Thread Number: 431
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Posted by bjax on 03-22-04 at 11:10 PM
I was really disappointed with Adam. I completely have no respect for him now. Dismissing a women because she has a child was cold and completely insensitive. Reality check for Adam. The nuclear family is actually not the norm these days. Just because women has child doesn't make her damaged goods. I really thought Adam was a good guy, but, now I think he's a narrow minded jerk. He could have at least got to know the girl a little better before dismissing her for something that happen in her life before he came into the picture.
Table of contents
- RE: Dismissed,EnglProf, 11:20 PM, 03-22-04
- RE: Dismissed,carolina girl, 11:29 PM, 03-22-04
- RE: Dismissed,ohiofan15, 04:45 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,ladro, 11:47 PM, 03-22-04
- RE: Dismissed,Big Slick, 03:10 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,Lisapooh, 00:46 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,darkfalz, 00:50 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,Lisapooh, 00:54 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,darkfalz, 06:11 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,mmm_link, 07:59 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,darkfalz, 08:06 AM, 03-23-04
- Speaking of double standards,Bebo, 08:27 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,DRONES, 08:20 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,thetick, 03:31 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,darkfalz, 06:26 AM, 03-23-04
- not a jerk,heracane, 06:26 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: not a jerk,darkfalz, 06:30 AM, 03-23-04
- RE:darkfalz,mauki, 08:09 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: not a jerk,libgirl2, 08:24 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,mmm_link, 08:05 AM, 03-23-04
- RE: Dismissed,darkfalz, 08:25 AM, 03-23-04
Messages in this discussion
Posted by EnglProf on 03-22-04 at 11:20 PM
I don't know-- I didn't think he'd get rid of her right after finding out, but I don't blame him for it either. As my husband pointed out, she mentioned that she has a son like it was a dirty little secret. She also just kind of threw it right out there. "I have a son, did you know that?" She said herself right afterwards that she didn't explain herself well. I think that had she prepared him a little bit and conveyed what her situation was really like she would have been better off.
But, can you really blame a guy for not wanting to choose a woman on a dating show like this who had a 6 year old at home? I'm not implying there's something wrong with having a child, but these reality dating shows rarely work, and to throw the feelings of a little kid in the mix seems cruel.
To me there were just suddenly too many unknowns. He doesn't have the chance to meet her son and decide how he feels about the situation-- and see if the kid likes him, etc. All he knows is that LOTS of things are going to be up in the air and having a young kid and his mom hanging in the balance really isn't fair.
On a slightly separate note: Yes, it looks like Adam has and will give in to the smooching urge, but I think that he's coming off fabulously so far. Whereas Bachelor Bob made me dislike him with his reality tv reprisal, I'm liking Adam more and more-- though I wouldn't have thought that was possible given how much I was rooting for him w/ Melana.
Go Adam. You are, as they say on American Idol, the "real deal."
Posted by carolina girl on 03-22-04 at 11:29 PM
I don't think he saw her as "damaged goods"...I just think that he isn't ready right now to date someone who has a child....it's hard enough I'm sure being in a relationship started on national TV, and then throw in kids, the dads of those kids, etc. and it becomes even more impossible....(plus, maybe the father is Fabio ;) )
Posted by ohiofan15 on 03-23-04 at 04:45 AM
>I don't think he saw her as "damaged goods"...I just think
>that he isn't ready right now to date someone who has a child....it's hard enough I'm sure being in a relationship started on national TV, and then throw in kids, the dads of those kids, etc. and it becomes even more impossible....(plus, maybe the father is Fabio ;) )
I agree. I applaud his honesty. Hey throwing the child in the mix wasn't exactly kosher imho....He wasn't rejecting her just for that tho...I dont think the chemistry was there. I can relate...
That durn Fabio, he's into *everything* isn't he? LOL
Posted by ladro on 03-22-04 at 11:47 PM
I don't think it was wrong for Adam to boot Brittany because she had a kid, and I really don't care. i'm p:ssed because I had picked her for the final two, without the benefit of knowing her family situation. yes, I'm a selfish bast@rd.
Posted by Big Slick on 03-23-04 at 03:10 AM
I had her too! Had I known she had a kid I would have dropped her to the bottom. Not that I have anything against women who have children. I've dated quite a few. Heck at my age (31) you it's difficult finding women who don't have children, so I've come to accept that. Now it's just a question of how many I'm willing to put up with, because I do want some of my own someday. Right now, 1 is ok, 2 is pushing it but she had better be pretty f*cking amazing, 3 is out of the question. Now if I'm not married in 5 years, you can expect that index to change with 2 being ok and 3 pushing it, and so on and so forth.
So what I'm saying is as we get older our attitudes about things change (big revelation there), and we become a little more tolerant about some things (kids, how many, short, tall, missing teeth, humps, etc.) and less about others (playing hard to get, mind games, guilt trips, oops I'm being redundant), but you get the point. That's why I a little surprised that Adam cut her right away, because isn't he like 28? I can see why he cut her, but If it was me and I had a crush on her, I wouldn't have gotten rid of her, Harvey's daughter (see Boston Public) would have had to take one for the team because, come on, she isn't going to be picked, even though she almost made me cry tonight damn her! All she needs is a nose job and a lobotomy and she would be perfect, damn her again for making me feel bad for saying that, but it had to be said.
Let's not get it twisted folks. Everyone wants the geeky nice person to get picked until they are the ones doing the picking, Adam will prove my point very shortly, and you will too when you go on your next date, or turn down that doofus from work that keeps asking you out.
Posted by Lisapooh on 03-23-04 at 00:46 AM
I think it's best that Adam was honest and cut her now - especially since he did seem to like her. If potentially being a step-parent isn't something he's willing to do - would you rather have him keep her around and end up hurting her more? Pretend to be ok with her child while he tries on the idea?
As a single mom I'd rather find out early on that a guy has a problem with dating someone with a kid than find that out later. And trust me, a lot of men don't want to date someone with a child. And that's no different than not wanting to date someone of another faith or race or too short too tall too thin too fat. It's a preference - one we may or may not agree with.
It's not like it's kinder to date someone "in spite" of their child. To me, the guy has to be good enough for my kid - not the other way around. She doesn't audition to see if a guy can handle it.
A child isn't something to be hidden away or ashamed of. I'm always up front about being a parent otherwise it's just a total waste of time. I wouldn't introduce guys to my daughter right away - but they know about her. I wouldn't want to like a guy, invest time in the relationship and then find out he has a problem with my kid. And I wouldn't want to have to spring that on someone either - that's a pretty crappy thing to do.
Adam is young - there's lots of women around that don't have kids - the older he gets, that will change. I always think it's kind of ridiculous when guys in their late 30s and 40s don't want to get involved with someone with a child.
Posted by darkfalz on 03-23-04 at 00:50 AM
You're way off. Do you think that just because there are more people with AIDS these days than ever, it's a good thing? That there are more drug users and STDs and promiscuity and violent crimes and everything else is a sign that we are moving forward?
Just because so many women these days are having kids out of wedlock with different fathers, that doesn't mean it's what anyone with good values would want! Decent people out there still want a real family, two married parents and their children.
Single mothers are the scum of the earth, welfare drains and just looking for guys to feed their brats because they kicked the real father out or picked some deadbeat who wasn't going to be a faithful partner and father. I'm disgusted at how many movies and TV shows these days show that the ultimate "romantic" thing a man can do is take on a single mother who's got a kid. That's not romantic, that's pathetic! That is denying yourself the chance to have your OWN family.
Supporting another guys genes is the biggest biological and evolutionary sin you can make. It's basically the same thing as cuckolding, except that you actually know you are doing it!
Posted by Lisapooh on 03-23-04 at 00:54 AM
>Single mothers are the scum of
>the earth, welfare drains and
>just looking for guys to
>feed their brats because they
>kicked the real father out
>or picked some deadbeat who
>wasn't going to be a
>faithful partner and father. I'm
>disgusted at how many movies
>and TV shows these days
>show that the ultimate "romantic"
>thing a man can do
>is take on a single
>mother who's got a kid.
>That's not romantic, that's pathetic!
>That is denying yourself the
>chance to have your OWN
>Supporting another guys genes is the
>biggest biological and evolutionary sin
>you can make. It's basically
>the same thing as cuckolding,
>except that you actually know
>you are doing it!
See - I told y'all lots of guys don't want to date single moms - it only took four minutes for one to come along.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some government cheese.
Posted by darkfalz on 03-23-04 at 06:11 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-23-04 AT 06:20 AM (EST)
I'd date a single mom if I was a single dad. Heck, when it comes to dating, single moms have it WAY BETTER than single dads. Probably because of people like above who try to put shame on someone for the perfectly normal desire to have their own kids and their own family and not wanting to take on another man's offspring. Why the heck would you want to? The kid HAS a father if the evil mother would actually let him see their kids. She's the one who had his baby then broke up the family because she wanted to be single and out having one night stands again.
I'm 24 years old, to be shackled with a "ready made family" with a kid (or kids!) that isn't mine and with a woman whose relationship track record is so bad she couldn't even make it work with the guy whose child she bore, that's insane! That would ruin my life and any hope for the future.
And these promiscuous single mothers who prey on young, single men know they are taking away his chance to have a real family of his own with a virtuous woman, and they don't care. They screwed up their life, they reckon they'll screw up someone elses too.
Posted by mmm_link on 03-23-04 at 07:59 AM
I heartfully agree!!! This woman should have never been invited. She should be home taking care of her child that she brought into this world but doesn't care who father's it. She was gorgeous and probably fell in love with a Jason type hunk. She made a mistake but don't fault the child. She will still look hot at 36 and still have enough time to find a guy and have another child (maybe get married as well).
Why should men be considered the bad guy simply if we are not comfortable in raising someone else's child??? If I had an ailing mother should I find a woman that is willing to take care of her?
The producers probably set this up to make Adam look bad and it is not his fault.
Posted by darkfalz on 03-23-04 at 08:06 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-23-04 AT 08:18 AM (EST)
I know, a single mother isn't just a woman with a kid. It's a woman who thinks chasing men is more important than raising her child. It's a woman who couldn't or wouldn't make her relationship with the child's father work, or worse still, just slept with a guy and got pregnant without even having a relationship with him. She's not just damaged goods, she's also clearly lacking in morals and values and expecting way too much for some guy to take on her burden!
Single mothers should only be dating single fathers, since they are in the same boat. And also, they should let their childrens fathers actually be fathers to their kids! Instead of using it to "punish" him when it was probably her fault they broke up!
Have you noticed this incredibly unfair double standard women have? They call men pigs if the men won't accept flaws that the women have when the men don't. For example, if a man who keeps himself in shape doesn't want to date an obese woman, he's a shallow pig. But why? Why is it wrong for him to ask for what he himself ahs to offer?
Likewise, if a single man who respects the traditional family unit, marriage and children within wedlock, doesn't want to date some single mother who hads kids to two different men and she never married neither, why is he a creep?
Now the thing that really makes this a double standard is that women are the opposite. They frequently reject guys for having flaws they THEY HAVE TOO. For example, a short woman is unlikely to give a short man a chance, because she wants a guy who's tall. And overweight women tend to shirk overweight men and only date guys who are thin. Likewise, single mothers prey on men who don't have children, because they figure if he has no baggage of his own more of his finances can go to her and her kid.
Disgusting female behaviour, and yet they try to make US feel guilty for merely wanting someone at our own level.
"Speaking of double standards"
Posted by Bebo on 03-23-04 at 08:27 AM
Wow, what a narrow-minded view of the world to assume that the only reason there are single mothers out there is because women are sluts. I'm sure all of the women who left abusive spouses so that their kids wouldn't be beaten up on a regular basis and all of the women who have been abandoned by cheating husbands are thrilled to know that it's all their fault. And the widows - oh man, let's not even get started on them if they couldn't even keep their husbands alive long enough to get their child through college.
And gee, are there any men out there who can claim to have fathered children by different mothers? I doubt people have to look far to see a bunch of them. Yet in your utopian view, these fine upstanding citizens had to be tricked or otherwise manipulated I'm sure.
I'm not pointing these possibilities out to denigrate the male gender, just to point out that it takes two to tango.
Snarky, smart, S7 Anti-Bootee Champ
Posted by DRONES on 03-23-04 at 08:20 AM
Dr. Freud has a name for that condition your displaying....
The E______ Complex. A straight jacket and a shrink can't be far away in the future for someone who gets that worked up about single moms.
Posted by thetick on 03-23-04 at 03:31 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-23-04 AT 03:31 AM (EST)
you go on lisapooh
I'm glad not to be the one replying right after that.
Anyways, Adam wasn't a jerk to cut her now. It was for the best. If he knows he is not ready to take on a kid ( and he said he wasn't) then there is no point in stringing her along.
Personally, I think he is crazy as said mom was major league hot and so far seemed to have a sweet personality. Her being 23 and her son being 6 already means she had him fairly young so it was likely a youthful mistake. Single moms are also good because you can pick up a kid w/o having to slog through the first couple of years where the kid is just a useless eating/excreting machine. Ok, I know that is heresy to the mother, but infants stink. Once they can stumble around, and talk a little they are so much more rewarding. And if you can get one already potty trained that is a huge bonus in so much grief you save yourself.
Posted by darkfalz on 03-23-04 at 06:26 AM
Getting pregnant at 16 or 17 isn't a "youthful mistake", it's a sure sign that the girl has low moral fibre and doesn't take responsibility for her actions. Adam deserves WAY better.
"not a jerk"
Posted by heracane on 03-23-04 at 06:26 AM
I am a single mom of two wonderful boys, and recently I got engaged to a man who has never been married and has no kids of his own.
Adam isn't narrow minded, he just knows he doesn't want to date someone who has kids at this point in his life. I think that is perfectly acceptable. Just as I didn't want to date men who were younger than me. Different Life experiences..its ok..
Being a single mom doesn't mean you are damaged goods.. by no means. It does put an obstacle up, in a good way I think. I believe if she weren't on National tv and had time to really get to know him a bit, it wouldn't be such a shock. Usually, I would date men that didn't mind that I had kids, then I found one that found it to be a bonus..She is right though, I hated it when people would say, oh he will be a great father to your kids.. I always corrected them too, They already have a great father.. their own.. My fiancee is a good male role model though.
"RE: not a jerk"
Posted by darkfalz on 03-23-04 at 06:30 AM
Shame on you for depriving this guy of his chance to have a family of his own. And shame on you for your double standard since you obviously don't date single fathers.
And for your information, men never think that another guy's kids are a "bonus". It's the same thing as when guys tell fat chicks that he likes "meat on the bones" or other stupid euphemisms. It's just telling them want they want to hear.
Posted by mauki on 03-23-04 at 08:09 AM
Time to be a gentleman darkfalz. Remember the Golden Rule. Treat others as you want to be treated. Your personal attacks on other posters are unkind and unwarranted. This is the Average Joe forum. It is NOT a forum for your personal beliefs. You stated your opinion in your original post in regards to the Brittany incident. That was sufficient. As you have noticed other forum members do not agree with your opinion, as is their right. Let it go at that.
And now that I have jumped into the fray... I agree with Adam's decision. Reality TV is not the real world. Nor is it the Brady Bunch. Step families are complicated even under ideal conditions. I think Brittany is probably an admirable person. But coming on the show was misguided. The circumstances don't permit the time or intimacy (not sexual) to develop a relationship involving a child. Let alone a normal one-on-one relationship. Just look at all the failures of most of the reality shows involving potential partners. I think the only ones so far are Ryan and Trista.
Remember, it's only television.
"RE: not a jerk"
Posted by libgirl2 on 03-23-04 at 08:24 AM
>I am a single mom of
>two wonderful boys, and recently
>I got engaged to a
>man who has never been
>married and has no kids
>of his own.
>Adam isn't narrow minded, he just
>knows he doesn't want to
>date someone who has kids
>at this point in his
>life. I think that is
>perfectly acceptable. Just as I
>didn't want to date men
>who were younger than me.
>Different Life experiences..its ok..
I am a divorced mother of one. My son has a dad! I am also lucky enough to have met a man who likes my child and is happy to be part of a family. He jokes about needing Parenting 101 lessons though. That said I am not angry with Adam. At first I was disappointed but then I realized if I were younger, single and had no child I might be hesitant to date a man with a child.
Posted by mmm_link on 03-23-04 at 08:05 AM
Maybe she can return in AJ4 and pick through 19 buffed up gorgeous intelligent men willing to father her child. Do you think the producers will find any honest men?
Posted by darkfalz on 03-23-04 at 08:25 AM
Um keep dreaming. Those kinds of guys don't want single mothers any more than Adam does.