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"S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by dabo on 02-27-09 at 00:59 AM

The Gufu Award was established for pointing out the dangdumbest game moves in Survivor. Each week you have a designated number of votes you may award for Contestant Gufus! Should you notice any gufus of dangdumbness for noncontestant stuff, these are Production Gufus, a separate category with its very own designated number of votes you may award. Should you wish to exceed your designated votes, these are Honorary Gufus.

And the Coach Show continues! This week you have four (4) Contestant votes and two (2) Production votes you may cast. But wait.. There's more! None of your Contestant votes can be about Coach. Nope, none of them. Instead, for this week only, a limited time offer unless I decide to extend it, which I might, you have Unlimited (Unlimited) Coach votes. Yes, that's right, Coach gets a category all his own, he's just so goshfired important like that.

I'll start!

Contestant #1: Tyson, it's Tyson right. The attitude is kind of amusing, totally ruthless but yet amusing, so I'll give him a pass on that. For falling for the Assistant Coach routine, though, way to be a totally manipulated fool.

Coach #1: Coach. What was up with that silly rant against Erinn? She smiled because she realized she was off the hook this time and maybe the tribe really likes her after all and she gets to stay in the game and somehow that's, what, evil? Way overplayed, drama queen.


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Messages in this discussion
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by jbug on 02-27-09 at 09:49 AM
Coach #1: What was with saying Erinn insulted all of you? Wait, was the word you used insulted? Dang, you say so much that doesn't make sense it's hard for me to keep up.
But when ya'll returned from TC and Erinn was talking about how she had been getting close to Candace to find out what she was up to; and then had decided she didn't trust her......
How was that insulting to you? Or were you just trying to find something to fault Erinn for? just anything would do, right? even if it didn't make sense?

Contestant #1: Tyson - how are you going to explain to your Coach that you didn't vote for Erinn like he told you to?

Production #1: (unless I missed it) I didn't see you show Brenden's vote at the end, did you?


Someone's going to explain that to me I know they are....

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Colonel Zoidberg on 02-27-09 at 10:02 AM
All righty then...let's see.

Timbira - for putting effing Debra in the caller position? You have a coach and a sergeant on your team, and you put skinny little Debra in the caller spot? They might as well have just said at the start of the challenge, "Y'know what, Jeff? We're just fine without the reward. Let them pick someone to exile now, becuase we want to lose."

Coach - for a great short-term strategy that will inevitably backfire. Being the leader only works if your tribe is dominating. Tom won because he led Koror, the best tribe in the history of Survivor. And because he didn't assume leadership right off by force - let's just put it this way. We saw Tom Westman, not Tom "Captain" Westman win it in Palau. We wouldn't be writing this Gufu about Ben Wade. But Coach? Oh yes.

Another to Coach - for getting upset too easily and making everything a mission.

Also, to Coach - for making the Erinn attempt-boot all about Coach and not about Timbira - and then, like a moron, voting for Jerry anyway.

And while we're at it, Coach - maybe he should have looked to a man with the same first name as he has - that's right, Benjamin Franklin, who once quipped, "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome." I'm sure those weren't his exact words, but if Coach is leading, and doing a poor job, why should he be the leader? What's he trying to do, get hired by the Detroit Lions?

Jerry - for admitting weakness. Have a few nibbles of beans or something; I don't care. Snack on a leaf. Eat some dirt. And don't refuse water - dear Jeebus, whatever you do, don't refuse water, especially if it's a stomach ailment. Having lived through the stomach flu, a.k.a. 48 Hours of Hell, I can say this much - water is your friend. Drink plenty. Even if you'll be crapping it out.

Erinnnnnnnnnnnnnn - for making Timbira distrust her. And you just know Jalapao's going to get wise, since Messenger Boy Brendan will be more than happy to dig her grave, seeing as how her name is not Sierra.

Tyson - if Coach and you get put on separate tribes, he's going to insist that the new tribe call him Coach. I'm sure he was joking, but the fact that he's being suckered in by Coach's insanity tells me he'll last about three days longer than Coach, and we'll have to listed to his uber-boring jury speech right after we get an insane rambling from Coach.

Production - Brendan and Taj are now Sugar Part II. Exile is getting predictable again - and once again, it's not a damn island. It's a...damn, what is it...desert land. We've had three Exile Islands, an Exile Archipelago, an Exile Grassland, and an Exile Desert. Now all we need is an Exile Peninsula, an Exile Tundra, an Exile Swamp, an Exile Frozen Lake, an Exile Mountain, an Exile Space Station, an Exile Cruise Ship, an Exile Shipwreck, an Exile Animated Film Loop, an Exile Whale Carcass, and an Exile Loch Ness Monster. Also an Exile Abandoned Factory. All of which are called Exile Island.

Also Production - putting the idol in some place where someone probably should have found it by accident by now, especially if Coach decided to go all Boot Camp Drill Sergeants on us and toss the Treemail tiki head clear across camp.

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by byoffer on 02-27-09 at 10:22 AM
Can we get this post moved over to the Story Competitions Forum? Damn, there is some funny writing up there.

Funny, and yet very accurate. Ditto to almost all.

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by jbug on 02-27-09 at 10:45 AM
Coach voted for Jerry? Which 3 voted for Erinn? Jerry & ? and ?


"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Brownroach on 02-27-09 at 11:06 AM
No one voted for Erinn except Jerry.
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by byoffer on 02-27-09 at 11:20 AM
Yes, that is correct. They edited it to seem that Coach was sooo upset with Erinn that he had his troops voting against her, but in the end everyone voted to release Jerry from his pain.

I am interested to learn what his ailment was. Could it have been like Bruce's ailment from a few season's ago?


"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Brownroach on 02-27-09 at 11:33 AM
I thought of Bruce too. Bruce's situation was more serious when he left, but that's probably because it worsened over time. If Jerry had tried to stick it out would he have ended up needing medical attention as well?
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Belle Book on 02-27-09 at 04:47 PM
I read Reality News Online's interview with Jerry. Apparently, it was just a stomach virus. He got some stomach medication from the doctor after being voted out, and he began to improve after a couple of days.

Belle Book

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by LFJ on 02-27-09 at 11:28 AM
Hey Colonel,

That was absolutely hilarious. I will re-read your post in a little while. But first I have to stop the tears and get over the stomachache.

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Estee on 02-27-09 at 11:50 AM
an Exile Animated Film Loop

They go running past the exact same idol clue over and over and over and over...

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Brownroach on 02-27-09 at 01:38 PM
You forgot Exile Isthmus.

I got the clue! Isthmus be my lucky day!

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by suzzee on 02-27-09 at 07:26 PM
Whoa there buddy, let's have a look at that pun license.....


Sentiments courtesy of Agman

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Colonel Zoidberg on 02-28-09 at 10:39 AM
I suppose, if the series goes on long enough, we might have Exile Isthmus, along with Exile Toxic Wasteland and Exile Litter Box, with or without Rocco...maybe Rocco would be the second-time-around twist...
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by suzzee on 02-27-09 at 07:29 PM
Am I missing something? I don't get the Tyson being sucked in by Coach vibe at all. Every time I see Tyson with Coach I believe that Coach believes it but I think Tyson is playing him like a fiddle.


Sentiments courtesy of Agman

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by LFJ on 02-27-09 at 07:34 PM
Agree 100%. Tyson's playin' him.
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by dabo on 02-28-09 at 03:45 PM
Maybe. But the confessional stuff suggests Tyson has fallen for the Coach talking game strategy somewhat at least.
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Brownroach on 03-02-09 at 01:21 PM
Oh, definitely. Coach is clueless; Tyson is not.
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 03-01-09 at 02:43 AM
Coach #1: oh, just shut up. I mean really, do you ever stop to listen to yourself?!

Coach #2. You really, really need to stop talking.

Coach #3. I realize that you are a legend in your own mind, but please. Stop opening your mouth - you have run out of feet.

Contestants:

Tyson: If you are going to be Coach -- the sequel, well then you should stop talking as well.

Taj: Are you really as stupid as you seem? YOU got the clue in the jar this week, and yet YOU didn't go back to camp to find your own idol.

Taj (B) with uncle foreshadow showing you bleet on like a demented sheep about creating "the biggest upset in survivor history," It's a sure bet that you won't pull it off, or think to look for the bloomin idol to save yourself.

Debra: Way to go! You have gone the way of other survivors who called out to blind tribe mates as if you had a blindfold on yourself.

Terkey tribe: Oh please, how stupid ARE you people? 1. You follow Coach as your leader. 2. You chose Debra for caller when you knew Jerry was to sick to be affective in the challenge. Was it REALLY such a leap of logic to let the sick guy be the caller?

Production:

Ya know what? We have seen the stuff you show us for how many seasons now? Why not show something different, like the tribe deciding on/making stupid decisions like choosing callers for the challenge?

Never, EVER show us a clip of Sandy referring to herself as a Sex Kitten. N E V E R

"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by jbug on 03-01-09 at 07:25 PM
Contestant: Debbie
When your tribe needed more water, why didn't you have only 2 of them go back for the water - having the others wait for them; then when those 2 got back with the water they could have all hooked together again to be directed back to the corn.
Surely 2 would have been faster to direct than the whole group - who weren't all needed anyway.


"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Gray Squirrel on 03-03-09 at 00:01 AM
Production: For not following up on the storyline of the two 1st episode vote-outs (aka - 'I can't find the palm tree' Sandy & 'Oh, it's just a firepit' Sierra) & their quest for the original Immunity Idols.
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by Brownroach on 03-03-09 at 01:16 PM
The immunity idols were only good the first time each tribe went to TC; since Jalapao went in Ep 1 and Timbira went in Ep 2 both idols were a dead issue by Ep 3.
"RE: S18 Gufu Award: Week 3"
Posted by ajglitch on 03-04-09 at 09:14 AM
Erinn - for opening her mouth during TC and telling the world that she was right during the challenge and no one would listen to her! Duh! Way to set yourself up for future resentment oh evil grinning one.

Coach - for not getting the hint during TC and continuing to expound his suitability as tribe leader. Double Duh! Don't you get it Benny?

Jerry - for not seeing it coming.

Production - for showing us multiple shots of Sandy's bikini bottom! My eyes are still bleeding!