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"What's in a Bio"
Posted by Aruba on 02-21-15 at 02:38 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-21-15 AT 02:46 PM (EST)

With the Premier only days away it’s about time to give some first impression thumbnail thoughts on this season’s cast. Contrary to the theme “Worlds Apart” I see most having similar chances to go deep in the game and equally similar chances for an early boot. No one jumps out as a ringer, a challenge stud, first boot material, or Reality Ho. That being said, too hard to rank so I’ll list in alphabetical order:

CAROLYN (White Collar) – “Hates to be lied to.” Interesting. Personally I think liars are sorry sacks of sh!t…but hate? This is Survivor you signed up for. A native New Yorker who “won’t take crap from people.” Should be REALLY interesting. She goes on to say people will gravitate toward her as long as they don’t pi$$ her off. I’m not feeling any gravitational pull with Carolyn.

DAN (Blue Collar) – A postal worker who is a self-proclaimed “entire package.” I’ve seen plenty “packages” behind the counter of a post office window…but certainly not what Dan is self-referencing. A disc golf enthusiast. With lame pathetic competitions we’ve seen for challenges recently this could pay dividends for him. But overall, with the greatest divide in Reality TV history (age) always rearing its ugly head, I wouldn’t be surprised with an early departure here.

HALI (No Collar) – Her personal claim to fame is catching a wave. On no…not another one of those! Although she is a Law student…but then again Culpepper was in Law so we can harpoon that theory. Catching fish in a plastic grocery bag is pretty resourceful I guess; but I still think she has the makings of your quintessential coattail-rider.

JENN (No Collar) – Listing hockey as her favorite sport is a plus in my book. Someone else who claims to be resourceful enough to catch fish and cook it up. Perhaps a potential catfight between Hali & Jenn? Not that this is necessarily an ingredient for success on Survivor but her bio does suggest she’s pretty clueless about life.

JOAQUIN (White Collar) – One of my favorite bios this season. Derek Jeter is a good choice for a role model. I wholeheartedly agree with his pet peeve about people with no common sense. “Everything is better with alcohol.” Gotta love this guy…and I’m sure most of the females will do just that. Biggest negative—Anti-Darwin Syndrome victim material.

JOE (No Collar) – A first quick glance at his pic could have inspired Steven Tyler when he wrote “Dude looks like a lady,” And given his occupation as “Jewelry Designer” we could have our token “fancy pants” for this season. He has issues with bad hygiene, and like I stated with Carolyn, you sign up for Survivor?

KELLY (Blue Collar) – Got to be one of the shortest bios I ever read. We do know she’s psyched to walk out the door everyday with handcuffs, a night stick, and a taser. Could be fun on a date. But I don’t know…I’m thinking her time in the game may mirror the length of her bio.

LINDSEY (Blue Collar) – A hairdresser who lists dating as her favorite sport. And I presume finding that fat W-2 to jump all over would be winning the Superbowl. A typical bubble-headed bimbo who views life as her personal playground and will probably treat Survivor as a 39-day vacation.

MAX (White Collar) – His bio seems more tailor made for No Collar. Teaching Survivor in a University (why didn’t they have courses like that when I was in school) could be a curse if he comes off as a pushy know-it-all. If he makes the merge I could see him bonding with the No Collars and advancing…but he’ll need to get there first.

MIKE (Blue Collar) – Disc golf too? What the heck is this with Disc Golf??? But overall a pretty decent resume. On paper he appears to have all the ingredients of a solid player. But as we know the game is not played on paper. Either way, Mike’s a castaway I could root for early on.

NINA (No Collar) – An over 50 female with a bionic hearing aid. Unless it involves sign language I’ll predict she’ll probably suck in challenges. If No Collars can escape last place finishes early on, she’ll get by and consequently punch her ticket deep into the game as many pathetically inept castaways have done before her. If they lose challenges early the only sign language she’ll be using is a wave good-bye.

RODNEY (Blue Collar) – “Peaked in High School Rob Lowe” meets Survivor. This guy has douchebag written all over him. A girl-crazy jock and self-proclaimed hustler who predicts to be the “first of his kind” on Survivor. A sure-fire setup for early failure or season-long entertainment value. Can’t miss with this A-hole.

SHIRIN (White Collar) – Pet Peeve – Morons. Right on with that. Everything else – Mehhhh. She states people will underestimate her and won’t see her as a threat.” Well it’s already working for me.

SIERRA (Blue Collar) – A 6’1” model. Bet she has legs that don’t quit. Hope she sticks around a while. Could see her doing well in competitions. Tall, attractive, athletic females, i.e., Danni, Kim have fared well in the past. If she doesn’t turn into a skanky ho, I’ll be cheering her on.

SO (White Collar) – Favorite hobby is eating. She’s not only honest, but BRUTALLY honest. Have some of these players ever watched Survivor before? As long as not partaking in her favorite hobby doesn’t make her irritable & nasty and she can cope with a lack of "brutal honesty," her cuteness could take her far.

TYLER (White Collar) – Not the first professional athlete to play the game; but one who will probably not be recognized. Certainly has what it takes to do well, but historically former professional athletes have had a tough time toning it down. Like several in the cast this season could go either way.

VINCE (No Collar) – “Coconut Vendor” REALLY??? Now I’ve seen it all. He predicts his survivor skills will match his people skills. Well if he is unable to start fire on Day One would that mean his social game will suck as well? I do see him as an entertaining character, but not sole survivor material. Although EPMB may hope differently. Imagine a Survivor winner with the last name of “Sly.” You couldn’t write a script like that.

WILL (No Collar) – Like Kelly, not much bio to go on. A YouTube sensation…Oh brother, we had one of those last season on BB. Overall I see him as a dark horse this season (no pun intended.) If he flies UTR early I actually like his chances.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by kingfish on 02-23-15 at 03:59 PM
Very funny.

It's all pretty much a blank slate for me right now. But we have a coconut vendor?

I'm thinking that there's a wag writer working for EPMB that makes some of this stuff up. Or someone who takes naps under a coconut palm.

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Agman2 on 02-23-15 at 05:04 PM
Give me a few episodes and I'll have some comments on this!
"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Aruba on 02-23-15 at 07:04 PM
I'm hearing both of you on this.

This is based SOLELY on their CBS Bio and profile pics. Years ago I used to watch all the pregame interviews as well as JP's assessment of the castaways, but I stopped doing that years ago.

Of course you have those who lurk in the various spoiler sites who could probably provide more accurate "expert insight" to this season's cast...but that's not me. Just "shoot from the hip" gut reactions.

Historically I've been right with most but a few I'll inevitably strike out on...which will no doubt be followed by a multitude of posts trying to set me straight. LOL

Anyways, lets' hope for a decent season providing enough bash material!

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Agman2 on 02-24-15 at 11:56 AM
Anyways, lets' hope for a decent
season providing enough bash material!


I can't think it will be any worse than last season. That was the first time ever I didn't care who won!



They were all equally nauseating!

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Aruba on 02-25-15 at 06:31 AM
I felt the same way last season up to the merge. But a couple episodes after the merge I truly felt Natalie separated herself from the rest of players and deserved the win.

Even though I don't care for her personally, I was pulling for her in the end. It would have been a complete total JOKE had one of those other bozos in the Finals emerged victorious.

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Agman2 on 02-25-15 at 10:36 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-25-15 AT 10:37 AM (EST)

I agree, the right person won hands down. I just didn't care for her too much so it wasn't as much fun watching her win.

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by suzzee on 02-24-15 at 03:39 PM
If she doesn’t turn into a skanky ho, I’ll be cheering her on.

As if skanky ho isn't a valid strategy. hardy har har

Nice shootin' from the hip I like your assessments. Sometimes over thinking is the worst thing to do. Obviously most of the cast have done way too much thinking already.

The most fun in your post will be re-reading it after this season is in the can. Fun!


I should be watched....closely.

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Aruba on 02-25-15 at 07:01 AM
Thanks for your comments, suzzee.

Yes, a player can over think and over analyze. Yet despite any thought provoked strategy or best laid plans, a castaway will not be someone they ain't.

Whereas it's true players in the past got much mileage from being a skanky ho, just as many shot themselves in the foot playing the same role. It's easy to Monday morning quarterback and say the ho who got far implemented great "strategy" and the one who didn't was a "bad" player after the fact.

Bottomline, a skanky ho will act like a skanky ho because...well...they're a skanky ho. A habitual liar will lie because...well...they're a habitual liar. Disgruntled sore-losers will be pathetic crybabies because...well...they're sore-losing crybabies.

Even with much on the line and a million dollar pot at the end of the Reality rainbow, a castaway's true colors will always come to surface and at the end of the day (a 39-day for some) you are who you are.

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by michel2 on 02-25-15 at 08:48 PM
Imagine that! Aruba liking Joaquin, the guy who admires Jeter NOT for what he did on the field but in the bedroom. How do we call a male "skanky ho"?

Just to list my preseason favorites, I really like Joe, Jenn, Hali, Vince, Shirin and Kelly.

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Aruba on 02-26-15 at 07:39 AM
I have given a male skanky ho several labels on these Boards over the years...horny toad, womanizer, and pig just to name a few.

I'm not sure what Joaquin bio you were reading or what Derek Jeter career you followed???

The two adjectives he used to describe Derek Jeter (dedication and finesse) were listed BEFORE he even insinuated women...and my take on those adjectives was his dedication to the sport and his finesse on the field; not in the bedroom.

As for Jeter's "choice in women" what was wrong with that??? This man was listed year after year on practically every "most eligible Bachelor" list throughout his career. He wouldn't have landed a spot on those lists if he was a horny toad, womanizer or pig. Now if Joaquin had listed Dennis Rodman or some professional athlete who had fathered six kids with five different women then your response to my post would have some merit.

Joaquin even said himself he would rather win the money instead of winning some girl.

Finally other reasons were given for my initial likeness of him going from his bio. I thought his comment "everything's better with alcohol" was a riot and having no tolerance for people who lack common sense is something CBS Production and its inept casting crew should consider.

"RE: What's in a Bio"
Posted by Aruba on 03-01-15 at 11:27 AM
OK, with the Premier in the can, let me self-critique my preseason assessments. I included my own original excerpts:


>CAROLYN (White Collar) – “won’t take crap from people" "I’m not feeling any gravitational pull with Carolyn"

Well she certainly didn't take any crap from anyone. I didn't feel any gravitational pull with Carolyn...until she found the HII. In the game of Survivor possessing a HII has a way of creating enough physical force to push all kinds of bodily objects toward you.


>DAN (Blue Collar) – "A postal worker who is a self-proclaimed entire package” "I wouldn’t be surprised with an early departure here"

Let's emphasize "self-proclaimed" because I would never proclaim that. And after a most disturbing edit in his speedo, I am right (in more ways than one.) Has all the makings of an early boot.

>HALI (No Collar) – "I still think she has the makings of your quintessential coattail-rider."

Nothing in the Premier suggested otherwise.

>JENN (No Collar) – "Not that this is necessarily an ingredient for success on Survivor but her bio does suggest she’s pretty clueless about life."

I'm still thinking she's clueless about life but as stated it's not a necessary ingredient for success on Survivor. She came out of the Premier in arguably the best position of anyone.

>JOAQUIN (White Collar) – "Gotta love this guy…and I’m sure most of the females will do just that." "Biggest negative—Anti-Darwin Syndrome victim material."

Well we know one female in particular (fresh off a rebound) who loved him. If he goes pre-swap or pre-merge the ADS will have nothing to do with it. Although if he somehow makes the merge, the ADS will come into play again.

>JOE (No Collar) – “Dude looks like a lady” "We could have our token fancy pants for this season."

Not 100% sure of his sexual preference; I'm thinking he's probably straight. But Geez, put some makeup on this guy and he'd give model Sierra a run for her money.

>KELLY (Blue Collar) – "her time in the game may mirror the length of her bio"

Well her screen time in the Premier sure mirrored the length of her Bio.

>LINDSEY (Blue Collar) – "will probably treat Survivor as a 39-day vacation"

Tough to gauge from the Premier. Can't take her seriously as a significant player although not one, but two (Rodney & Sierra) approached her. Rodney with the tattoo-bonding session and Sierra to confide her paranoia/distrust with her. Perhaps I'm just over-analyzing...or perhaps not.

>MAX (White Collar) – "Teaching Survivor in a University...could be a curse if he comes off as a pushy know-it-all" "If he makes the merge I could see him bonding with the No Collars and advancing"

He didn't come off as a pushy know-in-all. To his credit quite the contrary. The Ep. 2 preview shows him baring all. No question he'd bond with the no collars. If he makes the merge we're talking F4 material.

>MIKE (Blue Collar) – "On paper he appears to have all the ingredients of a solid player" "Mike’s a castaway I could root for early on"

I still think he does. Yes, volunteering minutes into the game and the scorpion snack were errors, but being regarded as the "glue that holds the tribe together" and stepping up to save his tribe from TC are enough ingredients for me. I'll continue to cheer him on.

>NINA (No Collar) – "I’ll predict she’ll probably suck in challenges" "If they lose challenges early the only sign language she’ll be using is a wave good-bye"

Well that prediction was a slam dunk...not that it's anything to brag about. Start practicing your wave, Hun.

>RODNEY (Blue Collar) – “This guy has douchebag written all over him" "A sure-fire setup for early failure"

I'm right about the douchebag part but probably wrong about the early departure. Thanks to his female bonding session he has all but guaranteed himself advancement up to at least the tribe swap. I wouldn't be surprised to see more gameplay from this meathead.

>SHIRIN (White Collar) – "She states people will underestimate her and won’t see her as a threat”

She certainly sucked in the Premier so people will underestimate her. Although it was not planned strategy. She sucked because...well...she sucked.

>SIERRA (Blue Collar) – "Bet she has legs that don’t quit" "If she doesn’t turn into a skanky ho, I’ll be cheering her on"

Right about the legs part. I don't see her as a skanky ho, but I won't be cheering Olive Oil on. It's one thing to wrongly accuse someone as dishonest; it's becomes plain stupid to run to another and share your erroneous accusation with them.

>SO (White Collar) – "She’s not only honest, but BRUTALLY honest"(So's assessment) "her cuteness could take her far."

Well because she was anything BUT "brutally honest" we'll never know how far her cuteness could have taken her.

>TYLER (White Collar) – "historically former professional athletes have had a tough time toning it down" "Like several in the cast this season could go either way."

He did a wonderful job toning it down. As a result I'm leaning more toward Tyler advancing further in the game.

>VINCE (No Collar) – "Well if he is unable to start fire on Day One would that mean his social game will suck as well?"

Yes, and DEFINITELY yes.

"I do see him as an entertaining character, but not sole survivor material"

Yes, and DEFINITELY yes.


>WILL (No Collar) – "If he flies UTR early I actually like his chances"

I see him flying UTR and I do like his chances to advance, but not feeling Sole Survivor with this one.