For all the JD freaks, this is tooo funny:Re-Cap of the latest reality episode from our resident Duchess of Snark, Gano.
Sympathy for THE DEBIL
Frickin frackin Marty Smarty Pants...teacher's pet..Grrrrr!
Oh you little debil you, Mark Burnett! I just KNEW you'd send me off with hands wringing, brow sweating, fate of Our Band: And JD hanging tenuously in the balance. So much for the ohhhhhmmm and the meditation and the peace of mind. I'd damn you to hell again, Mark Burnett, except.....I think I love you. (In a really unhealthy abusive relationship kinda way, of course.) You have taken us all here at 448 on one exciting rollercoaster ride this summer. Yes, you truly have, and it's been said I've never met an exciting ride I didn't like. Ahem. I'm batshit crazy that way. Plus, well, for the debil so loved his show that he gave us his only breakout star, JD Fortune, sexy rawk gawd extraordinaire and all that. Yeah, so here's some good vibrations coming your way, Marky Mark, and your funky bunch o' eeeeveeeeel minions, too, to thank you for the sweet sensation of the infinitely watchable JD Fortune gracing my screen three nights a week all summer long. Though I still think you're The Debil.
Soooooooo.....soooooo.....this is the last recap. Oy, I'm all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves...I'll give you a topic....MIG, how is his chest so shiny...do you think he BUFFS it after he waxes....DISCUSS...
Okay, I'm back. Tonight's reality show was....interesting. Opening scene, at the mansion...what are the final three really thinking?
MiGgy: Oh, I am sooooOOOOoooo thankful to have had the opportunity to sing for my survival, because now I know I really BELONG here. I am a real Rockstar boy now, Geppetto! Hmmm....I might just win this thing, if I can beat Marty! JD....he can't be the one, cuz I'm sure JD scares INXS....he must. He scares me. All that testosterone and machismo and mojo frightens SmiGol. Yes, so I can win if I beat Marty. WHEEEEEEE! Winning is FUN!
Marty: I soooo thought the good ship MiGnition was ready for liftoff back to Australia, or Middle Earth, or wherever. WHY did it have to be Suzy...WHY WHY... Yeah, so, enough of the mourning. Now it's all about the game and WINNING! MWAH HA HA! But how do I get rid of MiG? These things must be handled delicately...Queeen! Queeen will put him away....
JD: Doo doo doo, I'm just wild about TimMAY, and TimMAY's wild about meeee...Look at those two, ready to draw blood at the first sign of weakness. Me? I'm as gentle as a lamb. All the better to love me with, INXS. In like a lion, out like a lamb, baby. Note to dunderheads...INXS pretty much knows who they want by now, doncha think? Way to bring your gameface AFTER the two minute warning with the whole field to cover and no time outs left. Retards.
So, that's the dilio in a nutshell, YO. Neither Montgomery Burns, errrrr, Marty, nor Smithers, errrr, MiGgy, think that JD is a threat. Hmmm....I don't think they're right about that. Do YOU? *wink*
Final clinic:COLLABORATION with ANDY. Dave says, "I have this new MP3 thingy that we're pimping hard, though it's not the new iPod nano so who cares, right, and on it is a track from Andy for each of you. Listen to it, jot down some ideas tonight, and you will meet with Dandy Andy tomorrow. It's all about COLLABORATION.
Yeah, at this point Marky Mark reaches into his old bag of tricks and pulls out the JD is unprepared illusion. Sorry, David Copperfield, but I'm on to you now. Marty Smarty Pants is dilligently hard at work and tooting his songwriting horn to us, Shiny Happy MiGgy is wondering around like a lost puppy and spewing crap about preparation, and JD tells us that rock lives in the holes, man, and he wants to bring his creative genius to Andy and let the chemistry explode. Kaboom.
And, well, that's pretty much how it goes down...
Marty whips out a ten minute power point presentation of His Song: Alone to Andy, who ooos and ahhhs at his anal retentiveness and throws him a few suggestions to tweak it. Things go well for Marty. I guess Andy liked his song, though to me it sounded like Pieces, Pieces of Crap. Andy thinks he's a super swell artist with really impressive OCD tendencies, and yet....they depart with a perfunctory handshake.
MiG and all of his prep can't evacuate the butterflys and fluffy bunnies that live in his head. Look, Andy, I've graduated from flying castles to EAGLES! Eagles have scary talons. Look, isn't that dark! Errrrr, no. MiG is not roit, basically is what Andy says. Buh-bye. And keep your damned shirt buttoned, for crying out loud. You're blinding me with that shiny crap. (Okay, he didn't say that, but I was thinking it.)
JD..well, he's a handfull, thinks Andy. JD comes in with a concept...a Love/War kinda vibe...that moved him when he heard the tune. He has a few different lyrical directions scribbled in his notebook. And, of course, next to Marty Smarty Pants and his power point of analness, JD, our renegade bohemian arTISTE, is looking a little underprepared. But then a funny thing happens....he and Andy get to work. They knock out what sounds like a KILLER song. Andy GIGGLES as JD makes a suggestion that Andy himself was thinking before Andy could say it. Have you ever seen Andy giggle before? I swear, it was like watching Shrek and Donkey bond, except, ya know, JD isn't an #####. He just occasionally plays one on reality TV. Andy says JD has tons of passion, but maybe could use more of Marty's discipline so he gets his genius down on paper more efficiently...might be taken negatively, buuuuut...they depart with a hug. "How did we do that?" exclaims Andy. Writer....writer...SPARK, says JD. *I'm grinning here.*
Song selection...pick something from the entire catalogue of the competition that lets INXS know who you are as a rockstar, and why you belong in their band.
JD: Baby I Love Your Way....nobody did that.
MiGgle: I did! *pouts*
JD: Awww, snap! Burn! Jes kidding, man.
Marty decides to scary conduct his way through that Pink Floyd song again, cuz it made him sing without screaming and stuff. MiGgle poo takes the bait and goes for Bo Rap. Bad MiGgle! Where's the rolled up newspaper? Marty Burns rubs his hands in glee, pats him on the head and tells him good choice. *COUGH*
JD chooses a song he's never sung, so he can show he wants to progress forward with INXS, not regress. He goes with the Stones, You Can't Always Get What You Want, because it sums up the competition for him, and it's the song he wants played at his funeral. (That, and Sympathy for the Devil.) SO, I guess it sums up JD: The Life, too. That's deep, man. Rock ON.
As we end the show, the rockers pack up and leave Our House: The Mansion while JD strums his gee-tar and sings them out. *swoonage* It's a poignant moment. Until they throw the furniture into the pool. (Cuz that's so rockstar, says MiG. I'm a real Rockstar boy now!) JD suggests the piano, too...har har.
I wish this show could go on FOREVAH. But we can't always get what we want. Let's all hope, then, that INXS and JD get what they need: each other.