Final clown upright. Crap.

Do we care? Why are we watching this farce?

Well, if you’re going to read it, I’ll review it…

Last week on “Final Clown Upright” we saw eight tragic “comedy professionals”: Rob, Rich, Ralphie & Tess from Season 1; Alonzo, Tammy, Gary & Jay from Season 2 astonish the audience with their lukewarm crap. Which Season garnered the most votes from the lame couch potatoes?

Please, don’t keep us in suspense any longer! Let us know which season is now $50,000 richer! We just can’t wait…..

drum roll please…

Oh, big surprise, it’s Season 2 (could that be because only one comic was funny last week?)!

Now for the BIG drama…

Two people from each season will step forward. One person from each season received the least votes and will have to leave the game… Please step forward Rob, Tess, Tammy & Jay. (ed. note: Let’s just get rid of all four and save us time)

Oh, we’ll have to wait until the end of the show to trash two more careers. Let’s hear from this week’s losers first!

Nope, no such luck. First we need to hear crud from the remaining comics. Full of crap too! What waste of our review time. On to the show…

Sean vs. John

Sean continues to remind us that he had cancer. OK, sympathy voters. You can quit reading the summary. I hope you voted for Sean. He ended his 150 seconds with a bit on Osama interviewing at the Gap. Crap.

John likes to be a child, he reminds us of how delightful our lives would be if he were still locked in his room, playing with the door stopper. Then we wouldn’t have to hear him with the old “if you live under my roof ” crap. More crap.

Winner of first pairing? John, by a hair.

Geoff vs. Todd

Needless waste of 300 seconds. Geoff starts with Chuck E. Cheese and Todd with Jeopardy. Neither are funny. Vote them off. Crap

Winner of pairing two? Neither. They will both receive no votes.

In the highly touted match-up of political correctness, Dat vs. Ant (why!!!)

We have more Dathash about Asians dat weren’t funny last year. They won’t be funny next week either. Pass on dat crap.

Ant’s “jokes” are, SURPRISE, about gay folk. He did have one line that was cute (the first time). If he were with two women, he’d holler, “hold her down, I’ll do her nails!”
And, of course, more crap.

Winner of the pairing? Ant

Last big name farce off? Dave vs. Kathleen

Dave is hosting a new reality show, “Things You’ll Never Finish” (and I thought he’d just never finish his set) about his new home with 6 bathrooms, 2 porches and no roof while Kathleen is wondering why the Jehovah’s Witnesses continue to recruit folks door to door for 144,000 spots in heaven. More old crap.

Winner? Do we care? I don’t. I have no clue why I’m still watching this show. The actors aren’t funny, and the situation isn’t interesting. Obviously the network has no writers to put out something we’d enjoy watching – or even tolerate watching. Well, clearly they won’t be hiring any of these folks to put together a sitcom…

Oh? Are you still here?

Waiting for the BIG FINALE?

Have a cup of tea or a root canal.

Goodbye to Rob and Tammy. May you not grace the doors of my local comedy club soon – unless, you’re waiting tables.

Tune in next week for more unbelievable comedy crap!

Slice & Dice Chop Shop 2004
I did vote. The machine said, "this is XYZ XYZABC. Your credit card will be charged $29.95. Please wait 6 - 8 weeks." That is all. Crap.