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Original Message
"TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by TODDLJ on 07-18-03 at 02:22 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-18-03 AT 06:16 PM (EST)

I'm finally back on schedule after my vacation!

TARGAY Journal, Week Eight
By Larry Johnson

By popular request, this is my SHORT weekly column on The Amazing Race 4, reminiscent of my critically-lauded series entitled Gay Survivor Journal. It will be posted here every weekend, and is a Basherboard exclusive! For more reality-TV rants, check my website (UPDATED 7/18/03) at http://www.gaycomedyjournals.com

DRAMA QUEEN DEDUCTION
Looking perky as ever in her red strappy top and tiny bone colored shorts, Millie cried… yet again… at the thought of Chuck never proposing to her: “I want him to be happy… and if it’s not me… (unintelligible whining noises.)” Girl, after 12 years, I say: ‘No use crying over unspilled… milk!’ MOVE ON!!!

FASHION CITATION
This week’s citation is sort of a ‘cheer within a jeer.’ Surprisingly buff clown Jon ripped off his shirt after the lobster-trap challenge, and looked much better than predicted. Nonetheless, I am forced to offer a citation for the frighteningly pale color of his skin, which resembled the blue-white-translucent shade of nonfat milk. Note to Jon: A little sun (or perhaps a Clinique self-tanner if you're trying to be health conscious) would do wonders.

NICKNAME OF THE WEEK
For no clear reason, Dave and Jeff have now been nicknamed ‘the goats’ by Jon and Kelly.

LOOK OF THE WEEK
Breaking from the recent pattern of awarding this to Reichen and Chip every week, this week’s ‘Look of the Week’ goes to Jon and Kelly, in their cute backhanded-compliment T-shirts, which referenced their partner’s birthplace. Jon wore a tight red ‘Texas is for Lovers’ tee that mocked Kelly’s Southern roots, while Kelly’s tight navy ‘New Jersey: Only the Strong Survive’ tee slammed his Eastern origins.

CULTURAL (UN)AWARENESS MOMENT OF THE WEEK
As last-place Kelly and Jon learned that they were spared by this non-elimination round, Kelly proceeded to high-five the elegant traditionally-dressed Malaysian woman, with the comment: “High five, little lady!” At that moment, I was embarrassed to be an American.

HONORABLE MENTION QUOTES OF THE WEEK
Chip (about Millie and Chuck): “They might have halos over their head, but those halos get bent every now and then.”

Millie (about Chuck’s archery… but potentially about his bedroom skills as well): “I was so scared he was going to get in that downward spiral… and then just not be able to perform.”

BEST QUOTES OF THE WEEK
This week’s award goes to Jon, who kept us entertained with his overactive mouth.

Jon (to Reichen and Chip, who just came out to them, about Millie and Chuck, who just admitted to being virgins): “I can’t believe I’m sitting next to 25 year old virgins! Who cares about you guys? Virgins! Bring it on!”

Jon (to Kelly, who sat on the fish-bucket to keep them from jumping out): “I need you to help me… I mean… farting on the fish is not helping too much.”

Jon (to Kelly, during the blow dart section of the Roadblock): “Stick that thing in your mouth and just start blowing it!”

DIVAS OF THE WEEK
This week’s Divas would have to be Reichen and Chip, who waited for just the right moment (their anniversary) to come out to everyone. Sure, everyone already knew (come on, they called each other “honey” for god sakes) but their timing was impeccable, and the announcement drew them closer to the other teams… and each other… at a crucial time. You go, boys!

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by mtopaz on 07-18-03 at 04:06 PM
Larry,

If I was on TAR, I'd probably be getting your Fashion Citation every week, but somehow that only adds to my enjoyment of your weekly journal I look forward to this every Friday. Thanks!

Fashion-Impaired Topaz

"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by MsShel330 on 07-18-03 at 07:01 PM
Larry, that was great, right on the money.
Hmmm, I wonder if K/J called D/J "the goats" because of their bad facial hair? If so, that's an insult to goats.
"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by tig_ger on 07-18-03 at 07:16 PM
Girl, after 12 years, I say: ‘No use crying over unspilled… milk!’

Every week, Larry, every week. Be proud. You are the reason I would never go on television (without ten personal assistants to help my fashion challenged self)


A Kyngsladye Original

Tig_ger: The Holy Mother of Inclusion

"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by TeamJoisey on 07-19-03 at 02:38 AM

Good work Larry, as usual.

The Goats is most likely a reference to the Saturday Night Live character GoatBoy, as played by Jim Breuer. An obscure reference, but it reflects the depth of culture we find in Kelly and Jon.


These reality show contestants need a reality check!

"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by cowboyroo on 07-23-03 at 00:20 AM
I think the goats thing refers to their goatees.
"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by TeamJoisey on 07-23-03 at 02:04 AM
Those are goatees? I thought it was a horrible shaving accident. This has to be the ugliest hair fad since the afro.



These reality show contestants need a reality check!

"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by MongoPhi on 07-24-03 at 12:44 PM
TeamJoisey, I am a newbie here but ya gotta lay off the afro. It's not a fad. Blonde hair on black women - that's a fad.
"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by Efjendar on 07-20-03 at 01:29 AM
The rightful divas receive their crown! The Queen is dead, long live the Queens!

Larry, you are a wit!

"RE: TARGAY Journal, Week Eight"
Posted by L82LIFE on 07-23-03 at 05:25 PM
I forgot about the, "High five, little lady" comment from Kelly. Thanks for refreshing the memory.

Another fantastic journal, Larry. You are MY Diva of the Year!