LAST EDITED ON 04-06-12 AT 02:22 PM (EST)

UnCola Sam, the Uncool Uncle, wants YOU! Yes You!

Hello, It is I, Moe here, Moe deInfo, reporting to from the front-lines of the war against UnCola Sam, the uncool uncle. Deceptively polite when he raises his hand to speak, he is nonetheless a alliance breaker and a little person hater (that's a Leif joke).

But more on that later. Right now I have to get new uniforms made for the Students here at the School for Raunchy Girl behaviour, the finishing school for girls who just wanna have fun and sexually satisfy the planet. Apparently they weren't satisfied with the official school uniform of total nudity, they wanted a little something to guard against flying bug impacts when they are tearing thru the country side on their Vespa Hogs at high speed. Those beetles feel like bullets against their bare but oh so edible skin, and occasionally one slips up an orifice. It really is the devil to get it to wiggle out again.

So we compromised; see-thru panties and Titty-tops. Both will be adorned with fake sweat stains (armpits and crotch) and fake rugs (again, pits and crotch) as well as the required (around here) beer stains (yeah, let's just call them "beer" stains) and bullet holes.

We need a pretty large quantity of those clothes since they usually have them ripped off by the teeth of adoring acolytes (and each other) so I had a little factory in Tijuana whip up a few dozen each. Should last till noon, at this rate.

Anyway, we are also here to report on the latest and greatest and invariably accurate insider spoilers from Survivor One World as our intrepid gang of monkey agents gathers them, so with out any more loss of time, here we go;

Spoiler #1: Mr. Uncola, the uncool Uncle. Normally one would think that Tarzan would be like a Uncle to Kat, or at least a cool predator, but in an upcoming episode he will accuse her of shooting dirty looks at him behind his back. He will raise his hand at TC and ask Jeff if he can reveal the culprit, and say "It's Kat, because she is wearing a hoodie and everyone knows that Hoodies are the source of evil in One World".

Evil Hoodie wearing KILLA KAT(©Suzzee)

Chelsea will come to the defence of her friend Kat and viciously attack Tarzan SUBLIMMINALLY!!! (Oooooohhhhhhh).

Spoiler #2: And in a foul temper Tarzan will also bitch out Troy for winning the Beardies.

"Timmy, your beard is nowhere near as fine as mine, I am the Corplatan of this operating room and that trophy should be Mine! I'd bet my best Hawaiian shirt that that contest was rigged!" (an accusation which is, dear reader, as we all know, simply impossible. Hmmph). The thought of winning (or coming anywhere near) Tarzan's Hawaiian shirt causes Troy to barf in the jungle.

Spoiler #3: In the next episode, Troy will happily recount with finger gestures how he once compared "his" with that of another guy's.

Spoiler #4: Right after that, Christina hijacks Troy in the Jungle...

...and threatens to feed him to her new little frien' if he votes for her at TC.

Spoiler #5: At the next TC Jeff will out a food thief when he asks Malicia(©MissMyth) why, when everyone else is beginning to look like Skeletor, why she is still a fat pig.

More to follow.

Spoiler #6: The slip and slide was just the first in a series of Reward Challenges that are designed to rip the bottoms off the bikinis for the sexual gratification of our genial host and of the EPMB. The rumor has it that after his capture and torture by the Raunchy girls, the EPMB has gone a bit wacky for kinky sex, and has added this stipulation to their contract. It is not known how this is going down at that network, but if ratings rise, I imagine they will not raise their hand in protest.

No one can accuse my girls of not making a difference.

This little Tribal siggy went to me.