Here I am again, Breast Mode, reporting to you from the steaming jungles of San Juan Del Sur, where the main activity consists of blaming the monkeys for whatever goes wrong. “I couldn’t sleep because of the monkeys, Jeff”, or “The monkeys ate the rice, Jeff”, or The monkeys stole the flint, Jeff.”, or the Monkeys were too much of a teeny-bopper band for my taste, Jeff", or “the monkey said he was just a hairy guy, so I married him, Jeff”.

Well, there really was a need for someone to blame this week, for sure. For once the Really Really Raunchy girls from the Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing school of Seduction, Romance, and Hiding the Evidence almost let me down. It seems that on one of their forays into the jungle on their chopper Mopeds they found a new village to hoorah, and the elders of that particular village looked so cute and begged so beseechingly when tied to poles in the middle of the town square that they lingered over their hoorahing, and were late for their Survivor tribe spying. But, although it was late in the day when they arrived, they did come back with some very juicy tidbits.

As punishment for their almost neglect of duties, they were deprived of their costumes for Halloween, and had to use their imagination and body paint instead. The results were so successful that I have decreed that only body paint will be used to make Halloween costumes in the future. They had more imagination than I had imagined. It was a truly base-assed and spooky Halloween this year.

In the spirit of the holiday I allowed them to body paint a costume on me, and they chose Dick Tracy. We actually didn’t need much paint, IYKWIM.

Anyway, a fun time was had even though most of the girls were painted up as Elvira. And one of my bucket list item has always been to have a bevy of Elviras.

Q: How many Elviras is too many?
A: You can never have too many Elviras.

Elvira’s Spoiler #1: A spectacular failure was averted by a minor failure when Dale tried to use a fake Hidden idol to get thru TC this week. It didn’t work, he was voted out, mainly because he didn’t think it thru.

What Dale said to Jon:” I’ll give you my idol right after the TC vote if you don’t vote me out.”

What Jon heard: “I’m not using my idol at TC.”

Oops! – Not Winning!

That was the minor failure. The spectacular failure would have occurred if they had not voted Dale out, and he would have been forced to admit that he had conned them. The time between then and the next TC would not have been pretty. In fact the first murder in Survivor history might have been committed that night, bludgeoning by coconut, each tribe mate getting in a blow or two to spread the culpability, Agatha Christy like.

Elvira’s Spoiler #2: Jeff will descend from Mt Olympus and administer Biblical justice when dispensing Rice to his people. His wrath will be done, and his sword of Justice will depriveth the tribe of all ill-gotten goodies. And they shall be shamed.

Elvira’s Spoiler #3: One of my investigators got to the bottom (and a very cute bottom it is) of a question that has been plaguing us since the beginning of this season, and as a result we are able to announce that the meaning of Coyopa is “Destined to Lose” in the local lingo.

Elvira’s Spoiler #4: Another question was also finally answered, “what is the source of that steam we keep seeing coming out of the jungle every once and a while?” Turns out it was just Jeremy’s confessionals. He hates everyone and everything.

Elvira’s Spoiler #5: And we finally get an intelligent voice at TC. The Howlers enter in to the discussion. Quite the erudite sort, those monkeys.

Elvira’s Spoiler #6: This season’s winner of the “I shot myself in the foot” award goes to Baylor, who in a previous week’s challenge insisted on taking (and missing) all the basketball shots she could, this week insisted on taking the Hero Challenge. And again losing. Way to go Baylor. But maybe you should give someone else a chance to eff up for a change, you don’t really need to do it all yourself.

Tribe puts me in my happy place.