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"Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"

Posted by lilflip66 on 05-29-12 at 06:03 PM
Having lived the nightmare of being #2 behind kids and pets in my lifetime of relationships, don't you think that whoever Emily chooses is doomed to be #2 as well, given the way she seems to be about that little girl? I really think that's why she and Brad couldn't make it work. He wanted to be #1 on her hit parade - as it should be between a man and a woman - and she just couldn't see it that way! Thoughts...???

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"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by rachelOH63 on 05-29-12 at 11:48 PM
Well....As a full-time stepmother, I could expound and expound... However, I'll put a "No" down as my answer.

Unfortunately for the step-person, I think you will always be in the #2 position for many things. There will be many times you'll FEEL like #2 or an outsider, and many times you'll actually BE #2. It is the nature of the beast....

Emily will either try hard to make him the "dad" figure and it will work out as best as it can... Or she will put him in that "you're not the real parent" position...and it may not work out. Too many moving parts to know the future!


"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by JessieJames on 05-30-12 at 04:01 PM
IMO, no and frankly, he shouldn't be. When you're bringing a new person into the picture, your child should always be first no matter what and more importantly, they need to know that. Most people who grow up to have troubled relationships with their parents come from a split family where step parents were brought in and the kids got pushed out. I am a firm believer that your child should ALWAYS come first. I don't even want to get into how many horror stories I've heard about children being abused by their father and their mother sticking around and putting them through it because they believed their husband should come before their kids. All I'm trying to say is that Ricky should always be #1 with Emily and if a guy can't handle that then he can't handle being a step father. Plain and simple.

"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by DoinTomCruiseDance on 05-30-12 at 07:05 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-30-12 AT 07:06 PM (EST)


No not at all! And why "hit parade"?? Odd phrasing...

When I was in that situation, I never looked at it that way & believe anyone who does is only setting themself & their new family up for unnecessary struggles!!

There is NO reason to either feel entitled to or to fight for any position (as if they exist) in any family! When step-dad has an issue he needs mom's attention & mom gives. Ditto for daughter/son, & mom gives. Mom usually attends to her family prioritizing only bc of the set of circumstances that exist.

I say bc I'm a woman/ex-stepmom & daughter to a mom(dad); women are typically more egalitarian in their dispositions (sorry guys can't include u{actually sorry for us women that I can't}).

Men I've found (dad, bf's/hb's) are typically more selective to who they give attention (if they can't help, they tend not to try & if they can't relate tend to stay away). I found the exact reverse to be true for women. (Although both initially will try to Be There when needed, and when not move on to another family member's need.)

Tearing away a woman (or a man) in the midst of all this, their attentiveness to their loved ones, to cry about non-existent nonsense is very immature for anyone to do. I'd more expect the child to behave that way not the adult. (So yikes if that's the case for anyone!)

Anyway, when you Love your family, Love them--that's it!! Placements are for pageants & track meets, Not families!!!!


"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by Tummy on 05-31-12 at 10:50 AM
Completely agree with Jesse and Tom.

I was fortunate enough that the man I fell in love with loved my kid as well. And never kept score.


"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by Round Robin on 06-05-12 at 02:22 AM
Tummy, maybe your guy didn't keep score, but after watching the episodes so far I think that most of these guys would, and it puts the onus on Emily to figure out who would and who wouldn't. I think she may be setting herself up for some disappointment and potential heartbreak if she's going to insist that her choice always let her put Ricki first and never keep score. The kind of guys who are interested in a young beauty like Emily aren't the kind of guys who will be interested in taking second place to a 6 year old they didn't know was involved till they got there, they are interested in fun, romance and sex like any young guy would be. Whether it's right or not to have that attitude, most of these guys will have it, and if Emily doesn't cut these guys or any future guys she pursues a little slack on that front, she could be setting herself up for a string of failed relationships and eventual old maidhood. And I'm sure if that's how it works out for Emily she ain't gonna be happy.

"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by DoinTomCruiseDance on 06-05-12 at 02:31 AM
A song went off in my head when I started reading your post Round Robin..... "FIRE STARTER!!"

You know the song by Prodigy... that's you.

Luv u RR!!


"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by Round Robin on 06-05-12 at 02:47 AM
Never heard of that song or that group. What I do is I say what I think, and I don't sugarcoat things, and if somebody doesn't like it, too f#&%ing bad. I'm not good for much else, but I'm pretty decent at putting 2 & 2 together and coming out with 4. And 4 is the answer I will give you. No false diplomacy here, just the unvarnished truth.

"RE: Can Step-Dad ever be #1 in Emily's Life???"
Posted by DoinTomCruiseDance on 06-05-12 at 03:11 AM
Un-Varnished... good then.