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(A role-playing game that bashes the show, stars and more! Let your inner-Ivanka loose, and revel in the trainwreck that is ... The Celebrity Apprentice.)

Episode 1 - Sell Yourself for Me

Welcome to another painfully-long-season of the Apprentice. I am the man you love to listen to - Donald Trump. To my right, is my son. Don't feed him after midnight. To my left, is my beautiful and business-savvy daughter, Ivanka. Her stare will cut you like a knife, and has been known to turn some men to stone.

If you haven't caught on yet, this show is about me, err... us. And the product advertisement, endorsements, and opportunity to humiliate the poor desperate saps that apply for this "job". Which loser will win? Does it matter? Just sit back and enjoy!

This season, I have not hired real people as candidates. I have hired commodities. Just think of the moola that each of them will rake in. For the challenges, it will be in the name of charity. Each candidate has a charity that their money earned will benefit from.

Its not WHAT you know, its who you know. Just ask Donald Jr, cause no one else would have hired that poor sop that carries my (brand) name. And for probably every challenge this season, I want you all to sap your resources and have your "friends" and contacts dig deep into their pockets, to pay for our corporate sponsorships. Having friends in rich places is the only way to get to the end of the show.

Trumpisms:
tba

Geneisms:
tba

Lessons Learned:
Don't listen to Omarosa. Do what the Donald would do. And when in need, call in Jenna Jameson.

But enough about the challenge. The men blew away the girls. And I found a sacrificial lamb (thus, why we cast some weak celebrities) to keep Omarosa around. Am I the only one that likes her? Pshaw.

Anyway, Candidates: Now is your chance to introduce yourselves and talk about the first show.

• Trace Adkins,jbug, 08:28 PM, 01-05-08
  • Omarosa (interrupting),Sagebrush Dan, 08:54 PM, 01-05-08
• RE: Be the Celebrity Apprentice 7.1,kingfish, 04:09 PM, 01-08-08

Well now Mr Trump, this big city is a bit crowded for me. All them folks crowding around trying to get a hot dog? Shoot - I was ready to give them away just to get a little breathin room!
Ya know I'm used to bein up on tha stage just a singin my heart out. I don't know that I ever been in any bored room. Oh, you call it a board room? Shucks, I could understand bored cause it was a boring place - but I don't see where you get board for a big old room like that - with just that big ole table.

I guess some things got some gettin used to around here.

Ya'll just let me know when ya want me to sing. That is what I do best you know.

Shut up cowboy and let me talk. Mr. Trump has chosen me to be the great one here and he doesn't need you to mess things up again. I don't know who you are. Are you a singer? Are you on my team?
Exc-u-u-u-se me, I do believe I was talking here. Weren't you listening? What? Mr. Trump likes you? I said I knew you were a singer and I've been a fan of yours before you were. I never said I didn't know you. We're best friends. I told you that many times already. No wonder you always make your team lose.

Louie, quit humping my leg you little dwarf.....

Oh, you're a producer? Well, I gotta make a comeback, so....

What? Wrong show? Well then, who was that in the back seat of the cab claiming to be Latka?

Angelfood