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Thread Number: 37586
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Original Message
"Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 04:24 PM
Glenn Beck has vowed to destroy the new greatest danger to society -- Glee. And he's going to do so by replacing it with a vision of his own. Because it's horrible, the things this show teaches teenagers. You shouldn't be throwing slushies in the faces of those different than you! You should be throwing acid!

http://www.tvguide.com/News/Glenn-Beck-Plans-Glee-Alternative-1048988.aspx

But -- let's give him credit for this much. There will be a market for this. In fact, there's a market available for Glenn Beck to destroy every show and replace it with a more Beck-friendly version. So take a show and Beckify it. Because it's the right thing to do.

The really, really far right thing.

Should all programs be filmed in white & white?

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"The Bachelorette."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 04:27 PM
In this two-minute filler program, a man walks onto the set, orders the woman to marry him, bashes her over the head with a club, throws her over his shoulder, and walks off into the sunset, where a kitchen with a built-in shackle awaits.

The success rate on this matchup technique will exceed that of the original. But then, what wouldn't?

"Modern Family."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 04:35 PM
During the transition to the new Old-Fashioned Family, the government is given the power to dissolve Gloria and Jay's marriage: she and Manny are promptly deported. Mitchell and Cameron are legislated into giving up Lily, with the media coverage of the event leading to Mitchell's firing and both of them fleeing the country. The show then moves to focusing on the Dunphy clan during Claire's extensive reeducation sessions designed to help her give all the power in the family to the person who should truly have it: Phil.

Many, many seasons later, Luke runs for President.

"RE: Modern Family."
Posted by kingfish on 06-20-12 at 05:18 PM
I'm guessing that there's a good chance Mitchell and Cameron would actually be "cured".
"The Big Bang Theory."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 04:55 PM
Outright replaced with The Six Days Of Creation Fact, concerning four creation teachers at a seminary college and the women they never, ever even remotely consider interacting with. Science? Come on!
"RE: The Big Bang Theory."
Posted by kingfish on 06-20-12 at 05:16 PM
And Sheldon isn't gay, just "has his ways".

And don't forget about sending Raj to Guantanamo.

However, the girls (Penny, Amy Farah Fowler, and Bernadette) will be encouraged in their overt hints at a lesbian three-way relationship. Because Chuck Lorre is involved.

"RE: The Big Bang Theory."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 05:23 PM
Sheldon's asexual: his actor is gay. Actually, an asexual priest is probably the ideal -- except that in a Beck world, no one would be allowed to use the word 'asexual'. So he'd exist as an deliberately undefined perfect quantity. How religious!

Chuck Lorre is a Jew. No TV shows allowed. However, under certain very limited circumstances, he might be permitted to serve coffee. Very carefully controlled coffee. Under strict supervision. After he was searched for poison, of course.

"RE: The Big Bang Theory."
Posted by dabo on 06-20-12 at 07:56 PM
But he violated the relationship agreement in the season finale, Amy's campaign may eventually break Sheldon's resistance.
"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by bondt007 on 06-20-12 at 04:59 PM
I dislike almost everything about Beck, but Glee svcks.


"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 05:07 PM
There's an argument to be made that the most incredulous thing in his statement was declaring that -- and I quote: "But it's brilliantly done. It's produced brilliantly. Its music, brilliant. Its acting, brilliant. Its cinematography, brilliant. All of it!"

Yeah, that's gonna give him credibility as a critic.

"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by cahaya on 06-20-12 at 05:17 PM
I'm the founding member of the Flee the Glee Club.

No dues, just run!

"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by cahaya on 06-20-12 at 05:09 PM
Beckified versions of:

The Amazing Race: Now called The Amazing Grace, as TAG racers visit churches around the world in their Christian spiritual quest. Catchline: "TAG, you're it!"

Big Brother: The 1984 version that peeks into closets and outs unsuspecting subjects. Catchline: "Don't ask, we tell."

Expedition: Impossible: The same, except equip contestants with an M-16 and/or .50 cals to shoot down those Moss-lem riders who are still armed with 8mm bolt-action Mausers from the WW1 days. Final leg involves locating and evading IED's. Catchline: "Join the Crusade".

American Idol: New name, American Savior. Song category: Gospel soul, gospel soul and gospel soul. Voters vote for "who saved my soul with song". Catchline: "Soul for souls."

Survivor: New name, Hell's Survivor, but instead of a tropical paradise, it's tropical hell. Lots of fire and brimstone challenges. Cast the worst lot of sinners and winner redeems their soul. Catchline: "This is Hell."

"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 05:27 PM
Idol usually gets about a tenth of the way there every season anyway: there's generally one singer who does everything as gospel whether it fits or not. Most recently, Joshua and Jacob. Of course, as non-whites...

...and now that I think about it, the apparent lack of a Christian rock competition really is a surprise. I know there's a gospel contest out there through Stacey Francis having tried to spread Scientology through it, but there's definitely TV room for an all-out guitar-based Jesus-off.

BTW, can we get Leslie from Survivor: China into TAG? Finally, an experience she can live through! It's like traveling the world and staying home at the exact same time!

"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by AyaK on 06-20-12 at 05:35 PM
If there was really a market for Christian-based rock, then Phil Keaggy would have become a superstar.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_Keaggy

He isn't. So that's why there isn't a Christian rock reality-competition show.

"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by Estee on 06-20-12 at 05:41 PM
He's that good? Is there anything of his I could listen to without feeling the urge to throw myself from a high place?

As for the competition -- the fact remains that someone is buying that music and radio stations can thrive on playing it. It's a niche market, but smaller shows have done well with tinier groups. An appropriate channel might take the chance.

"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by cahaya on 06-20-12 at 05:49 PM
In my former blog site in belief net, there were a couple of blogs devoted solely to Christian music, and the reality is that there are a lot of people who follow it religiously (accidental pun there).
"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by AyaK on 06-21-12 at 05:25 PM
I'm biased, because I saw Glass Harp (and, for that matter, the James Gang and Raspberries) a lot when I was growing up. I personally have a hard time listening to any of Keaggy's music other than his early work with Glass Harp, when he was going in the same direction as guitarists like Robert Fripp.

Shortly before Glass Harp broke up over Keaggy's religious turn, the band taped a concert on WVIZ (the PBS station) in Cleveland that is still available today. From You Tube, here's the kickoff song of the concert, a Keaggy song from Glass Harp's first album.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPxmNyrrltg&feature=related

"RE: Programming the Beckwork."
Posted by bondt007 on 06-20-12 at 06:39 PM
Ahh Keaggy... now you're talking. What a true talent.



"Heaven's Kitchen"
Posted by kidflash212 on 06-21-12 at 08:04 AM
No male vs female teams here. Just women in dresses and pearls competing to have the best roast to serve to their families. Demerits for not having dinner on the table when the man of the house gets home.



Capn2patch put me in motion!

"RE: Heaven's Kitchen"
Posted by kingfish on 06-21-12 at 09:07 AM
Aw, this is a June Cleaver runaway.
"RE: Heaven's Kitchen"
Posted by suzzee on 06-21-12 at 09:51 AM
I want to be a female version of Eddie Haskel.


A Tribe masterpiece


"Two Broke Girls"
Posted by kingfish on 06-21-12 at 09:44 AM
Kat Dennings would have a breast reduction operation (sob).

The cashier would not have an uppity attitude.

The girls would always be using Han as the butt of their jokes, mostly short jokes but with a liberal sprinkling of Asian jokes (oh wait, they do that already).

And the girls would be selling cupcakes door to door in Mormon clothing while winning sinners from the influence of the devil.

The cook's role in the show would be to cook meals then deliver prayers with each meal.

(I don't watch Beck, never have, so I'm just going with the flow in this thread).

"RE: Two Broke Girls"
Posted by Estee on 06-21-12 at 11:15 AM
I think this is a case where we have to lose the entire concept. In a Beck model, would Caroline's father ever have been convicted of fraud in the first place? No, because he's just a Great American living The American Dream by Using His Wits To Make Money, as illustrated here on this series of fifty-nine blackboards which conclusive prove why everything is either legal or so far beyond your comprehension that it might as well be. The rich stay rich by making the poor poorer, as our forefathers wanted. So Caroline never loses her station and crash-lands in the dinner, leaving Max alone and seeking a new position after everyone else working in the place gets deported. (Earl is sent out of the country for being in the area at the time.) So we're short one Broke Girl, and back to the drawing board we go.

(No idea what his position is regarding body types, but I'm not exactly going to go up and ask him. I'm sure he said something when Meghan McCain was being blasted, but given that he hates her on general and specific not-principles to start with...)
"19 or 20 Kids and Counting"
Posted by suzzee on 06-21-12 at 09:49 AM
Oh, never mind, already there. Go ahead and have another.

"RE: 19 or 20 Kids and Counting"
Posted by cahaya on 06-21-12 at 10:42 AM
And the catchline to this one: "The Need to Breed"

Summer sex, spring offspring!

"RuPaul's Drag Race"
Posted by kidflash212 on 06-21-12 at 11:15 AM
The Beck version takes the term drag queens way too literally.



Capn2patch put me in motion!

"RE: RuPaul's Drag Race"
Posted by Estee on 06-21-12 at 11:16 AM
I'm picturing a racetrack, a rear bumper, and a short length of rope.
"Cops."
Posted by Estee on 06-21-12 at 02:20 PM
Starring Joe 'I will enforce the law even after the Supreme Court says it's not the law any more' Arpaio.

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/sheriff-arpaio-on-arrest-of-6-year-old-immigrant-nobody-would-take-ownership-of-that-poor-girl/

"America's Next Top Role Model"
Posted by moonbaby on 06-21-12 at 04:01 PM
Featuring:
Tom DeLay
Anne Coulter
Rush Limbaugh
Sarah Palin