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Thread Number: 37972
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Original Message
"Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by Estee on 01-31-13 at 01:27 PM
Post anything which will give the world definitive evidence that you're not going to be nominated for sainthood anytime soon. Or ever.

The most recent of my googolplex:

I was browsing through Grantland, looking for interesting articles, and spotted that Rudy Gay had been traded. This didn't really get my attention because it's the NBA and generally who cares plus I'd really been hoping on an evisceration of this Culliver jerk, but I glanced at the article because...

...because it's Rudy Gay and well, unintentional double entendres are going to appear. Possibly in quantity. I can want to throw Chris Culliver out a window and still want to see just how horribly someone's given name can get a sportswriter in trouble.

So we started out with this:

"how good is Gay, really?"

Ask the Religious Reich.

And then we immediately moved on to:

"but they're also wagering that swapping Gay for Prince won't demote them from “fringe contender” to “first-round roadkill.”"

Oh dear gawds, Tayshaun Prince is the other player... Weren't there a lot of rumors way back in his career that swapping gay for Prince would be even-up?

I am not reading this article as a decent human being. I am not auto-replacing Rudy Gay with Rudy Homosexual, but...

So we move through "Gay trade" and "Gay's position" (where the replacement will receive seven million dollars, making it an awesome position indeed). "Gay is in the midst of a miserable season", yes, I've seen the polls.

But all things considered, I was doing fairly well until I reached this:

"Prince can’t make up for missteps with sheer athleticism the way Gay can, but Gay is prone to some costly lapses in attention — ball-watching (allowing his man to cut back-door)"

I have not stopped giggling for the last ten minutes.

Also, my halo broke.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/49386/did-anyone-win-the-rudy-gay-trade I am so ashamed of myself.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by byoffer on 01-31-13 at 01:43 PM
Okay, now I have the giggles about that "ball-watching/back door" line too.

My sainthood compromise? I was on a ski/poker trip with a bunch of buddies last week to Colorado that involved many bottles of MD 20/20. I am forbidden to get into details, but if you happen to be riding up lift 9 (Plunge) at Telluride check out the bottles of MadDog hanging in the bra tree.


When did it become a requirement that every ski resort have one or more trees filled with strings of beads, bras, etc?? Is this just a North American thing?

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by Estee on 02-01-13 at 09:23 AM
Are you suggesting those trees didn't grow their bras naturally?
"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by suzzee on 02-06-13 at 11:47 AM
The wind blew mine off. I was not streak skiing. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.



I should be watched....closely.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by agman on 01-31-13 at 01:51 PM
Thanks for posting this Estee. I was laughing at it earlier. I especially like the part that states, "The Gay deal that Memphis struck on Wednesday..."

... Memphis apparently wanted and to keep that first-round pick would've been to find a Gay trade or some other moves...

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by Molaholic on 01-31-13 at 08:12 PM
Let me see, there are several events that I could put out there. (None of which even approaches Estee's wonderful tale)

If you go from testimony of my students, I'll be headed for eternal damnation because I;

1) Assigned homework two nights this week.
2) Refused to allow certain knuckleheads to run rampant through my classroom unpunished.
and
3) Gave a test.


But then, there was also that "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" adventure I had back in July. I'll just say this -- those hypnosis shows are the real deal.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 01-31-13 at 08:44 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-01-13 AT 07:34 AM (EST)


Lots of great stuff in that article. I also liked the tweeter who said, "It pays to be Gay as he's now the top earning athlete in Toronto at $16.4 million."

But what made me laugh more than anything else was this bon mot from SI rating the trade, down in the "Winners and Losers" section: "Expectations are bound to be sky-high in basketball-mad Toronto..."

Ah haa haa haaaa. Basketball-mad? This is a team that was 19th in attendance in 2011 in the fifth-most populous city in North America. They only had good attendance when they first moved into the spanking new Air Canada Centre and had Vince Carter, but it's been downhill since then.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by Estee on 01-31-13 at 09:37 PM
Truly it can be said that when Vince Carter was the highlight of your franchise, all hope is lost. Also all money spent and most of his interest in playing.

So are you saying it's easier to be Gay if you're Canadian? Maybe he'll emigrate.

"Well I would, but today, I am not that horrible."
Posted by Snidget on 01-31-13 at 11:39 PM
I'm not making a huge freaking issue about how terrible and horrible and abusive it is that it mistakenly reported that the photo of Gabby Gifford's hand written testimony was written out by her. No the terrible truth is that it was written out by her therapist because the part of the brain that is used to hand write things isn't quite what it used to be after someone sho<drowned out by protesters yelling "Second Ammendment>.

I mean it is terrible for victims of gun violence to express the opinion they would like for it to not happen to anyone else, how dare they.

And those that are suggesting that Gabby Gifford really is all for more guns for more people and it is just that no good therapist of hers forcing her to read the words that Gabby couldn't possibly believe...

Time to donate to the construction of a new ring of hell.

"RE: Well I would, but today, I am not that horrible."
Posted by Estee on 02-01-13 at 09:20 AM
You know, there's a really simple test to see if the protesters' beliefs are sincere. Shoot them.

If they still feel the same way afterwards, then clearly they're dedicated.

In fact, given how sincere they must be, we should be getting a line of volunteers...

"RE: Well I would, but today, I am not that horrible."
Posted by Snidget on 02-01-13 at 10:07 AM
Can we start with the Idaho Legislature? I mean we want people to carry guns around everywhere, including inside this building that houses the legislature, until a citizen actually does it.

Although I think they will probably ban cell phones in the building as I'm not sure what disturbed them more, the weird guy with the gun walking around with the cub scouts, or that the weird guy with the gun also was the guy the cell phone that took some pictures of things they left out on their desks.

"RE: Well I would, but today, I am not that horrible."
Posted by cahaya on 02-08-13 at 09:19 PM
Out of a population of roughly 314 million, we can certainly expect quite of number of statistical "outliers".

Like these folks, who want to build a castle in the most remote parts of Idaho.

Rightful Liberty!

"Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by foonermints on 02-01-13 at 01:30 AM

tiny little devil: excluded from Obamaheaven
"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by Estee on 02-01-13 at 09:22 AM
Yeah, and the other one in two citizens lost so many fingers to frostbite, they can't hold a gun.

About that neutrality...

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by foonermints on 02-01-13 at 10:04 PM
Where else could Adolf stash his gold?


Must have been like France, but without the clap.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by kingfish on 02-01-13 at 09:33 AM
I am aroused.
"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by foonermints on 02-01-13 at 10:05 PM
I wonder if they like beef jerky, too.
"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by cahaya on 02-08-13 at 09:25 PM
I am aroused.

You're a sucker for girls and guns, when you have a perfectly functioning gun of your own.

Even if you haven't discharged it for a while.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by KeithFan on 02-01-13 at 01:43 AM
I shot a man in Reno. Just to watch him die.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by Estee on 02-01-13 at 09:21 AM
Most people would have just gone to the Britney Spears stage show and watched her career die.

I shot a man in Corpus Christi. Because Reno was overbooked.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by kingfish on 02-01-13 at 09:36 AM
The sirens of Corpus are calling you...

(That's my proof that I am a bad, bad man).

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by byoffer on 02-01-13 at 10:41 AM
But do all the downtown ladies call you "Treetop lover"??
"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by kidflash212 on 02-01-13 at 02:13 PM
What do you mean I'm not getting nominated for sainthood?



"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by Estee on 02-01-13 at 03:08 PM
I think Vatican protocol requires you to submit three proven miracles you've personally committed. Let me know if you come up with anything. For my part, I've got that section covered with pages of evidence to spare.

Just for starters, it's a miracle I haven't killed anyone today.

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by kidflash212 on 02-03-13 at 12:14 PM
If we get miracle credit for resisting the urge to kill, I am so in.
"Proof?"
Posted by cahaya on 02-02-13 at 00:35 AM
How about a signed confession?

I am a horrible person.

(signed by cahaya, upon the date and time of this post)

Now what?

"RE: Proof?"
Posted by Estee on 02-02-13 at 10:03 AM
Now you run for office.
"RE: Proof?"
Posted by cahaya on 02-02-13 at 07:22 PM
Oh, that's hell, separation of state and church completely aside.

Maybe I'm not so horrible after all.

"RE: Proof?"
Posted by foonermints on 02-03-13 at 02:44 PM
Then again, maybe you are.
"RE: Proof?"
Posted by cahaya on 02-03-13 at 03:19 PM
Hah! I'm just as horrible as you are.


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

"RE: Proof?"
Posted by foonermints on 02-03-13 at 05:30 PM
Probably insofar as your taste in beer. Then again, things could be worse.
"RE: Proof?"
Posted by agman on 02-04-13 at 01:41 PM
What could be worse than poor taste in beer?


Wait, I think poor taste in tequilla might be worse.

"RE: Proof?"
Posted by foonermints on 02-04-13 at 02:29 PM
Popov Vodka. The hallucinogenic vodka of death.
"RE: Proof?"
Posted by agman on 02-04-13 at 02:50 PM
"Budem zdorovy"
"Norway Is Hoarding Whales"
Posted by dabo on 02-04-13 at 04:09 PM
Proof here.

Don't believe the whale statistics? Norway is using stealth Herring to mess up the numbers! Whales cause global warming by eating too much krill, another Norwegian thing.

Nuke the whales!

"RE: Norway Is Hoarding Whales"
Posted by Dakota on 02-06-13 at 02:02 AM
Actually, Japan has been working on that nuke the whales thing. The Aussies and people like me are trying to put a stop to it. Krill be damned.

Agman's Spring Fling '12

"RE: Norway Is Hoarding Whales"
Posted by dabo on 02-06-13 at 02:47 AM
Whale hugger. For your information, it's the US Navy that made the best non-nuke advancement recently in whale-blaster technology. With the supah-secret sonic blaster. BLOOP!

Yay us!

"RE: Norway Is Hoarding Whales"
Posted by Dakota on 02-08-13 at 04:47 PM
Maybe I'm missing something. Or need to read a long book. Sounds as though the evil whale-killing Japanese planted a Bloop in a Great White and it's screwing up the sonar of whales (and probably dolphins) and killing them. That way they don't have to go out, shoot the whale and follow it for 3 days while it slowly dies. And they don't have to face the Aussie Navy or whale-hugger boats.

Agman's Spring Fling '12

"I just saw"
Posted by moonbaby on 02-05-13 at 11:09 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-05-13 AT 11:11 AM (EST)

a guy walking away from the men's room with toilet paper stuck on his shoe. Instead of telling him about it I continued into my office laughing.

ETA: This was not just some little piece of TP, it was like a party streamer. And I'm laughing again

"RE: Proof you are a horrible person."
Posted by kidflash212 on 02-16-13 at 11:34 AM
I'm not sure it makes me a horrible person but reading this and laughing makes me very immature:

Pilot farts can be dangerous