Previously on Survivor: Brandon aka Bucketmouth shattered Edna’s illusions about being part of the final five. Ozzie shared his insight about the deadlocked vote over a cup of coffee and a hit of the wacky weed. Coach (Big C) told Cochran (little c) that the little man was the most powerful man in the game. Powerful and man being the joke, but as usual Cochran didn’t get it and grinned like the fifth grader he is. Probst failed to keep the amazement out of his voice as he recrapped this exchange.

The game is ABOUT to change. An American Horror Story has begun.
At Big Tuna, Coach gloats over the eradication of the Sogolly tribe. Edna says she is getting used to seeing her name and wonders what that means. Although this game is about being the last Survivor, Coach has cleverly convinced his cult that their greatest Survivor reward is hanging with him.
Cochran doesn’t want to be taken out by the family so he entertains with stories – he confesses that in fifth grade he was rambunctious and he used to call girls to ask if they wanted to trade sperm. All of the other men suddenly giggle nervously as they clearly understand why he is telling them about his lack of success with girls. The Et-Two Tuna women demonstrate their own peculiar cult rituals. A huge Sophie head lying on straw contemplates the clever story-telling of the little cockroach. Suddenly we flash to her Anthony Perkins-style stabbing of some wood with a vacant look in her eyes. The head talks about Cochran’s air as we watch his grunderwear flapping in the breeze. We then flash to Lizzie Borden warming up her swing. As Lizzie hacks away, the boys all squirm as they worry who is about to get Chopped if their dish doesn’t cut it. Edna practices her Sacagawea slaying skills but the palm branch archery set fails to scare anyone besides Cochran. Brandon Bucketmouth conducts another séance to the talk to the gods of temptation, who have abandoned torturing him with boobies and replaced it with tempting him to get ANGRY.
Cochran shakes as he holds his cup and talks of his imminent extermination. He refers to it as ‘untimely’ which is correct since he should have been eradicated long ago. Terrified by a fly, he carefully practices the scare tactic of eye-crossing but the fly is not afraid and lands on his nose. Cochran then attempts the threatening head turn, but the fly is not intimidated. The glowing white light that is cochran speaks of his sacrifice to the entire cult minus Edna, who plays with fish. Little c begs for a birthday celebration since in fifth grade, no one attended his birthday party after the trading sperm phone calls. Lizzie remains unfazed and says little c can go pound sand. Albert bobs and weaves stating his opinion emphatically then adds that it is not his opinion, it is a group opinion. Coach tells the cult what their group decision will be and the cowboy-hat nods.

RI - Finally we move to Ozzie’s girls. Ozzie’s plan to keep the girls stoned is working. Whitney slowly blinks and Dawn dreams, both still feeling the effects of Ozzie’s weed. As Probst tells them that the losers will be on the jury, Dawn feels the munchies setting in and thinks of the food awaiting her at the end of her have-not week. The excitement causes her dishes to tumble. Whitney drops quickly after Dawn. In farewell speeches, Dawn tells Jeff that she now has pipe dreams (marijuana no doubt) for her children too. Jeff speaks slowly and carefully to Dawn, trying to penetrate the drug-induced stupor as she forgets what to do with her buff. Ozzie grins as Whitney cries while Lizzie once again remains unfazed. Ozzie heads off, wondering if his stash will last until he returns to the game and gets the chance to get another drop-off from his supplier on the jury.
Back at Stay Tuna, they start the process of deciding to eat one of their own. The focus turns to Albert, who is not to be confused with Martha Stewart and hates crowded fishing boats. The fishermen are not in boats, they are standing in the water, but Albert hates crowded water too. Edna does laundry – outwash, outdry, outfold. Johnny White Stripe is willing to do whatever it takes to feed his tribe, so he stares danger in the face and holds a scary fish. He’s willing to risk life and limb to hold a 5-inch fish so his tribe will worship him. Albert puts out Edna’s laundry fire that causes her to almost crack her face to trying to make an expression of annoyance.

Coach decides that Albert-not-Martha must have been hand-clothed and hand-bathed by his mother, unlike the she-wolf that raised the dragon slayer who told him ‘learn to roll over so you can wash and dress yourself’. Cowboy-hat becomes buff-head and declares Prince Albert better get out of his can. Or off his can. Edna again tries to comprehend why she would be voted out. Sadly her problem is not with being voted out, it is just with being voted out after little c. Coach ponders his dilemma – be a man of integrity and stick with the five, or stick with the two. The integrity dilemma doesn’t seem to extend to the two people, just the big five.

Coach preps for the big challenge by empowering the already powerful little man Casper, stating the purpose was to help little c going into the challenge. Not winning the challenge of course, just playing well. Which in itself would be a drastic change for Casper. Casper affects an Alistair Sims pose on the driftwood chair and shares his thoughts that he can win immunity with his new strength. Delusion is a mighty powerful strength to have.

IC - Probst tries to act interested in the IC but fails to hide his boredom with any challenge that doesn’t include Ozzy or hot chicks. Lizzie sports a demented grin after surrendering her necklace to Probst. Round 1 – land 3 bags (Probst helpfully shows 3 fingers for the slower anut et’s). Bag tossing commences, Probst announces that Cochran is a little short but does not add that he is glowing white. The strength of the delusion power does not save the teacher and the numbskull. Lizzie lands bag 3 and is off with the Prince and Buff-head-not-cowboy-hat to round 2, coconut slingshot. A coconut slingshot is the new official Survivor South Pacific drink. Round 2 starts and Probst gives them special permission to move as fast as they can move. All 3 contestants jump with glee but agree to move no faster than that. The scene turns ugly, as Lizzie gets angry that the boys are winning so she quickly runs over to channel up her inner strength and puke it out. The Prince wins immunity and thanks someone up above, which is probably Ozzie up on top of the coconut tree. A dismayed Coach fans away Cochran’s air and intimidates the Prince into taking him on the reward. The Prince has a temporary breakdown, deciding that Cochran can have the massage so that the next time anyone wins food, they will give it to the Prince. The chances of Cochran winning any challenge other than holding a fish are slim to none, and he would lose the fish-holding challenge if the fish showed its teeth. Giving Cochran the reward is truly motivation for the rest of the tribe to give up food if they win it next time. Cochran mumbles something about ‘mom massages’ over the years but that he has never personally received one (yet another survivor that wasn’t hand-clothed and hand-bathed as an infant). When Probst recaps that Coach and cochran are going to enjoy a shower and a massage together, suddenly an American Horror comes storming back. There will now be a brief interlude of un-summarized show while I try to get the thoughts of Sandusky out of my mind. Blech, blech, blech, blech Big C says something about fighting for his mancochran, blech blech blech back from reward.

Little C goes back to his chair and ponders the two options of why he received the reward. Either the prince wants to curry favor or it was a sweet farewell gift to make cochran like him, either way, he likes him, he really really likes him. Little C snitches to the Prince that Cowboy-hat calls the prince names and that makes Big C mad. Prince Albert refuses to tolerate the bowling ball brain calling him Princess, so the Cowardly Lion Prince roars that he has a mind to vote Rick out. Or maybe vote him out. Or he will if others will. Little C flying monkey man heads over to Edna and asks her if she will vote out cowboy-hat. Edna is stunned because coach is not there to tell her what to do, so she stalls for time saying ‘Dude.’ Monkey man tells Edna that he likes her, he really really likes her and runs off to snitch to the Big C the Palace Guard. Little c either breaks out in a rash or has the weirdest sunburn ever seen, Big C butchers another quote about the tide coming and Shakespeare, shadows and misery, blah blah.

TC – endless possibilities and numerical mysteries. Little c is greedy because he wants to collect the life-giving debt he is owed, the prince focuses on tribal image, Coach struggles between cowardice vs. bold and brave, Edna is looking for little cracks and hopes to find the angles to approach them. Not touching this one. Bucket-mouth declares the order of his next 6 votes and that he hates the color gray. C mangles another reference by fearing that bucketmouth will spill the apple cart. Or upset the beans. Bucketmouth reverts to his holy yet smarmy personality blathering on and on while the jury does a mass Sophie-puke. Little C grows 10 times that day and decides to take on Jeffy’s blue shirts. Cochran gives himself credit for ‘one of the most idiotic moves in the history of the game,’ once again confirming the power of delusion. Jeffy wakes himself up to declare this one of the most interesting TCs of the season, blah, blah go vote. Cowboy-hatless strange man wishes Cochran Happy birthday. Edna believes in unicorns and rainbows and her new sub-alliance. Jeff reads the votes ‘I have 7 survivors sitting before me but I only have photos of 6’. Cochran, Rick, Rick, Cokran, John Cochran, Cochran. Jeff tells Cochran, I’ve had more than enough of you, bring me your torch. The jury enjoys a post-puke smirk while Cochran says his torch being snuffed is a dream come true. The strange little dude doesn’t even have good fantasies. Cochran with his arms so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonite…little c stumbles off into the dark.
Next week - little C begs Ozzy to tell him that little man can win a challenge. Edna starts to catch on. Big C annoys the viewers.

got a little carried away.....

• RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',michel, 11:39 PM, 12-01-11
• RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',Belle Book, 11:54 AM, 12-02-11
• RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',kingfish, 12:42 PM, 12-02-11
• RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',agman, 01:12 PM, 12-02-11
• RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',qwertypie, 01:22 PM, 12-02-11
• RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',suzzee, 09:01 PM, 12-03-11
  • RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',iltarion, 00:18 AM, 12-04-11
    • RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',suzzee, 01:10 PM, 12-06-11
      • RE: S23 Ep. 12 'A Tale of Two C's',kingfish, 07:42 PM, 12-06-11

I enjoyed that summary, caseymagoo! Especially Sophie as Lizzie Borden!

Ils sont fous, ces Romains!

That was funny. Thanks!

Nice job Casey, very funny.

LAST EDITED ON 12-02-11 AT 03:54 PM (EST)

Excellent summary Casey!

Gorgeous amount of snark! Well done! (Too many fav references to list them all, Cochran/Casper, Brandon conducting seances, Jiffy holding up three helpful fingers at tribal, Dawn hopped up on wacky tobacky, etc. etc.)

Woo Hoo caseymagoo! Good bashing >Lizzy Borden giving out wacks >LOL<. They so deserve it. Good job!

Probst tries to act interested in the IC but fails to hide his boredom with any challenge that doesn’t include Ozzy or hot chicks.

omg, I was thinking the same thing. Dolphin love fo' sho'.

A Tribe masterpiece