URL: http://community.realitytvworld.com/cgi-sys/cgiwrap/rtvw2/community/dcboard.cgi
Forum: DCForumID1
Thread Number: 4381
[ Go back to previous page ]
Original Message
"Be The Survivor: S28 Ep07- "Treasure Island""
Posted by RollDdice on 04-09-14 at 11:29 PM

Kass deals with the flap over her flip. Morgan is too front loaded to balance and everyone scrambles to secure an Idol.



Mark "T-Bone" Burnett

[

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"The Loooove Doctor™"
Posted by kingfish on 04-10-14 at 09:37 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-10-14 AT 02:00 PM (EST)

Heloooo, this is your Loooove Doctor™, your suave super spoiler, Sam, speaking to you in my famous dulcet tones from the warm embrace of my Colorado love nest among the junipers, and suffering the sweet caresses of my flock of nubile nymphos, all recent graduates of (you guessed it) the Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing school.

I am her to serve you, the pubic, and offer you the love advice that so many desperately crave to get themselves out of the old “Tonite? Nah, maybe tomorrow” rut that we all eventually fall into. It’s not that you cease to love your lady or your man, no, it’s that after a while you’ve pretty much been there, done that, and the crisp edge of sexual anticipation is gone. Gone too are the expectations that your dreamed of delights are finally at hand. It’s all become mundane and now you can pretty much anticipate every move, and while you can still get your mojo going, there’s something that’s missing.

Well, as your Loooove Doctor™ and Super Spoiler, (I haven’t forgotten my responsibilities in that area), I have what you need. For a nominal (up front, cash only) fee my girls will guide you and your loved one through your lovemaking and show you just how you can spice up your life. We accept young, old, tall, short, just about all varieties of human. Aliens welcome too. We do not do consulting on sex with animals unless you can get your dog (or whatever) to sign a written release form. Otherwise we are wide open. And that can be taken on whatever level you care to take it.

As an added benefit, we will post video clips for free of your educational trysts on U-Tube so that all your friends and relatives can see for themselves just how open minded you are and how expert you will have become at performing certain acts that you can only learn here. For a monthly fee (a might hefty fee), we will not post them. You choose.

In the meantime, the latest Marconi wireless message just beeped in and has been decoded:

Decoded Spoiler #1: Survivor borrowed the “American Idol” telephone survey system to conduct a poll, and the verdict is in; “Trish should wear one of Kass’s onesie swim suits”. She does not have a body that should be shown on national TV. Actually the vote was for her to wear something else that is more appropriate for her, the ass end of a donkey suit, but we dialed that back a bit.

Decoded Spoiler #2: Next week the Rice Paddy Olympics will continue. Also known as the Survivor challenges. The hapless survivors will attempt to outrace local farmers brandishing pitchforks and torches who are angry that EPMB’s brilliant challenge ideas have ruined their crops this year. What does he care, he’s in Australia eating BBQed something-aroo meat. And Probst has his private heli.

Decoded Spoiler #3: Morgan explains that life is easier for her because she’s cute. After 20+ days on the Survivor Island, with biting bugs, short rations, no hygiene, no makeup, and having to wipe her butt with her hand every day, and she clings to the notion that she’s still cute. Why? Two reasons, and the first is understandable, she’s looking at Trish. And second, no mirrors.

It’s as if there were balloons strapped to her keeping her afloat all her life (See #5).

Also, one of the mistakes that we all look for occurred. Morgan utters the fatal phrase “She’s just jealous of me because I’m cuter than she is.” Others that we look for are “I have a gut feeling that I’m safe this week”, and the topper, “There is no way I’m going to lose”.

Decoded Spoiler #4: Woo does his part this week to enforce the stereotype of an Asian guy who knows Karate and Ninja moves. Woo Woo, Woo.

Decoded Spoiler #5: New nicknames:

“Meathead Tony” (Sarah gave him this one. Sarah and the rest of the conscious world.)

“Pillows Morgan”. (By unanimous consent).

“Waste of Space Morgan” (Yeah, I’m sorta over her. I will check out her online porn posting, but I’m over her).

“Not as cute as she thinks Morgan”. (Wow, she’s racking up the sobriquets this week).

“Trish the venom dripping snake”. (She just opens her mouth and her venom dripping fangs emerge.)

“Dempster Dumpster Mouth Spencer”. (After winning the reward challenge, Spencer opens his mouth, expands his mouth to several times it's normal size, and envelops his food.)

Decoded Spoiler #6: Kass reveals that she is playing her game. Going from last place on one tribe to last place on the other. This is her “winning”. Charlie Sheen would be so proud.




Tribe strikes again

"RE: The Loooove Doctor™"
Posted by suzzee on 04-10-14 at 09:56 AM
Thank you from the bottom of my Ninja heart for the shout out in this weeks Spoiling Sam's Newsletter!

I am inscrutable, I am stealthy. I unfortunately did miss Spencer grabbing that HII though. sigh. No matter, Wonderful Woo will prevail. To the Ninja cave!!


Just call me Woo Hoo


"RE: The Loooove Doctor™"
Posted by kingfish on 04-10-14 at 01:50 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-10-14 AT 01:51 PM (EST)

Woo Woo, Woo.

Also, what's with the bun? Isn't the Karate stuff enough to enforce that Asian stereotype?

And speaking of sterotypical, Here's Kass the lawyer in her Perry Mason pose.

"Caption That"
Posted by suzzee on 04-11-14 at 11:38 AM
How else can I make sure I get all the camera time...

"From the tree tops:"
Posted by suzzee on 04-10-14 at 10:09 AM
Beep-beep-beepity-beep

FLASH:

Reporting from high above the stupidity that is Survivor BBB.

Kass, declares herself a free agent ready to flip and flop at will, but it's her will and her game and don't anyone forget to use her like a borrowed mule. We think she may want to clean her glasses, way to conduct surveillance on that HII search sweetie. oh, and way to come out as an IC threat, what was it, like 3 seconds on the board?

Spencer, HII (it is just a regular old HII, right?) and the IC win. Way to put that old target front and center.

Woo, my little Ninja, I'm going to have to drop down on your head one of these days.

Tony, ease up there pardner, you're gonna blow a gasket, if not the rest of your game.

Trish, wear a shirt or win some food, dam girl...


LJ, Jeremiah, Jefra, Tasha, Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility has dropped down on you.


What a lovely bunch of coconuts.

"I wouldn't normally say this..."
Posted by tribephyl on 04-11-14 at 00:02 AM
...outloud...
But Dang! I am good at fitting pegs in holes and erecting for hot meat and bloomin' onions.


Sorry, Morgan. Nothing personal, except for everything about you. I have a mental picture to keep me warm, though.

"Slither slither."
Posted by kingfish on 04-11-14 at 10:50 AM
Well, I didn't think I'd get a chance to sink my fangs into anyone this week until Jeff called on me at TC. And Morgan's juicy back was just the thing.

Anyone that's cuter than me (ed. note: this includes all of woman kind) better watch out. Jefra, come here my little pretty...

BTW, I think I'm about to called out on this bulge in my bikini bottom. I might have to claim that I found a HI, I guess.

"Jeremiah giggles"
Posted by suzzee on 04-11-14 at 11:43 AM
Mirror mirror on the coconut tree,
I'm the pretty one now, right?

"Spencer finds an Idol"
Posted by suzzee on 04-11-14 at 11:45 AM
Yeah, that's right. I did it. Found that idol right where the camera guy pointed.


"Tasha"
Posted by suzzee on 04-11-14 at 11:47 AM
I think I'm going to call myself T'sha. I like having a " ' " right there in my name. Accent on the T and make sure you spell it right on the parchment. Fools.


"RE: Tasha"
Posted by kingfish on 04-11-14 at 12:17 PM
Put a little "erp" in there?
"Terpsha?"
Posted by tribephyl on 04-12-14 at 03:20 AM
That's totally code for something, right?



PUT DECODER HERE

"Hey, all youse guys, "
Posted by kingfish on 04-12-14 at 11:15 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-13-14 AT 08:25 PM (EST)

All of youse ain't got no balls, you no balls haters. You are all haters and I'll smash your face in if you don't like Amy's food.

Ain't that what you'd do?

Jeff Probst is a no balls hater too, and I'll pull his tongue out if he comes here.

Samy

"Letters from the Edge:"
Posted by kingfish on 04-15-14 at 11:06 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-15-14 AT 02:58 PM (EST)

Dear Daughter.

I am having fun here at on this Island on the other side of the world where you sent me. I still don’t know why you sent me so far away or why it had to be for so long, but they have elected me Queen of the World, and I am flying high. Well, there is a drink the natives here make from island mushrooms that might have something to do with that, but feeling good is feeling good. And I’m feeling good. The production crew is feeling pretty good too. Actually everyone is floating around and changing colors.

I have a special friend here and am enclosing a picture.

He will be my special friend, so remember Hands off! (jkg) (really not jkg). And I have a new boyfriend for you, his name is Jeff, and he will take anybody. Absolutely anybody or anything, so maybe your luck is about to change.

I also have a new Asian friend, his name is Woo. You’ve been kidding me about my using stereotypes, and that I should get to know some brown, yellow, and black people, right? So this is good news, right? Anyway he is good at Karate and Ninja stealth techniques, and he wears his hair in a Kabuki bun sometimes. And he’s very quiet, nice, and inscrutable. He eats rice with chopsticks that he makes from bamboo. No stereotyping there at all.

And now I know a black girl too. My first black friend, and guess what? She’s smart! Who would have thought! A smart black girl! Her name is T’asha. It used to be just Tasha, but well, that's a long story. Anyhow, she’s teaching me to rap, grab my crotch when I walk, and talk ghetto. Things like “Say what?”, “You go girl”, and “Get out of my face you cracker beyotch”. I think that means "my special white friend". Sweet girl.

Anyway, we’re playing a game where we vote each other off every couple of days, and the last person standing at the end will win a million bucks. So far I have been able to get people who are cuter than me voted off, so maybe I have a chance. We have challenges, and my strategy is to show my blinding white belly whenever someone is about to beat me, and to look intelligent and real thoughty.

I made another friend, her name is Trish. I can’t tell whether she’s a woman or if that bikini bulge means something else. Also, she might be a lizard in a bikini. I’m kind of scared of her. Wish me luck.

Love, your Mama Kass.

(PS; Get it? Mama Kass? You don't? Ok dig thru my stack of vinyl records. There's a Mamas and the Papas record there. Figure it out. But don't worry if you can't, Jeff likes his women dumb).

K.
(love you, but if you get between me and my man, all bets are off!)


(Sorry for the unauthorized sig borrowing, Jbug. You can have it back now. And in compensation, anytime you like you can borrow mine. But you better get it before that sig thief Fooner tries for it).