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Original Message
"Missing person"

Posted by PepeLePew13 on 03-19-14 at 10:12 PM
One of my oldest friends, a guy I've known since we were tots and grew up together, and sometime partner in crime during our years on the summer staff up at the cottage and resort, has vanished and been reported missing to the police.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/toronto-police-seek-missing-man-douglas-queen-1.2579227

Just got back from being with a search party and keeping up contact with each other with our group of friends that we've all grown up together with. Still nothing found and the police have now shut down the command post without any news.

Would appreciate any good thoughts and the help of a higher power. Really a great guy who would do anything for you (he was there each time my brother went in for his two cancer treatments) and he's got a wife and two young boys. He's part of a music band, the Jugheads, and they'd all go through the wall for him.


Table of contents

Messages in this discussion
"RE: Missing person"
Posted by dabo on 03-20-14 at 00:10 AM
Good vibes your way, Pepe. Hope your friend is well and safe and well.

"RE: Missing person"
Posted by Brownroach on 03-20-14 at 00:15 AM
Positive thoughts comin' your way.

("Go through the wall for him?" Is that a Canadian thing?)


"Must Be"
Posted by foonermints on 03-20-14 at 10:11 AM
He appears to be a pretty nice guy.

Douglas Queen

I hate it when friends go missing.


"RE: Missing person"
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 03-20-14 at 00:30 AM
Prayers and good thoughts being sent your way.


Snow globe sig and starfish globe by Agman 2011


"RE: Missing person"
Posted by taffnic on 03-20-14 at 03:13 AM
Prayers being sent your way...

"RE: Missing person"
Posted by foonermints on 03-20-14 at 08:46 AM
Our prayers that he shows up OK, Pepe.

"RE: Missing person"
Posted by kingfish on 03-20-14 at 09:17 AM
Hope he shows up soon.

What were the circumstances? Did he just fail to return from a walk, or something?


"RE: Missing person"
Posted by newsomewayne on 03-20-14 at 09:43 AM
Hoping your friend is found soon, alive and well.

God Bless him, you and your search.


"RE: Missing person"
Posted by Estee on 03-20-14 at 09:57 AM
Fair fortune and fast location of someone whose phone just ran out of charge.

I don't know Canada's rules for missing person criteria. How long has he been out of contact, and where was he last seen?


"RE: Missing person"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 03-20-14 at 12:43 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-20-14 AT 12:44 PM (EST)

Thanks for the wishes, let's hope they will be heard.

Things are in a bit of a stand-still right now as we wait for the police to advise on the next step. In the meantime, we've got a group canvassing the neighbourhoods with posters of Doug and looking for dogwalkers as Doug was known to stop and pet dogs whenever he went for a walk. A search party is being set up for later on.

To answer some questions... BR - I'd think that "would go through the wall for you" is common in the USA as well as I've seen that used occasionally in reference to an athlete being willing to do whatever it took for a coach or to get a win, etc.

Kingfish and Estee - Some details are starting to pop up now. It seems that there was a minor issue at the school on Monday morning and he was put on 'home assignment' until the issue was to be fully investigated - 80-90% of such cases are B.S. but it's administrative policy to be on the safe side. The spec is that he was upset over what might seem to him to be a spurious case and he walked out of the school to go for a drive. His car was found in a parking lot by the lakeshore and his phone's last communication was from the same place, which is how the police found his car by triangulation. Since then, poof.

(Unfortunately for most teachers, B.S. cases never completely go away - I've had a case where I was called upon to discuss an action with a student who complained, but was completely exonerated but it's still on the record. So I could see how a guy with Doug's pride and reputation would find this to be a trigger point to self-harm or just to self-meditate for a while.)


ETA - just got word there's a search party going out at 2 pm this afternoon.


"RE: Missing person"
Posted by kidflash212 on 03-20-14 at 12:51 PM
Hope there is some good news soon.


Tribe!


"Hope he's found"
Posted by moonbaby on 03-20-14 at 02:55 PM
and soon.

"Good luck"
Posted by AyaK on 03-20-14 at 03:00 PM
Sorry to hear all this.

I agree that bogus cases never entirely disappear, though. My mother was a teacher, and I remember one case where a child accused another teacher (in the next grade up) of tying the child to a chair and keeping him there through lunch and after school. Only problem with this claim? This was an open concept school with no walls between the classrooms, so someone would have seen it had it happened. (The one part that was true was that the child was pulled from recess for misbehaving on the playground.) Nevertheless, the teacher was suspended with pay fo almost five months before the school finally concluded that nothing had happened (and then the parents sued, so that they could get their hands on the school's report, and publicized every allegation in it that reflected poorly on her before their lawsuit got tossed out of court), and she finally ended up resigning a couple of years later because the school administration was treating her as if she were a ticking time bomb.


"Found... :("
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 03-20-14 at 04:06 PM
Humber Bay Park.

"RE: Found... :("
Posted by Estee on 03-20-14 at 04:29 PM
*guesses*

*sigh*

Go to the family.


"RE: Found... :("
Posted by dabo on 03-20-14 at 05:14 PM
condolences

"RE: Found... :("
Posted by kingfish on 03-20-14 at 05:45 PM
Very sorry to hear, was hoping with everyone else, for better news.

"RE: Found... :("
Posted by snidget on 03-20-14 at 06:37 PM
Oh dear, not the news we'd hoped for.

Rest in Peace.


"RE: Found... :("
Posted by foonermints on 03-20-14 at 08:46 PM
So sorry to hear this, Pepe.

"RE: Found... :("
Posted by Brownroach on 03-21-14 at 00:19 AM
Oh man. That's sad news indeed.

"RE: Found... :("
Posted by cahaya on 03-21-14 at 09:29 AM
WIth this tragic news, I share my thoughts, prayers and condolences with his family and friends.


Light and life by smokeysmom


"RE: Found... :("
Posted by moonbaby on 03-21-14 at 11:47 AM
Damn. I'm sorry, Pepe, that's awful.

"RE: Missing person"
Posted by dabo on 03-20-14 at 08:01 PM
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/douglas-queen-s-body-found-in-humber-bay-park-1.2580835

"RE: Missing person"
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 03-20-14 at 11:21 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss, Pepe.


Snow globe sig and starfish globe by Agman 2011


"RE: Missing person"
Posted by Puffy on 03-21-14 at 02:32 AM
Oh, no. I'm very sorry to hear this. My sympathies to you, his friends and especially his family.

"RE: Missing person"
Posted by personofinterest on 03-21-14 at 09:50 AM
So sorry for your loss. Prayers and good vibes to his family. And to you. Take care of yourself too.

"Update"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 03-22-14 at 11:07 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-22-14 AT 11:53 AM (EST)

Been a rather whirlwind few days. I've been a part of a search party before, but this was the first one involving someone I truly knew so it was a bit of a surreal feeling making sense of it all as we went around the areas and even more so when we realized we had been right in the area a day earlier after the body was found.

Yesterday turned into quite a 'bitch session' - there were things that happened that really didn't sit well with everyone involved. Kid said something, parents apparently did a 'shoot first and ask questions later', school waited until after March Break ended and placed Doug on home assignment, Doug left without knowing what he was accused of, quick investigation = bogus accusation, and here's the killer: Doug never knew he was completely exonerated. Needless to say, there's more than a few colleagues, family/friends and other kids' parents that are beyond livid about this development.

On top of it all, the police shut down their command post after 24 hours and the family ended up hiring a helicopter at their own cost and it was his twin Andy's wife who found the body.

Absolutely horrible the way everything unfolded.


"RE: Update"
Posted by Estee on 03-22-14 at 11:56 AM
I assume the family is going to sue the school.

Actually, I recommend it.

For a lot.

*sigh*

How are you (and they) holding up?


"RE: Update"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 03-22-14 at 12:15 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-27-14 AT 04:23 PM (EST)

I've had better days. The family is sticking together and not making any public statements other than what Doug's sister briefly said on the news after the body was found -- I'd want to avoid the media as well if I was in their shoes, probably wouldn't be able to hold back the thoughts. Two media folks contacted me asking for a comment, and I declined.

Right now, I don't know what the family plans to do. They need to bond together (it's a really large family - Doug and his twin were/are the youngest of 9 kids and they all have kids of their own) and sort out their thoughts first.


"RE: Update"
Posted by kidflash212 on 03-22-14 at 01:22 PM
I hope there is at least some karmic retribution for the student who made the false allegations.

"RE: Update"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 03-22-14 at 01:30 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-22-14 AT 01:31 PM (EST)

Details not completely clear, but the distinct impression I got is that the parents were the ones who overreacted and acted in a `shoot first, ask questions later` manner.


"Celebration of Life"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 03-27-14 at 04:18 PM
1,400 people, standing room only on the upper deck of the hall. Four hours of speeches, music and reminiscing. Went with a group and visited the lakefront site where he was found. Old friend from our circle flew in from Thailand to attend the ceremony and catch up on the news.

Now, my brain is completely mush and I'm ready to hit the sack.


"RE: Celebration of Life"
Posted by Estee on 03-27-14 at 04:23 PM
If fourteen hundred people show up to remember you, there's a good chance you did something right.

"Update"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 10-27-14 at 08:37 PM
LAST EDITED ON 10-27-14 AT 08:40 PM (EST)

If you'll indulge me for a bit... here's an update on the case.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/how-rumour-and-innuendo-turned-one-mans-death-into-a-double-tragedy/article21069340/

http://honouringdoug.tumblr.com/post/99698147305/today-we-share-what-happened-to-douglas-queen-and

It doesn't take away from the bad taste in the mouth of what happened, but it was a bit of a cathartic feeling to be able to talk openly about it and dispel any myths that had spread out there. I couldn't speak openly for a long time about what happened as the family wanted to keep things under wraps until they could figure out the next move.

I saw Trish and the boys up at the cottage and it was a difficult week for them trying to move on as usual while having others in the community whispering behind their backs thinking that Doug had done something like committing suicide or being labeled as someone who might abuse a student. That was a major impetus in the family coming out with the truth at this point in time.


"RE: Update"
Posted by HobbsofMI on 10-28-14 at 05:33 AM
LAST EDITED ON 10-28-14 AT 05:39 AM (EST)

Thanks for the update and it's a truly sad story, thoughts and prayers for you and them.


sig Syren, bouncy by IceCat, bobble head by Tribephyl, and snoglobe by agman


"RE: Update"
Posted by newsomewayne on 10-28-14 at 08:14 AM
My deepest condolences for the loss of your friend. I hope that in the wake of his passing, many others will be inspired by his life to try to step up to fill the void he has left behind.

Thank you for sharing this and showing how flawed our perspective judgments can be when we rush to fill the gaps of ignorance.


"RE: Update"
Posted by kingfish on 10-28-14 at 09:37 AM
Amen.


"RE: Update"
Posted by bondt007 on 10-28-14 at 02:42 PM
Agree as well, Pepe - sorry I missed all of this so many months back. Hope you are OK...



>Issued by "Q" and RollDdice


"RE: Update"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 10-28-14 at 04:02 PM
LAST EDITED ON 10-28-14 AT 04:43 PM (EST)


Great comment, Wayne, and thank you.

I think that's the biggest problem of today's society - the 'eagerness' and quickness to jump all over someone else and judge them based on what we see without taking the time to consider all of the possible angles - or their feelings. It's easy to see a story in black and white (newspaper, media) and rush to judgement since you're not directly seeing a human face.

I was rather displeased with the police handling of the case as the police took the time to fill in the public the news about being told to go home, the missing car and left the impression that he 'might' have done something with a student, but once the case was resolved, they never took the time to say what actually happened. As far as the public was concerned, he very well had done something nefarious and offed himself out of guilt - since the police didn't say anything else, what should the public think? And what about the parents of the child who jumped the gun? No holding them accountable for what happened, at least publicly. No... it's apparently okay to continue to let the public think the teacher did something wrong even though he was exonerated behind the scenes -- all in the name of protecting the child, of course, even if it was a bogus accusation.

(Incidentally, the chief of the police took the time to go to Trish's front door about 48 hours after the discovery and personally apologize to her for the police's handling of the case ... but of course, that info was never released to the public, either.)


"RE: Update"
Posted by suzzee on 10-29-14 at 01:40 PM
I'm so very sorry for your loss and for his wife and children, may God bless them. Sue



"RE: Update"
Posted by jbug on 10-29-14 at 05:02 PM
People are often too quick to judge.
Sorry for your loss. I pray his family has comfort and can move on.

"RE: Update"
Posted by Puffy on 10-30-14 at 01:50 AM
Agree. How sad. So quick to rush to judgment. I'm glad that the truth came out. Thanks for sharing.