LAST EDITED ON 03-28-12 AT 12:51 PM (EST)

(Which, you have to admit is a much better title than “Thanks for the Souvenir)
Check out Rolldice's BTS here http://tinyurl.com/7e4g2vx

Where to begin, oh where to begin. I am feeling very warm and fuzzy towards the karma gods right now for giving me a wonderful episode to recap (I’ve forgiven them for the ultra boring, drink-myself-into-oblivion-to-get-through-it episode last year.)
The show opens with a recap of last week’s episode Shocking Swap of Teams!! Never done that before! On Survivor or any other *coughapapprenticecough* show. The only person who is truly shocked and confused is Kat. The Salami tribe makes an alliance, but I doubt that will be necessary - I mean, look at the other team! But good for you for thinking you might actually go to tribal before the merge. Kim finds a HII and hides it in her hoohaw. The Ohnono tribe gets put at a new beach which will be inhabited for about a week before the merge. I guess MB is too cheap to pay rent for two deserted beaches for the entire pre-merge time. Those planted chickens are quite expensive . Satan Spawn (aka Revoltin’ Colton) and Satan Pawn (Alicia) conspire to get rid of Monica and do.

PRESENT TIME BACK AT OHNONO
Christina starts to show some spunk by trying to share the sleeping mat with Alicia. Alicia threatens to hit Christina if she touches her. Christina calls her bluff because I am sure there is something in the rule book that is a big no no (Being verbally abusive, destroying people’s property and other behaviour that would get you charged in real life– sure, but physical contact? Nope. )

ASIDE: Speaking of physical violence, I am really itching to slap Alicia. Repeatedly. I cannot believe how stupid most of the Survivors are being. Let’s be honest, the chance of you winning the million dollars is small. You have to focus on the big picture which is post Survivor endorsements and appearances. Everyone should know that and act accordingly. Colton will be just fine. His family is stupidly rich, he probably never had to wipe his bum after making a poopie until he came on the show. Alicia won’t be. Not only is she jeopadizing her future endorsements but I would be very surprised if she still had a job working with our most vulnerable kids when this was over. And supposedly she has a master’s degree in Special Ed. I guess they were giving those away in a CrackerJack box as a prize that week and she got lucky.

Colton predicts he will be final three --- OH PLEASE KARMA GODS – STRIKE HIM DOWN! You can, honestly. He didn’t “touch wood” (get your minds out of the gutter) that means he is fair game to be smote down mightily.

Back to Salami tribe. And they are brewing coffee (what, no lattes? How primitive!) Kat dreams that Alicia killed her when she was shopping for clothes. Kat is really, really scared. It’s too bad Alicia didn’t turn into a snake (or appendix) in the dream. The symbolism would have been clearer.

Tree Mail – more sweets are offered as a reward for playing a childhood game. You know, I miss the days when the castaways suffered a little and reward was stuff like rice. Or just fishing hooks and bait. And they were so hungry they were actually considering eating the bait fish raw. You can bet your sweet a$$ that annoying, lazy, useless at challenges Colton would have not lasted past first tribal. A POX on you Mark Burnett for turning Survivor into Big Brother lite.

Reward is shown with some sort of bounce a coconut off a trampoline and smash a target game. Right. I used to play that ALL the time in my back yard {/sarcasm}. The winning team members get ice-cream. Congratulations MB, you have now made an island that my mother (who thinks motels are roughing it) could survive quite comfortably on.

Jiffy states “you can eat ice cream until your stomach hurts” and Spawn jumps up and down whining “please, please, please, please, please, please”. And the viewing audience is rooting for Colton to eat so much ice cream he gets a nasty stomach ache. Wouldn’t that be delicious, if the winning tribe gets a nasty gastrointestinal infection from improperly pasteurized ice cream?

Oh, and let me say this is the first time I have seen Survivor on HDTV and I have noticed that Leif has nipple rings. Yep, two of them. I am so glad we invested in high def. Worth. Every. Penny.

Needless to say (but this is a summary, so I am contractually obligated to), Salami wins and Ohnonono does not and Spawn and Pawn decide to verbally abuse Christina, who even though she wasn’t great at the challenge, was better than S and P. And I am a little sad because even though I am more cynical than the average bear, I still would hope that someone, anyone would tell Spawn and Pawn to knock it off.

Maybe that is why Tarzan takes Revoltin’ Colton aside and of course Alicia had to tag along. Christina wisely takes this opportunity to try and talk strategy with Leif and Jonas. Pawn sneaks up behind her and again shows off how stupid she (Pawn) is. Christina has sealed her fate? Dug her grave even deeper? UMMMM. She is going anyway. You have made it very clear that she is the next to go, so how can her talking to the guys to try and save her butt make it any worse for her. ?

Back at Salami, the tribe gorges themselves on ice cream with Hershey’s generic chocolate syrup and can even make Coke generic cola floats. Wouldn’t it be cool if the soda jerk was Erik from Survivor: South Pacific?

Colton now has a boo boo in his head – probably a dehydration headache. Christina is a much bigger person than I and tries to comfort Spawn. I would have told him it was the parasites in his head eating his brain.

Tarzan started listing all things that could be wrong with Colton including appendicitis and goes into gruesome detail of all the other complications of dehydration. Yeah Tarzan! I want him at next party.

Revolton wanders off and starts talking about his dark brown pee an how much he is suffering. Normally, I wouldn’t want to know about Spawn’s bodily fluids, but I don’t mind at all.

I have a question --How long would the camera crew waited before summoning medical help for Colton? I know they are supposed to have a strict non interference policy.

Anyway, Christina (with no prompting from the camera crew) finds Colton rolling around on the ground. Again, I admire her restraint, because she gets help for Colton rather than kicking him in the side a couple of times.

Colton gets poked and prodded by medical and they made the decision to pull Colton. Colton begs to stay and believe it or not, I want him to stick around. I have never seen an appendix burst before on TV. It might be entertaining educational.

ASIDE: Does anyone else think that Jonas’s question “Does it hurt really, really bad?” is just a little passive aggressive?

But deliciously, Spawn does not give Pawn his HII (that was not given to him as a handout, because he is a Republican and Republicans don’t accept handouts or bail outs). Poor Pawn. She doesn’t realize she is the wrong gender, ethnic background and socioeconomic class for Spawn to take any notice of her. Good. I can’t wait to see her get her comeuppance next week. It will be delicious. Double Karma Whackadoodle Baby!

Jiffy is making up for missing a previous reward challenge by playing orderly and helps carry the stretcher out. I know I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth but I was secretly hoping they would drop the stretcher or bump into a tree or two on the way out.

UH OH! There is tree mail calling both tribes to council. Mama Qwerty bursts my happy bubble saying – “I bet they will merge.” Merge? No, they wouldn’t do that. They have 12 members. They have only been at the alternate camp for 3 days. Surely they wouldn’t merge now? Right?

At tribal, we get an update about Colton and his wayward appendix. Looks like the appendix couldn’t handle the little sh!t anymore (get it?) and decided to it and all of us out of our collective misery by getting the hell out of there. ASIDE: Yes, it was pointed out to me that Revolton said in his interview that it was a severe bacterial infection (yeah bacteria!) and his appendix is fine (boo!), but he had a severe reaction to the CT contrast dye (Yah!). I did not read his exit interview. No desire to either.

Kat is scared that she could catch this AP Pen Ditz. Poor thing. I must admit I did laugh at her expense.

Unfortunately, the powers that be need to protect the villain. If Pawn is knocked off they will have no one to fill the villainess role since MB spent so much camera time on Revolton and his little hissy bully club. So, of course there is a merge. Alicia, who really doesn’t have any strategy at all, decides to reveal to the other tribe that Revolton kept the HII. Jiffy is horrified and quickly covers her gaffe by saying maybe Alicia does have the HII after all. What he is thinking is clear - “For heaven sakes, don’t vote Alicia out, we will be so screwed.”

I walk away with the happy thought that at least Revolton won’t make jury (unless MB changes the rules again).

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR: Alliances shattered, Tarzan is being unreasonable. YAWN!

• RE: s24 ep 6 - One World. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!,agman, 02:46 PM, 03-28-12
• RE: s24 ep 6 - One World. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!,kingfish, 03:39 PM, 03-28-12
• RE: s24 ep 6 - One World. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!,MissMyth, 09:43 PM, 03-28-12
• RE: s24 ep 6 - One World. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!,iltarion, 09:54 PM, 03-28-12
• RE: s24 ep 6 - One World. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!,caseymagoo, 02:07 PM, 03-30-12
• RE: s24 ep 6 - One World. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!,michel, 05:55 PM, 03-31-12
• RE: s24 ep 6 - One World. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!,Aruba, 09:37 AM, 04-08-12

LOL love the recap! Now if you sill just send $20 dollars to my offshore bank account you will make me very happy!

LAST EDITED ON 03-28-12 AT 03:44 PM (EST)

Great job Q, well worth the wait.

And Alicia? she's the kind of teacher/person "No child Left behind" was supposed to weed out.

And ol Colten, he did get smoted, dint he.

I was kinda hoping that they were carrying Colton out back to drown him. Oh well.

Wonderful job Qwertypie!

(I would be very surprised if she still had a job working with our most vulnerable kids when this was over.)
From your summary to God's ears! I can't tell you how much I want this excrement to never get within a mile of a child ever again.

Well done.

Props for pointing out that they only used the alternate beach for 3 days. Quite odd.

Alicia is a state employee. She probably could beat a kid on the air during the reunion and not lose her job.

>

Loved it, laughed all through it. Especially Revoltin spawn and pawn and how Jiffy needs to keep the evil ones on.

Nice summary, qwerty. It took me a while to get to it but it was fun to read the misadventures of Spawn and Pawn.

Finally catching up on the Summaries...

"Anyway, Christina (with no prompting from the camera crew) finds Colton rolling around on the ground. Again, I admire her restraint, because she gets help for Colton rather than kicking him in the side a couple of times."

Now if THAT'S not a general concensus, I don't know what it!
Nice job!