With Dawn and Whitney, I enjoyed my little island of Shangri-La - it was fun with the girls while it lasted. We enjoyed skinny dipping and running naked through the trees. Now, what do I have to look forward to? Cochran? A wimpy,spineless worm of a man... * shivers * ... I think I'm going to heave!!!

LAST EDITED ON 12-05-11 AT 00:04 AM (EST)

Hola, mis amigos e amigas, it is I, your favorito source for the most accurate inside source spoilers you ever in your life saw. Senor Pissario. Bringing to you the latest and greatest and very much the Raunchiest news from our temporary location of the School of Raunch located this week in the Grande Putas Montańas in Old Mexico.

We have to relocate from week to week because the locals don't take too kindly to our attempts to educate their sons and daughters in the Tai Chi of Raunchdom. And they especially don't like it when the Raunchy Girls raid their villages on their Vespa Hogs and fornicate inventively in the village fountains. They even complain when, exercising their right to freedom of nudity, they pants the village elders.

Ah, my Band of Ranchitas, I am sometimes so proud that I could burst.

But enough about my dear estudiantes, you want to learn the latest inside Survivor spoilers, and so you shall. These tidbits are, by the way, the the result of years of investigative research by my team of inside informants who do not have the *Hantz recessive stigmata gene, which so far as modern science can find, is a bad thing and has no redeeming value.

Spoiler #1: The next episode is the annual family visit episode and will feature yet one more Hantz. One more Anti-Darwinist step in retro-evolution will be revealed.

Spoiler #2: The next challenge will test the integrity and honesty of the castaways. This will be the first challenge in Survivor history that no one will win. Jeff will have to employ the pick-a-rock tie breaker to determine a winner. Or as Brandon would say, thuh pik-uh-rok.

Spoiler #3: Cochran will compete against Dolphin boy, also known amongst the producers as "Our Hero". Cochran won't have a one legged chicken's chance on a South Pacific Island full of American castaways craving KFC. Or a bottle of Vodka's chance in Courtney Love's house. Or a Big Mac's chance in Kirstie Alley's house. He don't got no chance.

Spoiler #4: Prince Albert will once again demonstrate the effectiveness of the game strategy "lie around camp and make fun of those who are washing your clothes and cleaning up after you". This worked so well for Spencer and Heidi on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" and he figures it will work for him too. Obviously Albert didn't catch the end of that season.

Spoiler #5: With Cowboy Rick Nelson we see that the theory about Texas cowboys and their horses is true, that the horse that is the smart one, and that without his "Old Paint", well, Rick doesn't really have much to say. Sometimes he says "Moo" just to see if he can get a answer.

Spoiler #6: The RI pygmies toss "Liver Lips" Cochran back. Not because of a the lack of meat on his bones - and he is bony, not because he's a self proclaimed Survivor expert who nonetheless makes a basic rookie error, or a Harvard law student, but because they don't want to ruin their appetite for BBQ Coach Kabobs. Or coach stew. They don't really care how he's cooked, they just want to chew on his ass.

(*Disclaimer. About what? Eh, who cares.)

Tribe's 'tell' is that he shouts Wooo Hooo when he has an Ace.