Ok, cub reporters, we need some articles: sports, weather, crime, etc.

MUD SLINGING - AMERICAN STYLE
With the US presidential election a few weeks away, it was interesting that the RC this week would be in the mud. Sarge's campaign is on the upswing since hiring Twila. Turns out she's a great little mud-slinger, both in the pit and out. She threw out a few barbs at Yasur, caught a few pigs, and was heads above the other contestants chopping down some plantains. Sarge has also discreetly distanced himself from the scandalous nudity that could have lost him the conservative southern voters.
Scout is trying to mend the rift in her camp, which was created about the time of the earthquake. It seems her candidacy is in question and her name may be replaced by Ami's on the ballot in November. Scout defended and stood by her tribal vice president whose politically incorrect comments were the subject of much controversy. In addition, one of her campaign workers actually quit in the middle of a very important battle, while another was unable to complete the work necessary to win a key caucus. Come election time, however, Scout has the advantage of being in the same age group as most of the people in Florida.

• Vanuatu Gazette Lifestyles Section: Dear Da,sablebunny, 10:27 PM, 10-22-04
  • RE: Vanuatu Gazette Lifestyles Section: Dear Da,Dakota, 11:53 PM, 10-22-04
• Crime on the Island.,whoami, 11:02 PM, 10-26-04
  • RE: Crime on the Island.,Dakota, 11:26 PM, 10-26-04
  • RE: Crime on the Island.,sablebunny, 09:10 AM, 10-27-04
    • RE: Crime on the Island.,Dakota, 12:38 PM, 10-27-04

Dear Da:
I can't find a Frederick's of Vanuatu anywhere and my coconuts need some support. What's a girl to do?
Signed,
Islands of Fire

Dear Islands,
I had to turn to an expert on this one. Mrs. Da says she has had much success weaving palm fronds and has a lovely selection of foundation garments. She recommends you try your hand at weaving. If that fails, give me a call. I would be happy to put some lime on dee coconuts and drink it all up. Just don't tell Mrs. Da.
Sincerely and with utmost respect,
Da

Dear Da,
I'm a tough no nonsense kind of gal. I'd be a guy if not for a pesky extra leg on one of my chromosomes. I bat for the other side, if you know what I mean. Since being on this island, I have met someone who makes my life complete. Someone I can go to a ballgame with, watch pro wrestling with, go to the races with. Someone who'd "put a dress on {me} and take me out to dinner." Only problem is he's a man. I'm worried about being a cross-dressing non-effeminate heterohomosexual. Please help.
Signed,
Lovely bunch of plantains

Dear Bunch,
Vanuatu is a magical island. Indulge your forbidden desires. Too soon the glare of the production lights will wake you from your dream.

Just be sure not to get caught by the night-vision camera. I don't think America is ready for that quite yet. Especially in an election year. Romber was bad enough.
Sincerely,
Da

LOL, Sable! An advice column! We should have thought of that earlier--Colleen would have won the million!

There was a massive crime wave on the Island of Vanuatu this past week. The local authorities, What, Duh, and Huh, had to be called out to stem this tide of thefts. This is the biggest crime wave in many moons and tides, only the old and wise ones can remember any thing close to this.
Reports started coming in from all over the Island, some one or a gang had been kidknapping a lot of the national treasure and half of the wealth of the Island. 10 pigs have disappeared. The owners have threatened a take over of the local government and maybe a postponement of the election if nothing is done about this.
There are also reports of two boats and two Tikes missing.
After a long search of several days ( well two it is a small Island any way ) all of the missing items were found, on a part of the Island no one visits because of the rumors of it being haunted by strange white beings, some think they are ghosts or ghouls. The pigs were found in strange red and yellow clothing.
Some have thought this means that a strange colt has been started and this has to be nipped in the bud. No one has volunteered to go to that side of the Island to investigate what is going on.
The Chief has just reported that his breakfast of stake and eggs was also among the items that were missing.
People are very worried about all the strange things that have been going on for the last month or two."The investigation will continue", The chief was heard to say on his way to McDonalds.

WHOAMI
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

LAST EDITED ON 10-26-04 AT 11:27 PM (EST)

ROLF, whoami!

whoisu?

What's on the case. Huh? No, What. Huh? No! What! Oh, Duh. NO! WHAT!
Sorry. I couldn't resist.

What's that? Who? What! DA! Silly rabbit!