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Thread Number: 37720
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Original Message
"While you were out (more fun with neighbors)..."
Posted by Estee on 08-27-12 at 11:06 AM
...new neighbors moved in.

The apartment directly below mine was empty for a few weeks. The last tenants (four months, a single father with a tweenage son and daughter, fraternals. No real trouble except for the occasional floor vibration from music tryouts) decided to try their employment luck in New Hampshire and packed accordingly. This left me with a quiet (and a massage-free) floor for a while, but new people have come. This seems to be a single mother, her sister, four children between them, (two boys around ten, two girls, guessed at five and three), a boyfriend, and a live-in grandmother who does most of the caretaking. This resulted in overcrowding: it's nowhere near that big an apartment, and I understand they're already thinking about breaking the lease.

The grandmother has already given me the stinkeye accompanied by insta-gossip with the neighbors whom she bonded with during my southern exposure, all of whom were happy to give her imagined and invented details in a language I mostly didn't understand and kind of wished I hadn't for the bits I did. I suspect we won't be having much personal interaction, and formal introductions are right out.

However, I know the name of the older girl. It's the same as mine.

This was a minor surprise in itself: my name isn't that common -- as said on another thread, it generally cracks the top one thousand, but that's about it -- and there are connotations which will always prevent it from catching on and moving higher. But she shares it.

And how do I know this? Because the grandmother likes to call out for her. A lot. If you consider 'an average of every four minutes when taken across twenty-four hours' to be 'a lot'. She plays outside, the grandmother yells for her. She's inside, and the specific room has to be checked on. She's right in full view, so she needs to confirm the kid hasn't been replaced by a clone. Constantly. And the grandmother has one of those voices that goes through wood, metal, pipe, plastic, paint, furniture, and tile. You know that instinctive response you have to your own name, turning to see who wants your attention? Whenever I'm home, I don't get to stop having it. I couldn't tell you the names of any of the other three kids because apparently they're just fine without having to issue status reports every second of their lives, but this kid must always confirm her location and I must constantly suppress the need to make sure no one's looking for mine.

The grandmother got me three times this morning. And those were just the ones in the shower. Imagine what the tile does to the sound. I don't have to. And since I have already proven that earplugs do nothing against the higher end of her shrill range, I am now faced with four options: I move, I wait for them to move, I try to become desensitized to the sound of my own name -- or, given the way the grandmother feels about me, I could try introducing myself and see if they file the identity paperwork for the kid.

*sigh*

I should really find out what the grandmother's name is. And then buy a bullhorn to speak it through.

Is my white noise generator racist?

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"Lucky You!"
Posted by foonermints on 08-27-12 at 11:31 AM
I have just the thing!
"RE: Lucky You!"
Posted by Estee on 08-27-12 at 11:37 AM
On the list of Least Helpful Bits Of Advice Ever Offered, I'm filing that roughly six slots under "It needs to be about twenty percent cooler."
"RE: Lucky You!"
Posted by foonermints on 08-27-12 at 11:50 AM
*sob*
At least I tried!
"RE: Lucky You!"
Posted by cahaya on 08-27-12 at 12:24 PM
You really should have pointed Estee to here.

The best ones are kind of pricey, but only the best will do. Call it a sanity investment that would be well worth it.

Eh? What's that you say?

"RE: While you were out (more fun with neighbors)..."
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 08-27-12 at 11:45 AM
Are all of these people in a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment? Tell the authorities that gypsies are living above you, and they are breaking the building codes.


"RE: While you were out (more fun with neighbors)..."
Posted by Estee on 08-27-12 at 11:51 AM
Two bedrooms. But given the unstoppable beast of rental pricing, I'm not in a moral position to be knocking anyone out because they're pushing the occupancy numbers. It's not as if they're throwing parties every night while brewing meth in the bathroom and holding Toilet Paper rallies on the roof. This is an annoyance that affects me and only me, and how petty do you think I am, anyway?

Don't answer that.

"In The Foonerbookİ"
Posted by foonermints on 08-27-12 at 12:13 PM
This petty annoyance would be tantamount to death. Not mine.


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"Yeah, but..."
Posted by Estee on 08-27-12 at 12:23 PM
...in The Foonerbookİ, failure of the car in front of you to accelerate to 70 mph .0002s before the light changes is tantamount to death. Also not yours.
"RE: While you were out (more fun with neighbors)..."
Posted by kingfish on 08-27-12 at 05:55 PM
Rent a Macaw that screams "Here" or "What?" or even "F### You!" when ever it hears your name. If you feel like you need an ego stroke, make it "Is Gorgeous".

This might increase the noise for a little while, but I'd bet that somehow the problem comes to a head.

BTW, don't buy, rent. Macaws are nasty bitey birds.

"RE: While you were out (more fun with neighbors)..."
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 08-27-12 at 06:12 PM

Get an annoying little yappy dog, the kind that goes for a ride in a purse, because I know how much you love those. Name it after one of the upstairs tenants, even if the name is Grandma. Talk to the dog very loudly over and over.



And never walk without a leash, burt you knew that.

"Start answering"
Posted by moonbaby on 08-27-12 at 07:20 PM
So she realizes you hear her loud and clear

Good luck! I use a fan year round to drown out whatever it can.

"RE: Start answering"
Posted by kingfish on 08-27-12 at 09:05 PM
Alternatively, get on of those irritating air horns you see/hear at sporting events, and every time she calls her grand daughter, give her a blast.

She might start to get it. Or at least come knocking.

"RE: While you were out (more fun with neighbors)..."
Posted by Max Headroom on 08-27-12 at 09:17 PM
You should buy a vuvuzela. And use it often.

"A pattern emerges."
Posted by Estee on 08-27-12 at 09:30 PM
I can't help but notice that so far, every single suggestion skips out on solving the problem and goes straight to causing me the greatest amount of discomfort or damage possible.

Real subtle, people.

"RE: A pattern emerges."
Posted by cahaya on 08-27-12 at 09:42 PM
As any mathematician worth their salt or their numbers can tell you, some problems can't be solved.

And don't get me started on Gödel's incompleteness theorems.

"RE: A pattern emerges."
Posted by Max Headroom on 08-27-12 at 11:10 PM
If there was an easy solution, you would've thought of it long ago.
"Gone."
Posted by Estee on 11-15-12 at 08:12 PM
I don't know if they broke the lease, got out of it, or actively ignored it, but that apartment is empty again.

Silence descends. Or in this case, ascends.

"RE: Gone."
Posted by Max Headroom on 11-15-12 at 09:08 PM
Enjoy the Silence.
"RE: Gone."
Posted by byoffer on 11-16-12 at 11:09 AM
I was expecting this song.
"RE: Gone."
Posted by Snidget on 11-15-12 at 09:27 PM
You know that means someone louder and more obnoxious is moving in.

Most places I've lived it seems that it is illegal to move in anyone quieter than the last tenant.

"QUICK!"
Posted by foonermints on 11-15-12 at 11:01 PM
Drill a small hole and fill the entire place with expanding foam caulk.


I still don't want any of this cr@p.

"RE: QUICK!"
Posted by kingfish on 11-15-12 at 11:35 PM
LAST EDITED ON 11-15-12 AT 11:35 PM (EST)

That's an even better idea than mine, getting a bunch of air horns. And you'll have a super-insulated floor.

"Well"
Posted by foonermints on 11-15-12 at 11:59 PM
Since it's not a seperate house, she can't just walk down the street at 3am, turn off her neighbors water and fill the access hole with quick-set concrete, now can she?

foonermint: helpful and creative.

"RE: Well"
Posted by kingfish on 11-16-12 at 09:47 AM
Her access hole? (Smirk).

Quick set concrete in her access hole? Sounds like a barium enema gone horribly wrong.


"RE: Gone."
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 11-16-12 at 00:59 AM

Yay!! Party at Estee's place!



Good! Better luck with the next tenants!