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"S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by kingfish on 09-26-12 at 10:00 PM
The Snuffer knows who doesn't mind calling a spade a spade.

But until air time on the west coast, it will keep it's sniffer lips sealed. As will I. With difficulty.

Who am I? Who also has his lips sealed? That I can tell you. It is I, the spoilingest spoiler who ever spoilered a spoil, the poop scoopingest poop scooper ever. My girls know me as they guy who sweeps up the school, and my friends call me Senor Mucho Macho. Sometimes. Well, occasionally. Oh Ok, I call myself that, but they would too if they would ever thought of it. I'll just have to tell them, I guess.

Anyway...

I'm the Sweeper. Kinda like "The Fixer". Or "The Eraser". Or the guy who serves cold drinks by the pool. Like those guys.

Welcome to the second week of “Be The Survivor” where we try our hand at assuming the identities of various survivors with the aim of making them look very silly. And stupid. We can get away with this because the world isn’t fair and allows us license to libel and slander those folks at will. So let’s do just that.

This is an exercise in snark, and all are welcome to assume a current Survivor’s identity. Or the identity of anybody or anything else you want to.

Moley usually plays as the Snuffer, Suzzee usually plays as Exile Island. Normally we don’t encroach on anyone else’s assumed identity, but even that rule is just an oft ignored courtesy. It's loosey goosey, almost anything is legal (within the guidelines - you do need to read the fine print) as long as you produce the all important and all holy humor.

So you see, your imagination is really the only limitation you have here. You can think big and /or out of the box. If you’re lurking, this is your chance to put your snark up against the best in the whole world. Not kidding about that either, the snarkiest snarkers in the whole world play in these waters. This is the Holy Grail World Series Super Bowl and Olympics (winter and summer) of Snark competition. You won’t win, but then again, it isn’t a contest, it’s just something to pass the time and amuse the Gods of Fate.

So everyone wins, even lurkers. But don’t be a just a lurker. Jump in any time, no constraints there either.

It’s usually brought to us by RollDice who assumes the character of Mark Burnett, the Evil Prick (or as he vainly refers to himself, the Executive Producer – <sarcasm> yeah, right </sarcasm>) Mark Burnett. The EPMB. However this is the second week in a row that he has failed to show up, and I am about to reveal why.

Here it is. He stole our money and has been off the grid trying to find his own personal El Dorado. And it's not a car, the EPMB isn't cool enough to drive an El Dorado, even though he thinks he is. He ain't. We each of us have own idea of what constitutes the most desirable thing in the world, and for the EPMB, it’s the current location of the Really Really Raunchy Finishing School for Really Really Raunchy girls. Ever since they held him for ransom last year and amused themselves with their sexual sadistic techniques (Lab experiments they were required to perform for Sexual Sadism 101) he has had a rabid desire for more. Rabid with a capital R.

Our girls are very very good at being bad, and the EPMB has been embezzling your money so that he could afford another go in the Mistress’s Cave, where among other tortures, he gets poked at with really sharp sticks. Other stuff too, but PG restrictions and sexual torture copyrights (can’t endanger those royalties) prevent me from saying more. Suffice it to say that the EPMB is a pervert of the first and worst order, and much of the credit should go to my girls, who, when they aren’t pillaging local villages on their chopped Vespas and Mopeds, or are satisfying their nympho appetites with anything that resemble a penis banana, are happily updating our various manuals in “Sex and the Really Really Raunchy Girl”.

On the Island. That monkey in the bush? Was not, repeat was not one one of my monkey agents. He isn't as of ten minutes ago when he got fired. Appearing in the background of a bit that's included in the broadcast is a firing offence for a spy.

Speaking of which, the monkeys are intrigued by the curious pale apes that have invaded their territory. About half of them have chi-chis which are partially covered (much speculation among the male monkeys about those chi-chis), and they all have something draped across their midsections. Other than that they act just like ordinary apes, with their hooting and hollering and occasional food stealing, flea flicking, and back stabbing.

There is a wild story circulating thru the monkey grapevine about mythological monkey-like creatures called “Ralph”, and “Rupert”. Most of the adults discount these stories, but the more gullible adults and the younger monkeys will occasionally swear that they have a one under their bed, or that they spied a “Rupert” stealing shoes, or that they heard the wild crowing of a “Ralph”. Silly monkeys.

Spoiler #1: There are a lot of RC tush shots. Senor Sweeper is in love.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by Scarlett O Hara on 09-27-12 at 08:16 AM
I caint help eet! I tress nobody. If you betray me, you are daid to mee!! I caint help eet if I am sexy!



"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by suzzee on 09-27-12 at 10:59 AM
Wow, so who knew the Brazilians cartel had girl thugs? This one bears close watching, she's already at the murderous threat stage and it's only the end of the first week. Someone hide the machete.


The Coconut Gallery
We're just hanging around (temporary tag)

"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by byoffer on 09-27-12 at 10:19 AM
Woo hoo - I made it through the episode with only one minor little cut!!

*watches preview of next week*

Darn.


"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by suzzee on 09-27-12 at 10:56 AM
We hear they had to double the medical staff. What next a full time nurse?

The Coconut Gallery
We're just hanging around (temporary tag)


"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by byoffer on 09-27-12 at 01:20 PM
What's next, a full time nurse?

Yes please!!


"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by suzzee on 09-27-12 at 01:25 PM
We were going to say that you couldn't stand the heat but anyone that can take a catnap in a campfire shouldn't have any trouble.

The Coconut Gallery
We're just hanging around (temporary tag)

"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by Travel_Queen on 09-27-12 at 02:41 PM
And don't even think of using me for a tourniquet! Blood stains are hard to get out and I need to be pristine at all times.

"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by suzzee on 09-27-12 at 11:11 AM
>pout<

I'm alone, so all alone. I'm a huge fan yet I can't do a TV show without a script. YO! Burnett, I need a re-write and get me a new make-up girl. I look like a 49 year old whiney-a$$.


I've been on my own since I was 12. That's a Fact of Life


"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by byoffer on 09-27-12 at 01:24 PM
I'm torn about you, Lisa. On one hand, this is Survivor and the ladies are supposed to wear bikinis, not jeans. Heck even in the ocean you are still wearing your jeans. Then again, a corrolary from Jerry Seinfeld's "good nekkid vs bad nekkid" is "good bikini vs bad bikini". Perhaps you are just sparing us by staying covered up.

For now, the oobie traps will have to just exist on other tribes.


"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by suzzee on 09-27-12 at 01:29 PM
I wouldn't wear a bikini on my first TV show either.


Beatings Are A Fact Of Life


"RE: S25, Episode 2, BTS, Only the snuffer knows.."
Posted by Travel_Queen on 09-27-12 at 02:38 PM
They all want to snuggle with me...but that is against long standing Survivor Rules...unless your name is Julie.


"To kill a Poop bird..."
Posted by kingfish on 09-28-12 at 06:59 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-28-12 AT 07:01 PM (EST)

Hello again, it is I, with the poop on the poopers. Get it? I got poop on the POOPERS!

That is an inside joke, and I guess I owe you an explanation. You see, I set up a vacuum tube system that my Raunchy Girl spoiler spies on the island could use to send me their spoilers with without any risk of email hanky panky spybot computer virus hacking stuff. Except that they got bored started to hang out with the island monkeys, which led in turn to them picking up some bad habits, feces flinging wise.

I started to get vacuum tube capsules full of poop, and not all of it was the kind I was expecting. When I opened up the capsules I would hear giggling behind my back. Those raunchy rapscallion girls.

So, I got the poop. The hard way. Well, it wasn’t really hard, it was sort of mushy, but enough about that.

It was all worth it, because I had an excuse to discipline the girls, and a good time was had by all. And in case you were about to point your more sanitary than thou finger at us, you should know that washed our hands diligently with lots of soap. So no worries there.

I do have good news, because among the poop was the good stuff, as follows:

Spoiler #1:
- Roxie receives therapy from Denise when Denise tries to cure her of her paranoia. As a result, Roxy thinks Denise is plotting against her.
- Roxy thinks working around camp is awkward.
- Roxy does not shy away from calling a spade a spade.
- Roxy hates to see others cuddling and moaning. They don’t let her do that at the seminary except with a certain older nun.
- Roxy discovers that God doesn’t love her because he made it rain on her. How dare he/she/it!
- Roxy doesn’t tolerate any one who doesn’t believe as she believes, and wants people like that kicked out of her world so she can be more tolerant than anyone else.

Spoiler #2: Probst discovers that that monkey with the big eyes is Ian in disguise. He also finds out that the misting and hissing and slithering and misting and hissing and misting and slithering creature in the foliage is Dan not in disguise.

Spoiler #3: Mr. Brilliance #1, Penner, will go blind from eye infections he will receive from wearing contacts on the island and not washing his hands for XX (can’t give that away yet) days.

Spoiler #4: Mr Brilliance #2, Malcom, will muse “Hey, maybe the others will see me and Angie cuddling as a threat to them.” (Duh. Another Jersey Shore wannabe/should’a been).

Spoiler #5: Abi unpacks the Bolo she brought as her personal item, and strangles her ally RC with it. “Oops” she is heard to remark,” I did it again!”

“Perdona me. Yo tengo latina sangre muy caliente.”


One more example of Camp work by Tribal.

"RE: To kill a Poop bird..."
Posted by suzzee on 10-01-12 at 03:57 PM
Casting Gufu : Roxy

Talk about self destruction.


What a lovely bunch of coconuts.