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"Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by kingfish on 12-10-14 at 11:18 PM
The EPMB went to dance with a Nympho,
He went armed with an art called Kenpo,
Too late did he realize with much alarms
You only fight nymphos with open arms.
(and lots of kisses).

Here I am in the lair of the Brit. As you might have guessed, he’s abandoned all of us once again, gone off to the Mongolian desert kingdom of Ifartyoufartweallfartistan. And so I took this opportunity to use his Malibu beach house for a while. He leaves the sliding door to his deck unlocked in case anyone needs a place to crash? Dibs on the king size bed upstairs.

I might need some help, I have discovered that his safe is very hard to crack, I think that it's just stuffed with too much cash. And of course I have Roma purring at my feet. I’ll wash them later, but apparently she lacks an olfactory sense, so maybe I won’t. She doesn’t seem to mind the invasion. I think she is a natural born Raunchy girl. Whaddaya know!

Anyway, I have to post his usual Be The Survivor clap trap this week just so the police will assume everything is normal, so here goes.

Opening scene, birds and sea,
Reprisals from last TC.
Reward challenge thru some hay.
Jon gives Missy his spa day.
Jac and Jon have home alone,
Their chance to stratigize and bone, (oops, that just slipped out, please carry, on carry on.)
Fat Nat goes to the Isle of Exile.
Missy limps to IC with her chil'.
That's about all I can take,
And Jon goes home 'cause he trusted a snake.

(There. <Looks out window>. I don't think the cops suspect a thing. And Roma wants a word with me, upstairs. Ta ta.)




Tribe puts me in my happy place.

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"A Tawdry Pleasure Trip"
Posted by kingfish on 12-11-14 at 11:30 AM
LAST EDITED ON 12-11-14 AT 11:30 AM (EST)

The EPMB has deserted us again in tawdry pursuit of the tawdry pleasures of the tawdry flesh. His travel voucher listed this trip as “Participating in the Kendo World championship Competition". Ha. He apparently thinks that learning an ancient Japanese art of defense and invisibility could be sufficient to protect him from my girls. Ha. Ha. And Ha. That is to laugh. My girls had no trouble following his trademark scent of Aqua Velva breath, and they tracked him down again, like the dog that he is.

Apparently the ancient Japanese defense techniques do not include how to counter being stumbling staggering drunk, and they ran him down outside a brothel in Eastern Thailand. He was trying to enter for some nepharious reason but was too wasted even for a seedy back-road Thai place of ill repute to admit him. And they don’t turn down anybody. You can have massive scabrous pustules dripping with the slimiest goo, and they’ll still welcome you. So it wasn’t a big deal to find him. And ancient defense techniques? Ha. Ha. And Ha. He fell for the “look over there” ploy and before he could think twice my girls had him cuffed and on his way to an underground cell reserved from past years and built especially for him.

A sharp stick poking we will go, and you are all invited, either to watch and make fun of him (he will be naked and his tiny little wiener is pretty funny, not to mention the apparent lack of a ball sack. He’s almost a girl down there. We all have one more reason to sympathize with Roma, poor woman) or participate in sharp stick poking. It’s all we need for a fulfilling and entertaining weekend.

But we do have business to attend to, and tracking down that Evil PMB didn’t require all of my raunchy girl squad’s time (referring, of course, to the really raunchy girls of the Really Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing school of Dramatic Sexual Tension and Evil Prick Poking), we also managed to invade his Malibu lair (see above post) and find a Spit Pot full of spoilers, the likes of which you will not find anywhere else. There are a lot of aspirers to the Spoiler High Kingdom Throne, but there is only one King Spoiler that sits atop that peak. And that is yo, Big Breast Mode Daddy.

To business then:

Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #1: This week in a nutshell:
Nat conducts a class in acting,
Keith conducts a class in squeaking by,
Jaclyn is elected Homecoming Queen,
Baylor is Queen of Mean,
And Jon’s brain is a Jelly Bean,
Finally Missy. Well Missy is probably going to win the whole dam thing.
(You heard it here first, folks).

Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #2: Although they started the puzzle with a large time advantage, a cat fight broke out amongst the all-girl team and while they bitched and scratched at each other’s eyes, the guy’s team caught up and won the comp, even though a third of their team was crippled and had to hauled around in a fireman’s (spit) carry. Politically, it just wouldn’t do to reference what would seem to be the stereotypical behavior of women attempting to cooperate with each other, so I won’t. I won’t say a thing. I just wish there had been a Jello pit or something.

Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #3: Keith (spit) is developing a permanent wide eyed “deer caught in the headlite” expression. He has no allies, he doesn’t have a strategy, he can’t remember what happened from minute to minute, he hasn’t bathed in 30 days, and he lost his spit pot, but in spite of all this, he sticks around. And spits around. No one is more surprised than he at this turn of events. No one except everyone in TV land.

BTW, Did I mention the 30 days without bathing. His Firehouse buddies are going to love that. I’m picturing daily hose downs.

Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #4: Fat Nat volunteers to go to Exile Island, presumably to get the clue to an HI and to prevent anyone else from finding it. But there is no clue, and Nat just sits on a stele and cries, “Nobody loves, me, everybody hates me, I’ll just eat snails and die. And it’s all Jon’s fault! And I’ll get him if it’s the last thing I ever do!”

Then she joins the others at IC with a heart full of misdirected rage.

Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #5: Spa Day, Jon gives his reward to Baylor, so she, Missy and Keith(spit) trundle off to their reward. Keith (spit) looks at Missy’s swollen ankle and declares “Why, that thangs’ swole up bigger’n a cabbage! Let’s bile that cabbage up, whattyer say? (hyuck hyuck. Good ol’ down home Shreveport humor, gotta love it)”.

At Spa day Keith (spit) discovers that he likes when little island women caress him in ways and in places that he didn’t know existed. The PG censors required that he (spit) be face down when it became evident just how much he was enjoying his “Massagerie”.

Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #6: And where would we be without Famous Last Word (FLW) spoilers?
This week, from Jacklyn at TC, “Neither me nor Jon are going anywhere.” Ouch, that seals the fate of one of the two.
From Jon, “God has a plan for us.” And his plan don’t include you. Hey, sayonara dude (this is Malibu, after all).




Tribe puts me in my happy place.

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by Agman2 on 12-11-14 at 11:49 AM
LAST EDITED ON 12-11-14 AT 02:39 PM (EST)


Jon got sent packing because of sly Nat,
He thought he was safe, but she pulled a blindside from her hat,
According to scenes, jac seems really pissed,
But she is the only one for whom his presence will be missed!...



...Next week's final tribal's gonna be quite a sight,
ya may even see a big verbal fight,
The questions asked will be very firm,
But I'm sure they'll reveal at least one true worm.

My money's on Nat to pull out the game,
should anyone else win, it'd be quite a shame.
She made the big move that should bode her quite well,
how far it takes her, only time will tell.

Jon will question why she blindsided him that day,
She will reply, to outlast, outwit, and outplay.
He'll say but I was honest with you for my part,
She'll say then your game play wasn't too smart.

When the votes are all cast, and the game is all done,
Next week's show is gonna be lots of fun!

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by kingfish on 12-11-14 at 02:28 PM
Nice roll.
"Handicapping the F5"
Posted by Aruba on 12-12-14 at 07:12 PM
I'm with you Agman...anything other than a Natalie win would be a shame.

Last season (even though I didn't care for him personally) Tony worked harder, played harder, and searched harder than any other player en route to a deserving win.

I feel that way about Natalie this season...not that we exactly have a bumper crop of castaways remaining.

If Missy was allowed to continue to play the only card she has (that of a 40+ year-old mom,) her "adopted son" Jon could have walked away with the title.

But Natalie/Baylor's intervention coupled by Jon's own denseness saw Jon flush his million down the hopper. And with her meal ticket waiting for her on the Ponderosa, Jaclyn is the least likely to win of the remaining five IMO.

Had Missy listened to her daughter in real life like she did in the game, perhaps she might have had more success with her relationship(s). In any event, her bum ankle pretty much guarantees a spot for her in the Finals. Not that she was any competition threat before, but now she's essentially a non-entity...who wouldn't want to keep her around. Unless of course Production decides to have another "House of Cards" final IC. *SNORT*

She'd probably get more votes than her daughter; I'll give her that much.

Even though Natalie deserves the win, Keith is still my sentimental choice. If he makes the Finals, and can exercise salvia self-control, jurors may find him endearing enough to "bumpkin" his way to a win.

A FTC with Jaclyn/Missy/Baylor (or any combination of the three) would be the worst Final I could remember in a while.

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by kingfish on 12-13-14 at 06:27 PM
Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #7: Exile Island has finally popped back out of the ocean after being submerged during Fat Nat's visit. Exile island can hold it's breath for an amazingly long time.




Tribe puts me in my happy place.

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by Aruba on 12-14-14 at 11:47 AM
Actually Nat is not that "fat" anymore thanks to 30+ days of starvation. Now if she only remove that ridiculous booger-catcher ring hanging from her nostril she might be almost appealing.

Well maybe not...perhaps my attraction may be sparked by the fact she's the only castaway this season truly playing the game on MULTIPLE levels.

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by kingfish on 12-16-14 at 10:11 AM
Stop confusing me with facts.

Fat Nat rhymes, and besides, it's funnier this way.

And in fact she's still heftier appearing than the others. Obviously sneaking a few rice rations at night.

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by Aruba on 12-16-14 at 08:10 PM
"Obviously sneaking a few rice rations at night."

...or perhaps there's more calories in the snails she was chowing down on at Exile Island.

OK, I pay homage to the Poet Laureate of the Survivor Bashers Board.

I'm just hoping for Natalie and Keith to make the Finals. Although I can't see a Baylor win, I could make a plausible case for her getting to the end. The other two would be a joke. A Missy/Baylor/Jaclyn F3 would hand the "win" to Missy purely out of default and sadly would be a disappointing ending to the season.


"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by kingfish on 12-17-14 at 07:03 PM
Thankew!
"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by kingfish on 12-14-14 at 11:32 AM
LAST EDITED ON 12-14-14 AT 11:34 AM (EST)


Spoiler from the sun deck of a Malibu Beach House #8: Because of an incident a couple of weeks ago when Russel Hantz ran thru Tribal Council during the eviction ceremony yelling "I really won this year too!", D-Con rat hotel traps will hence forth be placed along the perimeter of the set.

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by Aruba on 12-14-14 at 11:56 AM
LOL...I was expecting a couple Russell Hantz sightings last season. Especially with eventually winner Tony lying and conniving his way to victory not making any lifelong friends in the process thanks to a Jury that got it right and voted in the true spirit of the game and keeping the "Miss Congeniality" award for the Beauty Pageants.

Hantz must have been banging his head against the wall last season asking why did I have to face sore-losing disgruntled Juries??!! HaHa

"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by kingfish on 12-16-14 at 10:12 AM
I think I saw a Spy Shack in the background of a few of those pics.
"RE: Be The Survivor: S29 Ep13:"Let's Make a Move”, or “You Take Your Lumps and Limp On”"
Posted by Aruba on 12-16-14 at 08:12 PM
Yes, you're right...I think it was in the same area as those strange Llama sounds.
"limp limp limp"
Posted by jbug on 12-16-14 at 11:23 PM
ouch
ouch
ouch



"RE: limp limp limp"
Posted by Aruba on 12-17-14 at 06:31 PM
"ouch
ouch
ouch"

It will be interesting to know (and I'm sure we'll find out tonight as Missy will probably want it brought up half a dozen times) the severity of her injury.

As contradictory as this may sound, if it was a break/fracture, the fact that Medical was allowed to immobilize it the pain could be minimal.

On the other hand, if it was a severe sprain, even with the immobilization, that ankle will be "barking" until the swelling goes down. More times than not, a sprain is worse than a break. I'm not an expert on everything, but I know more than a thing or two about sports injuries.

But whatever the injury, with only a few days away from a possible million, you obviously grit it out...once again made possible by Production allowing medical to immobilize the ankle.

"Many thanks to King of All Fish as I took my Kenpo lumps"
Posted by RollDdice on 12-17-14 at 10:35 PM
Thanks kingfish for filling in as I studied, participated in Mock Tests and prepared for my latest Kenpo test.

I was successful and was awarded the rank of Yonkyu. (you could google the Japanese, or I could just tell you that it is the 4th kyu white belt = Green Belt)

Now if I can only hang with the Rauncharitas and have someone else lick my wounds for a while.