speical Kay"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-24-06 at 03:29 PM
Sitting back typing on a message board that you KNOW your sister is going to read is not productive to the process of any family healing. Wouldn't it be more appropriate to go into counseling yourself to deal with what happened in both your childhoods?

For one. But I'm not going to bother giving you any more, because it's clear you have no intention of following our guidelines.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by LoveMyTiara on 04-23-06 at 11:22 AM
According to a Starting Over graduate, the saying for the house is "Started Over, but still f****d up."
Sounds like this is the case.
Do you think that maybe the producers are not seeing enough viewable footage from someone and that dictates when someone graduates? Lisa1 and Ali-whine were on FOREVER, but they really compelled people, for good or bad, to watch. Maybe Kelly just wasn't as big of a viewer draw, and they didn't have enough time in the season to let her really work into a frenzy with the other houseguests.
I don't know why people who clearly did not address their issues graduate. But what I do know is that I just don't watch as much anymore. The show has taken a disappointing turn, and I am less interested.
It's too bad Kelly couldn't get the help from SO that she truly needed and, apparently, still needs. Hopefully this experience helps her see that there is still some work left to do.
GeeGee, I wish you luck. It is frustrating and sad to have someone not see how poorly they treat their family and how much healing needs to be done. But it has been my experience that distance, emotional and physical, can be a really good thing.

"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by BeeBe on 04-24-06 at 05:31 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-24-06 AT 05:33 AM (EST)

I think Kelly single-handedly changed the feeling of the House and put everyone on edge more than any other HG ever did. She was always exploding or on the verge of exploding at SOMEONE.
You never knew what would set her off, or for how long, with her days and days of dirty looks, pouting, flouncing and telephonic diatribes to her husband. I try to imagine living with someone like Kelly in MY House - I would leave, and these women can't leave without leaving the show. She is a bully whose aggressiveness was so unappealing I barely cared how she got that way. The sympathy ended when the behavior hurt others, and more than any other HG, Kelly hurt others. And she enjoyed it. "I can Kick your a** with my mouth alone" is a braggart talking, taking pride in her ugly behavior. And it was even more offensive because she directed much of it at Kim, who had already taken enough abuse to last anyone a lifetime.

With this kind of toxic presence in the House, the other women's stories became almost sidenotes to the impending trainwreck that Kelly represented. She drove the SO House off the track, into the dirt and then over the cliff, and the show let her.

I am glad she's outta there and they finally figured out that this was the most they could do with her outward persona - because there was nothing they could do with her inner mess. They went for dramatic tension by casting Kelly, and in so doing, they threw away the connections and community that made SO worth watching.


"RE: Kelly Graduating "
Posted by Chienne on 04-24-06 at 07:22 AM
Personally, I don't think Kelly's main issue was on touching was about her being able to reach out but more she took on this behavior (anger, spitefulness, vindictiveness, bitterness) to KEEP people away from her and in this learned behavior it affected her own children. Her behavior seems to me like a tool or mechanism she developed to keep the world away from her, if she let's no one in then no one can hurt her type mindset. I don't know that if a person truly feels that way in her core that she will ever change. If she doesn't get therapy to address her ongoing issues then Kelly will always be "Kelly" and will never be able to "Start Over". It's a shame too, her children look well-adjusted but I'm sure they must have some issues growing up with a mom like that. Sad.