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"“Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by RollDdice on 10-26-11 at 03:10 PM

The Upoloompas and the ThighHighs take bad sartorial advice from the Playboy Mansion’s “Painted Ladies” and one player will make the Sacrificial Scram to Redemption Island with the hope of returning from The Arena with the power to control which team gets a player back.

If it seems that I have psychic abilities, it’s because I have a previous engagement, but I will return to watch, transcribe, parody and post later. Many thanks to suzzee for starting the thresd last week. Her most excellent and entertaining summary had me laughing even while choking back the jealousy…




Mark "T-Bone" Burnett
Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Pulling a Lawon never works"
Posted by caseymagoo on 10-27-11 at 08:21 AM
Oscar, I will call you Oscar grown up people call people Oscar not Ozzy since that is not your given name, maybe if you would stay off Jim's wacky weed you woulda seen that Christine never going back to Benjamin Little Boy Blue. How many hits did you have before you had that 'dream' anyway?

"RE: Pulling a Lawon never works"
Posted by suzzee on 10-27-11 at 09:19 AM
They've been calling him Ozzy since he turned 18.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway


"RE: Pulling a Oscar "
Posted by caseymagoo on 10-27-11 at 10:00 AM
No, at 18 his parents Tarzan and Jane recognized his talents with trees and water and renamed him Osprey. Probst shortened it to Ozzy. Oscar/Ozzy/Osprey = stupid.


"RE: Pulling a Oscar "
Posted by agman on 10-27-11 at 10:04 AM
LAST EDITED ON 10-27-11 AT 10:04 AM (EST)

We don't think Ozzy is stupid, just a little lot mentally challenged!


Stupid is such a harsh word.

"RE: Pulling a Oscar "
Posted by caseymagoo on 10-27-11 at 10:38 AM
stupid is stupid and i know it when i see it. stupid is approaching a timing challenge and throwing all your balls in at once. of course that stupidity was not my fault, it was jeffrey's for egging me on about benjamin. i will root for Sunshine (that iswhat i shall call christine because that is what adults use).

"RE: Pulling a Oscar "
Posted by agman on 10-27-11 at 11:05 AM
LAST EDITED ON 10-27-11 AT 11:06 AM (EST)

We always thought sunshine was something adults blew up each others arse!


We just love attention!

"RE: Pulling a Oscar "
Posted by Belle Book on 10-27-11 at 05:15 PM
More like very strategically challenged! Seriously, Ozzy gives me over to Cochran and expects to get me back? Good luck there! Let me tell you all the things that could go wrong with this plan.

1. The merge might not come when everyone thinks it will.

2. Ozzy might lose to Christine.

3. Cochran might decide not to give the idol back.

4. Cochran might flip over to Upolu for real.

5. You need to know who the other side will be voting for so you can lure votes to someone on your tribe.

6. The double bounce.

In short, Ozzy, you're probably an idiot despite what some might think!


"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by suzzee on 10-27-11 at 09:22 AM
Hey T-Bone, you are too kind and I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, rinse and repeat.

I guess I have to get on my Hantz & knees to show my not worthiness.

Hey Coach, how about getting in the deep water and falling to your knees for a couple of hours or so.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway


"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by foonermints on 10-28-11 at 09:33 PM
I'm behind you all the way, RI!


Wait! No I'm not! Why yes! Yes I am! I don't know! Get behind me, Satan! NO! Get in front! Gahhhhh!

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by krismiss2us on 10-27-11 at 09:53 AM
You know, people are always asking me what I really think of the contestants. Well, you see, I've always liked Ozzy. He's a decent guy, laid back, does well in all challenges. Honestly, I thought he should've won the first couple of times, but it wasn't meant to be. This time, though, dude, you are a freakin moron! You are making Lil Hantz look like a poster child for the mentally healthy. The gravedigger had more smarts than you. You, Ozzy, have crossed the line into crazy.


"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by caseymagoo on 10-27-11 at 10:20 AM
Jeffrey, diva mortician not a gravedigger. Be careful, I have my eyes on a perfect sized box for you if needed.....

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by suzzee on 10-27-11 at 04:01 PM
James the gravedigger, hey now, we should get you two kids together for a blind date. You two could go into business together, offer coupons, think about it, bite the apple. Ya'll could get rich. Cha-ching!


Your Low Rent Island Getaway


"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by agman on 10-27-11 at 09:57 AM
Well that really sucks! I guess we are now reduced to making cameos every now and then. Ozzy is at the island and we have to go home. What a waste.



It could be worse though. What if we had stayed and Cochoran and come out here? yeecchh

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by suzzee on 10-27-11 at 04:03 PM
I'll be asking for double pay for appearances, it's only fair.


Boo Hoo

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by jbug on 10-27-11 at 11:26 AM
At least I didn't bang my head as many times as Edna did.

That's all I've got; I'm still invisible.


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by krismiss2us on 10-27-11 at 10:25 PM
i have a place you can bang your head any time - my headboard. i dont care how invisible you are on this game...you are one smokin hot chick!


"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by cahaya on 10-30-11 at 00:02 AM
Since I been here, I ain' banged my head once. Not that my pretty wife would want me to.

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by krismiss2us on 10-30-11 at 09:28 PM
Dude! Get outta my bed!


"An Oscar-worthy performance!"
Posted by Scarlett O Hara on 10-27-11 at 11:45 AM
Hey Morticia, I mean Stacy, Jiffy was not referring to you, but rather the Gravedigger James Clement, from China and Heroes v. Villains.

For all you nay-sayers out there, I've played this game twice - nearly won it the first time, coming in second to Yul, and going out on other's terms the second time. This time, I will control my own destiny in this game. I'm all I've got left. You've got to make big moves in Survivor to win it and that's what I plan to do.

You must believe in yourself to win, and I do. You watch me Jammin' at the Duel, dude. Little Chrissy Sunshine will be toast!

"RE: An Oscar-worthy performance!"
Posted by caseymagoo on 10-27-11 at 11:58 AM
but it's all about me, not my twin James, didn't you notice our identical personalities ? Poor James, i got the all the smiles in the family so he's on the back end of our grave business. Oscar, you go ahead and control your fate, yep, you aren't gonna let them decide when you go, you'll decide when you go and you just did.
"RE: An Oscar-worthy performance!"
Posted by krismiss2us on 10-27-11 at 10:24 PM
LAST EDITED ON 10-27-11 AT 10:26 PM (EST)

you may have the personality, but boy oh boy is that man a freakin god to look at! he's a fine speciMAN and puts mikayla's oobies to shame


*an agman original*

"RE: An Oscar-worthy performance!"
Posted by agman on 10-27-11 at 12:37 PM
Oh Ozzy, were so sorry we blew it were unsuccessful in staying on fantasyRedemption Island so we could see you!


We just love attention!

"RE: An Oscar-worthy performance!"
Posted by suzzee on 10-27-11 at 04:12 PM
Hey Ozzy, you should have helped me more. Now you gotta stay with Christine and she's eaten all the nuts on the island. Unless you're bringing some with you......


See, my Raunchy Girl's schooling is paying off. Shazamm.

"God likes me best, cause I pray the loudest!"
Posted by kingfish on 10-27-11 at 02:49 PM
Hola Hola, eet ees yo again, Senor Pissario, reporting to you from the tropical rain-forest somewhere in the lost mountains of Mexico. Actually, we are in a cantina whetting our whistle, "Lost in the Mountains" refers to the well rounded, well formed, and very soft to the touch breasts here at the Raunchy school of really really raunchy Girls. I just motorboat around the room. Life is good here in these here mountains.

Anyway, we were on Rodeo Drive in LA last week, but because of a little misunderstanding with the city police, the sheriff deputies, the state highway patrol, and the national guard over what constitutes legal fun and what is disturbing the peace (with a little mayhem and the occasionally public nudity and kidnapping thrown in, allegedly) we were forced to beat a hasty retreat. Fortunately the US marshals were on a doughnut break and not listening to their radios, so they never managed to serve those subpoenas. Basturdos Gordos! (forgive my French).

When we got back there was a message under my pillow, apparently left there by my mysterious (and in no way related to that subspecies Homo-*Hantz-Habilis) inside spoiler source. Pardon me while I burn my sheets. And Mattress. And use a flamethrower on my room.

Spoiler #1: Unfortunately this season was spoiled completely when that EPMB decided to show to the world that God likes Coach and Brandon and their team, the Upolus, more than they do the Savaiis. Why? Well, Coach proved he was the unworthiest by repeating it over and over, and the tribe just beat Savaii three ways from Sunday in frequency of prayer, loudness of prayer, in falling to their knees when they pray, and they squeezed their eyes much tighter when praying than did the Savaii. Sorry, Savaii, God says unless you can get your grovelling act together, and convince him that you are actually the most unworthy, it's Game over!

Spoiler #2: Ozzie had a great plan in mind, one worthy of a Probst (or even a Kingfish, heh heh). But it all fell apart when he got to RI and found that neither Elyse nor Mikayla were there, The evil challenge monster Christine had ousted them both. Oh well, he says, when given lemons...

Spoiler #3: Jim and Keith face the prospect of competing in Immunity challenges with Cochran instead of Ozzy. Jim immediately passes out scripts for Acapulco red-bud, and all is well. Additionally, they still aren't convinced that John "I'm not a girl" Cochran isn't a girl, and are anticipating a couple of pleasant nights spooning in the bamboo love shack.

Spoiler #4: The snuffer was sad and had flame envy of the buff burn pit until it finally remembered that sooner or later "Hashmark Junior" Brandon's buff will be put in the burn pit. And so the Snuffer was happy again, there actually was a worse fate than being relegated to an afterthought and maybe having it's snuffing of an unfortunate castaway being reversed.

Spoiler #5: Edna will pop her head out of Coach's ass in the next episode, see that the tribe is undergoing a coach led session of spiritual purification with self flagellation, and promptly disappear again. Says she "I'd rather dodge Coach turds than put up with that s&*^!".

Spoiler #6: Cowboy Rick is finally beginning to understand that there won't be any bull riding, calf roping, no pretty cowgirl barrel riding, and no lonesome cowboy a'sangin to his Horse. "This ain't no kind o rodeo that I ever seed" he says. "Maybe I could practice roping' that little talking monkey over there, why I ain't never seed the like o that thang, a jibberin and a jabbering all the time about how he wants this and how he wants that. Maybe I ought to tie him up and hobble him in the corral for a while."

(*Disclaimer. A race horse that you can claim for a $2000 after the race).


Tribe is going to so mad when he finds out I stole this sig.oooooo

"RE: God likes me best, cause I pray the loudest!"
Posted by cahaya on 10-29-11 at 02:14 PM
Well, dad gum it, I done seen smarter horses than that branded fella. That boy's about to blow up like a stallion kept away from a mare in heat.

I dunno about that Preacher Coach. In my neck o' the woods, them hellfire and brimstone preachers that come wandering through ain't looking after your salvation, they's a lookin' for your money and if you're not careful, your wife too.

And God's gotta be the dangest fool of all if he's listenin' in on all this and buyin' what Coach is tellin' 'Im.

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by mrc on 10-27-11 at 10:58 PM
Dear Lord, as you struck down the Amalekites, please strike down my enemies. As you gave leprosy to the Amorites, please give herpes to my fellow tribe mates. As you made a whale swallow Jonah, please let Leviathan swallow me so I have a great story to tell when I'm on TAR with Russell.

Tribefied

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by Belle Book on 10-28-11 at 12:25 PM
On TAR with the Troll? Somebody please shoot whoever chooses to even consider casting that pair, let alone actually cast them!


"Yer Warm'm Up"
Posted by foonermints on 10-28-11 at 09:42 PM

The Netherlands here, baby!

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by cahaya on 10-30-11 at 00:00 AM
Dude, I want to see you battle against the Evel One in the Big Brother house!

Now if that ain't some kinda Armageddon in the makin', I don' know what is.

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by kingfish on 10-28-11 at 04:47 PM
Spoiler: The upcoming IC will be a hymn and pray off. Which ever tribe prays for divine help to help them win the million dollars the loudest gets to send two of their tribe straight to Hell.

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by kingfish on 10-28-11 at 06:57 PM
Spoiler Correction: It has been learned that instead of a Hymn and Pray-off, the next IC will be Gregorian Chants at 40 paces, and instead of having the losing tribe vote off two tribemates, both Coach and Brandon are automatically going to Hell, no matter who wins.

Apparently, the EPMB has some sort of a supply side deal with the Devil (riiiight...like that's new to anyone).

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by Belle Book on 10-28-11 at 07:35 PM
Maybe Troll should replace Brandon as the automatic person going to Hell. Still, thanks for the spoilers! (chuckling)


"Ther's Wimmins there!"
Posted by foonermints on 10-28-11 at 10:00 PM
Plus, I'm a plannin' on coming back for my sweet sweet Immunity Idol! *sigh*


*Looks Up*Loved havin' you in my pants, babydoll!

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by kingfish on 10-30-11 at 01:06 PM
Hola hola, and Razzamatazz, it is yo, Senor Pissario, here with another jaunty and informative set of absolutely authentic and really real inside spoilers from our blasphemous but always fun school of very raunchy ladies. Here Ladies learn the secret art of all things raunchy. We even have a secret lab where we invent ways to make the old raunch new again. My girls are just so smart like that. And that's why I love them.

Besides being wise in the art of removing last night's crusty stains from the rug, they are excellent mechanics, sadistic but sexy torturers, and they do windows. What more could a Senor such as myself ask? Well, for one thing, I could quit diddling myself and get on with the show, I guess. So here it is, straight from the burro's mouth, the latest rumors which are always true and never fail the lie detector test. The burro in this case is not a *Hantz related burro, although I cannot guarantee that a *Hantz has not hit on him a few times. But never fear, even burros have standards.

Are you ready? Do you have a mop for the spit takes? Here we go:

Spoiler #1: In the next episode St. Coach will gather his band of apostles and begin their trip across the desert and thru the jungle to the promised land. Which in this case is another made up fairy tale land of pygmies in the Amazon where he will miraculously speak to them in their native tongue. This action (and many more) will miraculously save every one's life and allow them to live with dignity, loyalty, and honor, much like he and his heroic ancestors have. (Ed. Note: Facts and opinions presented here are entirely and only real in the mind of Coach Wade, this station disavows any connection between Coach's truth and conventional truth).

Spoiler #2: Brandon's decent into insanity will take a darker turn after he discovers that he can't stop looking at the fake bikini top painted on his chest. Then, in the night, the night shift camera man catches him alternately making love to himself then whipping himself for his weakness.

Spoiler #3: Albert, the dating coach, is still trying to set John "I'm not a girl, dammit" Cochran up with Jim, who in addition to having a terminal case of the munchies, also has had a hard on for the last couple of weeks, and has been actively trying to seduce any woman or any island fauna with a pulse. Apparently he smuggled a little boner-weed onto the island.

Spoiler #4: Dawn confesses that she isn't in Mormon land anymore.

Spoiler #5: This week's challenge will be a "Sacrifice a tribe mate to a God" challenge. The winner will have to pick the one true God, start a fire without matches, and burn the still beating heart of a tribe mate in the fire. Should be fun, and I guess it's pretty obvious that this will be sweeps week.

Spoiler #6: Keith will build a raft, and using the compass tattooed on his side, attempt to escape the island. However, not realizing that he isn't magnetized, he will travel in a circle and land on the same beach he left from, and claim it in the name of the Queen. Papa Bear will hear this and try to swim over from the Ponderosa. But Semhar will jump on his back, take off her bikini top, wrap it around his head, and using the bra straps as reins, guide him back to their island (Did I mention that this was sweeps week?).

Spoiler #7: Cowboy Rick will say "Wahoo..now that's a Rodeo, and that's a barrel racing cowgirl. Wahooo!"

(*Disclaimer. Read my lips, I disclaim thee!!)


Tribe is missing a sig, and I know where it e-uhs.

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by Belle Book on 10-30-11 at 04:34 PM
I hope Edna isn't sacrificed. Maybe Brandon, however.


"Island Chat"
Posted by suzzee on 11-01-11 at 11:48 AM
Mikayla's goodbye note:

Dear Jersey Shore Survivor,

Bye bye and thanks for the Best Oobies Award. That should keep me in the lingerie league for another season or two. I guess when I start tripping on them I'm out. >pout< I'm going to call Mrs. Brendan and we'll be getting together for some beer and Skittles after the show. Oh well, the wind is coming up and I'll be taking off soon. See ya'll at the reunion. Love,


Puzzled and boo hooing

A moment of silence for Miki, her ears and her oobs. >crickets<

Now for the current chatter:

Ozzy has finally arrived on "On My Own Terms" Island joining a near feral Christina. Ozzy gave her a thrill by letting her guess that Cochran was the "evil one" and I wonder if she could pick the little weasel out of a line up.

Whatever the outcome of the drool this week we will all be having some brewskies and snacks courtesy of Mark "It ain't over until I say it's over." Burnett's Island Catering and Nuisance Critter Removal Service.

Well tootle-doo my friends, I've gotta scrape the monkey poo off the bleachers, or should I wait until Tribe Yellow Streak gets their filthy drawers out of my stadium.



Keeping you on the edge of your seats since 2010


"RE: Island Chat"
Posted by agman on 11-01-11 at 12:06 PM

We have to go to! We are a packaged set with Mikaya so wherever she goes, we must follow....Ta Ta(s) all!


We just love attention!

"Of course!"
Posted by suzzee on 11-01-11 at 01:23 PM
Come on girls, we have to join the other Loser Lodgers. YAY! Pillow fight! cue the music


Boo Hoo

"RE: Of course!"
Posted by agman on 11-01-11 at 06:02 PM
We have heard so much about Loser Lodge!



Unfortunately, for now, Lodge is not a tangible destination, it is more of a Nirvana like place to strive for. Not unlike Shangri La!!!!!

"RE: Of course!"
Posted by suzzee on 11-02-11 at 08:00 AM
I don't have co-workers in LL, only cohorts. weeeeeee!


I miss Lodge Life

"RE: Of course!"
Posted by agman on 11-02-11 at 10:06 AM
Cohorts? I was thinking more like nefarius cronies.



I pumped iron at LL12


"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by kingfish on 11-02-11 at 01:38 PM
Spoiler : And the Lord sent the Leviathan to swalloweth whole the vile blasphemers, who shall be knowneth to all as Coach and Brandon. But the beast refused, saying "Sorry Lord, I will not eat turds, even for thee".

And so it was that the whale spitteth out the sinners, and casteth them back upon the beach.

"RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep07: “As Useful As A Trojan Horse In Your Wallet.”"
Posted by Belle Book on 11-02-11 at 04:58 PM
Hee-hee-hee! I guess the Leviathan won't bother swallowing Uncle Troll then! Too bad.