LAST EDITED ON 09-10-03 AT 12:24 PM (EST)

Kristin’s Farewell:

Amanda: Well, here we are again. Unfortunately, Paranoid Hotel has settled into a routine with each of you doing more plotting than partying. So we tried to shake that up by reaching back for some drama that you could all relate to, a cornerstone of American life.

Amanda (CONTINUED): The producers thought that High School, a time you were all at your self-centered and obnoxious worst, would be the perfect setting to separate the Geek from the Popular Kids and create some tension. Dave, Alex, Amy and Tara . . . by running for Prom King and Queen, you reflected the classic American political process with campaign posters, a debate and a swim suit competition.

Alex: At least I had a campaign platform. It was “scary fun”.

Amanda (CONDESCENDINGLY): Of course it was. (SHE TURNS HER ATTENTION BACK TO THE GROUP) We haven’t done a satellite hookup for a couple of days, so I wanted to show all of you this. CUTAWAY to Schwartzenegger Campaign headquarters, where the California candidate is intently watching a replay of the PH swim suit competition and making notes on a legal pad. The former Mr. Universe looks up and notices the camera is on.

Ahhnold: Huhlo Paradise Hotel pee-puhl. At this moment, my staff is presenting a campaign reform ballot measure that would force a swim suit competition between me and the other candidates. This brilliant campaign tactic will virtually assure that I will be the next Governor of California. Can you imagine Cruz Bustamonte and Gray Davis oiled up and walking the runway in Speedos? Gary Coleman? Hah! I don’t think so. . . Thank you, Paradise Hotel for this campaign contribution.
(THE SATELLITE CONNECTION FADES AWAY)

Amanda: In another jaw-dropping surprise move, the King and Queen will now retire to the other room and make the room assignments for the coming week.

Keith: Anybody ever notice how your jaw drops when you yawn?

DAVE AND TARA EXIT, DRAGGING THEIR KING AND QUEEN SASHES BEHIND THEM. THEY RETURN MOMENTS LATER.

Dave: This was not easy . . . blah, blah . . . take everyone into account … blah, blah, blah. (BEAT) Kristin is out.

Amy (whining to Amanda): No! I was supposed to leave. I told the Prom Queen and Jester to send me home. If I leave can Kristin stay?
Amanda (channeling Monty Hall of “Let’s Make A Deal”): What do *you* think guests?
Scott: Door number 2! Door number 2!
Holly: No, pick curtain number 3!
Keith: Whatever you do, take the case of Clearasil!
Amanda: I’m sorry Amy, but the rules of Paradise Hotel which we carefully create using a Ouija board and a roulette wheel, state that, although you sometimes act like a WWE Wrestler, you cannot “tag in” for Kristin.
Amy (HUGGING KRISTIN): Oh baby girl, baby oil . . . oh screw it. I’ll stay.

Amanda: Kristin, do have anything to say to the group? Please keep in mind that angry, emotional rants make for great TV, and PH could really use the ratings boost.

Kristin: Unfortunately, Amanda, that’s not going to happen. You see, my mother is a former nun who took a 20 year vow of silence and my father is a retired street mime, so I never learned to express myself using what you would call “words”. Besides, I usually let my implants do the talking.

Kristin (CONTINUED): I’ve been told that the producers looked at hundreds of hours of footage for my “goodbye” tape package. They were trying to find all the times I showed some sort of personality or said something interesting. They ended up with less than 45 seconds from all the weeks I’ve been here. (SIGHS) I know that there are at least two editors who are sleep-deprived and they tell me that one of the producers is on suicide watch. Sorry about that. (BEAT) I really thought we were on to something when Alex and I cheated on Casino Night, but that just turned out to be a $hitstorm in a shot glass, didn’t it?

Amanda: Wow, Kristin! This is the most you’ve ever said at one time. Anything else?

Kristin: No, I guess not. I just know that Alex will be faithful to me even after I leave and will not jump all over these remaining tramps. At least that’s comforting.

KRISTIN TURNS AND WALKS BY THE REST OF THE GUESTS, NEVER TO RETURN . . . UNLESS THE RULES CHANGE AGAIN.

• RE: Farewell Speech - Kristin,CantStandToLook, 12:37 PM, 09-10-03
  • RE: Farewell Speech - Kristin,RollDdice, 12:45 PM, 09-10-03
    • RE: Farewell Speech - Kristin,CantStandToLook, 01:08 PM, 09-10-03
• I love it!,jkokoj, 12:49 PM, 09-10-03
  • RE: I love it!,RollDdice, 01:37 PM, 09-10-03
    • RE: I love it!,CantStandToLook, 01:44 PM, 09-10-03
      • Help Forum,jkokoj, 02:05 PM, 09-10-03
        • RE: Help Forum,RollDdice, 02:13 PM, 09-10-03
          • RE: Help Forum,Dakota, 04:51 PM, 09-10-03
            • RE: Help Forum,RollDdice, 07:32 PM, 09-10-03
            • RE: Help Forum,Agman2, 12:52 PM, 01-19-16

Welcome to SB.

Great posts but very much related to another thread that you have already started. It would be much easier to follow if you simply posted this and the other Farewell speeches under your existing thread.

You may want to read the guidelines which are linked at the top of every page. They give you information on what the mods are doing to make sure the site runs smoothly.

Sorry about that. How do I move/delete these threads?

The mods will determine whether or not they should be in a single thread and will move them for you depending on their decision.

These are great posts by the way. Again Welcome.

I think these are great in their own threads. Welcome to SB!

LAST EDITED ON 09-10-03 AT 01:40 PM (EST)

Thank you. I'm starting to feel welcome here.

I have two newbie questions. What does the DAW in "DAW Level" stand for? I imagine it is automatically updated based on your amount of activity and not a title you choose.

Secondly, I tried to attach a JPEG, but it didn't work. The file name is "001.jpg", could that be the problem? The instructions seem easy enough ... who knows?

Anyhow, thanks again for welcoming me to the neighborhood. I think I'll try a glass of Blue Nun and one of the Triscuit and Cheese Whiz appetizers you've prepared... ummm, classy AND delicious.

I've been trying to upload a signature pic for a while myself. You can go the Help Forum and ask for assistance. It has to be hosted somewhere and I haven't figured out exactly where that is yet either.

If you find out before I do, I'd appreciate the heads up.

Is the best and quickest way to get answers for your sig pic questions. You may also wonder in to OT (Off Topic). Lots of wonderful peeps over there who love to see new faces.

DAW = Desperate Attention Whore! Welcome to the club!!!LOL

DAW = Desperate Attention Whore! Welcome to the club!!!LOL
----------------
DAW? That's me!! (HANGING MY HEAD IN SHAME) I don't know what it is with P-Ho, it just hot-synched into my brain and it won't let go!

>DAW? That's me!! (HANGING MY HEAD
>IN SHAME) I don't know
>what it is with P-Ho,
>it just hot-synched into my
>brain and it won't let
>go!
Yea - you, me and about 32 other people around the nation. It's a medical condition, I think.

You've got some great material there RollD; don't know why it got passed up earlier. I've been on this forum for a while and wheww! do they cream you if you screw up. Guess they're being nice to you cause you're new. Anyway, the rules on this board is one of the reasons I stick around - that and the higher level of intelligence and creativity of the regulars. Stick around - their a great bunch!

I guess I screwed up by putting these farewells in different threads, but in my own defense they are separate people and sometimes people only seek out messages about one character or another. (and they *are* characters!)

But I am a little surprised that there aren't more hits on these threads. Will people check them out eventually, or do they need to have Zack's name in the subject line?

Just curious.

Hi dAkota