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Thread Number: 4128
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Original Message
"BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by suzzee on 04-07-11 at 11:01 AM
News Flash:
During routine Federal Audit (note the capital letters and bold print, that means it’s important) the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe have discovered some inconsistencies in the books at BTS.
The first red flag noted was the weekly “massage” and “hair dye” charges described as business expenses and paid to one Mark “The Man” Burnett.
These weekly payments were notated “medical prescribed mental necessities” and total several thousands of Nicaraguan Gold Córdoba’s (some featuring Ricardo Mantalban’s picture seated on a rich Corinthian leather boudoir chair).
Upon further scrutiny, more suspicious business deductions were found. They are included under the heading of “Research” and “Business Expenses :
1. Two season passes to the School for Raunchy Girls Weekly Panty Run and Bake Sale. These tickets are verrrry expensive and were purchased in the name of one “R. D. Dice and A$$ociate”.
2. Various ”Party Room” rentals, several “by the hour” charges and room service deliveries of Pabst Blue Ribbon and loaves of white bread and jars of Marshmallow Fluff and Jiffy’s(??!?) Peanut Butter (both smooth and extra chunky styles included) listed as “Tribal Councils 1,4 and 6 through 48” in the memo portion of the debit columns.
3. Charges from EBay and Paybuddy with cryptically scrawled references to “slightly singed buffs for sale” and quite a few purchases of “Ladies Bondage Fashions”. A good many of these in the name of Mr. Eight Hundred Pound Gorilla.
4. In a empty box of Cap’n Crunch (with "petty cash" scrawled across it) were 82 receipts from pawn shops, take out Chinese, and Spanky’s Snorkel Rental and Tattoo Emporium. Most of the signatures were undecipherable but quite a few were signed by. Mr. Happy and his Pals.
The government (Not saying which one, this is all hush-hush but the “government representative” is wearing a uniform and is carrying a big stick, yes it’s just a &*#@ing stick) is trying to locate the elusive R.D. Dice, a.k.a Mark “I need a nap” Burnett, Mark “Safety First” Burnett, Mr. Eight Hundred Pound Gorilla, and Mr. Happy and Pals.
My anonymous cohort and I, having a vested interest in the profits entertainment of this seasons BTS, have stashed RollDDice on our version of Rerun Island until more of this sordid tale can be revealed. Stay tuned everyone and send cash the rent on this space is due.
On to a pink brief run down of the emerging festivities.
I was going to be crass and call this the episode that Jiffy says “Time’s Up, Grab Your Balls!” but I’m better then that. BTW, when I heard him say that I laughed my arse off. I’m calling this “Paging Matt, Your Round Trip Ticket Has Been Punched”. Picture this from a booming echoing voice coming from the clouds.
From Jiffy’s other Twitter account (ID name: Babygirl18.com):
Tweet: Matt has Sarita over for a sleepover and Sarita gossips like a 12 yr old girl.
Tweet: Rob is playing with people that haven’t ever seen this show apparently, Mike is ascared that he’s a huge threat so he’s going after Rob asap.
Tweet: Close up of the horrible, life threatening scratch Matt has on his foot.
Tweet: Team God (ducking in case of lightning strike) wins the duel.
Tweet: Phil spends a couple of hours on a Bushido rampage.
Tweet: And we have a merge of Omygolly, Zapadabado and Team God.
Tweet: Matt claims to have all kinds of options.
Tweet: Much food, drink and love but apparently no clues for Matt.
Tweet: Murlonia! LMAO, sorry but Rob messin’ with the noobs is just too funny.
Tweet: Matt tells Andrea what he and God wants. Andrea rethinks being the third in the God, Matt, bimbo alliance.
Tweet: Challenge is balancing on a log and serving up an order of little balls on a disc.
Tweet: “This round is over, everybody grab your balls.” >giggle<
Tweet: The scrambling begins for everyone but Rob who punches Matt’s ticket for Redumption Isle. Andrea feels the wheels of the bus go round and round.
Tweet: Robfatha calls meetings with his lieutenants and gives Matt the kiss of death. Mike slips Matt the golden ticket! Andrea waffles, again.
Tweet: At Tribal Council, Phillip blathers; Ralph pulls off the single greatest HII move ever by saving Mike from all those votes he’s going to be getting from Omygolly.
Tweet: Matt gets run over by the bus, Andrea frontsides him. LMAO
Tweet: Bwahaha
Or, "Whut the Hell?" A little known aspect of our activities here at the Really Raunchy Girls School is that we occasionally house inmates for various Governments, as well as snotty sons, snobby daughters and misbehaving wives of wealthy benefactors. These prisoners are usually those whose fate and even whose very existence is kept on the Really Raunchy Down Low. We are the Uber-Maximum of all Maximum Security Prisoner Holding Institutions, and we can even keep various kidnapped victims if the price is right. And COME ON DOWN, it seems that it is. Real freaking right. As right as the SeeBeEss National Treasury can a-make it (a little Italiano tossed in there, like it?). Cheque signed by the King EPMB hisownself! And last night we received a very top secret prisoner from the EPMB rendition Department and we spent all night poking sticks at him through the bars of his tiger cage (not to be confused with Tiger Woods, or Tiger Blood). This very Tip-Top secret Prisoner...Ok ok you weaseled it out of me, his name is something like RollyDice, or DollyRice, actually I couldn't read it too clearly because blood stains partially obscure the shipping label. And who cares, we don't want to really know his name anyway. He won't last long, probably, and we'll just makeup something to put on his head stone. Anyway, he's naked, cowering in a corner of the cage, and we decided to turn this occasion into a fund raiser. We are selling tickets to rent the pointy stick used to poke him. $0.25 a minute plus $0.10 a poke. Step right up folks, and poke your self a DollyRice. (RollyDice?), it goes for a good cause, we need new leather thongs to wear on our Raunchy Girl Rumbles. We also need a lot Sanitary Seat Wipettes, our Vespa seats get kinda gummed up on the open road. And we like it that way! One of the first and most frequent pokers is my secret Spoiler source (*not-Russell), and for a free poke he passed on these new Survivor spoilers: Spoiler #1: The countdown is on, and lottery tickets have been drawn in the game to guess just how long it's going to take for Fallen Angel St. Matthew (the "Whut?" Kid) to realize that his soulmate, his beloved, and his betrothed, Andrea, pitched him right under the wheels of the trolley. Smooth as frog spit! Sorry Charlie, but you just too dumb to keep around. Spoiler #2: Predictably, the Fallen Archangel St. Matthew's first words upon arriving at Redemption Island, now known as the Purgatory Isle of St. Matthew, was: "Oh Lord, Why hast thou forsaken me? Wasn't I good? Didn't I give all credit to you, my Father in Heaven? Didn't I refrain from eating the fruit (and you know what I mean) with which the devil tempted me? Time and time again?" To which God replied "Ehhhh... what was your name again?" The pygmies RITSL! (Rolled in the sand laughing). Spoiler #3: In the not much of a spoiler category, but still, it's an item worth mentioning - Nat has a sassy ass. (ED NOTE: Us Raunchy Girls really appreciate a sassy ass!). Spoiler #4: Once again Phillip extols on the virtues of Bullshito. And, once again no one bothers to try and correct him. He is, after all a Secret Government Sewer Agent trained in fecal recognition, and is as Bullshito as they come. A Bullshito Artist, some would say. Spoiler #5: There is a war brewing between the Survivor Nicaraguan Christian Coalition and the members of Marie LaVeau's midnight witchery coven. Something spectacular could come of that. Already one night shift cameraman has failed to report in after his shift. Spoiler #6: Did I mention Nat's Sassy Ass? OK. Just making sure. (* legal disclaimer.) {Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.} 
Hey! Who moved the island?
Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"Whut?"
Posted by kingfish on 04-07-11 at 03:45 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-07-11 AT 09:26 PM (EST)
Tribal Art
"Bullshito Artist?!???"
Posted by suzzee on 04-07-11 at 08:18 PM
RITSL !!!
Hey! Who moved the island?
"RE: Bullshito Artist?!???"
Posted by suzzee on 04-07-11 at 08:19 PM
I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a couple of pokes at your "hostage".
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
Posted by Spanky68 on 04-09-11 at 01:14 AM
Andrea, how could you vote me out and send me back to Redemption Island again?!?! I thought we were waiting for each other. Are you mad about me getting Krista's bible?Rob, I was honest with you! How could you be so dishonest with me?!?
God, why did you let this happen to me?
"RE: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
Posted by Belle Book on 04-09-11 at 11:42 AM
I think God was sending you a message that you can't expect to be as honest in Survivor as you should be in real life. You shouldn't have been that honest with Boston Rob! Also, waffling is a very bad idea. It gives others the idea that you can't be trusted.As for Andrea, I think the real problem was that she saw you as too unreliable to count on. It probably began with Krista's Bible but the stick that broke the camel's back was probably your waffling over which side to go on. If you'd just stuck to one side from the get-go but pretended to be on the other side -- and been honest about it with the people you decided to stick with -- you wouldn't have returned to Redemption Island.
"The Island Bites"
Posted by suzzee on 04-09-11 at 08:51 AM
How did you like that little love bite I gave you on your foot? Thought it was a cut did you?
HABTW, medical student, it was just a little nibble not a tragic, career ending injury. Come back to me my little Fabio-wannabe, come back and let me nibble some more.......
Hey! Who moved the island?
"News Flash"
Posted by Scarlett O Hara on 04-07-11 at 07:58 PM
I'm a genius! I'm playin' with amatuers! Thought Ambah would get a laugh out of our tribe name ... Murlonia ... to the rest of the crew here ... they can just think it means united from the sea. I could lead them to the ends of the earth and they would follow me!
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by michel on 04-07-11 at 08:23 PM
Dis is gettin' too brainy for me. Fedarul ajency, lawery stuff, dat's David's game. And whuts dis about a game of foot. I bet yous meen dat Yourapeein style succer, right? Aint for me.
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by Belle Book on 04-08-11 at 06:07 PM
You're not as smart as you think you are. After all, you passed me to Mike and you didn't need to! Then again, you had no way of knowing Matt would shoot himself in the foot a second time -- and even worse than he did the first time! Now you and the other Zapateras need to find me before one of the Ometepe people do -- although I hope Andrea finds me out of the ones from Ometepe. Oh well, at least I'm Troll free.
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by michel on 04-08-11 at 09:06 PM
Yous are a noisy bugger, aren' you? All dat rackut in my pockut is wut gave me away. Hiddun Eyemunity Eyedul? Ah'd rathur have a silunt Eyemunity Eyedul.And wut made yous think dat Ah think Ahm smart?
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by Belle Book on 04-09-11 at 11:43 AM
Sorry about all the racket I made. I allowed my joy over the Troll being gone to get the best of me.
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by michel on 04-07-11 at 08:32 PM
Do I have trime to send my CV to the firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe? I think I'll need a new job soon because this isn't going to pay the bills. I was playing with a bunch of chimps while they have some geniuses over at Ometepid."Andrea rethinks being the third in the God, Matt, bimbo alliance."
I like that new Trinity: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Ho!
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by agman on 04-07-11 at 08:41 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-07-11 AT 08:42 PM (EST)Yecchhhh!....Now I have to figure out a way to get washed....Phil is so full of crap with all that Bushido warrior BS, that instead of being my lovely, sexy, attentiion-grabbinag pink self, I'm an off-brown color and need an immediate washing!.....
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by samboohoo on 04-07-11 at 09:09 PM
Oh Phillip, oh Phillip.All work and no play means no individual immuni-tay!!
Woo Hoo! See what a little R&R will do for you.
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by michel on 04-07-11 at 10:14 PM
R&R? Ahm sorry missy but I'm not into threesomes. Now, if yous ditch that Rob maybe yous and I could have sum fun. But if yous need R&R, yous can have Ralph and Rooster.
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by samboohoo on 04-08-11 at 09:47 AM
And here I thought Philip talked funny.
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by michel on 04-08-11 at 09:08 PM
Yous had a thought? Now dat is funny!
"Your KukulGod"
Posted by foonermints on 04-07-11 at 09:31 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-07-11 AT 09:33 PM (EST)Will rain destruction upon whomever has the audacity to wear the III around his or her neck!
I am KukulGOD!
"Alternate Realities thanks to Tribe"
Posted by suzzee on 04-08-11 at 08:08 AM
Hey! Who moved the island?
"Up in Smoke"
Posted by kingfish on 04-08-11 at 12:40 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-08-11 AT 09:28 PM (EST)"Where the Raunchy Girls Are"
While the mysteriously missing RollDice (aka Dolly) is away on his frivolous time wasting fun-filled vacation, the legal department at the Raunchy Girls School for Really Raunchy Girls (we really are really very Raunchy) is going to take care of some loose ends.
We are advising all that certain descriptions, phrases, and words are hereby copy protected and are the sole intellectual property of the Raunchy Girl School, as indicated by ©, but because we have hearts as large as the Pergatory Isle of St Matthew©, we will allow you, the privileged few and friends of the Kingfish (our Idol) limited use of these terms free of charge.
However, because of his apparent disregard for our feelings, RollDice is excepted and will have to pay royalties. Heavy duty royalties. If he returns. If he is, indeed, alive. Even if he is dead as has been rumored, his descendants will pay in his stead. That only seems fair.
Pooper Heart©.
Bullshito©.
Bullshito Artist©.
Strategery© (Sorry GWB, you snooze, you lose).
Fecal Recognition©.
Beach Fuzz©.
Super Secret Sewer Agent©.
Pergatory Isle of St Matthew©.
DollyRice©.
RollyRice©.
DollyDice©.
RollyDice©.
RollDice© (Sorry Dolly, you snooze, you lose).
Sharp Stick©.
RITSL© (Rolling in the Sand Laughing).
Kulkul Gods© (Sorry Fooner, you snooze, you lose).(more later)
And a Spoiler or two from my secret inside spoiler source (*not-Russell):
Spoiler #1 The National Geographic channel visited the Survivor camp yesterday. It seems that a completely new species of crab monkey was found when Mike began his daily grooming of Roosters pelt. It is thought that these crab monkeys are the revenge of the Ghost of Russell, because they itch like hell.
Said Rooster: "Roo-a-Roo-a-Roo-a-Roooo!! Man at shore id teekle, I dinnt no whaut theat awas. Ah wus a-scritchin sompin awuful, werent ah, Sareter? Wait, whars Sareter? Whard sha go? Haint nar a one a yawll aseed Sareter?"
Spoiler #2 On the Pergatory Isle of St Matthew©, things are going swimmingly. Every day at noon Matt leads the pygmies in a rousing rendition of "What Kind of Fool am I", followed by a "Whut Whut" stomp. As backup singers and stompers, the pygmies are really beginning to show promise.
Spoiler #3 The Bullshito Artist©, aka winner of the Pooper Heart©, and aka Super Secret Sewer Agent©, Phillip, will look for a sign from the mysterious flying Kulkul Gods©. Wonderously, he will find a dead vulture on the beach. Fortunately he will have his super secret agent fighting weapon, a sharp Stick©, handy to chase off the land crabs and rescue the Sacred Feather of Bullshito© which will enlighten his way.
And the land crabs are just RITSL©!!
(* legal disclaimer.)
Tribal Art{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}
"RE: Up in Smoke"
Posted by michel on 04-08-11 at 09:18 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-08-11 AT 09:19 PM (EST)I gut one. Remember Vanuatu JP saying:
"We've got Amber!"©Ah could kidnap Ambur and blackmail Robfadda©. The camerman© will like dat stragedy©.
"RE: Up in Smoke"
Posted by suzzee on 04-09-11 at 08:59 AM
You think that Merlonia will stand for that? You may be fuzzy but Merlonia is the supreme ruler of all things fuzzy.Bow to Merlonia fuzzball.
"RE: Up in Smoke (with Cheech and Chong?)"
Posted by suzzee on 04-09-11 at 08:56 AM
RITSL© and that's not all Russell (my little Pooper Heart© are up to here on Loser's Beach.
The Ghost of Kristina Past
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by PsychoKitty on 04-09-11 at 06:15 PM
Ohmigod! That Matt! I would have NEVER have been that stupid! Goll I wish I had been sent back from Redemption Island! Now I could have taken down the Robfaddah! Not that little holy holy man boy! Damn - now where can I get some Pringles!?Hey Kristina! Wanna go sunbathe?
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by kingfish on 04-09-11 at 07:25 PM
Spoiler: The Game, or something very gamey, is indeed afoot. Suspicious signs point to the Ghost of Russell, the King of Gameyness.
Tribal Art{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}
"RE: BTS S22 Ep 8 The game is Afoot"
Posted by dabo on 04-11-11 at 10:42 AM
Sensei Bushido is writing a very famous book, Rungs of the Pyramid. In it he explains, and this is the most hardest thing of all, he explains that you must tell your enemy what you are thinking. All the time, keep reminding the enemy that you are thinking and this is what you are thinking. You must be a thinker and let the enemy make his moves, you must be as the crab in your thoughts. You must spread your thoughts to everyone, to your enemy, and as the many crabs you will multiply, your enemy and the many others will take up the cause of spreading your thoughts, your many thoughts, for you will be so full of many thoughts you may not be able to say them all but you must continue trying and never waver. And as the crabs scurry in the sun all will become Rangoon and in a pile become the pyramid.
"Everything is Illuminated"
Posted by kingfish on 04-11-11 at 12:25 PM
Or The Forlorn Tribe of MerloniaWe at the Really Raunchy Cool Girls School are a charitable bunch when we aren't otherwise occupied with ransacking small towns and poking anonymous Dollys in our basement with sharp sticks. Every year we gather spare clothes and food items and donate them to less fortunate Raunchy Girl Schools in the hope that their lives will become really really raunchy, just like ours. Spare Vespa parts, leather thongs, sado-maso toys, electric adult accessories, and the occasional wussy cabana boy that we've grown tired of, things like that.
Our idol, Kingfish, was once one of those wussy cabana boys that we allowed to leave, and just look at what a success he became! An inspiration to used up wussy cabana boys everywhere.
This year, in honor of our school lunchlady-person, Jelly-Roll Dice, and since he decided to abandon us and move to that Caribbean isle and spend his days in lazy indolence with naked native women fanning him with palm fronds all day on the beach while he knocks back one umbrella rum drink after the other, we decided to donate all of his stuff.
The down-side of that is that if he ever comes back, he will have to start over from scratch (i.e. scratching at whatever disease he picked up from those native women). The up-side is that we get all of his stuff, and if he comes back we can make him wear a thong while he flips burgers for us, and we can all point at him and laugh. No one can abandon us and expect to not suffer the consequences.
While sorting thru Dollys coin collection, my secret inside Spoiler source passed on the latest tidbits:
Spoiler #1: The Spa girls will be caught plucking each other again by the night shift cameraman. They claim that only another woman really knows just what it takes to pluck a woman good.
Spoiler #2: Some nights, when the moon is just right, and the wind is still and the land crabs are sleeping, if you are still you may see a Ghost searching for the lost Hidden Idol of Russell. A bald Poopy smelling bulbous headed Ghost with a bad attitude.
Spoiler #3: On the Purgatory Isle of St Matthew all is quiet, except for the muted sobbing of a bereft soul whose only desire in life, to be wanted by his tribe, was sunk with a handshake.
Then, the sobbing stops, and with biblical blood in his eye he searches his gift from Krista and begins studying all the passages pertaining to revenge. And sharpening his bamboo stakes.
Spoiler #4: Meanwhile, the Merlonis, the hapless teddybear gang, goes about their daily business of preparing RobFadda's Krispies, fluffing his pillows, retrieving his HI's, holding out their cupped hands for the twice daily blessing of the anointing of his urine, and exposing themselves to his knife so that they may eventually receive the back-stabbing they so deserve.
(* legal disclaimer.)
Tribal Art{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}
"RE: Everything is Illuminated"
Posted by Belle Book on 04-11-11 at 05:02 PM
If the ghost searching for the Lost Hidden Idol of Russell is a certain nasty Troll, I've been advising the LHI to hide itself whenever it hears him coming.
"EPMB bed check"
Posted by RollDdice on 04-14-11 at 11:31 AM
Character assassination, copyrights and Raunchy Girl bras in the freezer! *sigh*
I knew I should have spent the extra bucks and booked a sitter, but I thought, "They're almost grownups. It'll be okay...". Little did I know.Carry on carrying on. I've returned from NYC and off to CHI/Madison.
I really enjoyed suzzee's skewering of last week and I'm looking forward to Le Fish Royale and his thresd.
Mark "Helicopter Parent" Burnett
"How'd He Get Loose???"
Posted by suzzee on 04-14-11 at 11:35 AM
Thought the island wahinis would have tied you up better...
Hey! Who moved the island?
"RE: How'd He Get Loose???"
Posted by RollDdice on 04-14-11 at 11:40 AM
I've always been loose. Ask anybody.
Hidden takeout, crouching cookie.