LAST EDITED ON 03-09-11 AT 04:23 PM (EST)

Someone's going to get stung and you don't care who -- until the moment the venom goes off-target. Because as always, Donald Doesn't Care About What Actually Happened. Donald cares about The Script. And the script says he has to protect his villains no matter what. After all, if society was encouraged to punish egotistical jerk behavior, he wouldn't have his own TV show, would he?

So Star Jones had her heart removed from her body for twenty-two minutes. This number may have been understated by several decades. The surgery itself took four days, and it was nearly ninety-four hours just to find her heart. And now we're just waiting for the surgeons to realize it's about time someone put a brain in. Once again, she demonstrated her skill set: the ability to land among people who have a skill set. And that's it. Can she lead? No, not particularly. Can she inspire? Only if nausea counts. Can she repeatedly luck out? Check the records, and for last night, those included the financial ones. She won through no talent of her own: just those of people she knew, or that called in by those she'd just met, all the while planting the seeds which will eventually alienate them too. She can land among the talented, but somehow, she can never manage to stay there. Interesting pattern, isn't it?

(BTW, the original early closing of the women's pizza place was the right idea: they had forty-eight pizzas to make with less than two hours to go after factoring out delivery time and getting more customers in would mean they couldn't fulfill the two big orders. Once it was down to nine? Throw the doors open.)

Richard Hatch, on the other hand... now he has genuine talent and skill. Admittedly, they come with a one-note presentation: arrive, attempt to take over, shove everyone around (literally this time, and I'll get to that shortly), insult people for the sake of insulting them and never, ever admit you're doing something wrong even when you're caught in the middle of committing the act. He started this game the same way he began his first one, and given Donald's love of the sewage-stirring jerk (see original two winners), he has to think he's doing it all as a strategy move. Richard has studied the tapes, and all the evidence of prior seasons says Viewer Hate=Donald Adoration. It's either that or get his very own brain tumor.

His treatment of David? Some of you are going to blame West Point, and a few are going to say it's a side effect from his prison time, and he's just going to deny it ever happened even after seeing the tapes. Personally, I think it's subconscious and it's been present for pretty much of all of his life. Richard needs to dominate every proceeding he's involved with: impose his rules, and whatever system is supposed to be in place was obviously wrong from the start. (If you need details on that one, see his trial -- the details of which never came up in David's confessionals. Odd, that.) So he tests those around him constantly, and he does so in such a way as to guarantee every subject fails. Because if they passed, then Richard would no longer be qualified to lead and that can't happen, now can it?

(Side note: John Rich's imitation of Richard may be the single funniest thing ever captured by the series camera. The accuracy was on that fine line between terrifying and 'Migawd, the evil jumped bodies again!')

So he got physical. Not majorly physical by any means, but outside the bounds of non-military contact and a definite violation of personal space. There's a chance he wasn't aware of it. He might have even felt he was telling the truth about not having done anything, but Richard always insists on the truth while he lies to your face, haven't you noticed that yet? The IRS did.

And yet David went home. And it's mostly because Richard's right about The Script, and a little bit about any fundraising task always being a giant crapshoot anyway. Plus David wasn't exactly doing the best verbal job of defending himself, effectively going from no breaks to two breaks to 'I may or may not have been behind the counter at any time'. But look deep into Donald's reasoning and you might find more than a touch of 'Anyone weak enough to be abused deserves it.' If David couldn't fight back on his own, then David wasn't strong enough to be there and Donald had the duty to make things worse by ignoring everything (including the footage he'd likely seen) and sending David out the door. Which David deserved because he wasn't strong enough to prevent it.

You see, in Donald's work, Donald always has to dominate. Or else he wouldn't deserve to be himself and that just can't happen, now can it?

Notes:

Richard is from the distant past of the reality genre, and that means he's from the time before throwing challenges. I don't think the idea of the men dumping one to get rid of him has really gotten into his head yet. (Previews show the women mastering the concept in a hurry.) His love of damning with faint praise -- 'Jose's the best dumb muscle I could ever ask for' would be guaranteed to haunt him -- on any other show.

And yes, I thought there was a chance MB brought him in just to go out first. Wrong.
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Ethan looked good, didn't he? Cancer-free with his hair starting to come all the way back. And give Richard this much credit: if he's working for Ethan's charity (Grassroots Soccer: AIDS education, teamwork, and safe play haven in Africa), he's working for a good cause. And the show's handlers should be able to keep Richard from walking off with most of the money in his own pockets.
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The rest of the cause list:

Dionne Warwick: The Hunger Project
Gary Busey: The Center for Head Injury Services
Hope Dworaczyk: Best Buddies (jobs and education for those with disabilities)
John Rich: St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
Jose Canseco: Baseball Assistance Team (B. A. T.) (assists former players and personnel who've fallen on hard times)
La Toya Jackson: AIDS Project L.A.
Lil Jon: The United Methodist Children's Home of North Georgia Conference
Lisa Rinna: Entertainment Industry Foundation's Women's Cancer Research Fund
Mark McGrath: Save the Music Foundation (pays for music education courses in the public school systems)
Marlee Matlin: The Starkey Hearing Foundation
Meat Loaf: The Painted Turtle (summer camp for terminally ill children)
NeNe Leakes: Atlanta Union Mission: My Sister's House
Niki Taylor: American Red Cross
David Cassidy: The Alzheimer's Research and Prevention Foundation
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What Star Jones said about Gary Busey from her spectator's seat did not come across as a compliment. Some of the other women might have treated it that way, but the source? Not so much.
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You know things have changed when Jose Canceso comes across as the one you might be rooting for... (At the moment, despite the nothing it's worth, I'm in Camp John.)
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And as always: why bother? It's all about The Script. And The Script is written in stone. Worse, it's engraved in Donald's hair. Nothing matters except getting to the winner he already decided on, and the blatancy of the path will be ignored.

*shrug* Well, at least some decent charities may get a few post-cut cents out of it.

No promises.

• RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,qwertypie, 11:15 AM, 03-07-11
  • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,Wacko Jacko, 11:41 AM, 03-07-11
    • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,Estee, 11:51 AM, 03-07-11
  • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,Estee, 11:45 AM, 03-07-11
• It was the first thing cut.,Estee, 12:56 PM, 03-07-11
  • RE: It was the first thing cut.,mindy23, 06:52 PM, 03-07-11
    • RE: It was the first thing cut.,Estee, 07:32 PM, 03-07-11
• RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,michel, 09:27 PM, 03-07-11
  • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,Estee, 10:09 PM, 03-07-11
    • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,michel, 10:29 PM, 03-07-11
• RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,Belle Book, 09:54 PM, 03-07-11
  • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,michel, 10:34 PM, 03-07-11
• RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,PepeLePew13, 03:37 AM, 03-08-11
  • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,Estee, 08:08 AM, 03-08-11
    • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,PepeLePew13, 01:26 PM, 03-08-11
• RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,realworld10, 12:46 PM, 03-08-11
  • RE: Premiere: hornet vs. wasp.,Estee, 04:38 PM, 03-09-11

Thanks for the thumbnail view. I have it on PVR (I almost showed my age and said "taped it") and will watch it when the kidlets are mericifully at school.

I learned something from last nights episode.

Scream and fight is the key to surviving.

EVERY PERSON on the team said Hatch should be fired.

Hatch got physical and very insulting to Cassidy.

Hatch was the losing PM and no one liked him.

And what got me is when Cassidy asked Jose to back him up...it was a negative.

Cassidy tried to help but was shoved, ignored, and treated like dirt. He had every reason to give up and yet he did not.

THere was no way he should have been the one fired.

Trump wants drama, so there you have it. Be dramatic or you'll be fired.

Thus spake the script. Thusly the viewer spots the attached strings.

I feel Donald also wants the Jose-Richard conflict to escalate for a few episodes. He may be hoping Jose eventually takes a swing at Richard, on camera. Not going to happen: Jose was in the Surreal Life house one season and if you're not going to take a swing at Janice Dickinson, your temper is under pretty tight control.

And what got me is when Cassidy asked Jose to back him up...it was a negative.

If we're going to continue with the 'anyone weak enough to be abused deserves it, sayeth the Donald' idea, then having someone fight any part of your battles for you would be a Boardroom sin -- even if you're just looking for someone to confirm your version of events. Scream a lie into the seeming truth if you have the volume, but don't you dare ask for testimony from witnesses.

Donald may have had a few interesting courtroom experiences which we don't know about.

I think 'taped' may be on the way to becoming the generic term for any kind of TV recording. 'DVRed' doesn't have the same ring.

I wanted to watch the premiere to see how blatant the scripting was this year. Also out of faint hopes that Star Jones might get fired first. Or fall into the pizza oven. Sure, let's say 'fall' instead of 'get stuffed'. Few hopes were ever fainter, although I'm guessing they got a ratings spike in San Francisco.

BTW, when you do unload the drek, watch for Richard's expert dodge when Donald tries to get him to effectively say 'Trying to become your fake apprentice is the hardest challenge in reality television'. Verbal squirm with simultaneous tongue bath. And that's hard to do.

Fair Used from Dalton Ross' EW recap.

"actually was more excited than usual for this CA premiere since I was there on the scene at the first challenge. That's right, I went down to buy a slice of pizza, since the proceeds (if Richard Hatch and the men won) would be supporting my buddy Ethan Zohn's charity, Grassroot Soccer. But wouldn't you know it — those bastards left me on the editing room floor! And I even had a funny line while waiting to buy my slice, asking Hatch, "Hey, Richard, do I have to pay taxes on this pizza?" Gold! I was giving them gold! (I don’t think Hatch was amused"

http://tvrecaps.ew.com/recap/celebrity-apprentice-season-11-episode-1/

I noticed that it was Ivanka who first pointed out that David was relying a little too much on Jose, and she is the one who brought it up to Daddy. I really think SHE is the one who put the bug in his ear, because up to that point, I really think Richard was close to being fired. Then Daddy thought, 'oh, hey, this kid can't even stand up for himself-good call, Ivanka!', and went with the flow. At least it seemed like that to me.

Richard will never change, and that man can talk his way out of a weighted bag on the bottom of the ocean, I fear. Ask Susan, from both Survivors. And we all know that he DID touch her! As well as David. Too bad they didn't have the footage at hand, you know, for the convenience, and all. It just makes it more interesting to stir the pot and have Richard go up against a few others. David was way too easy a target, IMHO.

Another thing I don't get is how they lost so horribly. Didn't I hear John say that someone had bought a 50K pizza? Besides all the other ones they sold, they should have made more than just a little over 4K over that amount! Must have been the fact they were in the area where there is high traffic (college kids) with a low amount of money.

But I left the show with a total sense of confusion....To be continued, I'm sure.

Richard will never change

I'm starting to wonder if this applies to 95% of the reality population -- or just to the ones which get brought back.

Too bad they didn't have the footage at hand, you know, for the convenience, and all.

It wouldn't surprise me in the least if Donald had seen the footage prior to the Boardroom and just decided to ignore it. The only mild shock was from learning that this show doesn't have much of a no-contact clause. David could have made a halfway-legitimate argument for assault and at least gotten the textbook definition in.

Didn't I hear John say that someone had bought a 50K pizza?

It might have been a $15,000 specimen. That or someone on the men's team svcks at giving change on a level Voldy could only dream of.

I thought the men were behind pretty much the whole way: from early on, it looked like the women were doing a better job at bringing in their black book connections. You may get a millionaire randomly coming in off the sidewalk for a pizza in Manhattan and the odds of it get a little higher around Broadway -- but let's face it: this task was all about the little black books. Several of the males were out of their geographic element, Jose is on the outs with his entire industry, and all Richard knows is other reality show people -- one of whom tried to donate to his own charity and wound up giving to the American Heart Association. And meanwhile, the women are getting people to pay $40,000 for forty pizzas -- oops, make that one pizza.

Add in the heavier focus on the discord within the males and it wasn't 'who's going to win?' as much as it was 'How much did they get clobbered by?' Imagine what the total would have looked like if the non-divine Ms. Jones still had anyone from The Stupid Panel Show talking to her. Excepting Lizzie, who doesn't donate to charity of any kind because that's a form of socialism. Somehow.

BTW, NeNe's made at least one outside appearance where she spent all her time publicly saying the sort of things about Star Jones that Bravie would envy. Stand by for storylines...

Funny that you mentioned "the script" because Burnett's book on Survivor starts with the words: "Richard Hatch was destined to be the first castaway voted off..." Looks like Déjà vu!

Since I only tuned in to see Hatch, the results made me laugh. I think the word "abuse" is a little strong to describe what Hatch did. It was improper but a simple "stop that" would have been the proper response, not a "I'll say nothing now but make a big case about it later."

Anyway it was nice to see Ethan and Jenna. Maybe we'll see more Survivors.

Of those on the cast, which fit the mold of Donald Duck's final hire?

PS. Wasn't Lil Jon working for St Jude Hospital?

Funny that you mentioned "the script" because Burnett's book on Survivor starts with the words: "Richard Hatch was destined to be the first castaway voted off..." Looks like Déjà vu!

Great, so now it's a recycled script.

Since I only tuned in to see Hatch, the results made me laugh.

I can't quite say the same. His ego went over hill and dale during the trial and judging by the episode, it hasn't tried returning to reality yet.

I think the word "abuse" is a little strong to describe what Hatch did.

I was making a guess at one way Donald conceivably could have been seeing it. (I may have been influenced by subconscious memories of Richard being arrested for child abuse -- but the charges were dropped after it was said that his son exaggerated the incident.)

Anyway it was nice to see Ethan and Jenna. Maybe we'll see more Survivors.

We have a good shot at Tom just based on geography.

Of those on the cast, which fit the mold of Donald Duck's final hire?

Since no one's currently fighting a potentially terminal illness, past protocol says to look for the biggest jerks. So far, that means the first two PMs. (As said, recycled script.) But give the others some time -- there just have to be more than two offensive personalities in the group, right?

PS. Wasn't Lil Jon working for St Jude Hospital?

The charity list comes from Wikipedia, but I do recall John bringing up his cause during introductions.

Thanks, I had read the list too fast and missed that you had someone working for St Jude. It must be that guy. That's the cowboy, right? I thought he would be the best but I feel the Duck will go with Busey.

Although the winner is not going to get a job working for the Donald (thank heavens), David had a couple of strikes against him which led to his firing. The first is that Richard was the Project Manager. If you've seen enough Apprentice episodes, you can tell that the first Project Manager to wind up fighting to avoid the axe is usually not the one getting cut. It might be that by stepping up for the first task, the losing PM gets cut some slack by the Donald. David hadn't been the PM, so he was in some trouble already.

However, there have been a couple of times (including this one) where the losing PM could well have been the one going home if someone else hadn't made a worse error. And this is where the second strike came in. The Donald likes to see people showing that they have a backbone -- or at least showing that they have some fight in them. David failed to do that. The Donald doesn't like doormats, so he sends doormats home. And that's what he did with David.

Thanks Belle. This was the first time I watched so this confirms what I thought.

Man. That was a spectacularly bad job of tanning/makeup/painting on The Donald's face. Did he have an embalmer do his makeup?

Thankee: I was hoping someone else had noticed the bronzer overload in the room. (So it wasn't just my TV...) It looked as if the Situation had exploded. Several people on the men's team had taken spray hits, Richard included.

Bad tanning is the new Hair?

Having a super-duper quality of HD TVs isn't always such a great thing. I was also struck by how much older Marlee Matlin looked when the camera came in for a closeup of her face - there's more highways on there than in the greater Los Angeles area.

The "who can raise the most money - wins the challenge" challenges are always about which project manager can raise the most money. The contestants know that there will be more of these types of events and they could be the PM - why beg your friends to contribute when you will need them down the road - assuming you stay in.
I think their best strategy would be to call a few friends - get a little bit of money - but save the big guns for when you need them. The best thing you can do is work really hard at the physical process of the task - Nikki did a great job just making pizzas and was rewarded for her charity.
Star did come through with raising funds - Hatch did not. He needed to badger his friends more - oops - he has no friends!!!

I think their best strategy would be to call a few friends - get a little bit of money - but save the big guns for when you need them.

Two problems: you don't know how the other team is doing, and Donald has called people out on this strategy. One contestant (Tiffany Fallon, original season) had this turned into her Convenient Firing Excuse. You can get away with it if your team wins and you can lurk under the fundraising radar, but lose and it's 'Call out the cash as if every task could be your last, because this one was.'