Week 1 Season 23 "Return of the Idiots"

1. Survivor just may be losing fans because for a while, it didn't look like the production budget was big enough to give us tag lines when people had confessionals...

2. If you are obnoxious enough (Coach) or insanely stupid but great at challenges (Ozzy), there are unlimited chances to play this game.

3. Out of the vastness and entirety of the entire ocean, Brandon Hantz can actually find the tiniest fish in the sea.

4. God hates boobs... Brandon told us this as he stared longingly at Mikalya's ample bosoms. This was positively confirmed by the later boot of Semhar who may possibly have the most pronounced chest in the history of the show.

5. If you are going to have an emotional breakdown at the beginning of the game (Dawn), It is best to do so in front of a returning hippy. (Ozzy)

6. If your name is Cochran, you probably will be a good lawyer.

7. After 23 seasons of evidence, and two failed attempts to win himself, Coach still doesn't know how to play the game of Survivor.

I am sure that there are many, many things that I have missed here, but that is all the energy that I can muster on this years bunch of witless attention whores. I am sure that you guys can come up with some other examples as well.

One last question... If you weighed 80lbs, with half of that weight being your chest, and you were sent to redemption island where there was virtually no chance of making it back in the game, then why wouldn't you tell Jiffy to stuff it and walk to the catering tent?

VOTE NAKED 2004

• RE: What we learned from tonight's episode...,Estee, 08:42 AM, 09-15-11
• We learned that ,jbug, 10:41 AM, 09-15-11
• RE: What we learned from tonight's episode...,samboohoo, 11:52 AM, 09-15-11
  • RE: What we learned from tonight's episode...,jbug, 01:05 PM, 09-15-11
• RE: What we learned from tonight's episode...,dabo, 12:50 PM, 09-15-11
  • RE: What we learned from tonight's episode...,RollDdice, 01:13 PM, 09-15-11

Personally, I just learned you can't judge ratios to save your life, which might become necessary in the next five minutes. Also, Mad Dog, Sarah, and Ashlee (among others) would like to have a word with you.

For me, the primary lessons of last night (other than 'Being a fan doesn't mean you have any concept of play') were from the boomerangs:

Ozzy's bleeding heart shirt may just turn into the foreshadowing of the game. Peace and love and happy tribe forever, or at least until the first TC. Their happiness shall shelter them from the rain, their bond can stand against the wind, and Gabe will laugh himself into the sand for no apparent reason. He seems to have decided having a social game means being everyone's friend at all times, even if being the taskmaster is more essential for long-term health. (Time required to remember the 'shelter' part of the equation: Too Long.) Ozzy found a whole new way to not know what he's doing or getting himself into. He may see this as progress.

What's the baseball manager's rule? At any time, forty percent of the clubhouse likes you, another twenty percent hate you, the remainder are undecided -- and your job is to keep the undecided group away from the haters? Ozzy doesn't need universal acceptance -- but he's too much into the role of Hail The Non-Conquering Hero to risk his adoration with actual leadership. It's a fresh method of fail, but only for his personal ouster chart.

Meanwhile, Benji's epitaph is going to be a real classic: "He could not simplify himself." He officially accomplished what we thought was impossible: he made Jeff realize he's a fraud. Most of the planet knows he has no credibility, including any fictional pygmies he might have created to fight within the last five minutes. And he's a fraud who can't get away from a failed con, damaging his tiny chance at an acting career so he could return to his personal humiliation. At some point, you have to change or walk away. He couldn't manage the later and as for the former --

-- well, the former took the spotlight last night. Realizing that his game doesn't work on a F2/3 level, knowing 85% of the contestant pool is on to him and the rest can figure it out within three days, fully aware that the only way out is to throw all his labels into the fire -- he was just about the same. Oh, slightly quieter, if you were looking for it. No open attempts at spreading a thick layer of bull over all exposed surfaces. But in confessional, in private conferences, the personality was identical, the non-plan was cloned, and he kept tossing Honor and Integrity around as if the sheer rate of use would eventually force them to mean something. For Benji, returning to the game is like an elephant wandering up to the mass grave, except that he still hasn't figured out this is where he keeps coming to die.

I don't think the other sixteen were cast to force either of these two into a win. That's the real change from last season -- and it just might be the only fundamental change we see.

The Last Openly Discriminated Against Group In America is now supposed to accept Semhar and Mikalya as members? Um... no.

it is possible to put ones hands on a stick that has the clue to the HII wrapped around it and not see the clue -

it is possible to chose not to pick up that stick for firewood -

it is possible to just walk away.

Obviously we learned that not everyone channels RussHell when it comes to finding HIIs.


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....