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Original Message
"BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."

Posted by suzzee on 10-20-11 at 07:00 AM
LAST EDITED ON 10-20-11 AT 02:50 PM (EST)

Newsflash: Mark "X Factor" Burnett goes missing
after addressing the student body of the Raunchy Girls School.
It was also noted that several of the students missed the midnight bed check.

A hurriedly scrawled note on the mirror talked of Redemption and hiding out till the smoke cleared. A herd of truffle hunting pigs will set out first light.

Back on Ep 6 Ozzy has a hissy fit and takes his toys to the other side of the rock. Christine nearly sprains her middle finger. Rick (who earlier fell off the radar) states "She flipped us off, golly gosh."

Coach schmoozes the adoring Edna while gathering the other coconuts and then notices that Brandon is going feral.

The Whole Truth (gray areas included)

A True Missy Pissy Hissy Fit:

Ozzy, the self declared Free Agent for the Dolphins is keeping his options open. Then reality hits him >bonk<, “Wait....what….they don’t care? They better care if they want to eat, win, swim, breathe or exist in solid form on my show. Stupid players>pout<.

Savvy: Ozzy is a baaaaaby, sticks his head in graaaavy.

Upullmyfinger: Coach revels <or is that reveals himself> in himself. Again. Except, he struggles with grey areas like lies by omission. It’s a gray area, definitely Coach, not a lie. Like the Amazonian Pygmy attack, gray area. >sigh<

Apparently all Hantz’s have a HI finding gene. Who knew? It’s giving Coach flash-backs, flash-forwards and hot flashes.

Redemption Isle: Christine tells to her old tribe to puck off then proceeds to thrash Elyse showing her what the puck she’s made of. Ozzy thinks to himself that he could take Christine (she should be so lucky); she’s tired and ready to sub-lease her hut to him until he can safely make F3. The seeds of the “Master Plan” are sewn.

In those 15 days Eylse gave her ALL. She’s so proud. Wait…..what?

Rick talks!

Upullmyfinger: Edna finds Coach’s coconuts, Coach promises Edna protection but this could be another gray area, stay tuned.

Savvy: Mr Cameraman slaps Ozzy around settles Ozzy down and tells him to stop being a jerk so Ozzy goes back and makes nice with everyone. Kum-By-Ya ensues.

Immunity and Vacation challenge: Assemble a wagon, race around like drivers ed, take a dump and launch some nuts. Oh the drama. Coach is being himself (dork), Edna, the challenge princess gets to sit out. Drama Drama. Oh what a lovely bunch of coconuts……. Then…..MUTINY on the Slingshot…..Mikayla seals her fate, Edna still is Coach’s +1 and once again the Coach has nothing to do with the loss. Way to put the “I” in team dude. Mama Dawn starts having mouthgasms in preparation for the sliding rocks and Subways.

Savants On vacation:

Ozzy makes sure everyone forgets that he drove the wagon right into a post and got them waaaay behind. Cochran whines and worries about fungus herpes. I wonder if their a$$es are black and blue Kum-By-Ya ensues.

Upullmyfinger: Strategy is the topic, Miss +1 and Mikayla are the targets. The busy bee group Albert, Rick & Sophie wants Coach’s girlfriend out. Coach is outraged that he sucks as a coach and wants the uncoachable Mikayla out and he also isn't above tossing his +1 out of a moving car. gray area alert

We see a rat, then we see Brandon (redundant imaging) grabbing his head and starting to cry, stop talking strategy it pains him. Coach rationalizes the vote and he should stop, it pains me.

Rick is damned either way he votes. He wonders who to follow, the smart kids or a delusional dingbat? Way to go Rick.


Terminal Council:

Apparently Coach stunk up the coconut launch just as bad as Mikayla, she points out that he missed everything but didn’t take himself out of the challenge either. BWAHAHA <burn>.

That whole tribe is delusional for not using their head about that point. Luckily for Coach his little psychopath takes the heat off him again and starts spewing his holier then thou tirade until they all go brain dead and Rick picks his god.

On to next week: Ozzy strategizes. Yikes folks, stay tuned. And be on the lookout for our fearless leader the 800lb gorilla Mark “Parsley, Sage, Rosmary & Gin” Burnette, he may be closer then you think.


Remember to check out all the other goodies in Bashers and if you dare, Spoilers. Games are afoot over in the Games Threads (good place for them, yes?) All right now run along and entertain me. Love Tyra.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway and hideout.

Speculatory sidebar: I think Edna will be the one to hand Coach his coconuts. I await with glee.



Table of contents

Messages in this discussion
"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by mrc on 10-20-11 at 09:13 AM
I love you, Brandon, you batsh*t-crazy, magnificent bastard.

Tribefied


"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by foonermints on 10-23-11 at 07:09 PM
*coachsmooch*


OK, even if I did throw up in my mouth. Just a little bit.


"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by agman on 10-23-11 at 07:11 PM
Oh Puleeeeeeze.....*gag



Smooch coach? Someone needs some serious help!


"Brandon you fickle swine"
Posted by suzzee on 10-20-11 at 09:41 AM
Tell me you LOVE me you rat bastid then vote me off?! You are certifiably insane. No wonder Coach keeps you around, compared to you he looks normal. Obviously, he's unraveling around the edges if you ask me and here I go to Crazy Island, I hope Christine has had her shots.


I'll get you Coach and your little Shar Pei too.


"RE: Brandon you fickle swine"
Posted by krismiss2us on 10-22-11 at 02:09 PM

I am gonna miss starin at your oobies during tribal. thanks for the fond memories!



"RE: Brandon you fickle swine"
Posted by michel on 10-23-11 at 12:27 PM
"thanks for the fond memories"

Too bad it wasn't the fondled mammaries



"RE: Brandon you fickle swine"
Posted by agman on 10-23-11 at 06:59 PM
Mammaries, nothing more than Mammaries,
trying to forget my,
Mammaries of Loooooooooovvvvveeee!



C'mmon, we know you want to feel them!


"RE: Brandon you fickle swine"
Posted by suzzee on 10-25-11 at 12:05 PM
Now, now boys, there's enough of Mikayla to go around, play nice and share.


Just wait until the Reunion show, I'll be handing out drool towels. humph


"RE: Brandon you fickle swine"
Posted by agman on 10-23-11 at 06:56 PM
And we will miss you too Jiffy!!!


Hope your hand is rested!!!!!


"RE: Brandon you fickle swine"
Posted by suzzee on 10-25-11 at 12:07 PM
>And we will miss you too Jiffy!!!
>
>
>Hope your Hantz is rested!!!!!

Fixed that tag line for ya.


Lathering up at Losers Lodge.



"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by kingfish on 10-20-11 at 11:54 AM
LAST EDITED ON 10-20-11 AT 02:23 PM (EST)


Hola Hola Hola, forgive all these Holas, but I, your ebullient Senor Pissario, am just so happy. We had a big fiesta last night at the Raunchy Girls School here in the wild Perdido Mountains of Lost Mexico where we are presently vacationing and keeping out of touch with the subpoena serving US marshals who have the silly notion that lascivious behavior and aiding and abetting the spoiling of Survivor secrets is somehow illegal. Que rubbish.

Why am I so happy? Why are all the Raunchicitas so happy? We were the happy recipients of a demonstration by the very Evil Prick, old Diablo MB himself, on how to con millions of people worldwide into watching a show without having to hire pesky SAG talent or provide then with food or water and (beauty part) without having to split residuals with the on camera talent. And at the same time getting perks like charter jet travel to exotic locations, the best accommodations, and all costs written off as business expenses.

The lecture was nice and informative, and we are beginning to put together an RTV experiment ourselves, but the best part was getting EPMB to cooperate. He was pretty resistant to temptations of the flesh, to waterboarding and other forms of conventional torture, and even the sessions of being poked thru the bars of his cage with sharp sticks proved ineffectual. But when we introduced him to his new cellmate, Lil Hantz, and told him that they were going to be roommates for life, he caved. He cried like a baby.

So now, me and my merry Band of Raunchitas are gonna be rich. we gonna keep him a while because the Girls have grown fond of the sharp stick game, and while he's still able to bleed a little they will keep it up. We promise to dump his barely twitching almost corpse at the Tijuana border crossing this time next week though.

In the meantime, and with much ado and a grand flourish, we present to you the latest Survivor Spoilers, guaranteed to be much more better than any other so called spoiler you may have heard of. So, from the blowhole of the Delivery Express Dolphin, who is in no way connected with the evil *Hantz clan, the latest:

Spoiler #1: Latest news from the Island. There were rumors of a band of rabid Macaque monkeys loose on the island. Turns out that it was just the Hantz clan in for the family visit reward challenge. Unfortunately even after the truth came out there were people hunting them with tranq guns.

Spoiler #2: Edna has disappeared completely up Coach's Ass. All that is left is a palm leaf visor, gently wafting on the island breeze. (kinda poetic, eh?)

Spoiler #3: Cowboy Rick is still waiting on the calf roping challenge. "YeeHoo, they told me that this was a Rodeo!" he exclaims. He eases his frustration in a typical Cowboy way, by gettin his geetar out and a'sangin' a song...

"This one I dedicate to my little buddy, Brandon"

In the twilight glow I see him,
his batshit crazy eyes glowing, so red.
We can't wait to see his buff burnt,
And we never wish to see him back again,

Sanity is like a dying ember
Only memories remain
Through the ages we're doomed to remember
those batshit crazy eyes glowing, so red.

Spoiler #4: Cochran decides today that everyone should call him "Mr 'I'm not a girl, leave me alone' Cochran" because he's doesn't want to be mistaken for one of the girls. Apparently there was a Ozzy/Cochran/Jim sandwich cuddle in the bamboo love shed last night that rather alarmed him. And the night shift cameraman was seen posting another U-Tube video in his Survivor After Dark series.

On the plus side for Cochran, he is finally getting to be popular.

Spoiler #5: And Coach is apparently adding "re-writing the Dictionary" to his resume. He now defines integrity as "the ability to blame a pretty girl for one's own failure".

Spoiler #6: Lil Brandon Hantz received a note from the Wizard of Oz saying he wants his Lollipop Gang member back.

(*Disclaimer, disavowal, dis-remember, hey..what's the diff?)


Tribe makes them, I bakes them!


"Exec Producer Mark Burnett speaking engagement"
Posted by RollDdice on 10-21-11 at 12:16 PM
The thing to remember is that waterboarding and poking with sharp sticks are ineffectual against me. After all, I've been dealing with the networks for years and that's pretty much SOP with both the New York and L.A. suits.

I'm much more agreeable to temptations of the flesh, especially the tanned and toned bodies of the Raunchicitas who have been out riding their Vespa hogs all day. What happens when SPF 35 meets SAE 40 weight? Heaven, that's what.

And for the record, I didn't "cry like a baby" when seeing Lil Hantz. It was a natural reaction to the smell. Sort of like a Visalia Onion face treatment, but with that horrible West Texas Trailer Park accent.

You would cry too if it happened to you.



Presentation first, party after!

"I got the "The post Prick Twitching blues...""
Posted by kingfish on 10-21-11 at 12:51 PM
The sharp sticks and waterboarding and especially the electro-gonad treatments were included for entertainment value, the girls always get a kick our of throwing a switch and watching an MB twitch.

They really enjoyed watching El Diablo cringe and cry when Lil Hantz entered the ring, but the capper was when Big Marge tossed in Phillip's red Tighty-Whities. Even the Gnome threw up at that point.

All in all, a good time was had by all. Well, except for EPMB, who although he did say he was enjoying not having that little assbite Probst around for a while, was walking with a mince afterward. And the hobbit did have to spend a while in a cage with the EvilPMB, not anyone's idea of a good time.

And even I, the fabulouso Senorita Pissario (MissyPissy to my American Friends) have a problem, now how do we top all that? The entertainment bar for my very raunchy Raunchitas was set pretty high by all this. I mean, an EPMB twitch show with sparks and a pet hobbit is kinda like the Circus Ole of Raunchy entertainment, right? so You can see my problem. Maybe we can find a Poopert to torture, wouldn't that be fun, girls? A big fat tie-dyed Poopert? Yea...

Now grease up them Vespa hogs and find us a fat Poopert!



"RE: I got the "The post Prick Twitching blues...""
Posted by Belle Book on 10-21-11 at 07:06 PM
How about torturing a Troll? Not the nephew, the uncle! I'd leave Coach to witness that! Or maybe I'd talk Coach into going there and bringing me with him.



"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by Belle Book on 10-20-11 at 07:02 PM
It was kind of funny seeing Little Hantz looking for me when I'm already in Coach's back pocket. I commend Coach for not telling Little Hantz that he has me -- the guy's a loose cannon. But I would advise him to tell Edna -- it would only strengthen her connection to him and keep someone that I want around safe. She just shouldn't tell Little Hantz.



"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by agman on 10-21-11 at 06:17 PM

We were looking too, but had no luck!



I just love attention!


"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by caseymagoo on 10-21-11 at 11:40 AM
Blue team got so many Liars, the Liars lying to other liars. Gray area mumble BENJAMIN a lie's a lie even if you in your mutter try and say it ain't a lie. I woulda shot them coconuts right at that target pretending it BENJAMIN head. Benjamin better hold his cards since he ain't playing with no full deck to start with. humph.

love your line - Immunity and Vacation challenge: Assemble a wagon, race around like drivers ed, take a dump and launch some nuts.

"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by Scarlett O Hara on 10-21-11 at 09:11 PM
What a bunch of ungrateful minions -- to actually vote off my pretty little senorita without even telling me first.

It's a good thing I am big, and strong, and forgiving. Now, that I have laid all my cards on the table, I feel renewed and cleansed and almost zen-like. After all, I am here for the survival experience - to be one with nature now that Elyse is gone, nature is all I have left.

If I can't win, than I'd be happy for one of my fellow Savvys to win. But this time around, I want to win! I want to follow in the footsteps of Robfadda.

But how will I do it. I know, I'll come up with a plan ... something to do with Redemption ...

Stay tuned...


"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by suzzee on 10-22-11 at 07:57 AM
Oh my little Ozlet. Baliii Hiiii will call youuuuuu. Yes! It's you and me Mr. Marly, we can make beautiful music together. I knew you'd want me to enfold you in my fronds. Come and tell me Elyse meant nothing to you. Come to the dark side you will love it. I'll keep you safe and warm.

ding-ding Bellhop! Come take Mr. Ozzy's luggage. Vee vant to be alone.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway



"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by krismiss2us on 10-22-11 at 02:11 PM

I think you've gotten dumber over the years.




"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by Scarlett O Hara on 10-22-11 at 08:37 PM
Just dumb enough to come back a third time, Jiffy. I'll see you at Tribal Council soon, where I just may let you snuff my torch. I know you're not into me ... you prefer Colby to real survivors. Just doing what you pay me to do, and that is to raise your ratings.


"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by michel on 10-23-11 at 12:31 PM
Who would have expected that Ozzy would become my cheerleader!

I'll win this thing to make you happy!



"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by krismiss2us on 10-23-11 at 07:03 PM
Not only have you gotten dumber, you've obviously become delusional! You think YOU raise the ratings?! Wow. You are seriously, well, just dumb. Everyone who's anyone knows that the ratings are huge because of MOI!!!!!!!!!!!! *and my khakis*



"RE: BTS Ep. 6: On the other Hantz, I'll take Redemption."
Posted by agman on 10-23-11 at 07:09 PM
>you've obviously become delusional!
>You think YOU raise the
>ratings?!

Anyone with half a brain knows WE "raise" the ratings!!



WE just love attention!


"YAY Pick me!"
Posted by suzzee on 10-24-11 at 09:04 AM
Oooooh, pick me, pick me I have half a brain.


Boo Hoo


"Hobbits on parade"
Posted by kingfish on 10-23-11 at 10:19 AM
LAST EDITED ON 10-24-11 AT 09:15 AM (EST)


Hola, Hola...I mean, <suave, suave, muy suavecito> Why, Hello good friends and faithful readers, it is I your spoiler to the stars, reporting to you from Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles. You may not recognise me in this wig and fake (but ultra cool and tres suave) mustache, but never fear, it is I, Senor Pissario (lifts wig and winks), see?

The Finishing School of Really Really and Very Very Raunchy Girls recently came into a small windfall when going thru the wallet of our most recent guest, the one with the funny walk (there was a small electro-gonad incident recently), the EPMB, and well, advice to future lecturers at our glorious but decidedly Raunchy school, don't carry a lot of cash.

Anyway, I decided to treat the girls to a spending spree, and they decided to ransack the place. Hollywood hasn't seen mayhem like this since the days of Jimmy Dean and Marlon Brando, and even then it was in PG movies. This is lots Raunchier. So, everyone except the ransackees are having a great time, the weather is nice, and the fur is flying. As is the furless, IYKWIM.

And what do you know, my friends, more spoilers were passed to me by an anonymous inside source, who is, and I emphasize this, *not any kin to any kin of any sort of Hantz. Just to be clear. Got it? OK.

Now, on with the show, this is it:

Spoiler #1: Mikayla's boobies are exiled to Matt's Christina's Isle of Purgatory. They are no longer looking at Brandon so they are very happy and very very perky this morning. And so are the pygmies. Along with being Connoisseurs of Missionary stew and Coach BBQ, they are aficionados of perky Nips and Boobies too.

Spoiler #2: Jim lights another joint for Ozzy. Apparently Ozzy has glaucoma and a script. And the mystery of why Ozzy's thinking is so dizzy and why he has the munchies is clear. He's a stoner.

Spoiler #3: Elyse joins the others at Loser Lodge. But don't feel sorry for her, she also received an all expense paid scholarship to The Finishing School for Raunchy Girls. She's our first Island Girl.

Spoiler #4: John "I'm not a girl, dammit" Cochran will screw up big time in the next Immunity Challenge. It is a relay race where they put blindfolds on and have to race in legs, passing a baton to the next racer. Well, what happens is, and it's understandable in a way, but Cochran gropes for the baton from Jim, and accidentally grabs something else and takes off running. Jim yells in agony at first, but them becomes strangely quiet, and even begins to smile.

John still insists that he's not a girl, but Jim says that when a duck plucks like a duck, and a duck grabs your weenie and tries to run off with it, it may be a duck.

Spoiler #5: Whitney is still kind of hot, even with the Survivor week three island grunge look.

Spoiler #6: Crazy Brandon goes all Evangelical on everyone. After yet another harangue on Honesty that includes lying, Integrity that includes betrayal, and how an earnest search for the Truth and the HI will bring you closer to the Lord, his tribemates tie him up in a bag and sink him in the surf.

(*Disclaimer. Even the lawyers refuse to claim this pile of tripe)


Tribal arty fartiness.


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by michel on 10-23-11 at 12:40 PM
I assure you that I am not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It's just that the sweater vest is a boundary between me "au naturel". I wear my buff, I don't get in the buff.



"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by agman on 10-23-11 at 06:55 PM
Oh,were sure you would look perfectly manly in the buff!!!!


We just love attention!


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by michel on 10-23-11 at 07:38 PM
You are raising my tribe flag...Grab my torch...I can just imagine you saying: "Come on in guys!"



"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by agman on 10-23-11 at 08:28 PM
You know what big boy? I love the way that in spite of all the abuse you take, you can keep a "stiff" upper lip! I would think that would be "hard" to do!!!!



We just love attention!


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by michel on 10-23-11 at 09:56 PM
Don't worry about "it" being hard to do; when it's hard, I just do "it".


And with you two on RI, I bet there will guys asking to be voted out!



"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by suzzee on 10-24-11 at 09:08 AM
Ahhh. The real reason for Redemption Island has finally been exposed. It's Girl's Gone Wild.

Let's see, who's next....


Your Low Rent Island Getaway



"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by agman on 10-24-11 at 09:28 AM
LAST EDITED ON 10-24-11 AT 09:30 AM (EST)

Probably young master Brandon! Lol (.)(.)


But he wouldn't know what to do with us !


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by agman on 10-24-11 at 09:26 AM
>And with you two on RI,
>I bet there will guys
>asking to be voted out!

So true. We will be the proverbial "good time that was had by all"



We just love attention!


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by michel on 10-24-11 at 10:26 PM
You will have to excuse me but I have this Hidden Immunity idol clue that says: "You must search between the two mounds."

I must, it says...



"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by agman on 10-25-11 at 00:40 AM
Cochran, you are more astute than you are given credit for!



We just love attention!


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by suzzee on 10-25-11 at 11:58 AM
And here is the quote that proves the theory, from The Revenge of the Nerds:

Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: Are all nerds as good as you?
Lewis: Yes.
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: How come?
Lewis: 'Cause all Jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex.



Losers Lodge here I come.


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by agman on 10-25-11 at 02:26 PM
That was one of my favorite quotes from that movie!



I'm speaking out of "character" for this particular post!


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by suzzee on 10-26-11 at 08:02 AM


Tribe made me nerdly


"RE: Hobbits on parade"
Posted by Scarlett O Hara on 10-25-11 at 09:37 PM
And with you two on RI, I bet there will be guys asking to be voted out!

Step aside Milquetoast, I need some redemption.


"Junior"
Posted by kingfish on 10-26-11 at 10:55 AM
Spoiler: In the last episode we saw that Brandon didn't want to be known as the Hantz who lied and manipulated people, like his uncle. Therefore in the next episode, in accordance with his wishes, his tribemates tell him that he will instead be referred to as the Hantz who leaves his mark in the island whenever he sits down, or "Hashmark Junior"


"RE: Junior"
Posted by agman on 10-26-11 at 01:21 PM
If that's true, we will "perk up" to see that and we will stop "pouting"!



We just love attention!