LAST EDITED ON 05-08-14 AT 02:31 PM (EST)

Bam! Bam! Spoiling Sam! Bam! Bam!

I apologize if the sizzle of that intro overwhelmed the delicate sensibilities of anyone out there reading this, but just I had a high energy drink and had to explode a little.

Wham! Bam! Spoiling Sam!

OK, maybe a little more.

So, this week, after more invasive spying and partying with the locals – they tend to really open up while drinking margaritas with my lap dancing ladies (the world renowned ladies of the RRR Girls finishing school) working their nubile craft – I have a few of those hard to get but well researched and always accurate Survivors spoiler to share.

But first, the overarching question, “Is there life on other planets?” The answer is Yes, there is. Now, on to our Spoilers, earthbound ones this time, as opposed to the really earthy spoilers from last week. Took two bottles of AquaVelva to get over those.

Earthly Spoiler #1 thru #6: Tony Blah Blah Blah.
Tony the mafia boss.
Tony the liar.
Tony the boss.
Tony of cement shoes fame.
Tony and all the HIS in the world
Tony Blah blah blah.
Enough about Tony. Vote him off already.

Earthly Spoiler #7: So they draw for two RC teams. Woo, Spencer, and Kass, versus Tony, Trish, and Tasha. Just the combinations CEEBEESS needed to encourage plotting, back stabbing, intimidation, threats to immediate families and pets, and other assorted scheming, no matter who would win. If Tony had won, however, the list might have also included two to the back of the head. Spencer balked at letting Tony's team win, apparently, so my prediction for next week is that he’s dead meat. Dead meat on a stick.

But let’s not accuse anyone of attempting to script the action. (EPMB, looking at you! Yes, you!).

Earthly Spoiler #8: Probst will comment on the Trish’s continuing transformation from humanoid to reptile, as she slither-hobbles through the course during the immunity challenge. Word has it that one of the upcoming challenges will be slanted in her favor and will involve fangs and venom spitting. To the astonishment of all (or of no one), Kass will emerge to give Trish a real run for her money. She gots fangs too.

Earthly Spoiler #9: We will be presented with a rare picture of Kass smiling. Or attempting to. This is Kass attempting to smile, not seen are the puffs of smoke that blow out of her ears.


A Kass Smile! One that could bite nails in half.

Earthly Spoiler #10: Spoiler preview - Morgan's baby bump. Lottery to pick the dad begins shortly.

Earthly Spoiler #11: Spoiler alert – there is no joy in Spencer land. And of special interest, maybe, to some girls out there, I suppose - Spencer hates kids. Those little monsters. That is all.

Earthly Spoiler #12: Spoiler alert – Woo Woo Woozy is a Doo Doo Doozy Says Run Around Sue Sue Suzzee. This time, unless someone has more words to that song and doo wop backup singers, that really is all.

Tribe strikes again
(Thank you thanks you all for your continuous and very generous support)

Kass's sourpuss has kept the island vermin free. They all jumped into the S.S. Quitboat with wazzername. Gotta say that looks like the most painful smile we've seen.

Morgan preggo? Another Survivor first Jiffy?

Poor Spencer, kid phobias, probably doesn't want to share his toys either.

Trish: Will Tony take you or Woo to final two? Honestly we Coconuts are a little worried about you we've squeezed a little coconut water out for you. We're taking bets on how much weight you gained over the last 30 days.

Tony has special coconut idols too, unfortunately they're only good at the Survivor Reunion Show.

As for our favorite son, the Woo-meister. Keep on keeping on. Woo-t!