Previously on...Survivor!

Whoa. Now that's entertainment.

Just when you think that two females not getting along can't get any worse than the Lindsey/Trish dust up, which resulted in Lindsey choosing to quit the game, along comes the Sarah/Kass feud, resulting in five players' games getting torpedoed. Krazy Kaos Kass strikes!

Aparri was pretty high after winning the last IC. Spencer mocked Tony: "Top six!" Sarah stated that "top six" sounded a heck of a lot better than "top five." I know that sounds nuts, but she, too, was referring to Tony's outburst.

Spencer liked Aparri's position: "If we merge tomorrow...we control the game. We have six, and they have five." Kass was guardedly optimistic: "This group is allegedly a solid six. If we can all stay strong as a core, we can run the show...It sounds so simple, but the best laid plans often lay sprawled out on a murder scene floor." I think she wrote and practiced these lines before arriving in the Philippines. Also, she was completely correct in her statement...and then went on to be the one to destroy the alliance.

Tony was loving life on Solana, but: "...it's kind of boring to be honest with you because there is no scrambling going on, no trickery going on, no spying. That's fun for me, you know." Yeah, we know, Tony. You're just not happy unless you're screwing with someone. You probably instigated the whole Trish/Lindsey feud. Back to your #spyshack.

Kass thought Aparri was in solid shape, her only concerns being Jeremiah and Sarah. Unfortunately, she chose to share these thoughts with Sarah, which wasn't taken very kindly. Sarah: "It might get ugly around here...People don't like to be called a liar and pretty much I got called a liar." Sarah added told Kass that Aparri's problem wouldn't be people flipping, it was trust: "When I know that you guys think I'm teetering that's going to push me away."

Though Sarah and Kass shook hands and said they were good, it looked about as sincere as Lindsey sending Trish a Christmas card. Kass was unconvinced of Sarah's commitment: "Show me some blood on your hands from a former tribe-mate and then we'll talk," she told us. Girl is bloodthirsty! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised; she is a lawyer.

Merge time! "We come in peace," joked Tony. "Did you come with food?", someone asked. Heh. Jefra was disappointed Alexis was gone: "I didn't expect to see my girl Alexis gone. That was a shoe-in for me...I could easily persuade her to be on our side. Now I'm thinking, Oh snap! What do we do now?" That's why they booted her, silly. The Tyler Perry Idol's existence was revealed to the merged tribe - now with special powers! Tony, naturally, immediately made it priority number one.

Tony, LJ, and Woo decided that the "head of the snake" on Aparri was the three Brains collectively. That's one scary snake. Erik Reichenbach needs to draw that. Thankfully, there will be no J'Tia head.

Tony attempted to pull Sarah back to his side, but Sarah only confessed to "honestly floating," which is perhaps the worst way she could have played it. Fast-talking Tony pushed her to swear on her badge, but Sarah said she wasn't ready to do that. Wishy-washy is not the way to play Survivor, Sarah. Lie if you have to, but don't vacillate.

Sarah, however: "I am in the best spot...because 5 and 5 and guess what? I am in the middle. It's a Sarah sandwich, it's perfect...I will be sitting pretty because I will decide the fate of this game." Oh, Sarah; I had such hope for you.

On Aparri, Jeremiah thought targeting LJ was a mistake because he thought it likely that LJ had a HII. Sarah kept insisting that a "power player" like Tony, LJ, or Woo needed to be targeted. Sarah also refused to consider voting out Trish, which sent red flags Kass' way.

For her part, Sarah thought that Kass was bullying her: "I think it's completely idiotic to pick a fight with me. I'm not saying let me be the princess and walk around on egg shells, but the last thing you want to do is pi$$ me off...I'll flip." Sarah said that if she didn't get her way regarding the target with Aparri that she would flip to Solana. A little bit of power had gone to Sarah's head in a big way, and she was power-tripping. Short-sighted, because that power would only last for one vote. Kass: "Dude, I've said it a million times, I don't trust the cop." Me neither! Nor should you. They have that cop gene. Kass went on: "No one in this game should have that much power. Who made her queen? I can't even look at her. I just want to punch her sometimes." Hey, Kass, maybe you should quit! That's what Lindsey would do.

The next day, Kass and Sarah were still sniping at each other, in full view of the opposition. Sarah whined that people only wanted her for her vote. Kass sneered that she loved watching people lose their cool. Vulture-eyed Trish realized there were cracks in the Aparri alliance.

Tasha, sensing disaster, attempted to play peacemaker with the two numbskulls, Kass and Sarah. "I don't feel like Kass likes me", stated Sarah. You are correct, Sarah, though I think this says more about Kass than you. Tasha noted that they didn't have to like each other, only to work together. Tasha actually handled this pretty well, in my opinion. But Baby Kass the Moronic Attorney had her widdle feewings hurt, whining that Tasha had taken Sarah's side: "I totally think Tasha took Sarah's side. What the heck?...everyone panders to the bully? I felt like saying to Tasha, What about me? Why aren't you being nice to me? What am I - chopped liver? Oh wait - you're done with me. I got it...I know Sarah is against me. I know Tasha is against me." Or, in other words: Waaaaaaa! Also - Tasha is against her? Really, Kass? Sheesh.

Sarah also said that Kass was "attacking her silently", which is probably the best way to be attacked. I bet Lindsey wishes that Trish's attacks had been silent. I sort of get what Sarah was saying, paranoid as it sounds. Kass had it out for Sarah throughout the episode.

The boring IC featured players standing on a pedestal hanging on by their toes or, in Woo's case, their special fitted sock/shoe thingies. Woo won immunity.

Bats!

Sarah decided she would stick with Aparri because they were the weaklings. Exulting in her power, Sarah stated: "I get to decide. I am the president right now."

Sarah continued to demand her way on the vote, insisting her alliance target LJ or Tony, even though the rest wanted to vote out Jefra as a safer option. To further illustrate her own poor handle on the game, Sarah guaranteed that Tony didn't have an idol, and seemed pretty convinced LJ didn't either. Kass: "Sarah said it's got to be Tony. She thinks she's running the show. Does nobody see this? Am I the only one? I know she's about to destroy the game. If she's going to destroy the game, I want to have the preemptive strike. I want to destroy it." Well, that makes perfect sense. To Kass. Although, actually, Kass was right; had they gone with Sarah's plan and Tony had not been so dumb as to reveal his HII, Sarah (or someone from Aparri) would have been booted anyway. But good lord, Kass - you want to be the one to destroy the game? How about be the one to save the game? Or even (gasp) win the game?

The Solanans, watching the Aparris deliberate, realized that Sarah had the power on Aparri. While Tony thought he could still get Sarah to flip, Woo wisely stated that she was too ingrained in her new alliance. Trish thought she could sway Kass, but Tony told Trish that she would "get played" by Kass. Luckily for Solana, Trish is her own person.

Approached by Tony ("They don't need you"), who offered her final three, Sarah told him she wouldn't make a decision until TC, which was a huge mistake. Tony's alarms started ringing, just as if he actually heard her tell us: "Listen, stupid, I know this. I'm not an idiot. (She's not?) Getting rid of Tony is nothing personal. It's actually a huge compliment to him. He's the biggest threat in the game." Sarah thinks Tony should go because he is observant and sneaky: "He is like me and I would get rid of me, If I could." I think you can, Sarah. Tony vowed to play his HII if he felt the least bit in danger.

Just when it looked like Aparri would be okay, Trish entered the picture. Trish sucked up to Kass, acting understanding about the conflict with Sarah: "I thought you were on top of your alliance." Baby Kass: "No, I've been replaced." Trish asked Kass who on the Aparri tribe she would boot if she could, and when Kass said "Sarah", Trish promised that the Solanans would vote out Sarah. Kass: "Trish told me they're going to vote for Sarah. Surprising to me, but maybe they're smarter than I think. They're probably smarter than my other five because they're thinking Sarah is the bad seed. So maybe I want to switch allegiances." Maybe Kass is dumber than she thinks? Nahhh, Kass would never screw over Spencer and Tasha that way, while slitting her own wrists, would she? Would she? Maybe. Kass: "I love that Sarah thinks she's running the show. New Aparri is voting for Tony at the request of Queen Sarah. Solana is voting for Sarah. I truly believe I'm the one in the middle. I think I have usurped Sarah's throne (or claimed the presidency in a coup) tonight, and, once again, Chaos Kass will show up at Tribal." Uh oh. At the very least, this confessional told us that Kass' vote was strictly personal against "the bad seed", Sarah.

At TC, LJ admitted to having a hot seat and Tasha confirmed that his seat should be hot. Kass added that all strong males should have hot seats. Tony said Hey! I have a hot seat, even though I'm forty and balding. Probst asked LJ about HIIs. LJ coyly proposed that, since he hadn't seen hide nor hair of a HII, there might be no idols - it might be a Survivor joke. Tony couldn't handle it - he was too eager to show off his idol-hunting prowess. Tony impulsively exclaimed: "There's idols. 'Cause I got one and I'm gonna use it for my tribe." What a maroon. Spencer sagely asked Tony to prove it: "You want to pull it out?" Kinky! Tony asked why, and Spencer said to prove you're not lying. So Tony whipped it out and slung it around his neck. The idol, I mean. He wanted to show it off, anyway.

At Tony's revelation, Aparri had to rethink their vote, looking at each other and saying "the other one". Meanwhile, Solana looked at each other and said "the same". High jinks!

After the vote, Tony asked Probst to "validate" his HII, because he is such a grandstander. Tony then played it for LJ ("Let's see if I read these people correctly." Nope.), which was actually sort of smart. Knowing they had changed their vote after the HII reveal, he sought to protect LJ, their most likely target. Then LJ interrupted Probst to say he wanted to play a HII too, because he wanted "to cover Tony's a$$ myself". Bizarre, LJ. You didn't play it a few TCs ago when you were in serious danger, and now you throw it away on Tony, who you should have realized wasn't getting any votes. Nevertheless, Tony and LJ were quite pleased with themselves.

Probst read votes. As soon as Jefra's name came up (the other one), the Solanans deflated. They realized they had lost two HIIs and a member of their alliance. Sarah looked smug. Kass looked content. At five votes to five, I was sure Jefra, who had began to cry, was toast. Then Probst read the last vote.

Sarah.

While Solana celebrated, Aparri, and especially Sarah, sat stunned. Aparri quickly realized that Kass had flipped, prompting Spencer to state: "Kass - zero chance of winning the game." Absolutely correct, despite Kass' counter of "There's a long way to go."

Next time on...Survivor! Players hunt for the Tyler Perry Idol, Aparri is ticked, and Morgan verbally abuses Kass.

I was shocked. Kaos Kass is kuckoo. She went from being in a three-person core alliance inside a six-person alliance, in a position which would have let them easily pick off the other five Solana players, to being the sixth member of a new six-person alliance. Not to mention the fact that there is zero chance she would get any votes from Sarah, Spencer, Tasha, Morgan, or Jeremiah if she gets dragged to the finals. And how will any of her new alliance trust her? All because she couldn't let go of petty jealousy, and because she couldn't see three days down the road, when she could have rid herself of Sarah after Jefra's boot. Clearly, Kass was motivated by jealousy and the concern that she had been "replaced". It's a shame that Tasha and Spencer weren't more attuned to the situation, and didn't try to talk sense into her. After all of Kass' talk about blood, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she stabbed her friends in the back. Just awful gameplay from both Sarah and Kass, with some head-scratching choices by LJ and Tony thrown in for good measure.

Enjoy, Survivorphiles!

• RE: Recap 4-2-14: Kaos Kass Kills Queen,dabo, 10:31 PM, 04-09-14
• RE: Recap 4-2-14: Kaos Kass Kills Queen,kingfish, 02:01 PM, 04-10-14
• RE: Recap 4-2-14: Kaos Kass Kills Queen,suzzee, 02:09 PM, 04-10-14

Yeah, that Ka(o)ss strategy is something else, sending people to the jury hating Kass.

Very nice, Ben. Keep it up.

Jeffra says, "Oh snap" to Alexis's boot. Like totally.

Good job and keep them coming.

I should be watched....closely.