Voice in my head,”You have to watch it again, anyone who volunteers for a summary has to watch it at least a couple of times.”

(petulant out loud voice) Groan, nooo. I can do this from watching it once.

Voice in my head,”You fell asleep and missed most of it.”

(whiney out loud voice) I saw the important parts.

Voice in my head, “Ah ha! There were no important parts; you know you missed most of it.”

(resigned out loud voice) O (expletive deleted) K, I’ll watch it all, but it better be worth it or I’ll start back with the meds and I won’t hear you anymore.

Voice in my head,” You watched the whole season of BB15, there isn’t enough meds to silence me so get with it. You promised kircon you’d do this.

(aggravated out loud voice) FINE. I’ll watch it, g a w d. Now leave me alone. Wait, who are you anyway? Grodner?

Voice in my head, “I’m the voice of Survivor Past, you know I infest you with old returning players like Poopert, Colton, Gervase , Kat and Tyson.

I haunt you with tired gimmicks like Redemption Island, Redemption Island II, and now Redemption Island, Poopert’s Gold. I may even bring back the Medallion of Power, so there. Learn to love it sweetie.

(defeated out loud voice)Oh bloody hell. Say, why did you call it “Blood vs. Water”?

Voice in my head,” I couldn’t very well call it “Favorites vs. Insignificant Others” now could I?

(desperate out loud voice)I give up, roll the tape.

Voice in my head,” Tape? Silly, this is running in your brain, forever and ever in an endless loop. Bwahahaha

(insane out loud voice)Noooooooooo…

Voice in my head,” Now, sit down, hold on and shut up.

Welcome back my friends to a show that never ends.
Survivor 27: Blood vs. Water.

This title svcks Jiffy, it really does.

We’re treated to several returning players who mostly botched their games (some more than once) Rupert, Tyson, Kat, Colton, Gervase, Monica, Laura, Candice and a couple who botched other peoples games like Tina and Aras and their insignificant others the jealous, the bored and the damned to eternally being second bananas.

On to more tales of woe, Laura telling everyone within ear shot, “Poopert, Poopert, Poopert, I’m sick to death of Poopert and Survivor and Hoosier Politics and… I’ll drink to that…”

Marissa (Loser of the Future) claims Gervase made her a fourth grade sensation and it’s sad when you peak in elementary school Marissa, see ya. Kat’s Meow says that Big Brother is like Survivor in a house, I can’t wait for him to ask the DR for some booze. Kat, the jealous whiney type declares that this is her game, he already won his, so there.

Caleb, Colton’s S.O claims he knows a different Colton and this is his (product placement alert) Redemption. Too bad Other Colton didn’t show up this time around and we’ll get the same old Southern drama queen, rinse & repeat.

Laura (not Mrs. Poopert) is with her daughter Ciera, Candice and John, both very threatening and hot doctors starring in their own lives and aren’t we envious. Here comes Monica bringing Joe Namath & Perry Mason all rolled into one, Monica the wily jealous veteran and Mr. Second Fiddle will bore most of us silly unless there’s a skins & shirts challenge.

Colby’s Achilles heel, Tina and her daughter and potential victim, Katie sailed in along with Tyson & his ONLY girlfriend Rachel along for the ride . Then there’s Aras & his resented older brother, Vytas who’s battling a few old demons. Did I forget anyone? I tried.

That’s the crew, and the game has begun. The Survivors are told they’d be screwing over their loved ones and as a bonus the losers will hang out at Retread Island and the twist is that their partners will have the chance to “save” them. “Oh, one more thing,” gloats Jiffy, “ Now go vote the first losers off the tribe.”

Galangs vote out Mrs. Poopert and Tadnana vote out the threatening doctor, Candice. Jiffy says, “But wait!” It’s time for Poopert to either man up or look like a dork. Well, he manned up and took her place but he still looked like a dork. Dr. John? Well he left Candice on the block (I’m sure she’ll forgive you John).

Enough! Let the games begin. Lots of kum-by-ya at the Galang camp, instant fire & the kitchen is open. Over at Tadhana the campers tried to remember all the survival instructions they had blocked out over the years as Hayden went looking for the Storage Room.

A quick update from Retread Island and we learn that Poopert has adopted the Colton survival method and Candice is ready to cut out his liver and eat it with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Good thing she’s a doctor, he won’t have a nasty scar.

The Immunity / Reward Challenge

On to Trash Talk Beach and the Immunity / Reward Challenge- The tribes are going to run, slither, swim, row (try putting the paddle IN the water Colton) & puzzle. Gervase shows us that he’s been sitting in a lounge chair for 13 years and Colton, that shining example of Southern grace threatens Kat with his paddle.

Long story short the veterans school the rookies and everyone but Gervase realizes it means one of their bloods or waters are going to be sleeping with the Poopert tonight.

Back at Tadhana, Marissa starts trashing Uncle G to the tribe, the tribe says mmmmm. Meanwhile the 5 Tadhana men decide to form the New Exterminators because 5 is more than 4 and woo hoo that means F5, congratulations Tadhana Boys. Kat’s Meow didn’t have any merge in Big Bro and the math is fuzzy for him. (first future failed alliance alert).

Babble Council

Jiffy fires up the grill and starts cooking the fresh meat.

Things we learned:

Hayden can lie. Ciera has something clawing to get out. Mr. Football is frustrated by not having fire. (Anyone practice making fire? Anyone? It’s not like you didn’t have someone at home endlessly talking about how important fire making might be.)

Caleb wants everyone to do their thing. Dr. Hottie takes a ride on the SS Guilt Trip. Jiffy has a man-crush on Brad Culpepper and it’s time to vote.

Katie-Marissa-Marissa-Marissa-Marissa-Marissa-Marissa-Marissa-Marissa

Marissa takes the hit and heads off to Poopert’s Palace.

Thanks for reading, I would have loved to finish this sooner but I had a yard sale (I will NEVER do that again) and I didn’t sober up until yesterday.

Ta ta, now go play Roll’s BTS & Tribe’s Loser Lodge, it’s your only hope. >smooch<